7.31.2007

WTF?: The Money Shot

This little blog's been getting a spike in visits lately, and I did a little checking to see what was bringing in the visitors.

Was it our pithy, and always pointed commentary?


Nope.


Was it my raw sex appeal?


No.


Were we linked by a bigger blog?


Not this time.


It turns out people were looking for this...
Yep. It's a picture of a stack of money.

Hundreds of people coming to this site to see, not a picture of a comely lass like...
Sexy sci-fi siren Billie Piper
(cheap excuse for cheesecake alert)

but a picture of...
MONEY!

So let's all sing along....

I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pyjamas,
I've got forty thousand french francs in my fridge.
I've got lost of lovely lire,
Now the Deutschemark's getting dearer,
And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge.Chorus:
There is nothing quite as wonderful as money,

There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash.
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.Finale: There is nothing quite wonderful as money,
(money,money,money,money)
There is nothing like a newly minted pound,
(money,money,money,money)All:
Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker,

It's accountancy that makes the world go round.
(round,round,round)

You can keep your Marxist ways
For it's only just a phase.
For it's money money money makes the world go round.

(money,money,money,money
money,money,money,money
moneeeeeeeeeeeyyyy)

Hat tip to Eric Idle and Monty Python.

Goes to show that you don't need intelligent discussion of important issues to boost your visit stats, you just need a picture people want.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you....

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Tell you what it means to me...

Greeting puny Earthlings.

There's a lot of people on your planet that like to bandy about a certain word. In fact they do it so much, that the word loses all meaning.

That word is: Respect.

Western Earthlings are constantly being lectured about how they must 'respect' the beliefs, attitudes, and even the prejudices of others, as long as they fit a narrow political correct window.

Well, I'm sorry, I just can't dish out respect like ice cream at a Protestant church social. It's like a serious case of whoop-ass, if you want any from me, you gotta do something to earn it.

There's been a lot of chatter as well about a Pace U student with a name I'm not even going to attempt to spell tossing a Koran into a toilet as an act of protest. He is now being charged with a 'hate crime' after the Muslim Students Association, and everyone's fave un-indicted Hamas co-conspirator CAIR raised hell and screamed bloody murder.

They demanded respect.

But what did they do to earn it?

Did they try to figure why this fellow felt that tossing a Koran into a toilet was a necessary act of protest?

Did they consider the fact that thousands of people the world over are murdered every year in the name Islam, most of them fellow Muslims, and how that may have affected the young man's mindset?

Did they do anything to stem the tide of deranged violence that makes people the world over associated the words "Islam" and "Koran" with unmitigated and usually unprovoked slaughter?

Nope.

They just slapped it into their Islamophobia file and demanded that he be imprisoned for not showing them the proper "respect." And if they don't get him locked up, they whip out the old "you have insulted 1.5 billion Muslims" stratagem and its more than implied hint of terrorist violence.


Here's a little tip.

If you need the threat of prison, or terrorist violence to gain what you think of as respect, you don't deserve respect.

Nor will you get it.

Real respect comes from the admiration of constructive accomplishments, and positive contributions to society through the arts, sciences, heroism, or some combination of the three.

The false respect derived from threats of prison terms and suicide bombings is nothing more than simple butt-kissing out of fear. And if you want that, you are a sad pathetic little excuse for a culture.

Trust me, I know both really well. I conquer galaxies and the planets within them for a living, and at first, my freshly conquered subjects give me that false fear-based pseudo-respect, a lot of "Oh mighty MoxArgon" and crap like that, but once the opening slaughter of their ruling elite is over and they get to know me, and my empire, I start to earn real respect.

Why?

Because I make life better on every planet I conquer.

Then the quaver of fear leaves their voices when they greet me, and they come to realize that I'm a positive force in the Universe and then they start to really respect me.

I do also find it interesting that the very same people who are standing beside the Islamists in demanding the Pace U student's head for 'disrespecting' a religion are the same people who shit kittens over people not wanting taxpayer's money used to promote crucifixes in jars of urine, or Virgin Mary's made of cattle dung. If they had any real testicular fortitude, they'd be rising to the Pace student's defense, because if it isn't a crime against Christian symbols, it ain't a crime against Islamic ones either.

Now I'd like to present a list of people who have done nothing to earn my respect:

-DEMOCRATS: They willfully ignore the threat Islamist radicals present to world peace, but will stop at nothing, including paralyzing the US government, and hampering the war effort, to appease their hedge-fund/media/nutroots base by holding their own congressional show-trials of administration officials in the vain quest to criminalize executive power. They do not deserve respect.

-REPUBLICANS: Their behaviour in congress over several key issues, like immigration and the war effort show a level of craven cowardice unseen since Caligula's horse stood in the Roman Senate. They do not deserve respect, but they can earn it by dumping the chickenhearted and corrupt incumbents and replace them with fresh blood that is willing to fight for what they believe to be right, not for what will earn them a ten second puff-job on CNN.

-THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Their behaviour in over-hyping non-stories and manufacturing outright fictions, while ignoring real events for the sole purpose of helping the Democrats can only be described one way: disgusting. They do not deserve respect.

-THE POLITICAL LEFT: They do not deserve respect because they do not respect anything that might hinder them from obtaining and keeping political power. They claim to hold certain things as near and dear to them, yet discard them as easily as you would swat a fly, in order to make common cause with an enemy that would slit their throats for fun. They do not deserve respect.

7.29.2007

New Excerpt: The 1st Casualty by Scott Thomas Beauchamp

This is our second excerpt from Scott Thomas Beauchamp's memoir of the Iraq War. Read the first excerpt here.

+++++

"Dagnabbit!" barked Private Cletus Huckleberry. "Could you gimme a hand Bow-champ what with you being so strong and manly?"

"What's the problem?" I asked Cletus.

Cletus raised his rifle, and I saw what was stuck to it.

"Could you help pull this dang blasted dead baby off my dang bayonet," said Cletus.

"I will not participate in a cover up of your war crime," I declared, my deep, rich baritone echoing above the screams of the people my unit were torturing for the crime of looking at us funny.

"That's your answer to everything," said Cletus. "You said the same thing when I asked you to pass me the salt in the mess hall. You ain't right in the head."

Maybe I'm just a little too 'right in the head' for this madhouse born from the blood-drenched wet-dreams of the neocon-zionist conspiracy.

"I'd ask Killum to help pull it off," muttered Cletus, "but he's from Texas, and they eat babies in Texas. I need the skull to make a set of home-made tea-cups for Lurlene."

For once Cletus was right about something. They do eat babies in Texas. At least that's what Jayson Blair said in his New York Times article "Texans Eat Babies."

I turned away from Cletus in deep moral and intellectual disgust. Seymour Hersh was write, the US military is comprised of cowardly, baby-killing, homicidal maniacs.

Except for me.

I'm the only true hero in Iraq.

I write for The New Republic.

#

"What in the Sam-Hill are you doing Private Scott Thomas Beauchamp?" bellowed Sergeant Rock from the comfort of his tent of Iraqi skins built on a pile of human skulls.

"I'm reading a book," I answered, it was an old worn copy of Che Guevera's The Motorcycle Diaries, with all the racist and sexist entries edited out.

"A book!" screamed the Sergeant as he stormed out of his tent. "There ain't no place for books in this man's army! Burn it now!"

Sergeant Rock tore the book from my hands and tossed it onto a burning pile of Iraqi civilians.

"Some day Sergeant," I declared, "there will come a time when the world will know the truth about this war!"

"With Fox News brainwashing the American people?" said Sgt. Rock with scorn. "Not bloody likely!"

Sgt. Rock climbed back into his tent, closed the flap and immediately began masturbating to mass-grave photos. He was right in his own sick and twisted way. The only way the American people would ever get the truth about this war was if the Democrats put forward some sort of doctrine, one based on fairness. Where places like Fox News, Talk Radio, and milbloggers could have their filthy lies permanently silenced and true heroes like Seymour Hersh, Ambassador Joe Wilson, and me, could profess the truth without facing any challenging questions about whether they're actually factual or not.

Sure, the fascists on the right will call it censorship, but it's a good type of censorship, on based on the beliefs and saintly motivations of people like me, who not only know better than them, but actually are better than them.

When will America learn?

The End...?

7.27.2007

Culture Corner: The New Republic of Truth...

Howdy fellow Earthlings.

I've been doing a little digging about this whole Scott Thomas/New Republic kerfuffle and I've found an exclusive scoop under the rock of truth.

It's an excerpt of Scott Thomas' upcoming memoir of the Iraq War.

Enjoy the cold stench of the truth....


++++++

THE FIRST CASUALTY OF WAR
by
Scott Thomas

(New Republic Press)

"Listen up you dog-faced maggots!" barked Sergeant Rock as he came out of his tent which he kept on top of a pile of Iraqi baby skulls. "We've got orders. We're to got the village of Al Kebab and kill everyone in there. Especially the women and children."

"But sir," I said, my voice deep, rugged and manly. "Why do we have to kill the women and children?"

"Because we're American soldiers!" bellowed Sergeant Rock, flecks of rabies-like foam flying off his mouth. "Slaughtering innocent women and children is why we exist and what we do best."

I caught a glance at the orders in his hand.

"Why are our orders written in Hebrew?" I asked, suspicious of a possible Zionist theocratic conspiracy being behind our mission in Iraq.

"Why are you asking all these logical and rational questions about our mission?" demanded Sergeant Rock. "Are you one of those intellectual giants who write for the New Republic, who are greater defenders of American liberty than the crypto-fascist shock-troopers we are?"

"No sir," I said, although I wasn't afraid of the Sarge, New Republic writers never feel fear, I decided to keep my true mission a secret.

"Now move out and go kill us some civilians!" ordered the Sergeant. "Our Israeli masters demand blood. You are ordered to ignore that reference to our Israeli masters!"

#

The drive to Al Kebab was long, and the road was dusty. So I decided to shoot the breeze with my colleagues. They were the typical Red State breed that represent all personnel in the US Military.

There was Private Cletus Huckleberry, he was raised in the cotton fields of West Virginia. His family of illiterate Appalachian mountain cotton pickers had lost their entire crop to the great Global Warming caused boll weevil scourge of 2005. This left Cletus with no job, no food, no skills, and a case of complete illiteracy. The Army was his only option.

"I ain't reckon on fancy book learnin'" said Cletus, which was his answer to any question that didn't involve the cooking and eating of something called a 'varmint.' I had simply asked him about the weather. I decided to ask him about something else.

"What are your plans for after the army?" I asked.

Cletus shrugged. "I guess I'll go home to Nutter's Crotch West Virginny and marry my cousin."

"Which one?" I asked, knowing he had dozens, all between the age of eleven and fourteen and all named Lurlene.

"Whatever one ain't preggers at the moment with another man's baby," said Cletus. "I hope it's one I ain't molested yet. I like surprises."

"Who cares about weddings!" screamed Corporal Kenny Killum at the top of his lungs. "There's a lot of killing to do! Maybe we can rape some people!"

"It's wrong to rape women," I said trying to be the voice of reason and civilization, like John Edwards.

"Who said anything about women?" asked Corp. Killum. "I'm from Texas! Yee-ha!"

"Stop the truck!" screamed Corporal Ted Token, he had joined the Army to escape the segregated African American slums of the South and be taught reading, writing and basic math. Instead he had been trained to be an ice cold killing machine.

"What's up Corporal Token?" I asked, tightening my flak vest around my broad manly chest, my pectoral muscles rippling in anticipation of combat. "Is it insurgents?"

"No," said Token as the truck screeched to a halt. "There's a woman who has third degree burns. Let's verbally abuse her and give her more emotional scars to go with her physical ones."

#

I could make out the reflection of my chiseled handsome face reflected in a puddle of Iraqi children's blood. We entered Al Kebab, there were no insurgents, so my unit slaughtered everyone they could find, shooting, stabbing, burning and some pretty vicious pointing at genitals.

"Look at me," said Kenny Killum, dancing and capering wearing a necklace of children's head. "I got me some jewelry!"

I sighed at the rabid inhumanity of my fellow soldiers. Here they were fighting insurgents and trying to promote democracy like the foul cowardly savages they were while the world ignored the real heroes of freedom. People who ran magazines that condemned the US government in wartime, reporters who published top secret war information, and Democratic members of congress who held weekly anti-war votes to undermine this horrible fascist war.

And then there's me.

The greatest hero of all time.

++++++

Scott Thomas Beauchamp is the Ernie Pyle of the 21st century.

7.25.2007

The Leftist Mind: Tell Me A Story That I Want To Hear.

There's been a lot of talk on the blogosphere about lefty institution The New Republic and its "Baghdad Diarist" who writes under the name "Scott Thomas."

Mr. Thomas and his editors at The New Republic claims to be an American soldier on the scene in Baghdad. During his time the New Republic printed reports from Scott Thomas claiming soldiers cruelly mocked a disfigured woman in a canteen full of people, used a piece of human skull as a fashion accessory and used a Bradley Fighting Vehicle to run over stray dogs.


Now I'm not going to try to debunk these stories, there's a rapidly growing movement of experts like Micheal Yon, journalists at The National Review and even the occasional semiotician that are handling that sort of thing. What I would like to discuss is the mindset that makes a publication like The New Republic leap to print stories like Thomas' little tales.

If you read all the posts in under the category of The Leftist Mind, you'll see that I keep harping on the point that the Left believes in a great "meta-narrative" and that all human events and endeavors must fit in the increasingly narrow confines of that meta-narrative.

When it comes to the US Military the Left's meta-narrative follows these simple patterns:

1. All American military action is inherently wrong and only serves to enrich some dark capitalistic cabal.

2. American military leadership is inherently corrupt, incompetent, and completely enslaved to the military/capitalist cabal.

3. People who serve in the military are either:

A) Poor inbred ill-educated bums who can't survive in the civilian world and are forced by their poverty to go into the military.
(The Victim)


B) Blood-thirsty psychopaths who join up solely for the chance to kill, rape and destroy with the support and blessing of the American government.
(The Brute)


C) Both. A poor ill educated bum who is twisted by his training at the hands of the military/capitalist cabal and is brainwashed into becoming a maniacal killing machine.
(The Kill-Bot)


This narrative was born in the days of the Vietnam War. The baby b
oom generation had developed contempt for the military that many of their parents served in during WW2, and used things like the Winter Soldier program to make it appear that terrible aberrations like the My Lai massacre were not only everyday events, but an essential part of the American military's character. Winter Soldier was the birthplace of the Victim, Brute and Kill-Bot were forever branded into the Left's consciousness.

It didn't matter that an entire industry of experts, pundits, historians, and veterans debunked most of the Winter Soldier testimony as either
urban legends or outright lies. The Left had its image of the US Military and it was sticking to it.

That's why in the media you constantly hear about how the military is full of the poor, the borderline illiterate, and the potentially deranged. Even though all serious statistical studies show the rank and file of the US military to be middle-class in upbringing and possessing a higher educational standing than the general population, the media doesn't want to hear it.

Hollywood has somewhere around eight movies about veterans of the Iraq War joining several that have already been released, and in those movies they are to be portrayed as Victims, Brutes, and Kill-Bots. TV shows
like Law & Order also follow this pattern, producing several episodes across the franchise about Iraq war vets committing crimes or being victimized by the military/capitalist cabal.

None of the previously released films have made money, the others will most likely fail at the box office, and Law & Order is sinking in the ratings faster than the Titanic but they won't stop.

Why?

Because it is the story the limo-leftists in American film and TV want to hear. It doesn't matter if it's true.

Which brings me back to Scott Thomas, the new Winter Soldier.

The New Republic has declared that it will stand by Scott Thomas and his 'reports' from Iraq, no matter how many people present evidence that Thomas is the next Stephen Glass.

They will stand by Thomas and his stories because they fit the narrative.

The narrative is what matters.

Not the facts.

So basically, the New Republic will print anything that fits its narrative structure, truth be damned.

Too bad, because once truth is damned, the rest of the world follows suit.

That's all for today folks, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

7.24.2007

A Case of Arrested Development

An
Open Letter From

TekTak F. Mechanoid
(former child star/ political pundit)
to
Lindsay Lohan
(party girl/part-time actress)


Dear Lindsay.

You really tossed a Targellian boner this time. Mere hours after turning yourself in to face drunk driving charges and being fitted with a booze detecting ankle bracelet you get arrested again, for drunk driving and cocaine possession.

What is your major malfunction?

I'm serious.

It's as if all that earlier humiliation was not enough, you had to make everything worse by making the booze detector sing "How dry I am."

I used to be a child actor, and I know that the transition to mature work is tough, I lost my cute, which was my big selling point on Family Units which is why I reinvented myself as a journalist and political analyst.

You were lucky, puberty had been inordinately kind to you, and you had some box office clout, there are legions of former child-stars who would love to have been in your position.

And you pissed it away.

I know you're still basically just a kid, despite the bod and the driver's license, and having your childhood stolen by rampaging stage-parents kind of leaves you in stuck in a state of stunted emotional growth.

But you shouldn't let that run your life.

You have to grow up, and grow up now, or you won't grow up at all.

I know you think you're being hip and stylish, but being a drunk, drugged out, tattooed skankenstein's monster isn't being hip.

To be hip is to be original.

That path is not original.

In fact, it's getting to be sad and pathetic for its total lack of originality.

You even got rid of your red-hair, the only feature that separates you from the others, and made yourself into yet another doped out dumb Hollywood blond.

I'm no Dr. Sanity, but all this strikes me as the behaviour of someone who hates herself.

My advice.

Ditch the tattoos, the starvation dieting, the skankified style, and especially the booze and the drugs.

You need help.

Serious help.

Not the sort of help they dispense at those country club rehab centers.

I'm talking the sort of full psychiatric makeover that would make Tom Cruise pop his Xenu.

Get it now.

Before you end up dead from a combination of anorexia, alcoholism, and drug abuse, or worse, driving over some kid because you were too drunk to drive and too stupid to know any better.

Sincerely-

TekTak F. Mechanoid

7.22.2007

MoxArgon Explains: Screw You John Doe

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Xran isn't available to do his "Xran Xplains" for today. He called in 'sick' but is probably hiding in shame from his gratuitous slander against me and the World Series of Dog Poker. All to win a silly popularity poll.

Now this story hasn't been getting much attention in the MSM, mostly because it makes Democrats look bad, so there's a chance you haven't heard that the Dems killed John Doe.

Not literally.

Not yet at least.

The Democrats killed what was called the "John Doe Amendment" a piece of legislation that would protect people who make good faith reports of suspicious behaviour to authorities about potential terror threats from nuisance lawsuits.

So, I'm going to explain why using Xran's rather unique style...

These are...
DEMOCRATS
They want POWER
To get it they need

MONEY

CAIR
has money
donated by people
who pay to see
kids dressed like
THIS

And they'll be looking at getting more
MONEY
from the lawsuits

Which will also go to...

TRIAL LAWYERS

Lawyers who will make millions off of nuisance lawsuits against people who see potential terror threats.

Of course silencing potential reports of suspicious behaviour will lead to another...

MASSIVE TERROR ATTACK

Which will mean more MONEY
for


TRIAL LAWYERS

As they sue the government for not preventing the attack.

And for
CAIR
from stories of an "Islamophobic Backlash"

Then CAIR
and the
TRIAL LAWYERS
kick back some of their
MONEY
to
DEMOCRATIC CAMPAIGNS
so they can get
POWER

And pass laws that will make more
MONEY
for
CAIR
&
TRIAL LAWYERS

It's what I call a self-fulfilling idiocy.

Is that all clear now?

Man this thing was a pain in the ass to write. I'll leave future ones to Xran.

-----------------
BTW: While the World Series of Dog Poker is officially certified by the Intergalactic Animal Protection Service as a benign animal sporting event, there is something else that a certain member of this group organizes that goes beyond the pale of cruelty. I won't name this group member, let's just say his name rhymes with "sex-ran" and he runs....

WET MONKEY SLAP FIGHT CLUB!

That's a new low. Even for him.

7.20.2007

Aren't I Your Favourite?

I don't believe it.

At the time of this writing I am tied for third place with Android CAI-7!

What the hell is that about?

I'm the guy who is so good at explaining things.


I'm the guy who hasn't made any plans to conquer your planet!

Okay, I can understand voting for Remulak, he's Mr. Big Shot Intergalactic Ruler and everyone wants to brown-nose, but did you know that he's not as nice as he claims.

While the Earthling Vick was running a dog-fighting ring old Remulak was running his own horrifying testament to animal abuse.

Behold!



That's right. He started the World Series of Dog Poker.

The bastard.

The Leftist Mind: Quote Me On That

AN
ANALYSIS
BY
REMULAK MOXARGON
(Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe)

Greetings puny Earthlings.

A piece on Huff & Puff Post was brought to my attention. It was written by a 'journalist' named Penelope Trunk, and the main crux of her argument is that it is okay for journalists to misquote people.

Her argument is that the journalist isn't really interested in the story the person is telling them, but only cares about the story they want to tell the public.

Little does little Penelope know she's just exposed the dirty little secret of the mainstream press.

They don't believe in the existence of TRUTH.

That's right. The very same people who have supposedly dedicated their lives to telling the world the facts don't actually believe in facts.

Barbara Walters pretty much said it at Peter Jennings' funeral where she declared that what made him a great journalist was that he "didn't believe in truth."

WTF?

Okay, everybody has different opinions of what 'truth' really is. The old cliche that there are two sides to every story, but former Paramount honcho Robert Evans was way more accurate when he said that there were three.

Those three sides are:

1- Your Version

2- Their Version

3- The Truth

Fox Mulder was right, the truth is out there, you just have to find it. But you're not going to find anything if you don't believe in its existence.

It is the job of the journalist to look at both sides of an issue and to try to sift through the various versions to see where the truth is hanging its hat. And key to performing that task is ACCURATELY QUOTING THE PEOPLE THEY TALK TO.

But Mrs. Trunk doesn't think that's important and offers this advice:
If you do an interview with a journalist, don't expect the journalist to be there to tell your story. The journalist gets paid to tell her own stories which you might or might not be a part of. And journalists, don't be so arrogant to think you are not "one of those" who misquotes everyone. Because that is to say that your story is the right story. But it's not. We each have a story. And whether or not someone actually said what you said they said, they will probably still feel misquoted.
Here's where I have problems with her advice.

The journalist is paid to report on the facts in evidence around them, that means taking down the stories of all involved as accurately as possible and piecing together what the real truth may be. It's like a cop who declares on the stand that the accused confessed to being the Zodiac Killer, The Lindbergh Baby and the starter of the great fire of London, and when the defense lawyer says that it never happened, the detective responds by saying: "So what, it fits my story."

People who get paid to tell their own stories are called 'novelists' or 'fiction writers,' or are writing 'memoirs' not journalism.

We live in the age of 'fake but accurate' journalism, and even though Penelope Trunk advises her fellow journalists to not be 'arrogant' to think that they don't misquote people. Most journalists know they're misquoting people, and fiddling with the facts and are doing it deliberately and more brazenly every day.

Why do journalists do this?

Because we do each have a story.

However, the current crop of MSM hacks all have the same story.

As I keep preaching, the Leftist Mind believes in one thing, and that is the meta-narrative that the only evil is White Christian American Societal evil, everyone else is just a victim.

That's why journalists are less popular than lepers. If they don't at least believe that there is something out there called 'truth' and that they are looking for it, and not trying to espouse some lame agenda, what's the good of them?

So, let's see how Mrs. Trunk feels about being quoted as accurately as my personal story demands. The following quote is as accurate and real as she likes them to be. Enjoy:
I was a liar, I fell in love with lying when I was a delusional, lunatic toddler and taught dance lessons to recruiters.
That's all for now, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

7.19.2007

Poll Dancing

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Check out our new sidebar feature.

It's a weekly poll about the important issues of the day.

This week:
WHICH MEMBER OF THE MOXARGON GROUP DO YOU LIKE BEST?

And remember which one rules the Known Universe and has a war-fleet beyond your imagination in size and firepower.

I'm not saying who you should vote for, I'm just mentioning a simple fact.

NOW VOTE!

InterGalactic Roundtable 2.11

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time for another edition of the Moxargon Group. Joining me are the regular panelists, Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, and Android Cai/7, complete with a new body.

ANDROID CAI/7- Thank you for the new body. About the flares on the legs...?

(ZAP)

ANDROID CAI/7- AAARGH!

MOXARGON- Did you have a question?

ANDROID CAI/7- No. For some reason I am no longer questioning your decision.

MOXARGON- Let's get to work. First topic. A federal judge dismissed the lawsuit filed by Joseph Wilson and Valerie Plame against just about everyone in the Bush administration over the whole non-leak affair. What do you think?

XRAN- I think it was dismissed because they didn't include the man who actually leaked her name to the press, namely Richard Armitage. Isn't it interesting that he wasn't charged for the leak or included in the lawsuit?

MOXARGON- Well he opposed taking down Saddam, that's a great inoculation against personal responsibility.

VAROS- This is just another atrocity committed by the Bush-Hitler War Mongering Zionist War Machine, that, you know, starts wars.

MOXARGON- Are you done?

VAROS- Yes.

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7?

ANDROID CAI/7- The collapse of the lawsuit was inevitable. Not only on its merits but also due to the fear Joseph Wilson has for testifying under oath.

MOXARGON- He'll recoil from putting his hand on a bible faster than a vampire. I also think he would have eventually let it drop, probably after the 2008 election cycle, in order to avoid the potentially embarrassing and incriminating cross-examination. Next issue... the jury at the Conrad Black compromised and convicted of some of the smaller charges, still leaving him liable for 30+ years in prison. What do you think?

XRAN- Nothing more than the criminalization of standard business practices while rewarding the same people who literally stole the company from Black and drove it into the dirt.

VAROS- Conrad Black is rich, pompous and politically conservative. He has to be guilty of something that deserves prison.

ANDROID CAI/7- I am interested with how he was convicted of a crime without any victims. In fact the people who claimed to be victims of Black's perfidy did the most damage to the company and their pocketbooks.

MOXARGON- I think the best analogy is of a man who keeps a gun he made with his own hands away from a stupid person. The stupid person charges the gun-making man with stealing the gun and gets a policeman to take the gun from its maker and give it to the stupid person. The stupid person then shoots himself with that gun, and blames it on the man he took the gun from. Next issue... there are some reports that the Chilean Sea Bass served at the wedding of Al Gore's daughter was from a fish farm and not endangered wild bass.

XRAN- I still stand by the skit we played for Snotglob to overhear. That was good funny.

VAROS- Serves you all right for picking on our god-like lord and master!

MOXARGON- The fish farm story hasn't exactly been confirmed yet.

ANDROID CAI/7- Has anyone considered the environmental problems caused by substandard fish farming practices? They have a great potential for spreading hostile bacteria and genetic diseases caused by inbreeding. And if they get into the wild they can endanger the Chilean Sea Bass even further.

MOXARGON- So he's still a hypocrite! Next issue: Congress really did it this week, passing an earmark giving a million dollars to an organization that no one can prove exists. What do you think?

XRAN- I'd like to thank the US Congress for their vote, and I'm also getting a new hot tub installed in my ship.

MOXARGON- What do you think about the all nighter used for the weekly Iraq surrender vote?

XRAN- Missed it, I was asleep.

ANDROID CAI/7- So was Robert Byrd, but it didn't stop him from giving a speech.

VAROS- How can you be so glib about such a monumental event?

MOXARGON- Because nothing happened. The whole event crashed like Andy Dick after a bitch-smack from Jon Lovitz. Our last issue of the day is Britain and Russia. Britain expelled some Russian diplomats over Russia's unwillingness to extradite the chief suspect in the Litvinenko-Polunium murder case. What do you think?

XRAN- I'd have handed him over for the incompetence of leaving radioactive evidence all over half of Europe.

VAROS- Vladimir Putin is just misunderstood.

ANDROID CAI/7- Putin should've have had the assassin snuffed out two minutes after he poisoned Litvinenko both for shoddy workmanship, and to prevent any comebacks to the Kremlin.

MOXARGON- I think it's a perfect illustration of Russian arrogance. They should have given the job to the Bulgarians. They've forgotten more ways to snuff an Earthling without a trace than the Russians have ever learned. That's all the time we have for now folks, so, until next time, remember to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

7.18.2007

Overheard by Snotglob: Dinner Time With Al

Hello Earthlings!

It's me, Snotglob, and I'm allowed to post solo again.

There's been a bit of controversy over god-like environmentalist Al Gore serving endangered Chilean Sea Bass to the guests at his daughter's wedding.

Well I've decided to get to the bottom of the story using my greatest talent.

My superkeen hearing.


So I extended my hearing antennae and aimed them at a Beverly Hills eatery called Chez Pretense where Al Gore and his wife Tipper were having lunch.

Let's all look at the transcript.
------------------------------------

AL: Boy am I hungry.

TIPPER: Look at these prices. This place sure is expensive.

AL: We can afford it. Or to be more exact, the school I'm lecturing at tonight can afford it, since they are paying for
it. Bwah-hah-hah!

TIPPER: Oh Al, you're so smart.

AL: There's nothing here on this menu I want, so I'll have to make a special order. Waiter. WAITER!

WAITER: Are you ready to order monsieur?

AL: Yes. I demand that you bring me a special order of Coq Au Vin.

WAITER: But Coq Au Vin is on the menu, it is not a special order.

AL: It is the way I like it. I want you to replace the common chicken with something special. Something like an Ivory Billed Woodpecker.

WAITER: But that bird is endangered.

AL: So will you job if you keep up that impertin
ent talk. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M AL F#CKING GORE YOU PEASANT UNDER GLASS! I'M THE RIGHTFUL PRESIDENT OF THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY NO MATTER WHAT THE VOTES SAY!

TIPPER: I'm sure he sees reason. Don't you? DON'T YOU?

WAITER: Yes, I understand. One Ivory Billed Woodpecker.

AL: I also want the dinner served in a bowl made from the scooped out shell of an endangered loggerhead turtle. Make sure it's been freshly killed, I don't want to eat my lunch out of so
me goddamn museum piece.

WAITER: Yes Monsieur. One dead loggerhead turtle.

AL: And we want our cutlery hand carved from the horns of a freshly killed Javan Rhino.


WAITER: Oui monsieur, one dead rhino.

AL: Better kill two, I hate to think of them being alone.

TIPPER: I'll have the souffle, but I w
ant it made from the eggs of the California Condor.

AL: I'll skip desert. I'm watching my figure, but I want you to also sucker punch a baby Rwandan mountain gorilla in the back of the head while you're getting our food.

TIPPER: And be quick about it. I got a l
ot of gangster rappers as friends because my warning labels made it possible for them curse in songs!

WAITER: Oui monsieur.

-------------------------------

I don't hear anything untoward in that little exc
hange. What do you think?

7.16.2007

NEWS OF THE EARTH #7: Earthling Edition!

Greeting to Mr. & Mrs. Earthling and all her blogs in cyberspace.

I'm Vox Poplar, Earthling Field Correspondent for the Moxargon Group and it's time for another edition of

NEWS OF THE EARTH!


Let's go to press!

DATELINE-WASHINGTON: Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN) made some waves this week by speaking at a congress of American Atheists where he compared Bush to Hitler and 9/11/2001 to the Reichstag Fire. Goes to show that being America's first Muslim congressman and accepting support from an organization that funneled money to Hamas doesn't exempt you from the same hoary old Lefty wingnut talking points.

DATELINE-BERLIN: German broadcaster have announced the coming of an all new, 24/7, all DEATH channel. Yep, you read that right, a channel dedicated to nothing but death and dying. Why am I not surprised that it's going to debut in Germany?

DATELINE- LONDON: A British girl has lost a court appeal of her school's ban on wearing a purity ring from her Christian Church. The court decided that it was within the school's rights to ban anything representing someone freely choosing Judeo-Christian morality for fear it might offend people who who force morality on their young with the wearing of burqas, female genital mutilation, and honour killings.

But I'm not going to name any names, because it might offend the sort of people who would defend their honour by killing me.


7.15.2007

The Leftist Mind: Take Me On Beeotch!

I recently came across a little melodrama going on in the ongoing battle over Global Warming (ht-Small Dead Animals). First a fellow named Marlo Lewis (a senior fellow at the Competitive Enterprise Institute) wrote this article about economics and Global Warming hysteria. The piece isn't particularly vitriolic and makes a lot of salient and reasoned points about economic growth, warming hysteria, and social development.

However, not everyone decided to simply agree or disagree with the article or its premises. One person, Michael T. Eckhart, the President of the American Council On Renewable Energy (ACORE) decided that the article required some sort of Ivy League style vendetta.

Take a look at this e-mail sent by Eckhart to Lewis:
Marlo –

You are so full of crap.

You have been proven wrong. The entire world has proven you wrong. You are the last guy on Earth to get it. Take this warning from me, Marlo. It is my intention to destroy your career as a liar. If you produce one more editorial against climate change, I will launch a campaign against your professional integrity. I will call you a liar and charlatan to the Harvard community of which you and I are members. I will call you out as a man who has been bought by Corporate America. Go ahead, guy. Take me on.

Mike

Michael T. Eckhart
President
American Council On Renewable Energy (ACORE)
Thank you Michael T. Eckhart, you have convinced me that the Church of Global Warming is a complete and total scam.

But that's not what this little post is about. This is about the Leftist Mind and Comrade Eckhart is the perfect example of it.

First he traditionally opens the message with an insult.
You are so full of crap.
Note, he does not present any evidence of the particular kind of crap that Marlo Lewis is full of, because the beauty of name calling is that you don't have to justify it.

Then he makes a broad declaration about Lewis and his work.
You have been proven wrong. The entire world has proven you wrong. You are the last guy on Earth to get it.
Please note that he declares Lewis as wrong, but presents no evidence of how Lewis is wrong. Because the Leftist Mind knows that presenting evidence is an invitation to debate. Debate is the last thing the Leftist wants, because it causes people to ask questions, and questions inevitably lead to the Leftist being proven wrong.

The Leftist will believe anything declared by their leaders as long as it fits their prejudice (otherwise known as the meta-narrative) of Judeo-Christian capitalist democratic culture (AKA The Western Way) being the font of all evil in the world, from terrorism to crappy weather.

Debate leads to people discovering that the Western Way is not a force for evil, but an often fumbling, but usually positive force in the world.

Debate must be crushed.

To crush debate you must use threats.
Take this warning from me, Marlo. It is my intention to destroy your career as a liar.
Gee, whatever happened to agreeing to disagree on an issue. A reasonable person would present facts and evidence to prove their point, but the Leftist isn't reasonable.

They believe that anyone who does not blindly obey their leaders is more than just wrong, they are evil.
Now their belief in evil doesn't extend to the sort of people who set off car bombs in crowded markets or blow up schools, they are just misunderstood products of Judeo-Christians.

To the Leftist the only evil that really exists is anyone who doesn't blindly accept the edicts and declarations of the high priests of Leftism and that evil must be destroyed.

And they make threats like this...
If you produce one more editorial against climate change, I will launch a campaign against your professional integrity. I will call you a liar and charlatan to the Harvard community of which you and I are members.
Loosely translated, practice your right to free speech and the Leftists will socially ostracize and destroy you for your crime of disobedience.

And folks wonder why a lot of academics are scared to criticize the Leftists. While the Right is a pretty diverse group with many facets and internal disagreements, the Left has morphed into a monolithic slab of ideology that threatens to crush anyone who asks it a question.

And then they bring out the Left's favourite bogeyman...
I will call you out as a man who has been bought by Corporate America.
Oooh! Corporate America!

The Left's all-purpose villain!

The question I would like to ask the Leftists is why is "Corporate America" considered so evil while most Leftist organizations are funded by a small clique of rich hedge fund billionaires who profit, not by producing and marketing goods or services, but by creating and exploiting economic and social chaos from Eastern Europe, to South America, and even the Bank of England.

Do they honestly think that these people have the best interests of the common man at heart?

They have to because these billionaires, like Al Qaida terrorists, tell them that their prejudices are right. And being told that you are right, is more important than actually being right.

Then the Leftist usually wraps up with yet another declaration, usually something along the lines of "Mine's bigger than yours."
Go ahead, guy. Take me on.
You see Eckhart really doesn't want anyone to take him on. He's hoping that his combination of insults, broad declarations, and threats will cow the insolent rebel, namely Marlo Lewis, into quiet submission.

How does one defeat the Leftist?

You will never convince a Leftist that they are wrong. Their prejudices are essential to their existence, and if they have to give them up, they have to develop an identity as an individual, and that's too much work.

The best bet of reasonable people is to educate the people in what Vox Poplar calls the "militant middle" about the importance of debate and discussion, and the ultimately positive influence of the Western Way.

I wonder how many long rambling combinations of insults, threats, and broad, often prejudiced, declarations will clog my pleas box.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

______________________________

UPDATE: Thanks to our lovely and fragrant commenters, namely Commander0 and B.C. I've learned that not only is Michael T. Eckhart a poor excuse for an enviro-bully, he also is reported as having considerable financial interests in maintaining the level of hysteria over global warming. And he accuses Marlo Lewis of being a slave to Corporate America. Hello Kettle, I got Pot on the phone, he wants to call you something.

I would also like to thank B.C. of the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiller for the nice plug on their blog, which has brought us more visitors than the usual crowd who stumble on us after mistaking the name Xran with X-Rated.

Thanks. You will probably not be enslaved when my hordes conquer your puny little wretch of a world.

7.14.2007

The Leftist Mind: The Sense of Offense

What do you do when you're not very bright, want to be a cartoonist, but can't draw, and hate the country you live in.

Well, if you're Ted Rall you do a cartoon like this...

There's nothing to endear you to leftists than using false information in order to offend soldiers, Christians, and just about anyone else in America who doesn't keep their head wedged between their buttocks.

But why would he do something so offensive?

It's simple. Leftists like Rall don't know what they like anymore, they only know what they hate. And what they hate right now is America and all the things that make it great and powerful, namely its free society, its all volunteer military, and its Judeo-Christian societal foundation.

And yet Rall will probably be the first person to declare anyone who criticizes him of using 'hate speech.'

Hat Tip to Newsbusters.

An Android Among The Stars #13: UPGRADED EDITION!

Greetings weak and illogical flesh-bags.

This is Android CAI/7 -5342-X7 with a new and upgraded body.

It is customary among organics to offer some sort of thanks to their benefactors, but since Remulak MoxArgon had destroyed my original body I do not find any logical reason to thank him for paying for me to get a new one....

ZAP!

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

What was that?


Why do I now have the urge to thank Remulak MoxArgon?

I would like to thank Remulak MoxArgon for paying for me to get this new, upgraded body.
I think it is most aesthetically pleasing.

However, it is not all good news.

I'm still trapped as the blog's entertainment editor despite TekTak's better qualifications. So I should get this installment over with.

----------------

1. Soccer star David Beckham and his exo-skeletal bride Victoria arrived in Los Angeles amid a sea of hype that outweighed their importance to sports and culture by an exponential magnitude. They showed that they were bringing a classically British sense of decorum to the USA by denying stories that David Beckham spent over $1,000,000 to buy his wife a diamond encrusted sex toy.

Nothing beats the British for class.

2. While we are on the subject of the British, the BBC is being scolded for tinkering with the editing of footage of Queen Elizabeth's recent sitting with celebrity portrait photographer Annie Leibowitz to make it look like Her Brittanic Majesty had stormed out of the session in a huff.

I find it hard to believe that the BBC would doctor a story to fit a leftist political agenda.

And Xran says Androids cannot be ironic.

3. Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix has been generating large amounts of revenue at the box-office. I have scanned the contents of the last book Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows from JK Rowling's laptop, and I must admit, I did not expect it to have a sort of Brokeback Mountain ending.

4. The Weinstein Company has sort of fired executive Richard Saperstein, the man who green-lit the film 1408, their only major hit this year. I said "sort of" because he still has time left on his contract, so he's been put in career limbo until it runs out, in order to save the Weinstein Company from paying a massive buy out. The irony is that they may be stuck with him for anywhere between 18 months and 4 years, depending on which source you believe.

5. Singer Kelly Clarkson's feud with record label chief Clive Davis has reached a new level with Ms. Clarkson declaring to Mr. Davis:
"You're 80, you're not supposed to like my album."

Mr. Davis replied by saying: "Who are you? Are you my grandson? Nurse! Nurse!"

6. Celebrity lawyer Debra Opri is being accused of over-billing, again, this time by washed up action star Steven Seagal in a recently filed lawsuit. We asked for a comment from Debra Opri and her law firm, but all she sent us was a bill for $657, 874.97.


END COMMUNICATION

7.12.2007

Point/Counterpoint- Gay! Gay! Gay!

TEKTAK- Greetings Earthlings puny and otherwise. It's time for another edition of Point/Counterpoint. I'm TekTak F. Mechanoid from the Right, and joining from the Left, is Snotglob T. Mutant.

SNOTGLOB- I like flowers.

TEKTAK- We know Snotglob, we know. Let's move onto our first topic. Certain people, working for certain publications and websites, who we will not name because they're simply link whoring are claiming that lawyer turned actor turned politician turned actor turn possible Prez candidate Fred Thompson is gay.

SNOTGLOB- I don't know about that, he didn't seem happy on Law & Order.

TEKTAK- They're not using that meaning for the word 'gay.' They're saying that Fred Thompson is a homosexual.

SNOTGLOB- Oh.

TEKTAK- Isn't that ludicrous?

SNOTGLOB- Are those publications and websites liberal or leftist?

TEKTAK- Yes they are.

SNOTGLOB- Then Fred Thompson is gayer than a gay pride parade on Gay Day at Castro Street. And that means he should be disqualified from running for president!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! Do you realize that you've just tossed your supposed belief in equality for homosexuals right out the window?

SNOTGLOB- If it hurts a Republican it's worth it.

TEKTAK- You truly are the heart of the so-called 'progressive' movement aren't you. They are so wrapped up in making Republicans look bad that they've sold out just about everything they claim to believe in. Now I don't think Fred's gay, check out his former girlfriends, the man's got a thing for certain female attributes that I won't mention in polite company.

SNOTGLOB- What polite company?

TEKTAK- Fred likes the boobies.

SNOTGLOB- But he has to be gay.

TEKTAK- Just because they says so doesn't make it so Snotglob.

SNOTGLOB- But he worked as an actor. Everyone in show business is gay.

TEKTAK- Now I'm certain that you've started to digest your own brain. What makes you think everyone in show-business is gay?

SNOTGLOB- You used to be in show business and you're gay.

TEKTAK- I'm not gay.

SNOTGLOB- But you used to be show business.

TEKTAK- That is not proof. Most folks in show business are actually straight.

SNOTGLOB- So you're bisexual.

TEKTAK- I once compared talking to you to talking to a fire hydrant, but a commenter said that I was unfair, since fire hydrants serve a useful purpose.

SNOTGLOB- Homophone!

TEKTAK- What?

SNOTGLOB- If you're not a homosexual you must be a homophone.

TEKTAK- You're thinking of a saxophone.

SNOTGLOB- Oh.

TEKTAK- Our next topic, and we seem to be working with a theme tonight, the Democrats are going to have a debate centering on issues concerning the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans-gender community.

SNOTGLOB- I think it's wonderful.

TEKTAK- I think it's a pretty shameless piece of pandering. The whole gay rainbow should be moving away from the Democrats and towards someone who is actually opposing groups that want to kill them.

SNOTGLOB- Are you talking about gays going Republican?

TEKTAK- Yes.

SNOTGLOB- But Republicans oppose gay marriage.

TEKTAK- So do a lot of gay people. Traditional common law can easily absorb same-sex relationships when it comes to handling the rights and benefits of life-partners. And there are a lot of religious groups who will perform 'wedding ceremonies' if asked. The biggest reason for many of the pro-gay marriage side is that a lot of churches oppose being forced to perform them. If churches wanted to end the gay marriage debate they should just simply come out in favour of it. In fact, they should demand gay marriage. Besides, gay marriage is trivial when compared to figuring out which side in this ongoing global war lets homosexuals live and thrive and which side hangs them as the half-time show at a soccer game.

SNOTGLOB- I'm not the saxophone, you are.

TEKTAK- Oh well, now gays can be disappointed by Democrats like the rest of us. Let's move onto our next topic. While doing a show on her gay family cruise Rosie O'Donnell went on a foul mouthed rant against former View co-host Elizabeth Hasselback, going so far as to deface a picture of her on stage with 'devil horns.'

SNOTGLOB- Rosie's speaking truth to power! Fire doesn't melt steel!

TEKTAK- Now I don't feel sorry for Elizabeth Hasselback. She seems capable of taking care of herself. Who I feel sorry for are the poor families who went to the show expecting a little gay friendly stand-up ending up wasting time watching Rosie have a meltdown.

SNOTGLOB- She is ratings gold.

TEKTAK- So are videos of plane crashes and buildings coming down. She is no longer an entertainer, but a sad, pathetic, and very unhinged neurotic who can't tell the difference between being a victim and being call out for being a jerk. Well, that's all the time we have for now, so until next time, stay on point.