The following is a transcript of a speech given by Remulak MoxArgon, OverLord of the Known Universe to the 2008 Graduating Class of Sacred Heart High School in Columbus, Ohio.
It's good to be here again, in fact, I was here last year, and I'd like to thank my old teacher, and your current principal Sister Mary Margaret Halloran for inviting me back. You know the groove in the centre of my head isn't natural for my species, her swift hand with a yardstick gave it to me.
She's a good sport. But since I'm unlikely to be invited to speak at any university graduations since I think Noam Chomsky, Al Gore, Michael Moore, and all the other lefty sacred cows are more bull than cow.
But this is a momentous time in your life. Not only are you graduating High School, most of you are old enough to vote, and it is an election year. So I'll start my advice with this simple little maxim:
Don't vote a certain way because the media says that you should vote a certain way. Get the real facts, or don't vote at all.
You know what I'm talking about, you see it everywhere.
Second piece of advice:
Make a tharg-load of money.
Sorry for the language Sister Mary Margaret, but I have a point to make.
The days of one man, or woman, making a difference in the world as an "activist" or "community organizer" are over.
In the past 40 odd Earth years those roles have been suborned, subsumed, and subverted by a grating "activist industry" that claims to combat problems, but only makes things worse. That's because they employ professional activists who need to at least perpetuate existing problems, or at worst create new troubles, in order to keep their jobs and enrich themselves.
The days of the selfless, Gandhi like fellow, standing up for freedom against big odds is over as is the age of the "big solution." What needs to be done is to take yourself in hand, so to speak, and work for a whole bunch of small solutions.
The socialists of the world will tell you that the Universe is a zero sum game and that it is up to the state to ensure the everyone gets a piece of the mythical pie.
That's a load of Snarkennian O'narg droppings.
The state can only slice up the pie, and poorly at that. But only you, the man, or woman working in the real world, can make a fresh, new, and bigger pie. A gift denied to both state and socialist.
So here's what you do, you learn a trade, or a profession, you get a job, or start a business. You create wealth, sensible management of that wealth creates jobs and businesses, which creates more wealth, and so on, and so on.
My next piece of advice are for those of you who are joining the military, and I salute your courage and your service. Despite the claims of the chattering classes and the magpies of the media, your planet is at war, and your civilization, the most vibrant and inventive of any this wretched little planet has ever seen, is under threat, and you have the eyes to see that threat, and what needs to be done.
Don't listen to those who claim to oppose the war, but support the troops. They don't even know that their very claim is by itself a lie. You cannot support the troops if you do not support their mission, and anyone who lacks the intellectual honesty, and fundamental testicular fortitude to admit that, does not deserve your attention.
So keep a level head, stay alert, and keep your ass and head down.
And my final piece of advice is for all of you, and it's this: when someone says that the debate is over, then that means the debate has only just begun, and that cat is full of crap.