The MoxArgon Group

Reality Checks: Terrorist Or Psycho Asshole

2011-07-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'm taking a break from my retirement from blogging to offer a little reality check over the whole tragedy in Norway. Specifically the asshole behind it:

Anders Behring Breivik

Right now people on the Political Left are crowing that Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik is the living proof that Christians are somehow exactly the same as Muslims when it comes to terrorism.

That's what we more evolved life forms call "horseshit."

Anders Behring Breivik is not a terrorist in the sense that is associated with Islamic Jihadi Terrorism, but more of a total lunatic asshole psycho shitbag.

Let's take a look at the facts:

To be a terrorist one has to belong to a movement, that means more than one person, that has an overarching dogma that is either political (Baader Meinhoff Gang), religious (Al Qaida/ Hezbollah), or a nationalistic combination of both (Provisional IRA) and an ultimate goal that might be impossible, but not completely insane. A terrorist also gets support, both physical and moral, from those who share the terrorist's beliefs and goals, even though they may not directly engage in terrorist activities themselves.

Anders Behring Breivik does not appear to belong to any group, and no group claims responsibility for him, though one Islamist terrorist faction did briefly claim his actions before retracting their statement. No one in the Christian or conservative community that the Left claims Anders Behring Breivik represents are rushing to support him. In fact, they condemn him and his actions entirely, not only because they were morally abhorrent, but also because they were stupid to the point of madness.

Anders Behring Breivik claims in his statements and his manifesto that he thinks his actions will somehow spur a nationalist Christian Crusade to drive the Muslims out of Norway, and reclaim it for the blonds of the world. That shows that he is either lying or really does know nothing about what he claims to be his religion or the people practicing it.

First, he blew up a building and then massacred children in cold blood because he claimed the political party running the government and the children's camp they were attending were too open to immigration from Islamic countries.

What is the only thing those kinds of evil actions will accomplish?

Exactly the opposite of what he claims to want.

The only result that could possible come from the actions of Anders Behring Breivik is that the Norwegian Labor Party becomes sanctified with the blood of innocent martyrs. It is now bullet-proof from any and all criticism, especially in the fields of immigration policy because anyone who dares differ from them on those issues, no matter how softly and rationally, will be slapped with the label of "Anders Behring Breivik - Psycho Racist Shitbag."

They will get re-elected, again and again, using Anders Behring Breivik against all opposition, until they follow the path of any party that's in power too long and become so bloated and corrupt not even the blood of innocent martyrs will save them from electoral oblivion. However, by then any damage will already be done and possibly too far gone to repair.

That proves that his stated goals were not just impossible, but downright insane.

If he was remotely sane, and actually believed in the religion he professed to belong to he would have taken an entirely different tack. One where he would have stated that Europe's policy of open immigration was a sham, making it easy to enter their country, but impossible to join their society. He would have told the world that European political correctness, poorly thought out welfare programs, and plain old bigotry imposed a state of soft segregation on immigrant communities, especially Muslim ones. Once segregated from the host country's social mainstream, they become isolated, and easily fall under the sway of "religious and community leaders" who spread radical hate-filled ideologies in exchange for generous funding from Middle Eastern dictatorships. That leads to poverty, radicalization, social upheaval, and real religious based terrorism.

If he followed that sane, Christian path, he'd be neither the terrorist the Left claims he is, or the Psycho Shit-Bag Walking Tumor that he really is, and all those dead people would be alive and enjoying their summer vacations.

Of course, that's only if we believe what Anders Behring Breivik has been telling us, and politics and religion may not have anything to do with this.

Anders Behring Breivik's stated goals may not be his real goals, because often what people cite as causes of their evil behavior, are really just excuses concocted by the perpetrator as some form of justification for being an asshole.

Even by terrorist standards his actions were bizarre. If he hated Muslims so much, why didn't he attack a mosque? Or an Islamic religious camp? Why didn't he attack some of Norway's local Islamic leaders?

When Islamic terrorist set out to kill Jews, Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, or Muslim "apostates" they do just that. They don't say they're out to do one thing, then go out and do something else entirely. It wouldn't fulfill their impossible, but not completely insane goal of world conquest.

Anders Behring Breivik didn't go anywhere near the Muslim community that he claims he wants to drive out of his country. Instead, he set off a bomb in Oslo, and while the bomb was designed to kill, the deaths caused by it were just gravy to this bastard. I believe the real intention of Anders Behring Breivik, was to create the diversion he needed to obtain his real target, the kids at the summer camp.

I believe his ultimate goal was not some nationalistic, religious, or political statement, but the acting out of some sick personal fantasy. I believe that Anders Behring Breivik wanted to kill children, teenagers especially, and create social chaos that will make him a malignant legend in Norway for generations to come. All this chatter about immigration, politics, and religion is, in my opinion, just a smokescreen.

Of course that won't stop the Left from smearing their perceived enemies. Nothing can stop them from doing that, especially the truth.

Keep watching the skies, because despite the irregularity of our posts, we're still watching you.

Reality Checks & Retirement

2011-05-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I know it's been pretty slow here on the ranch, and it's been getting harder and harder to get the guys together to do a panel, and I've been so busy with my empire, that I've decided to retire the MoxArgon Group as a regular blog.

It's been a good run and I figure I can't do better than retire this blog on a day more auspicious than the one marking the announcement of the death of Osama Bin Ladin.

So I will leave you with a few reality checks...

OSAMA BIN LADIN IS DEAD, ALAS...

Well, it's official, and confirmed by DNA that terrorist mastermind and de facto theological trendsetter for the Islamic world Osama Bin Ladin was killed outside Abbottabad Pakistan, by a Navy Seal team, and his carcass tossed into the sea, where it will soon be fish shit.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Like Saddam Hussein, his roommate in the third fissure on the left in Lucifer's asshole, Osama was someone who brought nothing but pain and suffering to the world. While it's not good to wish any sentient being harm, you really don't have any alternative with a walking tumor like old Osama.

Naturally, the Muslim world is going to shit some kittens over this. Expect lots of threats, the occasional riot, and terrorist attack, all in the name of avenging his death in the name of Allah.

Why would the Muslim world react that way to the death of a man who is responsible for the deaths and suffering of more Muslims than any foreign imperialist?

Because that's how the Islamic world reacts to everything. Sure the majority of Muslims just want to live their lives and stay out of trouble, but they have too many Osamas dominating their mosques, governments, and every other institution in their community. If any Muslims dares to break from this bloodthirsty orthodoxy and seek to live in peace with others all they can hope for is that their death is quick and relatively painless.

Sure, people see the current Arab Spring as a sign of hope for democracy in the Arab world, but that hope is mostly likely a pipe dream. All the hundreds of thousands of Osamas are too many, too organized, and too determined to force their co-religionists and hopefully the rest of the world into a world of shit and suffering.

The Muslim people of the world have to take this event as an excuse to look at the real causes of all their problems, and it ain't the Great Satan, or the Joos. Then maybe they might join the rest of the world in peace.

BARACK OBAMA IS REALLY AN AMERICAN, ALAS...

Charles Krauthammer was partially right when he called Donald Trump the "Republican Al Sharpton." Like Sharpton, Trump's a self-aggrandizing attention whore with mysterious hair. However, Sharpton has a definite political philosophy, based on self enrichment through racial grievance games and liberal guilt. Politically, Trump has more flip flops than every gift shop in Miami Beach.

The whole Birther nonsense is just that nonsense, engineered by the Obama machine. Need proof? Well ask yourself these questions:

1. Why didn't Obama release the long form birth certificate when Clinton operatives first brought up the issue during his campaign for the Democratic nomination?

2. Why did Obama's people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars fighting any and all legal claims by people wanting to see the birth certificate?

Well, the answer is simple.

OBAMA WANTED THE BIRTHERS TO RUN AROUND.

Simple politics. Now Obama can use Trump and the birthers to smear any and all Republicans as paranoid conspiracy nuts hiding in Jesse Ventura's basement.

Right now Obama is looking at falling polls, rising gas prices, inflation, and a stagnant job market eating into not only his golf time, but his re-election chances. If the Republicans run someone who appears reasonable, practical and decisive he's screwed.

So he needs to get a loudmouth asshole freak-show to run for the nomination, dominate the mainstream media coverage, and completely brand the party as the party of loudmouth asshole freak-shows whether he wins the nomination or not.

Enter Trump.

He's loud, obnoxious, and has a thinner skin than Obama himself, he's perfect for the job and the media's going to pimp him as the "front-runner" right to the Republican nomination, and after he loses, keep bringing him up as some sort of compadre to the winner of the nomination.

It's just simple politics.

So while this is goodbye for now Earthlings, I must advise that you keep watching the skies, because we will still be watching you.

Reality Checks: World Tour

2011-03-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry for not posting so much, I've been busy, but I've manage to take a moment to drop a few reality checks on your lap.

JAPAN & NUCLEAR POWER:

Loads of people, especially in the media, are shitting kittens in panic over the ongoing troubles at the Fukushima nuclear power plant.

STOP IT ASSHOLES!

Seriously. Think it about for a second.

1. This is not Chernobyl. Even though the plant apparently has some management problems they are nowhere near the vodka sodden antics of Chernobyl's Communist era apparatchiks.

2. Japan has dozens of nuclear power plants. Only one is in danger. What does that tell you?

3. Radiation is not always a death sentence. Most of the time the treatment to exposure can be just having a shower and doing your laundry. At certain levels it can even be beneficial to the Earthling immune system.

So quit freaking everyone out.

Now that's settled, let's move onto to what Japan needs to do after the quake.

They need to stop being so damn complacent, and here's why:

Japan can't afford to be the home of the $100 head of lettuce anymore. Huge swathes of the nation's infrastructure has been either damaged, or completely destroyed. Prices are going to go up naturally because it's going to be more expensive to move food around the country. They don't need their spoiled brat farmers rioting for more protectionist trade laws because they don't want any competition.

Japan's a great exporter, but it takes forever to import anything, and if you do get in, it's got a truckload of tariffs on it no one can afford it. Japan needs to engage into a little economic shock therapy to get their economy out of its decades long doldrums, and get the reconstruction going faster.

They also need to start having more children. Their population's too old, and Japan's younger generation needs to stop obsessing about anime and get to work making some babies.

Really, I shouldn't have to tell you these things.

LIBYA, LIFE AFTER QADDAFI OR NOT

The west is currently enforcing a "no fly zone" in Libya, and bombing the Qaddafi faction's air force and armor in order to protect the rebels based out of Benghazi.

There is no guarantee that old Meltface Moammar is going to lose power. The Arab League called for his ouster, then when the missiles started flying, promptly shit their pants, said it was too much. While they like the idea of his ass being grass, they don't actually want someone from the outside their narrow little community of dictators to actually do it.

If they make enough of a stink the Europeans will back down, Obama's government will fold faster than the Flash on laundry day, the UN will blame it all on Israel, and Moammar will be on the comeback trail.

Now you're wondering how can someone make a comeback after seeing huge chunks of his country rise up against him, and those very same chunks back down, whimpering like freshly whipped dogs.

Simple: The will of Allah.

You see there's a fundamental difference between the Judeo-Christian influenced leadership tradition of the west, and the Islamic leadership tradition. Even those who claimed the "Divine Right of Kingship" in the western world were still bound by a certain set of unwritten rules. They needed to at least present a facade of being just, moral, and wise in order to appear worthy of that divine right, and to keep power.

If they failed to measure up to the appearance of being worthy, they were likely to be deemed unworthy and tossed, possibly from a window of the highest tower in the castle.

This is very different in the Islamic world.

In the Islamic world you don't need to display morality or wisdom to be deemed worthy of power, you just have to seize power. It doesn't matter if you murder your way to the top, the fact that you reached the top shows that you are fulfilling the Will of Allah.

People in the Islamic world may complain about your cruelty, tyranny, and despotism, but they pretty much take your shit and call it ice cream, because they think it is all the will of Allah. It is only when you show a sign of weakness do they think that Allah has changed his mind, and that it's time for someone new to become dictator.

If Qaddafi reasserts himself, thousands will die in his reprisal campaign, then it'll be back to the same old, same old, and the Islamic world will end up blaming it all on the West and Israel, when the real blame falls squarely on their own heads.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

XRAN XPLAINS: PUBLIC SECTOR UNIONS

2011-03-01T14:04:00.000-08:00

Hello Earthlings! It's your buddy Xran here, back from a long piracy expedition to the Gafulax Galaxy and I'm going to simplify the complicated after they've been complicated by the simple.

Today's topic:

PUBLIC SECTOR UNIONS!

This is...
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
He was a very liberal President, but he opposed the unionization of
CIVIL SERVANTS
&
TEACHERS
Because he thought they should stay out of

POLITICS
because
UNIONS
can't resist getting involved in corrupting

POLITICIANS
but
FDR
didn't leave them with nothing, since there were

LAWS
protecting their jobs and their rights

This seemed okay until
JOHN F. KENNEDY
he signed an executive order to allow
CIVIL SERVANTS
&
TEACHERS
to form
UNIONS

WHY?

Because
PRIVATE SECTOR UNIONS
are shrinking that means

UNION BOSSES
need fresh sources of
CASH &

POLITICAL POWER
So unions like these:
collect lots of
UNION DUES
essentially paid for by
TAXPAYERS
which are then given to the

UNION KINGPINS
to give to their

FAVORITE POLITICIANS
who are all
DEMOCRATS
the

UNION BOSSES
also tell their members
WHO TO VOTE FOR
& to show up for
UNION SANCTIONED PROTESTS
all in support of the
DEMOCRATS THEY ARE IN BED WITH
who plan to expand the size of government creating more
CIVIL SERVANTS
to unionize who blindly obey the commands of their

UNION BOSSES
and keep the
DEMOCRATS
in power for perpetuity even if it makes the country go
BROKE

I hope that clears things up for you.

Reality Check: Egypt

2011-01-28T09:17:00.001-08:00

Greeting puny Earthlings.

Time to take a moment to cash a reality check.

Right now the ancient land of the Pharaohs is in turmoil. Dictator, (that's what he is despite what Joe Biden says) Hosni Mubarak is too old, sick, and incompetent to keep the power that he's held onto for the past 30 years since the death of his predecessor Anwar Sadat. The people are rising up against his increasingly heavy handed in rule in the spirit of the recent overthrow of Tunisia's dictator.

Now while I normally support the ouster of dictators that are so stupid they can manage to still run their economy into the ground despite billions in annual foreign aid from the USA, there is a catch with this situation.

That catch is the Muslim Brotherhood.

Right now the opposition is dominated by factions calling for democracy and freedom and the Muslim Brotherhood is, for the most part, staying off the streets.

That's why Egyptians must be worried.

That's because the Brotherhood is waiting in the wings, letting the democratic factions take all the hits while they bide their time, marshal their forces, and when the time is right, they will strike and take over the Arab world's most populous and influential nation.

Then Egypt will be beyond screwed.

You think the Egyptian economy is bad now, think how bad it will be under the Brotherhood. The biggest source of foreign hard currency they have right now is tourism, will that industry keep going when the Brotherhood flattens the pyramids to build mosques, blow up ancient sites, drive out all archaeologists, and burn or smash the contents of their museums?

It won't.

They can also see an end to all that American aid that's kept the country from becoming a complete basket case.

The average Egyptian on the street might dislike the Yankee Imperialist Pig-Dog for propping up the Mubarak regime. However, they must remember that the Mubarak regime that was the only thing keeping Egypt in at least the 20th century, if not the 21st, and out of the 8th century that the Brotherhood wants.

My advice to the people that want to get rid of Mubarak:

Get rid of the Muslim Brotherhood first.

They are not your friends.

They are not in tune with the will of Allah, because if they were, why was Afghanistan, their model of a properly holy society, such a shit-hole.

All the Muslim Brotherhood wants is power, and they will spill gallons of your blood to get it.

So here's the plan.

Get rid of the Muslim Brotherhood.

Then get rid of Mubarak.

Then reform your government, economy, and even society, so Egypt can be more than a land with a lot of history, and transform it into a land with an actual future.

A Reality Check: Stick & Stones

2011-01-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Words can kill.

It's true. In fact, if someone of my species says the word "feldspar" in just the right tone of voice, the heads of everyone within earshot will pop like zits.

However, things are different on your wretched little planet. You Earthlings love to talk and talk and talk, and you love to talk out of your asses as much as out of your mouths.

Lately you've been talking out of your asses about words. Take a look at these examples:

1. A publisher is releasing a bowdlerized version of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn, eliminating the dread "N word" to get rid of the racism in a novel that was written as a statement against racism. Henceforth leaving the word for rappers the world over.

2. Canadian broadcast regulators have banned the original edit of Dire Straits' song "Money For Nothing" from radio for its use of the word "faggot." Suddenly giving radio stations an excuse to play the song after 25+ years.

3. The media and left-wing blogosphere rushed to shit kittens after the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords and the murder of 6 others blaming the "violent" "military" rhetoric of those pesky evil right wingers. It later turned out that the only rhetoric spurring that sick bastard on was the stuff being spoken in his head. That didn't matter, the left manufactured their version of events, and it will no doubt be cited whenever the case is referenced from now till doomsday.

Anyway, back to my point.

These three cases of either censorship, attempted censorship, or outright libel in an attempt to stifle free speech are all done in the name of saving lives. Those who lash out over words say that people hear or read these words, and that these words make them act violently towards their fellow man.

Well, here are some words for you: That's a lot of bullshit.

You see the words that "kill" the most are not rude names, or "violent" imagery. The deadliest words are the ones that claim that they are acting solely in the best interests of making the world a better place.

The history of the 20th-21st centuries are rife with obvious cases of dictators promising socialist/communist/Islamic utopias to motivate their followers to engage in mass slaughter, but I'd like to take a moment to discuss the lesser known moments when words coming out of the mouths of seemingly well meaning people have led to death and destruction.

This is Rachel Carson.

Her words have killed millions of people all over the world.

Did she used racist or homophobic language or so-called violent rhetoric?

Nope.

She wrote a book called Silent Spring which blamed the pesticide DDT for everything from cancer, thinning egg shells on bald eagles, to possibly the great fire of Rome, and practically invented the field of hysterical environmentalism that dominates academia, media and government today.

As it turned out, studies showed reduced rates of cancer among people exposed to DDT, the eagle egg problem came from the improper use of DDT as an agricultural pesticide, and not for the killing of malarial mosquitoes in stagnant ponds as it was designed for.

Yet her campaign against the chemical led to it being banned all over the world.

And millions of people in tropical nations died and continue to die from malaria every year.

Also the movement she helped spawn has helped hinder research into not just chemicals, but also medicine, and the use of resources that could have lifted millions out of poverty and suffering.

But she meant well, and I guess that's enough, because to the left, she's a saint.

Then there's Jenny McCarthy.

She meant well when she started a campaign to blame her son's autism on vaccines, based on a study that has now been exposed as a massive fraud and a hoax.

However, her campaign, and her response that anyone who dared question the study, or her assertions, were somehow in the pay of a sinister "vaccine lobby" led to who knows how many parents skipping vaccines for their children. What we do know is that your planet, especially North America saw an upshot in preventable diseases among children.

It may take years before you figure out how many of these children died because of their parent's desire to believe a minor celebrity conspiracy-theorizing about a barely understood field of medicine over rational scientific procedure, but I can tell you something you can bet dollars to zlotnorx on:

I believe that more people have died because of the rhetoric of Jenny McCarthy than have died because of the rhetoric of Sarah Palin.

Face it, a small percentage will believe anything that someone on TV tells them. 15% of people surveyed actually believed that Loughner dickweed was acting on orders from the Tea Party, a percentage believe that Dick Cheney blew up New Orleans' levees, and that the Jews working at the World Trade Center got phone calls to not go to work on 9.11. 2001.

There will always be people who will believe any shit that gets stuck in their ears, and when these people get into positions of power in government, academia, and the media, they can do a hell of a lot of damage with their so-called good intentioned words.

Way more damage than anyone can do with a rude name.

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

AMERICA'S MOST WANTED!!

2011-01-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik, coming to you live from the source of all hatred and bigotry, the state of Arizona, and I'm the new host of....

AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

I know you were expecting that John Walsh fella, but he was arrested this morning in Pima County on charges of wearing a leather jacket without a license. And since no one else on the crew wanted to join him, I'm your new host. Let's get talking about crime....

This here critter is--

Jared Lee Loughner...

He is crazier than a bedbug on meth, and he killed a bunch of people and tried to kill many more, including a Democratic congresswoman.

That can only mean one thing.

That someone else is really behind this here crime.
Now I don't have any of that fancy pants "evidence" those fancy talking Republican fat cats like to toss around just to show off their book learning. I'm talking about the sort of gut instinct you find only in a progressive Democrat working in law enforcement, like Bull Connor.

I don't have any real witnesses or evidence, and I'm probably tainting the jury and making effective prosecution of Loughner impossible, but I sat down with my police sketch artist and had him whip me up a little drawing of the real guilty party. Prepare to look into the face of true evil--
This man is accused of using violent rhetoric that drove Mr. Loughner to kill a Republican judge, a nine year old child, and several others while trying to kill a Rep. Giffords.

Sure, any complete study of what he really says will show that despite paranoid tendencies, he does actually preach "non-violence," speak admiringly of foreigners and troublemakers like Gandhi and Martin Luther King jr, and that in the only recorded incidence of him mentioning Giffords that we could find he said nice things about her.... but that's not the case!

He dares to criticize the policies and leaders of the Democratic Party.

That means that he is wanted DEAD OR ALIVE!

Now this feller didn't act alone... No we have this photo taken from a VHS tape made by my deputy Buford of his partner in the sort of evil and hatred that only Republicans can engage in.
This varmint's wanted for putting target-gun-sight marks on electoral maps of Congressional districts where she wanted Republicans to win.
Now I don't have any proof that Loughner saw this map, or that it had any affect on his mind but I'm the Sheriff of Pima County...

I DON'T NEED ANY GODDAMN PROOF!!

The law is what I say it is. If I want to enforce it, I'll enforce it, if I don't want to enforce it, I won't enforce it, and if I want to make the law up straight from my ass--

I WILL MAKE UP THE DAMN LAW STRAIGHT FROM MY ASS!!

And I'll get convictions too, because I'm hiring--
Former Travis County Texas, Democratic District Attorney Ronnie Earle

This cat can indict a ham sandwich for starting the Chicago fire. In fact, I do believe that he did once indict a ham sandwich for feeding a Republican. And he can get convictions even when there wasn't a goddamn crime! Just ask Tom Delay!!
That's why we need you to find these people and bring me their carcasses, you can tar and feather them if you want, but they still have to be recognizable for my photo-ops, and for Bernie Sanders fund-raising brochures!

So I'll leave you with this one thought--
It don't matter what that mamby-bamby constitution thing says, it's like 100 years old and don't matter no more. Free speech isn't a right, it's a privilege, and if you want to speak free, you have to make sure you speak stuff that makes folks like me happy or...

YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL!

Reality Check: Arizona

2011-01-08T18:43:00.001-08:00

I just saw the reports coming from Arizona about the mass shooting at a public appearance by Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords by a man named Jared Loughner.

I'm not going to discuss the event itself. Right now the truth is buried in a flurry of conflicting reports and it could be days before we get anywhere near the real story, if it hasn't been already lost forever in a realm of urban myth.

What I am going to talk about is the rash of talk among the political left and its supporters calling for censorship of "inflammatory rhetoric" that they believe must be behind the shooting.

Here's a reality check:

WE DON'T KNOW WHY THE REAL REASON THIS GUY SHOT THOSE PEOPLE!

He could have been inflamed by political rhetoric, he could also have been inflamed by the voices in his head.

His motives may also not spring from alleged "incitements to violence" from the political right. His real target may have been the Republican appointed Federal Judge John Roll.

The point is WE DON'T KNOW.

WE MAY NEVER REALLY KNOW.

And I want those calling for censorship and regulation of "inflammatory speech" to ask themselves these questions:

What if this guy shot a Republican politician?

What if he was screaming "I did it all for you Keith Olbermann!" as the Secret Service took him down?

Would you still be demanding that free speech, the foundation of political liberty, be tossed out the window, or would you try to pawn it off as the work of a "lone nut," or still try to find a way to blame it on Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin?

If you had an ounce of honesty in yourself, you'd answer those questions, then you'd probably tone down your own rhetoric. Because those who demand censorship usually end up censored themselves in the end.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE YEAR!

2010-12-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings!

You calendar says that this is the last day of your year 2010. Well, good for you, you managed to make it another year without blowing yourselves up, but you keep on trying. So let's look at those who took douchebaggery into the next level, I'm talking out our DOUCHEBAGS OF THE YEAR!!

Here they are in no particular odor!

BILLIONAIRES

You gotta love these guys, they make billions of dollars, and then support politicians, and even openly campaign for causes, like higher taxes, to prevent others from joining their happy little club. While they declare that everyone else needs to hand over their income to the government, they get patted on the back as moral paragons for putting some of their mega-fortunes in tax-free charitable foundations.

And while we're on the topic of moral paragons, let's look at the one the media love to back-pat the most, Warren Buffet and his position on the ~~cancer~~ tobacco industry:

"I’ll tell you why I like the cigarette business. It costs a penny to make. Sell it for a dollar. It’s addictive. And there’s fantastic brand loyalty." — Warren Buffett, quoted in Barbarians at the Gate: The Fall of RJR Nabisco

That sounds like the attitude of a true moral paragon.

JULIAN ASSANGE

Everything about this guy screams sleaze. That's really all I can say about him.

BRADLEY MANNING

Word is that this fellow brags that he committed treason, and put hundreds, if not thousands of lives in danger because he was feeling pissy about "Don't ask, don't tell." I think that the fact that he used a Lady Gaga CD to commit said treason is a clear case of "telling."

Now his allies and lawyers are running to the United Nations screaming that they should force the USA to let him go over bogus accusations that he's being "tortured." If he was really being tortured, any complaints would go to the Inspector General of the US military. The IG's office can actually do something. The UN can only do one thing: Sway the media and the Democrats with pleas for mercy from such civil liberty utopias of Syria, Iran, and North Korea.

He is not being tortured. Right now he's being treated like he's made of glass and tissue paper, because they need him in one piece in order to hang him. They have to hang him because America's rather light record on treating treason and the people who commit it convinced him that he can get away with it, and if he does, America can kiss its national security goodbye.

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA

They really don't need to be mentioned.

THE TSA

Badly run, with a philosophy centered on harassing the innocent over catching the guilty. How long do you think it will take before some Iman files a lawsuit that gets Muslims a special pass from security scans and airport fondle fests? I'm betting it will happen in 2011.

THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

People wondered what the Democrats would do with control of both the White House and Congress, and now we know: They went completely bat-shit insane. To hell with the constitution, to hell with voters, and to hell with logic and rationality.

EARTHLING SCIENTISTS

From continuing to propagate the myth of man-made climate change (take from an alien whose been around a few millennium, CLIMATES CHANGE ALL THE TIME), to lame pseudo-studies that claim to "explain" conservatism as some sort of mental deficiency.

In my empire we don't need humor magazines, we have your scientific journals for our shits and giggles.

JON STEWART & STEPHEN COLBERT

Jon Stewart is the new Ed Murrow for criticizing Republicans for criticizing a bill that will probably end up denying health care to 9-11 first responders because vague wording makes it wildly susceptible to fraud. But Stewart's writers told him to demand it be passed, and so he did, because he's an obedient little court jester to his Democrat masters.

Then there's the so-called "Rally To Restore Sanity" he held with his catamite Colbert. It was more of a "Rally To Inflate Our Sense of Smug Superiority."

THE FCC

Net neutrality, the government's plan to regulate the internet by eliminating competition and controlling bandwidth couldn't pass through congress. So the Obama administration passed the ball to their obedient bureaucratic minions in the FCC to begin the process of whittling down free speech into nothing. Expect a regulatory return of the "Fairness Doctrine" to shut down talk radio and Fox News.

It's useless, and should be disbanded.

Speaking of useless

PUBLIC SECTOR UNIONS

Didn't need to be created, because there already were laws on the books ensuring the rights and privileges of public employees. The unions were formed during the Kennedy administration to create a permanent bloc that would vote for the party that consistently fattened up their salaries and memberships and to hell with the consequences, and by that I mean, the Democrats.

THE IVY LEAGUE

The Ivy League went from being the best centers of learning available, to centers for the elite to congregate and perpetuate their own, and now it's become a diploma factory for folks with either the money, or the ability to play politically correct academic games.

I now hold a Harvard degree against a politician.

Anyway if you're on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Checks: IT'S A TRAP! Edition

2010-12-19T05:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Time for some reality checks, and for that I brought my old college roomie Admiral Akbar to help me out. Ain't that right Akkie?
Oh, Akkie, you crack me up. But don't jump the gun just yet. Give me a chance to explain some of the traps folks are walking into.

First up:

DON'T ASK DON'T TELL

Now my empire has had gays in the military for centuries, but I can understand that the transition can be tricky. So I actually applaud the repeal of the inane Don't Ask Don't Tell Law, because.... Hit it Akky!

That's right.

All you hippies running around smoking pot and voting Democrat have just stuck your foot into a big fat bear trap. Why? Because you just lost your most popular excuse to get out of the draft.

"You can't draft me, because I like dudes!"

Well, that little excuse, or ploy, isn't going to get you out of uniform in any way that you're going to like. And remember how Democrats love their quotas and mandatory hiring, so expect an "Equality Draft" Bill sometime before 2012.

JULIAN ASSANGE

Julian Assange got bail, and is spending his free time over the Christmas holidays at the mansion of the parents of one of his journalist supporters.

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel that....
Come on, think about it people!

Haven't any of you people watched British television, or read any mystery novels?

Think about it, a man with a lot of enemies, political and personal, and a history of lechery, gets bail for a scandalous criminal charge and goes to spend the holidays at a wealthy family's country estate. This is the sort of thing that you just know is going to end up with a body in the conservatory next to a bloody candlestick.

There will be a lot of accusations, conspiracy theories, and then some short fat Belgian reveals that the real killer was just someone who was upset over Assange giving them chlamydia in 2003.

If Assange was a dorky upper class playboy with a horde of tyrannical aunts and no real enemies, it would be more of a PG Wodehouse, romantic farce, instead of the Agatha Christie plot-line he's put himself in.

And let's have a look at what will probably be the next trap to look for...

GAY MARRIAGE

Oh sure, Republicans and churches oppose it, so Democrats and Hollywood people are demanding it. However....
Thanks Akkie.

That's right. You see, about 20 years ago a Republican activist who was gay, thought gay marriage was the perfect way to win over the gay vote in the long term. You see people get married, they start families, buy homes, and then start voting Republican.

Gay activists were repelled by this idea, seeing it as the imposition of Republican ethics and values on their community. So the Republicans backed off, and started to oppose it, like gays in the military. Reverse psychology kicked in, and now gays are clamoring to join those Republican bastions of military personnel, and the married middle class, and Democrats are fighting like cats in a sack to shove them in. None of them realizing...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check: Leaky Edition

2010-11-30T17:24:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings....

Sorry I've been so lazy with posting lately, but to be blunt I have an intergalactic empire, and you people are apparently getting dumber. So I'm here to cash a reality check for you, this one about....

WIKILEAKS

I just saw that an arrest warrant was issued for Julian Assange the accused rapist and admitted leaker of classified documents for the enjoyment of terrorists and the dictators who love them.

I once was faced with a similar dilemma. Many years ago I was fighting a war against an insectoid race called the Zzz'Ach. The Zzz'Ach thought that all the other sentient races of the Universe existed to be their buffet, and steadfastly refused to live in peace with their neighbours. Naturally a very nasty war broke out requiring the reconquest of the entire Omaxian 3-123 Galaxy.

This chap named Grox thought I was being prejudiced against insectoid races, even though seventy-five thousand sentient insect species call my empire home as full citizens. He talked a low level clerk named Murg into leaking some of my war-plans and published them for all the Universe, including the Zzz'Ach to see.

I had Murg executed after a court martial and immediately issued a warrant for Grox's arrest. I can even quote the entire thing for you here, my warrant said: "Bring me his head."

Now I'm not a harsh man, I didn't order his murder. My android police simply detached his head from his body, plugged into into a life support sphere, and brought it to me. He's still around, in fact, we go bowling regularly. He doesn't seem to like bowling though.

Julian Assange and his minion Bradley Manning have openly declared themselves enemies of Western Civilization. That means that they are too be treated the same as the terrorists, dictators and pirates they seem to admire so much. I'm thinking Gitmo, military trial as enemy combatants, and then summary execution.

Or, the Americans could just use that death ray I left behind at Area 51 and melt him like a Nazi at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark during one of his press conferences. I know you have it. Just because I was drunk doesn't mean I'm forgetful.

If someone told Obama that Assange supported the Arizona immigration law he'd whip that thing out himself faster than he can spend a trillion dollars.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check: Cause Or An Excuse?

2010-10-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I just got back from a trip hunting Trivolian Snarkpuds when I heard that Juan Williams had been fired from his post as a news analyst on NPR.
Yep, someone was able to fire that face. Of course as soon as I heard the news I asked why was he fired, and when I got the answer I was gobsmacked.

Apparently he was fired for offering his opinion.

Now I know that you Earthlings are a relatively primitive, savage, and fairly dim species as a whole, but I think even you know that it's the job of a news analyst to look at the news, analyze that news, and then offer their opinion.

But according to this woman...

Vivian Schiller

Offering opinions is not the job of an opinion giving analyst.

Really?

Of course that wasn't their first story. Frau Schiller She-Wolf of the NPR said that his admission to Bill O'Reilly that seeing openly Muslim men on airplanes made him nervous. He then went on to say how bad that made him feel and how wrong it is to be prejudiced and to deny anyone their constitutional rights... so on and so forth.

Next thing old Don Juan Williams knew, he was out at NPR, first for being a bigot, but when that seemed too silly, it was that whole giving an opinion foolishness.

Now mind you, if Juan said that seeing a Baptist minister and his family on a plane making him nervous he'd probably be promoted, but saying that about Muslims is a no no, because, well, the powers that be in NPR's little pocket dimension say so.

Of course it's not Juan Williams' alleged bigotry that the source of those jittery nerves but rather the bigotry of--

Guys like this
who apparently number in the hundreds of thousands around the world and do things like

this.

No amount of even NPR brand irrationality could justify classifying Juan Williams' statement as racist, or, as Frau Schiller has stated, something only to be shared with a psychiatrist. It also can't make anyone choke down the 'you can't give an opinion because you're an opinion journalist' story either.

No, all the blather spewing from the gaping maw of NPR is just that blather. There are not causes, but excuses.

You see Juan Williams has cause to feel the way he does, NPR is just hunting for an excuse to get rid of him.

Now why would they want to get rid of him?

I mean he is a flaming liberal, he supports the Democratic Party and its screwy platform, as well as most of the politically correct shibboleths that a taxpayer/Soros supported NPR on-air personality is supposed to believe.

The problem is that he was honest about his opinions. He debated his opinions on Fox News openly, and from a place of sincere belief. He also showed the integrity to discuss the opinions of others as just differing from his own, and not as the root of all that evil in the universe.

In other words, he showed too much honesty and integrity for NPR's liking and he did it in the court of crimson king himself Roger Ailes of Fox News.

It's time for the taxpayer to stop having their money pissed away on sinecures for political hacks like Frau Schiller, Nina Totenberg, and that paragon of pseudo-journalistic whoring the late and nowhere near great Daniel Schorr.

That put a target on his head, because the last thing the gauleiters of NPR believe is honest debate based on honest beliefs. NPR stands for using taxpayer dollars to promote and maintain the power of the extreme left-wing of the Democratic Party, and there's no room for any honesty and integrity in that stance.

It's good to see Roger Ailes swoop in to save the day, and offer Juan a full time job. Because while you may not agree with his beliefs, he really does believe them, and is willing to debate them, and not scream racism and stomp off like one of the petulant brats on The View.

Xran Xplains: President Obama VS The US Chamber of Commerce

2010-10-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

Howdy Earthlings!

It's your favorite alien space pirate Xran the Fleshrender here, and once again it has fallen on me to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple.

Today it is my duty to explain why President Barack Obama and his administration has declared war on the US Chamber of commerce:

THIS IS
THE US CHAMBER
OF COMMERCE

Its job is to represent the interests of both
BIG BUSINESSES
&
SMALL BUSINESSES
That means making public statements
in support of
PRO-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
& not
ANTI-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
like
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
& HIS CRONIES
are all
MILITANTLY ANTI-BUSINESS
unless you're a businessman named
GEORGE SOROS
(I'll get back to that in a bit)

That means they don't like the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
& sent out top ~~catamite~~ minion
DAVID AXELROD
to accuse the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
of illegally using money from
WALL STREET FAT CATS
&
SINISTER FOREIGNERS
under the direction of
KARL ROVE
to
STEAL DEMOCRACY

Naturally
DAVID AXELROD
has no
EVIDENCE
of any of this but
DAVID AXELROD
believes that the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
must
PROVE THEY'RE
NOT GUILTY
by
RELEASING THE NAMES
OF ALL OF THEIR DONORS

So those same donors can be
AUDITED
by the
IRS
SUED
by groups like
MOVE ON.ORG
&
CRIMINALLY PROSECUTED
by
US ATTORNEY GENERAL
ERIC HOLDER

Who thinks
VOTER INTIMIDATION
is fine and dandy
but
FREE SPEECH
IS NOT

This is to make people too scared to vote
for anyone but
DEMOCRATS
ever again and to hell with the
CONSTITUTION

It also acts as a
DIVERSION
from the people who give money to
DEMOCRATS
because they include real
WALL STREET FAT CATS
BILLIONAIRE SPECULATORS
& REAL FOREIGN CRIMINALS.

I hope that clears things up for you.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

2010-10-07T09:25:00.001-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since I dipped my big blue toe into the pool of douchebaggery known as Earthling political life, so I think it's time to do it again. Because you have a lot of douchebags running around who really need to know that they are douchebags.

Anyway, let's start with the small fry, and work our way up, or down, depending how you look at it.

BRANDON KIM

You don't know who this guy, but he posts stuff on the IFC website. I say stuff instead of articles or blog posts because those things require thought, and poor little Brandon isn't too good at that. The bit of pseudo-intellectual effluvia that elevates him to the level of douchebag involves a piece he wrote about Velvet Underground drummer Mo Tucker and how he described her recent activities, saying that: "This is one of the farthest falls from cool in music history."

What did Mo Tucker do that was so uncool?

She participated in a Tea Party rally.

Think about that for a second.

Apparently Mr. Kim thinks that someone not wanting the government to control every aspect of human life is uncool.

But let's forget that for a second, and let's look at how dumb and divorced from reality Mr. Kim really is.

Imagine yourself a dyed in the wool Democrat who thinks the sun shines out of Barack Obama's back passage. Can you honestly think that Mo Tucker attending a Tea Party is the farthest fall from cool in rock history in a universe where Gary Glitter exists.

True, Gary Glitter never really was particularly cool, and never near the level of the Velvet Underground, but we are talking about pedophilia here, which puts him way deeper negative zone of uncool than any rational person may feel over a mere political disagreement.

Mo Tucker is doing what people like Mr. Kim usually fail to do, stick by her own beliefs of individual responsibility and individual liberty. Maybe Mr. Kim should polish his hipster-douchebag pseudo-nerd glasses, and maybe then he can see some of the real world for a change.

10:10 & RICHARD CURTIS

This is a story about a real drastic fall from cool.

10:10 is an environment group that wants everyone to cut their carbon emissions by 10% in what's left of 2010. They commissioned Richard Curtis to make a video for them pushing their message.

This is what Curtis shat out of his brain hole:

Curtis peaked on shows like Blackadder, and Mr. Bean, and films like 4 Weddings & A Funeral, only to fizzle out with increasingly bland and forgettable romantic comedies. So, in desperation, he tries to regain his long dulled edge by making this video, only to have it backfire badly for both him and the group 10:10.

Why?

Because the message of the video is "CONFORM TO OUR AGENDA, OR BE GRUESOMELY MURDERED."

It shows just how out of touch both Curtis and 10:10 is. They think that somehow the "rightness" of their cause justifies threatening people's lives as long as the cheekily say: "No pressure," before pressing the murder button.

Mo Tucker stood for being a free individual, Curtis stands for everyone who doesn't have a home in Notting Hill and two "country retreats" to blindly obey the orders of their limo-liberal betters or die if they dare resist.

No pressure.

Asshole.

ED SCHULTZ

The MSNBC pundit and liberal talk radio host declared that he could match Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor Rally with his 1 Nation Rally. Well, let's look at the pictures...

Here's Ed's rally.
Here's the Restoring Honor Rally.
Hmmm.... I don't really see much of a match. In fact, I see the Restoring Honor crowd dwarfing the 1 Nation crowd by a massive margin. Plus, the Restoring Honor people didn't litter the living hell out of the joint like Ed Schultz and his people.

Of course, Schultz is going around crowing that his was a bigger crowd, only serving to show just how bias can so easily slip into the realm of delusion.

GLORIA ALLRED

What can be said about Gloria Allred that hasn't already been said? Some are saying that she's violating her oaths as an attorney by putting her client in legal jeopardy with her little "October Surprise" against Meg Whitman the Republican candidate for governor of California.

But that ex-housekeeper isn't her real client. Allred's real client is Jerry Brown the Democratic candidate. Allred doesn't give a rat's ass about the woman, and how all this attention and exposure will probably get her jailed for using false papers to dupe her employers and then deported. That will all happen long after the election, and by that time, Allred will be long gone, having returned to her usual practice of scrounging for scraps off the courthouse steps.

I'd ask if she had any decency or shame, but we all know the answer to that. Which brings us to Ms. Allred's real client:

JERRY "MOONBEAM" BROWN

This man is the embodiment of everything wrong with the Democratic Party. He's the heir of a political family, has never had any meaningful employment outside of running and holding elected offices, and yet despite decades of alleged "public service" the only accomplishment anyone can remember is that he boned Linda Ronstadt before she got fat and crazy.

He believes that elected office is his entitlement, granted to him by birth and the Democratic Party, and that there is nothing he or his proxies won't do or say to get and hold those offices.

Maybe he should consider getting a real job for once in his life. Then he might develop some common sense, and enough testicular fortitude to shovel his own shit instead of getting minions like Allred to do it for him.

Remember folks, if you find yourself on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check Time!: Court Jester Edition

2010-10-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthling...

Sorry I've been away for so long, but it's busy out here in my empire, otherwise known as the REST OF THE UNIVERSE, but I'm here to dispense my own brand of brutal reality checks. Today its all about:

JON STEWART & STEPHEN COLBERT

They made their names claiming to be rebel jesters who "spoke truth to power" and other such utterly meaningless bullshit, but now their true colors are showing.

They are not rebels, they don't speak truth to power, they simper and suck up to power as long as the people in power share their personal prejudices.

Think about these two questions:

A. Why was Stephen Colbert asked to testify at a hearing about illegal immigration, and to do it "in character" as a faux-conservative blowhard pundit? Why is Jon Stewart trying to put together what is essentially an anti-Tea Party rally in Washington?

B. Why do Colbert and Stewart agree to do these things?

Answers:

A. Colbert's character is how the left defines conservative pundits like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. If you ask most leftist to talk about those pundits they'll usually call them ignorant, bigoted, and constantly lying, but ask for anything specific, and they'll cite something Colbert said or did while "pretending" to be one. The Democrats want to make the rest of America think of Colbert and his antics whenever any real conservative pundit is mentioned, so they called him in.

Stewart's job is to dominate the media coverage with anti-Tea Party rhetoric as an election that could prove devastating to the Democratic Party approaches. He is also to create the illusion that the American people like having their health care, jobs, and everything else controlled by Washington bureaucrats in the hope that it will sway undecided voters.

B. Colbert and Stewart agreed to do these things because his ass is owned by three powerful forces:

1) The Viacom-Paramount-Comedy Central Axis.
2) The Elite Critics.
3) Entertainment community.

It's a simple fact that while the audience size for their shows are good for cable, aren't all that great compared to the Fox News juggernaut. That means that in order to keep their cushy hosting jobs, justify their high salaries, and keep other gigs coming they need to appease those three masters, and here's how:

While Stewart, Colbert, and the rest of the mainstream lap-dog media scream in horrified outrage that Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation donated to a Republican organization, the VPCC Axis, its dominant shareholder nonagenarian plutocrat billionaire Sumner Redstone, most of his senior staff, and on-air talent donate money, fund-raise, and actively campaign for Democratic Party candidates and causes.

The same is true of the elite critics and awards nominating voters in the entertainment community who grant respectability and labels of "genius" to guys who need twenty full time writers to sound glib and off the cuff. Anyone else with the same ratings would either be canceled or just considered minor players in the comedy scene, but with the critics and the rest of the media community singing their praises constantly, they are boxing in both prestige and salary beyond their weight class.

Now some may say things like: "Oh, they make jokes about Obama now, so they're all right." But that's a little off topic. They are only doing that in order to save what little integrity they have left with an increasingly dissatisfied audience, but otherwise have to dance to their master's tune. It's just that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

ANSWER TIME! ANSWER TIME!

2010-09-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I gave you a couple of weeks to post your questions, and only got one person, Chris in NC, asking a whole lot of questions. So the others got pissy and left me to answer them alone.

They're all bastards. I think I'll orbit-bomb their houses for kicks tonight.

Anyway, let's get this over with:

ok, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And would Obama's govt let it?

A woodchuck is actually really poor at chucking wood, and even worse at catching it. Which is also very messy. Obama would let them try, but then pile on so many taxes and regulations the woodchucks would give up, and go chuck wood in India.

Will Al Gore come to justice for his perpetual fraud on climate change?

No.

People on the left are rarely punished for their crimes. Blow up a few buildings, shoot some cops, and tell the powers that be that you did it in the name of the environment, communism, social justice, and you'll get a job teaching at a university.

Al Gore will pocket his ill gotten millions, spend them on houses and trophy wives and say "Who me?" when the next nut-bar decides to shoot up the Discovery Channel in his name.

Do you think a third party could win in 2012?

No.

Too many nuts in the third party chocolate bar. However, the Republican Party can be reformed into a whole new party, which is something the Democrats can never do.

This is because the trend in the Republican party is that the rank and file are demanding certain standards, and are not scared of bouncing incumbents that don't meet those standards now thanks to the Tea Party movement. Democrat voters will vote Democrat no matter who they are running because they don't care about standards, they only care about what they can get out of the deal. They'll elect a dehydrated turd on a stick to congress if it promises them some new entitlements.

And, ya know, it's been way too long for a Billie Piper pic! Got a good one?

Just a little one.

How long does it take dear Overlord to puree the 20 humans for his favorite drink? And would he mind going to DC and making several servings while visiting congress?

I had to lay off the Soylent Green, you humans are too fatty, and that Argentinian soccer team smoothie went straight to my ass.

Now that Sarah Palin has re-established herself as a kingmaker, do you think she'll run for POTUS or stay on the sidelines and help the candidate?

Actually, I don't think she should run.

I think her real best spot would be the Red State Oprah, and I suspect Rupert Murdoch thinks so to.

Since it's the end of summer and I'm the only questioner, how about a Billie Piper collage!

Now you're getting greedy. So I suggest showing some appreciation for the new companion Amy Pond played by the downright delicious Karen Gillan.
And I mean 'delicious' in a purely sexual, and not Soylent Green, kind of way.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you... and Karen Gillan.

Random Rambling Reality Checks...

2010-08-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Time to cash some reality checks... let's get started...

1. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants a federal investigation to find out who is behind the funding of the opposition to the Ground Zero Islamist Victory Mosque & Handball Court. She is pretty certain that there is a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen behind such opposition.

Why?

Because she's a Democrat, and everything they support or propose is the product of a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen. Think health care reform, and you have a cabal of pharmaceutical and insurance companies looking to bloat themselves off the taxpayer's teat. Think Global Warming/Cap & Trade, and you have any number of schemes for everything from carbon credits to bogus 'green jobs' all needing fat government subsidies doling out cash to the already wealthy. It goes on and on.

Even the anti-war movement had financial connections to shady businessmen enriching themselves from violating the Saddam era sanctions.

When Nancy Pelosi sees someone criticizing what they support, they automatically assume that it's the product of the exact same machinations that run their own party.

So Pot, meet Kettle.

2. A common analogy in the Ground Zero Victory Mosque & International House of Falafel debate is that it's like building a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito in Pearl Harbor.

Well, there's a little more to that.

It's exactly like a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito built in Pearl Harbor in 1943. Remember, they may have pulled out of direct combat in Iraq, but radical Islamists are still killing, trying to kill, or plotting to kill people all over your wretched little blue-green rock as punishment for the crime of being different from them.

So, when they start crying racism and 'Islamophobia' it's another case of pot meeting kettle.

3. We at the MoxArgon Group are looking for questions. So if you need answers, then come to us and we'll cram them in your brain. So leave them in the comments.

Reality Check: On Mosques

2010-08-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

There's a lot of chatter going on about the proposed Islamic Mosque/Community Center that a group wants to build pretty much adjacent to the site of the 9/11/2001 attack.

This issues calls for a reality check so let's look at the reasons why and why not.

Here is the main argument for building the mosque at Ground Zero used by its supporters:

1. If you don't love the mosque you're a dirty racist.

Here are the reasons why it shouldn't be built.

1. Feisal Abdul Rauf, the Imam in the forefront of the project. He claims to be a moderate Muslim, who sort of kind of maybe condemned the 9/11 attack, but said America probably did something to deserve it anyway, and he also claims to be unable to tell Hamas from a hole in the ground.

2. We know very little about the backers of this project. Only that they wield a lot of money, and scream racism whenever anyone asks any questions about them or their sources of capital. Let's not forget The Holy Land Foundation, an Islamic charity with a similar opaque structure that was up to its neck in terrorist financing. I know it seems unfair to target organizations promoting one specific religion for such scrutiny, but right now the Presbyterian and Buddhist charities aren't paying for terrorism and propaganda that promotes it.

3. In Islamic tradition the main reason for building a mosque on the site of an Islam inspired mass murder is not to built links between communities, or pray for the souls of the lost. It's to assert a message of Islamic victory and supremacy, no doubt to be used in Al Qaida propaganda looming over the wreckage of the Twin Towers.

4. They named the project as a reminder of Islamic rule of the Spanish city of Cordoba, claiming it marks a time of goodwill, tolerance, and brotherhood. Cordoba did have that, for a little while, but a few decades are used to whitewash centuries of oppression, intolerance, and brutality.

5. The builders of this project claim that Greg Gutfeld's plan to build a Muslim friendly gay bar next door doesn't take into their account Muslim sensibilities. What does that tell you about the people behind this project? It shows that their sensibilities are the only ones that matter, because they don't give a rat's ass about the sensibilities of New Yorkers who lost 3,000 of their friends and neighbors in the name of Islam.

6. Speaking of sensibilities, Muslim sensibilities generally forbid the building of ANY buildings for servicing any religion other than Islam. If they predate Islamic conquest, then under the dhimmi laws they cannot be expanded, or in many cases maintained, in any way because that's seen as an insult to Islam. These buildings, and the people who worship in them are also regularly subjected to vandalism, harassment, and even violence in the name of preserving Islam's honor.

And yet if you don't like the Ground Zero Mosque, then YOU are the bigot.

They are free to build mosques, that is their right in a free, non-Islamic society, but they are not free to play nasty politically correct games to tear down the society that allows them the freedom they are currently enjoying.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Knees Jerking

2010-07-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry we've been so lazy posting lately. But it looks like we have another question, at least I think it's another question:

trent reker said...nice. we're all about superior cultures that can't spell or punctuate in the language they choose to use for their world domination scheme. are you sure you didn't get a spaceship from spacedad and take off for a weekend to see how many free drinks you could get in vegas?

And I should take lessons in Earthling grammar from someone who apparently doesn't believe in capital letters?

I could say that any grammatical errors I may have made come from Earthling English being my 6 billionth language, but those who have been with this blog since the beginning have noticed a marked improvement in the translating. So I'll just put your comment in the old circular file marked "Troll Scraps," and get down to business.

__________________

1. There's a whole lot of talk going on about the Shirley Sherrod, the rural affairs bureaucrat who had some comments from a speech sent, out of context, to internet media mogul Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart posted them, the White House went bug-shit, fired Sherrod, found out the full story, then rehired her, slandered Breitbart & Fox News for reporting the story.

Now as an intergalactic ruler, things being taken out of context by speakers happen all the time, but my minions always investigate the claims before firing anyone. It's just cheaper than all the other rigmarole, so why didn't the White House do it?

Because it was so believable.

Remember, this is the same White House that tried to get Van Jones, a self-proclaimed Marxist Truther as their "Green Jobs Czar."

The same White House whose partisan minions in the NAACP decided to forgo the real issues facing African Americans, like black on black violent crime, high rates of family disintegration, and crumbling public education systems, to brand the Tea Party movement racist.

The same White House that appointed AG Eric Holder, whose Justice Department decided that justice doesn't include stopping nut-bar racist New Black Panther Party thugs from threatening voters even after they've been convicted.

The list goes on, and on, and on. Which makes you wonder how they managed to cram in so much hypocrisy in less than two years in office. So you can understand why the Obama administration moved so quickly and clumsily to fire her without even investigating the allegations.

The cherry on top of this whole issue was when Shirley Sherrod went on TV and proved Breitbart right after all when she accused him of wanting to take America back to slavery.

_____________

2. Journolist was a by-invitation-only private e-mail thingy where liberal leaning journalists, intellectuals (I use that term loosely) and like minded semi-thinkers could share recipes for organic home-made granola cookies, bury stories about Obama and his racist Pastor, plot to destroy Sarah Palin, conspiracies to slander government critics as racist, and violent Rush Limbaugh death fantasies.

Why are people surprised?

Look at what liberal talk radio host Mike Malloy says in public:

Murdoch is a Nazi; Murdoch is a Nazi! And everyone that works for him is a potential murderer! Do you not -- do you not get that? Why does anybody in this administration pay any attention whatsoever to anything these people say? They shouldn't be listened to; they should be dragged into the street and pummeled! And I'd be very happy to be the first person to do it.

And we expect them to be any more polite when they're among their own brain-dead, morally bankrupt, fascistic kind?

Despite their claims of love of civil liberties, free speech, and other constitutional rights, the Leftist Mind is, at its core, a fascistic mind that sees the world in hard Manichean terms. They are so certain that they are correct in every way, those who may differ from them are not only wrong, they are actively evil and in the pay of some sinister force bent on world destruction.

Well as a sinister force bent on world destruction, I can tell you that I ain't paying anyone on your puny little planet.

This is the same profession that honors the recently deceased Daniel Schorr, who outlived his journalistic integrity by about 60 years. They tend to gloss over that he was a partisan hack, who deliberately fabricated a story on the CBS National News that claimed Republican presidential candidate Barry Goldwater was going to Germany to a secret Neo-Nazi conference to get his orders on destroying America.

The simple fact that he wasn't tarred, feathered, and run out of the profession of journalism, but instead given a cushy spot as a grey eminence suckling on the taxpayer subsidized teat of National Public Radio illustrates the state of the media today.

Journalism is dying, because journalism killed itself when it shifted from at least being open about their biases, to claiming their biases were in fact objective reality and the sum of all morality. All it cares about is getting and keeping power for its political masters, nothing more, and truth has nothing to do with it.

People want opinion presented by pundits, not reporters, and are fleeing the old media in droves because they know that they are not getting the truth, or any discussion about what might be true. They are not reporters, they are whores, and you don't get your news from whores.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Questions & Answers!

2010-07-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

MOXARGON- Greeting puny Earthlings. Welcome to another long awaited edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP. You have questions, and we have the answers. I'm joined by our regulars Xran the Fleshrender, Android CAI/7, Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, and Varos Quasar. Good to have you all here. Let's skip the formalities, and leap right into the first question.

Mark in VA asked... Why are you demanding intergalactic media silence on the Blagojevich trial? Is Lindsey Lohan's trial really more newsworthy?

XRAN- I think I can answer that one.

MOXARGON- Go right ahead old chum.

XRAN- There isn't intergalactic media silence on the trial of disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. That media blackout is strictly an Earth only affair. No one here ordered any blocking of the coverage of his ongoing legal problems.

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 can you tell him the reason why? I'm trying to spread it around today and give everyone a chance to talk.

ANDROID CAI/7- The reason is quite simple--

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!!

MOXARGON- What?

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!

VAROS- It's a Republican Nazi witch hunt of an innocent man with incredible hair!!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. What the hell are you saying, and why is Varos joining you?

SNOTGLOB- I believe he's innocent.

TEKTAK- Why do you believe that?

SNOTGLOB- He's a Democrat. Chicago Democrats are the purest politicians the universe has ever seen.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think Snotglob's extreme illogic has actually answered the question.

MOXARGON- That the mainstream media is ignoring Blagojevich's trial because it may embarrass their masters in the Democratic Party and their billionaire backers?

ANDROID CAI/7- More or less, yes.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Blackhawk12151 asked... It is well known that America has problems with illegal aliens and border security. Are there any similar problems being dealt with by MoxArgon? Some pesky aliens planet hoping without the proper documentation?

MOXARGON- Since this is about my government, I guess I can answer it. In my empire citizens are free to go to whatever planet they wish to live on. Now I must state that none of the planets in my empire are run by governments as corrupt, incompetent, and just plain shit-heeled as the government of Mexico. Planets that are as badly run as Mexico, aren't part of my empire, and incapable of space travel.

XRAN- But there is immigration though?

MOXARGON- Oh, yes, lots. We're always terraforming new planets and allowing people to colonize them. It's a great way to ease the pressure on overpopulated planets, and grow the overall intergalactic economy. As for documentation, it's impossible to travel without it considering we implant such documentation into your DNA. If you don't have your papers, then you're missing all of your cells. Even our androids have some organic parts that contain their identification codes. Next question:

Damian G. asked... Given that the fauna of alien worlds is decidedly different from that of Earth, what would be your home planets' equivalents of a "Mama Grizzly"?

XRAN- Don't go there.

MOXARGON- I'm going there.

XRAN- Damn it.

MOXARGON- My home planet's equivalent of a "Mama Grizzly" is called Nestarrax. Otherwise known as the second ex-missus Xran.

XRAN- Douche.

MOXARGON- Keep your questions coming folks. Ask us about policy, the oil spill, or anything else you can think of. We'll answer them, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP

2010-07-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

We here at the MoxArgon Group have been a tad light and loose with the blogging lately. Probably because there is just so much to complain about and explain to you lesser mortals, we just don't know where to start.

So we're going to let you tell us where to start!

It's time for

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP!

If you have a question about any aspect of your planet's politics, policies, and poltroons, then leave them in the comments.

All we ask is that you leave a name for us to call you, but aside from that ask early and ask often.

So get asking. Don't make me come down there.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Douchebags of Week!

2010-06-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry for the light posting, it's been sort of busy in the empire lately, but I thought I'd take a moment to remind you about the sheer level of douchebaggery that keeps happening on your wretched little rock of a planet.

So let's go in no particular order...

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA: There are literally too many examples of bias to mention, from their constant use of the word "brilliant" to describe every time Barack Obama farts, to deliberately leaving out important facts. Recent Senator Robert Byrd slipped the surly bonds of Earth, rung down the curtain, and joined the jug band invisible, and they are already forgetting that he once held a leadership position in the Ku Klux Klan.

Former Democrat turned Republican Strom Thurmond died, and they rushed to brand him the eternal segregationist despite his later change in position on that issue. Byrd on the other hand was a leader and recruiter for what can only be described as a racially motivated domestic terrorist group. Of course Byrd stayed a Democrat, so to the media, that makes it all a-okay.

I know you Earthlings have a thing about speaking ill of the dead, but one shouldn't lie about them either.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: He's become a regular on this feature, for continued douchebaggery ranging from delaying action on the BP oil spill to please his union masters, and playing around with people's lives and livelihoods with the offshore drilling ban in order to please his billionaire masters who are invested in Brasilian oil and want those Gulf oil rigs. And let us not forget the kissing up to enemies, the pissing on allies, and all the other stuff he does on a regular basis to completely cripple the nation.

BP: I guess when this company went "Beyond Petroleum" they also went beyond basic safety considerations. They honestly believed that being behind such boondoggles in the making like "cap and trade" would somehow protect them from fundamentally failing at the one thing they are supposed to be good at, which is extracting oil from the ground, and delivering it without creating some sort of massive environmental and economic disaster.

Remember, if you're on this list then you....

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Helen Thomas & Everything That's Wrong

2010-06-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

This past week saw the retirement of Helen Thomas from her place of ~~dis~~honor in the front row of the Washington Press Corps after she suggested that Israelis give up their 3000+ years of history, hand over their nation to people who enjoy blowing up schools, and return to Europe where 6 million of their number were slaughtered during the 1940s.

Her forced retirement came just months shy of her 90th birthday, and about 25 years too late.

Her entire career was a classic illustration of everything that's wrong with the mainstream media. As I write this many of the media's chattering classes are talking about her great accomplishments as the doyenne of the chattering class.

And here is a list of greatest journalistic accomplishments:

1. She showed up.

2. She stayed.

Yes, she broke the mold by being the first woman to join the White House ~~drinking club~~ press corps. But if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else, it was an inevitability, and after breaking that mold, Helen Thomas got moldy very quickly.

For those of you who don't believe me just answer these two questions:

1. What big "scoops" did she dig up in her career?

2. When was the last time you read one of her "columns" and said: "Damn, she's brilliant?"

The answers are 1. None, and 2. Never.

Because you don't get scoops when you're the White House correspondent. All you do is regurgitate what the Press Secretary tells you, and write about what you heard, layering on as much spin as you can get away with.

Reporters like the position because it gives them instant daily national exposure, but realize that it's a very limited position, because you really can't break news the way you can in other positions. So most journalists, the real ones, move on when they've done their turn in order to grow their careers.

Helen Thomas at least had the foresight to know her limitations as just a biased hack, and once she had the "showing up" part done, she stayed, using her gender and age to get away with her hackery, her bias, and her blatant hatred of Jews, Republicans, Israel, democratic countries, and anything else that she disagrees with that manages to poke through the layers of cobwebs in her senility addled brain.

Since she was "The First," had seniority, and expressed openly the prejudices most media mavens had to hide under layers of baffle-gab, she was honored, feted, and glorified waaay beyond her ability, intelligence, or integrity. It helped her get a contract with Hearst newspapers that Hearst instantly regretted, running only a handful of her least incoherent columns, and binning the rest.

Helen Thomas sat in the front seat of that press room like a pimple on the ass of progress. Sore, unpleasant, and full of some really nasty stuff.

Then she finally went too far, ripped off the mask, and showed the world the pseudo intellectual pus that filled her head.

Now she's gone, and the White House is going to have to find another long-in-the-tooth, anti-Semitic, incoherent, yahoo to fill that precious front row seat.

It won't be hard, there are a lot of jokers in the media deck.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Hey Joe!

2010-06-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

We've got a big scoop that's exclusive to this blog. You've probably heard that author Joe McGinnis has literally moved into a house that's 15 feet from Sara Palin's in Wasilla, Alaska while he writes a book about her. Well, we here at the MoxArgon Group have obtained a page from his personal diary for Monday, May 31, 2010, so we can look into what he's really up to there:

JOE MCGINNISS' DIARY
MAY 31, 2010

12:00-1:00 AM- The lights are off at the Palin house. They want me to think they're asleep, but I know they're not. They're in there and they're wide awake and plotting the takeover of America through those useless evil voters.

-Willow's curtains are still drawn.

What is she hiding?

1:00-2:00 AM- Something's rooting through my garbage. It's cleverly disguised as a raccoon, but I know what it's real game is. THAT'S RIGHT YOU NAZI PIG! I'M ON TO YOU!!

2:00-3:00 AM- Feeling sleepy. But I can't drop my guard. They derive their power from darkness and it's up to guardians of the truth like me to expose thefgdsgjsshdhsgjvbm

3:00-4:00 AM-

4:00-5:00 AM-

5:00-6:00 AM- Damn. They must have drugged me somehow. My head hurts and someone emptied my bottle of gin.

-Willow's bedroom curtain still closed. She must be up to something. Possibly organizing Hitler Youth meetings in secret.

6:00-7:00 AM- Masturbated to photo of Tina Fey. It's just not the same.

7:00-8:00 AM- Breakfast: Bowl of Cap'n Crunch, 2% milk, strong black coffee. Milk was past due. Karl Rove must have made that happen so I'd end up puking in bathroom and miss their latest Nazi conspiracies in action.

-Willow's curtain still closed. She's a sneaky one.

8:00-9:00 AM- Family is leaving house. My parabolic mic is only picking up snippets of conversation. They are talking about something called "mu-mor eeyalday." Must be some sort of code to signify a Nazi related event. Must include that in book.

9:00-10:00 AM- Masturbated to photo of Helen Thomas. Memories of that hot night in DC bounce around in my brain. Focus Joe! FOCUS!

10:00-11:00 AM- About to engage in recon mission in enemy territory. If I don't come back, tell my story!

I can hear some sort of marching music coming from town. Must be some sort of Nuremberg style Nazi rally that they were speaking in code about earlier.

11:00 AM- 12:00 PM- Back from recon, injured. A vicious dog attacked me while I was lowering myself into the Palin family laundry room. My Gap khakis were ripped on one leg, and I only narrowly escaped. Unable to obtain ~~panties~~ research material on this mission.

12:00-1:00 PM- There's a moose in my backyard. At least it wants me to think it's a moose. I'M ON TO YOU TEABAGGING NAZI BASTARDS!

There's a strange smell wafting in from town. It smells like some sort of large communal barbecue, but I suspect it's some sort of nerve gas experiment designed to target ethnic minorities. These people are so evil.

Ate a frozen pizza pocket for lunch. Don't dare turn on microwave, that's when they get you.

1:00-2:00 PM- Family hasn't returned yet. Masturbated to TiVo'd episodes of Rachel Maddow's MSNBC show. I wonder if she'll go out with me?

2:00-3:00 PM- Still no sign of the Palins. I know that they're watching me. The woods around Wasilla are crawling with her Brownshirt wearing zombie followers. I know their out there.

Someone put a bottle of Cutty Sark in my hand and opened it.

3:00-4:00 PM-

4:00-5:00 PM-

5:00-6:00 PM-

6:00-7:00 PM- Lost some time, and someone emptied the Cutty Sark bottle. I think Dick Cheney did it.

Surveillance monitors shows that the Palins have returned home. They appear to be preparing some sort of meal. Must discuss possibility of cannibalistic tendencies in book.

7:00-8:00 PM- Ate supper. Consisted of another frozen pizza pocket and a plastic tumbler full of vodka. Must keep up my strength.

Palin family has drawn blinds to hide their Nazi activities. I can hear the movie Wizard of Oz playing on their TV. No doubt to prevent my surveillance from hearing their conspiring.

Just realized I haven't had a bowel movement in 76 hours. Is that a bad sign? Possibly a plot by the Palin/Nazi/British Petroleum Axis to distract me. Yes, I'm onto you.

8:00-9:00 PM- Light is on in Willow's room. Still can't see through the blind. She must be up to something pretty evil. I'm assuming some sort of human sacrifice.

Took some time to masturbate to video of Nancy Pelosi. Don't worry my fearless leader, I will save you from the Palin/Nazi conspiracy.

9:00-10:00 PM- Plot to distract me with my lack of recent bowel movements has changed tack. Now I can feel something moving.

10:00-11:00 PM-

11:00 PM- 12:00 AM- Spent over an hour on toilet. Obviously a distraction to make me break my surveillance, but I won't give up. Spent time carefully folding a new hat out of tinfoil to beat their vicious Nazi brainwave machines. They won't get me.

Light is off in Willow's bedroom, but the curtains are still drawn. What is she up to?

Make note to change batteries in cameras in the morning before going to liquor store. Someone keeps draining the contents of all my bottles and leaving them all over the floor between puddles of vomit and urine.

There are no bounds to their evil.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and Joe McGinniss is watching the Palin Family.

Are You A Peace Activist?

2010-06-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

There's a lot of chatter going on about the flotilla of "peace activists" who were stopped from dropping off their boatload of supplies in Gaza so Hamas can keep spending the food money on rockets to launch at Israeli kindergartens. People in the media are calling the people on the boat "peace activists" and the Israeli military "terrorists" while the Israelis and those who support their survival are calling the boat people "terrorist supporters."

Now I like to clear up confusion, I've composed a little test to determine if you are a peace activist, a terrorist, or a person protecting innocent lives.

PEACE ACTIVIST/TERRORIST

1. You have a boat full of supplies for Gaza. You are requested by the Israeli government to dock so your cargo can be checked for weapons, and Israel offers to transport all non-military aid to be sent into Gaza. What do you do?

A) Dock and arrange for a trusted outside agency to supervise the inspection and shipment of aid supplies into Gaza.

B) Respond that you are damning all blockades and will charge into Gaza or die a martyr.

2. The Israeli military has boarded your boat to take it into port for inspection for weapons. What do you do?

A) Have a sit in and sing "We shall overcome" while the Israelis inspect your boats.

B) Assault the Israeli troops screaming "Allah akbar" with metal bars and knives, tossing them overboard, and grabbing their guns in the hope of creating a violent international incident.

3. Your peace group acted like a pack of homicidal maniacs against the Israelis, and got a lot of people killed, wounded, and arrested. What do you do?

A) Decry the violent actions of your own group and beg Israel for forgiveness in the hope that it might open doors for some sort of peaceful coexistence.

B) Call the Israelis "terrorists" and scream for bloody vengeance against the Jewish state and Jewish people in general.

If you answered "A" to these three questions you are a PEACE ACTIVIST.

If you answered "B" to these three questions you are a TERRORIST SUPPORTER.

TERRORIST/ DEFENDER

1. A flotilla of terrorist supporters and the Eurotrash activists that love them are sailing right into Gaza in violation of a security blockade. They are refusing to go into port where their supplies will be shipped after inspection, and are screaming for martyrdom. What do you do?

A) Board the vessels with lightly armed commandos in the hope that the ships can be redirected safely.

B) Blast the flotilla into splinters, and tell the world that the boats were full of explosives meant for Hamas that were accidentally set off.

2. The commandos you sent onto the ships were assaulted, their non-lethal weapons overcome, and their lethal sidearms taken. What do you do?

A) Return fire, but try to minimize casualties.

B) Leave the ships, then sink them, and machine gun anyone who tries to swim away.

3. You have captured a bunch of foreigners who participated in the assault on the Israeli commandos. What do you do?

A) Arrest them, but instead of jailing them, deport them to their home countries.

B) Toss them into a deep, dark dungeon where they are vigorously tortured for information, then executed when their usefulness is spent.

If you answered "A" to these three questions, then you are a DEFENDER trying to protect human life.

If you answered "B" to these three questions. you're probably one of the Middle Eastern dictatorships that surround Israel.

Overheard By Snotglob: We're Sorry

2010-05-20T14:58:00.001-07:00

Hello Earthlings.

It's your friend Snotglob here.

Remulak has let me post again, because I have an exclusive scoop that will enlighten you all.

The Fox News and Talk Radio fascists are going after Michael Posner the Assistant Secretary of State for Human Right etc., for apologizing to China's leader over Arizona's recent transformation into a Nazi Genocide state by demanding immigrants to produce ID when the pigs harass them.

Well, it just so happens that I heard the whole conversation. It was a telephone call between Posner and Chinese leader Hu Jintao at this meeting, and I have posted the complete transcript for you.

JINTAO: Welcome Mr. Assistant Secretary, you honor me with...

POSNER: I'm sorry, but I really have to apologize.

JINTAO: For what?

POSNER: For Arizona.

JINTAO: What about Arizona?

POSNER: Right now, as we speak, Arizona has become the greatest human rights violator the world has ever known, and as the voice of the American people I feel I must apologize for this to you, the leader of the freest and most democratic state in the world.

JINTAO: What?

POSNER: We are so very, very sorry.

JINTAO: Wait a minute. Do you know what country you're calling?

POSNER: Yes, I must apologize for Arizona's ongoing atrocity. If only America had the strong central leadership that you have here in China we'd have been able to stop it. But that damn constitution is holding us back.

JINTAO: What is Arizona doing?

POSNER: You haven't heard?

JINTAO: No. What's happening in Arizona.

POSNER: If the cops stop an illegal immigrant for a traffic violation, or for committing a crime... they... they...

JINTAO: They what?

POSNER: They ask for their ID.

JINTAO: And then they....

POSNER: Well, we assume they report them to our immigration department for deportation back to Mexico.

JINTAO: They don't shoot them and send a bill to their families for the bullet?

POSNER: No.

JINTAO: They don't torture them? Burn them alive? Rape them?

POSNER: No.

JINTAO: Then what's the big deal?

POSNER: It's the most horrible violation of human rights the world has ever seen since the fascist pigs of the Bush administration water-boarded that poor innocent man Khalid Sheikh Mohammed!

JINTAO: Okay... Now I get it. Ashton Kutcher's going to jump out from behind the fern and tell me I'm "Punk'd" or something like that?

POSNER: What are you talking about?

JINTAO: I'm talking about you talking like a crazy man.

POSNER: I see. The scale of this holocaust is just too massive for you to conceive. I understand, but you must believe.

JINTAO: Are you on some sort of medication or something?

POSNER: Please! I'm begging you! You're the moral leader of the world! You must forgive us for our crimes against humanity!

JINTAO: Do you know any history?

POSNER: I memorized everything written by Howard Zinn.

JINTAO: Sheesh, I never thought I'd have to say this...

POSNER: Oh, I'd like to also apologize for our ongoing brutal oppression of America's Muslim population.

JINTAO: Really, you finally started rounding them up, eh?

POSNER: No. It's just that we keep catching Muslims committing or trying to commit terrorist acts.. Sorry, I mean man caused disasters, and we're sorry that it might spark a racist backlash that really hasn't materialized even though Muslims have killed thousands of Americans and other westerners the world over. The government of the USA is very, very sorry for driving them to kill our citizens by buying their nation's oil, not killing Jews, and failing to sign the Kyoto Protocol.

JINTAO: Okay, I think I'm going to hang up now.

POSNER: Oh, I've offended you. I'm so sorry. So very very sorry.

JINTAO: Will you please stop apologizing! Don't you realize that my government's killed millions of people, tens of millions really, most of them for being the wrong religion or political persuasion. We've invaded Tibet, killed thousands of Tibetans, and continue to do so! What the hell is wrong with you? Arizona's policy is exponentially nicer than ours, and it's way nicer than Mexico's who regularly abuse and imprison illegal aliens from El Salvador and Honduras for merely passing through their country. What is your major malfunction that you feel you have to apologize simply because one state wants to enforce a pre-existing and very mild federal law? Why do you have to apologize for doing nothing wrong?

POSNER: Sorry I got you so mad.

CLICK-- DIAL TONE

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and I'm listening too.

In Vino Veritas

2010-05-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY BY
DRUNK GORDON BROWN
Soon To Be Ex-Prime Minister of Great Britain

Wha' are you lookin' at?

Huh!

Wha' you fancy yerself sumtin special?

Tink yer so feckin' 'ot, because you ain't run no feckin' country into the ground?

I oughtta kick yer ass....

(SOBS)

OH WHY DIDN'T YOU VOTE LABOUR?

WHY?

We did what you wanted.

We made the schools so bad and politicized your children actually get dumber as time goes by.

We made law enforcement so impotent you are now free to viciously assault each other on the streets, because the odds of the constant video surveillance being used against you is outweighed by the incompetence of our police, prosecutors and judges.

We made the once booming economy a cruel black joke with banks crashing, unemployment rising, and yahoos demanding more out of less.

We looted the treasury through our expense accounts, and lived high on the hog, the way the ruling elite should.

We made the hospitals death-traps where if you actually are lucky to get a bed in one, it's so riddled with anti-biotic resistant germs, you're chances of survival and costing us money are slim.

What more could you want?

I mean look at who is forming the next government. You've got David "Less Balls Than Thatcher" Cameron, of the Tories joining forces with Nick "Europe is Right About Everything, Even Greece" Clegg.

Talk about Tweedledum and Tweedleshitforbrains.

The Tories are so lacking in the balls department you're just going to get all the same sucky Labour policies, except this time, the BBC/Oxbridge pundits will piss on them from their ivory towers!

You dumb sods!

You're still buggered six ways from Sunday!

The only way you could have been dumber, is if you voted me back in power!

Damn, I need a feckin' drink.

Piss off!

Douchebags of Week! Greece Fire Edition!

2010-05-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

So many douchebags, so little time. Let's get started:

1. Administrators of the Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill California.

These administrators suspended a bunch of students for daring to wear shirts adorned with the American flag on Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de Mayo, which I used to think was a sandwich with extra mayonnaise, is a holiday Mexicans celebrate to honor the day when their self-inflicted backwater of a country joined the large club of nations that defeated France.

Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with the USA, but Americans acknowledge it out of the goodness of their hearts to make their brothers and sisters of Mexican descent feel part of the nation, and to chow down on Mexican cuisine.

Which begs the question: Why anyone would be offended by the flag of a nation so accommodating to a holiday of another country?

It's not like these students were wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the flag of the invader France, or even the usurper Emperor Maximilian I of Mexico, or someone even more maniacally bloodthirsty like Che Guevera. They were wearing a reminder to students of Mexican descent that they are damn lucky to not be living in Mexico.

So why the offense?

Because Cinco de Mayo has become yet another pawn in the game of identity politics, professional victimology, and the racial/nationalist games of political hacks of groups like La Raza. It is no longer a celebration of beating France, but a stick to be used to beat the United States of America into becoming Mexico North. Because we all know what a wonderful condition Mexico is in right now.

Here's a simple policy suggestion. If anyone is offended by the flag of the country they live in, then they should be moved, post-haste to the country they apparently prefer. Simple as that.

2. Greek Rioters.

Decades of bad management, corruption, and tax fraud, have turned Greece from the "sick man of Europe" to the basket case of the Western World. People are rioting, assaulting police, smashing windows, burning businesses, and even murdering poor bank employees because they want to keep getting 14 monthly paychecks instead of 12.

And let us not forget that they're letting communists and anarchists run roughshod with their permission. Try that in my empire, and you can consider yourself lucky if you only end up in the belly of a Grenarrian razorbeast. I'm all for decent pay and pensions, but Greece's situation is ridiculous, the country is going down in flames, threatening to take the rest of Europe with it, and these people don't care, just give them their bloated entitlements.

Where were the voices of reason that said: You can't do that, we can't afford it! when the unions were formulating their demands?

Where are the current voices of reason that say: Burning down Athens only do us more harm then good, as they storm through the streets?

They're definitely not in Greece, that's for sure.

Of course, this will all be repeated on an exponential scale in the USA, if the Democrats succeed with their "hope and change" agenda, but with an added soupcon of the Chinese aiming nukes at them to demand repayment of debts.

Anyway, if you are on this list, then...
Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Straight From The Horse's Mouth

2010-05-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

A SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY BY
LIBBY RALL
Spokeshuman for P.O.O.P.
Progressives Organized for Organizing Progress

Hello fellow humans.

I've been given some space here on this normally racist and fascist blog to present to you normally racist and fascist alternative media readers the reasoning behind progressive thinking, or as we prefer to call it "correct" thinking.

ARIZONA: This southwestern state has officially become over 100 times worse than Nazi Germany with their racist and fascist laws oppressing our poor undocumented sisters and brothers.

Sure, all the law really does is enact pre-existing federal laws asking local police to inquire about people's immigration status when arresting them for committing crimes, but that's not the point. The point is that we need these undocumented workers more than those awful legal immigrants so we can:

1. Suppress wages at the bottom of the economic ladder. That way we can prevent the simple economics of supply and demand from decreasing poverty, and make people believe that only the government can do it.

2. Use the politics of "cultural sensitivity" to keep these undocumented people in ethnically segregated enclaves where they are unable to learn the national language and fully participate in the political system in any way that we progressives don't directly control.

3. With these undocumented people carefully isolated to protect the wonderful culture that has done so many wonderful things with Mexico, they are then completely dependent on the beneficent state to maintain them, and will thus vote to keep the correct progressive party in power when they are given the right to vote.

Now some compare the hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants to some sort of "invasion," from a third world country. Now that's just wrong, when a technologically advanced or prosperous country sends its citizens into a poor country to make over the poor country in the image of the rich country, it's imperialism. When the citizens of a poor country pour into a rich country to remake it in the image of the poor country, it's social progress in action.

That's why Arizona is evil.

Douchebags of the Month!

2010-04-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny earthlings!

Sorry it's been so long between posts. I'm lazy, I admit, but there's been so much douchebaggery lately I just had to make a statement.

So here are the DOUCHEBAGS OF THE MONTH in no particular order.

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION For a myriad of reasons, but chiefly their ignoring of Iran's nuclear threat, and discarding America's allies in favor of their ongoing smear campaign against the Tea Party movement through proxies like--

PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON The pants-less prez put on his smart glasses to show the world just how big a tool he really is. What did he do this time? He compared the Tea Party movement to mass murdering scumbag Timothy McVeigh. I wanted to call him and ask how a movement asking for more responsible spending of taxpayer's money could be compared to a paranoid thug who got pushed over the edge by the bungling operations of Clinton's justice department, but all I could get was his secretary. She was no help because she wouldn't talk with her mouth full.

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA For continuing to play lap-dog to the current administration and playing along with their smear campaign against a growing segment of the population. And they wonder why they're all sinking and alternative outlets are thriving. Disgusting and stupid, a dangerous combination.

COMEDY CENTRAL For caving into the not-so-veiled threats of a Islamist and giving them yet another victory in their ongoing war against the right of free speech and true rebels like the makers of South Park. Comedy Central will mock Christianity and Judaism to no end, but when it comes to the people who actually do murder artists on the street they become nutless wonders. Then they go to a dinner party in Malibu and be feted as "courageous" for letting Sarah Silverman make yet another boring Jesus joke.

ABU TALHAH AL AMRIKEE For being the maker of the no-so-veiled threats against the makers of South Park and the right of free expression. At least have the cojones to admit you made a threat when you make a threat.

THE GREEN MOVEMENT For transforming from a movement aimed at curbing pollution and toxic waste into a profiteering, power mongering bastardization of all it once stood for. Thanks to Rachel Carson's misguided campaign against DDT hundreds of thousands, if not millions die from malaria every year. Scientists have whored out and destroyed their integrity in the name of "Climate Change" and politicians do everything they can to grab your money, and control your lives. Way to go Greenies, way to go.

If you find yourself on this list, then it means that...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Nukes For Thee, But Not For Me

2010-04-09T09:20:00.001-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry for the light posting lately, but I've been a very lazy overlord.

But I think it's safe to dip our toe into that cesspit known as the Leftist Mind, and this time I'm going for the nuclear option.

For decades the simplest part of American foreign policy was the country's nuclear posture. It basically said that any country, or agents of said country, that attacks the USA with nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, would get the living shit nuked out of them.

This is actually a very sound policy, and one followed by American presidents for decades. Even Jimmy Carter signed off on it. But current prez Barack Obama decides that striking back at America's foreign enemies with the biggest bottle of whoop-ass Earthlings can muster is just a little too rough and tumble for him.

His new policy is that if a country attacks the USA with biological or chemical weapons, he will have his lawyers check their paperwork to see if that country is compliant with international nuclear non-proliferation treaties. If they have their no-nuke papers filed with the proper international body, then they won't have to face the ultimate sanction, and instead have to face some sort of conventional reprisal.

To translate: Imagine an American city completely depopulated with some nasty lab-created super-germ. Everyone, and I mean hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, in that city is dead, and some have become zombies thanks to this attack. The nasty super-germ was made in a lab in a country called Shitholistand.

President Obama, faced with a city of corpses, immediately dispatches his lawyers to make sure that Shitholistan hasn't been making nukes along with their super-germs. If they're declared nuke free by the United Nations, then Obama has the option of lobbing a few conventional bombs at the country, doing nothing but kill a few token civilians deliberately put in harm's way by the Grand Poobah of Shitholistan, or he can send in troops, so they can all be exposed to Shitholistan's collection of nasty viruses and bacterium.

Pres. Obama has effectively tied America's swift right hand behind its back.

Why?

Because Pres. Obama is a leftist, and here is how leftists think.

1. Leftists believe that the USA is an imperialist power that oppresses, abuses, and has actually nuked poor innocent non-Americans for no other reason than simple racism.

In short, he thinks like Tom Hanks. I'll bet dinars to donuts that Obama is convinced that Truman OK'ed the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki because he wanted to "annihilate" the "other" for daring to be ethnically different. Completely forgetting that the Japanese of the 1940s were a 100% militarized society, hardened by decades of Asian conquests, whose soldiers fought like demons and didn't whine like pussy little Al Qaida bitches that the Yankees were mean to them on the rare instances they were captured alive. And let's not forget that Japan also started the war

2. Leftists think that if you're weak, then you will be loved.

Sure, and unicorns will frolic in green fields. You see, the Leftist sees the world as a zero-sum game. America is prosperous not because of its individual liberty and industrious population. It is prosperous because it must have taken that wealth from someone else. The same goes with strength. To the leftist America cannot create strength, it has to steal it, by bullying poor innocent people like the Iranian Mullahs.

So, by their logic, if America is weak, then the oppressed will love them, and no longer attack.

WRONG!

If America is weak, then those Obama likes to call "outliers" like Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Ill, and all the other tin-pot dictators will see it as a big fat target unwilling and unable to fight back, and they will all go for a piece.

3. The leftist doesn't believe in truth. Decades of "post-modern" intellectual nihilism has created a generation, now sitting in Washington, that thinks that there is no such thing as truth, or such "black & white" concepts like right and wrong. To them there is only opinion, and all opinion is valid, even if spat out by a delusional paranoiac hallucinating golden showers in the UN, while preparing to bring about his personal messiah by slaughtering as many people as possible.

This means that a leftist is perfectly able to decry fellow Americans as "racists," "sexists," "homophobes," and "terrorists" while completely ignoring real, and violent racist, sexist, homophobic terrorists who publicly declare their intentions and attitudes.

Those people are forgiven, or excused, because they are "oppressed" because someone from the evil imperialist West did something mean to one of their ancestors, and not because their own leadership consists of a gaggle of certifiable psychopaths.

Now I'd like to go back to the advantage of having a nuclear option.

As you know, I'm the Supreme Overlord of the Known Universe. Now that position means that a lot of little piss-pots are always trying to do something nasty to become the next alpha dog. There is one thing that keeps those piss-pots at bay.

And that is making them think you're fucking out of your fucking mind.

Making your enemies think you're crazy, and fully capable of unleashing the unspeakable upon them for looking at you cockeyed is a wonderful way of making them think twice before doing something stupid. Dictators are all the same, they'll gladly kill thousands of the innocent, but threaten to irradiate their own innards with the heat of a thousand suns, and they tend to chill out.

To do that right, you have to keep all your options open. Because someone who refuses certain ways of striking back, even when justified, is just going to get hit, again, and again.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
by attacking Pearl Harbor.

The Olbermann Report: Dissent Is The Lowest Form of Terrorism

2010-03-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

Good evening America. It's me, Keith Olbermann, America's only true voice of reason. I'm here to tell you about a wave of pure, distilled evil that is sweeping over this wretched cess-pit of a country.
I'm talking about those EVIL TEA-BAGGING FASCISTS, who are ALL, and I mean EACH & EVERY ONE OF THEM, THREATENING BRUTAL SLAUGHTER & USING VILE RACIST SLURS against the saintly politicians of the Democratic Party who are giving them the gift of government controlled health care.
These people must be stopped! The rights of free speech and free assembly must be taken away from these sociopath maniacs BEFORE MORE PEOPLE ARE SLAUGHTERED BY THESE ROAMING LYNCH MOBS OF RACIST HATRED!!
Of course I use the figure of speech "slaughtered by roaming lynch mobs of racial hatred" in the metaphorical sense, because no one has actually been hurt, let alone killed, and no one has yet to find a recording of the racist language, but that doesn't matter.
What matters is that these people are dissenting from the state. Dissent is the lowest form of terrorism known to humanity. They must know that it is a wonderful thing that the Federal government is going to seize control of their health care and make it as efficient as the DMV, or the Postal Service.
The Democrats are giving this nation a debt that will cripple it for generations to come for it's own goddamn good, and these tea bagging retards are just too... um... retarded to see it. Which is why we must suppress these Tea-Baggers who are all issuing death threats against politicians in an unprecedented wave of political violence.
Of course I use that figure of speech metaphorically. I mean a few threatening phone calls and notes, a politician's relative having car trouble, and some yelling at protest are pretty much isolated incidents, and really don't compare to the unreported violence committed by Leftists physically attacking delegates and their vehicles at the 2008 Republican convention, the shots fired at the office of Republican Representative Eric Cantor, or even the more numerous threats received by flip-flopper Bart Stupak for not supporting Obamacare. But this is MSNBC, and we're the news network where if the facts don't match our agenda, we ignore them.
So take my advice America, just shut up, accept the Democrat's unconstitutional grab of 1/6 of the nation's economy, the crippling debt, and the inevitable skyrocketing taxes. This is all part of making America equal to a truly great nation, like Belgium. Because if you dare to speak your mind....

YOU'RE AN EVIL RACIST FASCIST!

PS: Bill O'Reilly is Hitler. Goodnight.

The Leftist Mind: Pot Meet Kettle

2010-03-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

If all you watch is the mainstream media you'd think that America is being rocked with an unprecedented wave of threats against politicians, and that it's solely the work of angry right wing racist "tea-baggers" terrorizing innocent and pure Democrats who are only trying to make the world a utopia.

Excuse me, but I just have to call bullshit on this one.

Anyone with a brain will remember that the past decade was dominated with a wide variety of murder fantasies aimed at George W. Bush, his cabinet, his family, and anyone that sided with him on any issue. Major novels and even feature films were made about these fantasies.

Which brings us to a major dichotomy in the Leftist mind.

Threaten a conservative- You're a freedom fighter practicing your right to free expression.

Threaten a liberal- You're a domestic terrorist who is 100 times worse than Osama Bin Laden & Hitler combined, and all conservatives must now be associated with you for all time.

Now I personally think that those who make death threats against politicians aren't really working for a cause, they're just looking for an excuse to threaten someone, because that's where they really get their jollies. Those kind of people have no place in a serious discussion of a serious issue, and should be ignored by everyone but the police who should give them a good firm beating about the head with cricket bats.

Which brings me to the other part of this fiasco, and that's the mainstream media.

Let's look at the points:

1. Bart Stupak has been threatened for voting for Obamacare, but before his flip-flop he was being threatened for opposing Obamacare. Why weren't those threats reported?

2. Republican Rep. Eric Cantor, who opposes Obamacare, has had an actual gun fired at his campaign office. Why is that being ignored?

3. Despite the threats being performed by fringe dwelling troglodytes with brains and genitals comparable in size to lima beans, ALL CONSERVATIVES & CRITICS OF OBAMACARE are being branded as participating in these threats without trial, or evidence. Why is this slander allowed to go on?

Well there are two possible reasons:

1. Democrats are whiny little cry-babies.

2. Democrats & their media catamites want to lay the groundwork for some future oppression of the free speech rights of those who dare to criticize them. Why? Because the truth will only set them free from their jobs, and if they are to realize their dream of making America a government dependent one-party state, they have to quash any and all criticism.

Nothing quashes criticism better than branding critics as terrorists, whether they threaten anyone or not.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Let Me Explain Myself

2010-03-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

A
SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY BY
REP. BART STUPAK
(D-Mich)

Hi there everyone.

It's me, Bart Stupak, the man who sold out his vote and his pro-life ideals on Obamacare in exchange for a flimsy little executive order that's not even worth the toilet paper it was written on.

Well, I guess I should explain myself, and why I flipped on the flop of Obamacare.

I'm a Democrat.

That should explain everything, but I guess it needs a little clarification.

1. Democrats obey their masters. We could have done serious tort reform, we could have opened up the market to free-competition, and we could have created inexpensive options for cheap catastrophic health insurance. But that would have helped voters, and not helped us. Our masters are the civil attorneys looking to protect their crazy lawsuits, the insurance companies looking to us for subsidies and protection of their little monopolies, radical leftists demanding the destruction of America's economy, and hedge fund speculators looking to profit from America's economic collapse.

Voters will always vote for us because the media will tell them to vote for us, and that's because deep down, the voters are sheep. So we can just ignore them, but if we day to disobey our real masters, well, then I won't get that lobbying job I need to pay to send my family to private clinics in India for health care once America's go completely to shit.

2. Democrats love power. Let me tell you something, look at every country that has nationalized health care, then look at what political party put in that nationalized medicine, and then look how they tend to dominate the elections in those countries. It's true, and while they may get voted out from time to time, they will always come back for the majority of elections.

Why? Because voters will be dependent on the state, and through the state the party that gave it to them, and fearful of giving any real power to anyone that might cancel their goodies.

So what if it's unconstitutional?

So what if it bankrupts the country for generations to come?

So what if I sold out everything I claimed to hold dear?

I'm a Democrat, which makes me the whore of power, and that's all you need to know.

A Few Reality Checks...

2010-03-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry we've been away for a while. Xran got married (again) and the bachelor party ended with us waking up in Vegas with a wicked hangover, a missing groom, and some legal situations that took time to hush up. So we're back with a new reality check for you to cash:

HEALTH CARE REFORM: The Democrats seem obsessed with digging up every sob story about every person who ever got screwed over by an insurance company, or driven into debt by medical bills as some sort of proof that the free market has failed in the field of health care.

Except there's one problem with that little assertion:

THERE NEVER HAS BEEN A FREE MARKET IN AMERICAN HEALTH CARE

The system is regulated so that each state has specific regulations for who can operate in their state, and how they can operate. The insurance companies love this because it ensures that they can create networks of mini-monopolies, set prices at whim, and never have to worry about any real competition, because the government will actively use these regulations to block it for them.

Despite what Obama and his minions say, the opposition is not backed by some sinister insurance company cabal. The insurance companies actually support Obamacare because it protects their monopolies, gives them access to trillions in government subsidies, and has enough loopholes nestled deep within its 2000+ pages to make sure they don't have to change a damn thing about how they operate, or treat their customers.

What the insurance companies are scared of is what those pesky Tea Partiers want. I'm talking about being able to buy insurance across state lines, younger people foregoing everyday health insurance in favour of cheaper catastrophic health insurance, or the insurance companies being forced to actually compete for customers and their business.

But all Obama can do is trot out the story of the person going around with their dead sibling's dentures, because he knows, that arguing on the true merits of his seizure of 1/6 of the USA economy is a tactical blunder. There are no merits to this plan, just a lot of empty promises, and increasing debt.

The Worst Person In The World!

2010-02-24T09:27:00.000-08:00

Good evening America. Keith Olbermann here, you may know me as the MSNBC host who is slightly less manly than Rachel Maddow. I've come to this cesspool of a blog to tell you who is the
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD FOR ALL TIME!!

This person is not a third world dictator making nuclear weapons to slaughter millions of Israelis, he's not a terrorist plotting to attack this country, nor is this person a so-called "activist" engaging in widespread political corruption, social decay, and criminal activity under the guise of "social justice."

No, the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD FOR ALL TIME IS...

THE AMERICAN VOTER

That's right, the American Voter is responsible for all the problems of the planet. They start wars, impose unjust laws, watch Fox News, & above all
ARE TOO STUPID FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!
If the American Voter had the sort of brains found in people like me, or Chris Matthews, or the awe-inspiring genius of a Barack Obama, they would accept that the people in the White House, specifically Democrats, not only know better than them, but know what is best for them.
But the American Voter is by its nature a stupid creature. It elected George W. Bush twice, plunging this nation into an era of fascist darkness that only the healing touch of the great light-bringer Barack Obama can dispel.
So it's time for drastic action in order to save democracy, and take it away from those too stupid to use it properly. I'm talking about those evil racist Tea-baggers, Christians, pro-Israel Jews, and those who don't think that the same people who run the DMV, Amtrak, and the Post Office are the perfect people to run their health care.

If I knew any history, I'd say that it's time for a return of Woodrow Wilson's American Protective League, who during WWI, harassed, arrested, and detained American citizens, in blatant violation of the constitution.
But I, like most MSNBC hosts, know nothing about history, so I didn't just say that.
What needs to be done to save America, and democracy, is to eliminate partisan differences, by eliminating any political party that's racist enough to disagree with the great and glorious Obama administration.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELVES!!

Goodnight.

I'm here to help you ACORN

2010-02-23T05:49:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

It has come to my attention that ACORN, the group that backed everything from Barack Obama's political career, to underage brothels in sting videos, is breaking up as a national organization.

Actually, that's a tad inaccurate. ACORN is merely rearranging, and renaming elements of their labyrinthine corporate structure to keep on doing that thing they do. Which is to help corrupt politicians expand their power, cripple the economy, and perpetuate class and racial differences.

So I'm now going to help ACORN find a new name, one that tells more about what they do than their old name of Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now. This is because I'm the helpful sort.

C.R.A.P.
Corrupt Radicals Aiding Politicians

F.A.R.T.
Fraternal Association of Reprobate Transgressors

P.A.P.S.M.E.A.R.
Pseudo Activists Pushing Socialist Mobsters in Elections And Re-elections

T.A.R.D.
Tainted Activists Ruining Democracy

P.O.O.P.
Plutocrats Owning Opportunistic Politicians

If you have your own suggestions, then please let us know.

XRAN XPLAINS- WHY TAXING THE RICH DOESN'T WORK!

2010-02-16T14:38:00.001-08:00

Howdy Earthlings.

It's your buddy Xran here to simplify the complicated after they've been complicated by the simple!

This time I'm going to explain why TAXING THE RICH DOESN'T WORK!!

This is
PRESIDENT OBAMA
he likes to
SPEND LOTS OF MONEY
&
RACK UP AN
ENORMOUS NATIONAL DEBT

But
PRESIDENT OBAMA
says it's all going to be
OKAY
because he's going to get the money out of those
RICH FAT CATS
by making them pay their
FAIR SHARE
in
TAXES
making
AMERICA
the perfect
UTOPIA
he claims it can be

But there's a catch.
RICH FAT CATS
have
LOBBYISTS
and these very same
LOBBYISTS
write the
TAX CODE

(Did you really think your Congressmen wrote it?)

in such a way that their
RICH FAT CAT CLIENTS
pay lower rates of taxes than
SMALL BUSINESS PEOPLE
&
Let's not forget
PRESIDENT OBAMA'S
ever decreasing definition of what makes someone a
RICH FAT CAT

$250,000 a year

$200,000 a year

$150,000 a year

$100,000 a year

Pretty soon the
MIDDLE CLASS
will be the new
FAT CAT

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

The
RICH FAT CATS
also like to
HIDE THEIR MONEY
in other countries
so they don't have to pay any
AMERICAN TAXES
and deny America investment capital
WRECKING THE ECONOMY
so no matter what a simple formula is always true

WHEN TAXES GO
UP
REVENUE GOES
DOWN!

So why does
PRESIDENT OBAMA
do it?

Shouldn't he know better?

If he didn't then he won't be able to play those
CLASS WARFARE BULLSHIT GAMES
that
HIS OWNERS
like to play because it
lets them grab power.

I hope that clears things up for you.

Two Tea-Bags Down!

2010-02-12T06:10:00.000-08:00

A
SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY BY
ROGER EBERT
(Film Critic/Political Scientist)

As a critic I normally dish out the criticism instead of receiving it, but lately I've been getting it a lot.

It seems some racist crypto-fascist mongoloids that dwell around racist crypto-fascist mongoloid sites like Big Hollywood have taken offense by my referring to them as "tea-baggers" on my Twitter page.

Apparently "tea-bag" is a term used to describe a sexual act wherein the dominant partner rubs his testicles into the face of the submissive partner. While that definition does bring back fond memories of that party at Hef's, I must have forgotten at one point that "tea-bagging" was its name.

So I hereby declare that I will not refer to the racist crypto-fascist mongoloids as "tea-baggers."

Though I will continue to judge all of them by the statements of one obnoxious commenter, because I need to do that to justify my own prejudices against them.

Why am I so prejudiced against the people who prefer to be called "Tea Partiers?"

Because they DARE TO OPPOSE THE PLANS OF THEIR BETTERS!

The only three decent cities in this shit-hole of a country, New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles, have given them a President, and they must now obey his every whim and command! A President willing to do the work to transform the country into the sort of model democracy/economy that it needs to be, like California, or Greece.

Sure, many of the people attending these Tea Parties voted for Obama, and now regret their choice, because they have some sort of perverse attachment to their money, homes, and personal freedoms, but they are still racist crypto-fascist mongoloids!

Only a fascist would want the government to be smaller, and have less control over individual lives, even though every fascist state in the past were built on a foundation of big governments that have more control of individual lives... but let's ignore that bit of cognitive dissonance because I tell you to ignore it!

Tea party people are evil! Look at Sarah Palin who spoke at the Tea Party bag-fest! She wore a black bracelet with he son's name engraved on it, literally pissing on the memories of soldiers who died in service of Bush's War for Oil.

Sure, the bracelet was bronze, and only looked black because of the lighting, BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I SAID SOMETHING WAS SO!

When will you people learn, the holy trinity isn't some bit of phooey you hear about in some phony-baloney church, it's New York- Chicago- Los Angeles, we know better than you, and you should forget about your right to free speech and assembly, shut up and do what we tell you!

TWO THUMBS DOWN AMERICA!

TWO THUMBS DOWN!

Two Points To Ponder....

2010-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings, here are some points for you to ponder.

1. So, according to reports Abdulmutallab the bloomer bomber is talking.

Why is that being reported?

All the folks he's talking about, whether they're in Yemen or in Britain, have now gone to ground thanks to that little tidbit coming out.

In fact, there should have been no news about anything about him doing or saying anything. The moment he came off the plane he should have been whisked to a special facility where he would be made to talk in private.

Of course that didn't happen. Eric Holder just gave him some rights he wasn't due under any constitution, treaty, or barroom bet. Then, when this asinine move, among other asinine moves, like not consulting the national security/anti-terrorism apparatus, start coming under public scrutiny, they decide to tell the world that panty-boy is yakking up a storm.

If they got any dumber.... they'd all be Joe Biden.

2. The whole Global Warming boondoggle just keeps getting deeper. First came the schemin' e-mails with their overall theme of "lie, cheat, and crush all who ask questions," and now comes the glaciers. It seems that the IPCCCCCC's report on those pesky shrinking glaciers was based on a student's term paper, an article in a hiking magazine, and anything else that guy with the combover pulled out of his ass that day.

Which raises one question: Why is anyone shocked?

We're talking about people whose entire careers are based on the conceit of the baby boomers. That conceit being that the climate the baby boom generation knew in their childhood was not only the time when Earth was in perfect harmony, but that same climate was an unchanging constant for all of Earth's history.

Sorry, but that's what we in Outer Space call a big steaming pile of horseshit.

So why are people shocked to discover that anyone who believes that is not only not a scientist, but also a craven opportunist looking to profit through fear mongering.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Here's Some Alternatives...

2010-01-31T09:52:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It looks like President Obama has decided that pissing away hundreds of millions of dollars and endangering the lives of New Yorkers so Eric Holder could expose CIA secrets in open court, wasn't the great idea they originally thought it was. Now the POTUS is looking for alternate venues for the trial of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his catamite cronies.

Since I'm all about helping people, and Obama seems to have a thing about closing Gitmo too, I'm going to offer these alternatives, nay solutions, for this problem.

MONSTER ISLAND

It's owned by Japan, but the Japanese are willing to lease it to the US government at a very affordable price. It's secure, at least from outside threats, and no matter the outcome of the trial, civilization wins. If he's convicted their sentence is to be tossed to the monsters, if found not guilty because someone at the CIA was mean to them, then they can be safely set free to live out the rest of their (short) lives on Monster Island.

SKULL ISLAND

This is technically a sovereign nation, but I checked with the natives, and they are very willing to sign the island over to the USA, in exchange for GETTING OFF SKULL ISLAND. Once there, it's simply a matter of tossing them over the big wall that lies between the village and the jungle.

THE VALLEY OF THE GWANGI

This requires the co-operation of Mexico, but slip someone in power a few pesos, and he'll toss you the key. This is a perfect place for the sort of medieval jurisprudence these Jihadis are so fond of. Set them off, naked and smeared with A1 steak sauce, at one end of the valley, and if they make it to the other end of the valley, then they can go free.

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT

This is not only a good place to hold trials, but it would make a crackerjack low-maintenance prison for recalcitrant Jihadis. It's essentially a temperate lost valley hidden beneath the ice of Antarctica. Just toss them in, if they escape, then they'll freeze in the Antarctic wastelands. No fuss, no muss.

BIZARRO WORLD

This is the one planet in the Known Universe where right is wrong, and wrong is right. Come to think about it, maybe Eric Holder actually comes from this planet.... that's something to think about.

Anyway, I think these are good alternatives. So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Xran Xplains: The Fall of McCain-Feingold

2010-01-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

Howdy Earthlings!

It's your buddy Xran here to simplify the complicated after they've been complicated by the simple.

Today, I'm going to tackle the recent downfall of McCain/Feingold. So let's get started...

These are
MCCAIN & FEINGOLD
they were going to save

AMERICA
from
LOBBYISTS
who paid off
POLITICIANS
through corporate
CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS
So they* wrote the
MCCAIN FEINGOLD BILL
that banned
CORPORATE CAMPAIGN
CONTRIBUTIONS

But...
the bill was full of
LOOPHOLES
that allowed
BILLIONAIRES

BIG BUSINESS

LABOR UNIONS
&
THE PARTISAN POLITICAL
ORGANIZATIONS THAT
LOVE THEM
to
LAUNDER MONEY
through
527 GROUPS
&
FUNDRAISING "BUNDLERS"
& turn the money into
CAMPAIGN DONATIONS
allegedly from individuals
then the
POLITICIANS
start handing these people
YOUR TAX DOLLARS
via stimulus packages, bailouts, and regulations favoring their interests
and
CORRUPTION
was allowed to run freely out of sight
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

THE MCCAIN FEINGOLD BILL
was also gross violation of
THE RIGHT TO
FREE SPEECH
which is why the
SUPREME COURT
QUASHED IT

Now the
DEMOCRATS
will tell you that this ruling will favor
REPUBLICANS
with lots of sweet
WALL STREET / BIG BUSINESS MONEY
That's a
BIG FAT PILE OF
CLASS WAR
BULL
WALL STREET & BIG CORPORATIONS
favor
DEMOCRATS
while
SMALL BUSINESSES
favor

REPUBLICANS
and the
DEMOCRATS
need to keep the
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS
from getting involved in
POLITICS
because they might actually support someone
who supports real
FREE MARKETS
which lead to
REAL FREEDOM
&
POLITICIANS
don't like that.
It also forces the real sources of their
CAMPAIGN MONEY

INTO THE LIGHT

I hope that clears things up for you.

*By "they" I mean a different group of lobbyists wrote the bill for them.

Random Rambling Reality Checks...

2010-01-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Here are a few little reality checks for you to chew on today...

1. If Obama/ Reid/ Pelosi's alleged health care bill was intended to promote people getting health insurance, why do they insist on including punishments for businesses that provide decent health insurance? Could it be that they're more interested in playing their little class warfare games, while making people solely dependent on the state for their health care for the sake of their own power?

2. Obama claims the reasons Scott Brown won in Massachusetts was either anger at Bush, (Say wha?) or that Obama failed to communicate on the issue. The same Barack Obama who made 411 speeches and 158 interviews since taking office failed to communicate on the issue. Time to step down from planet Narcissus and spend some time in the real world with the rest of the Earthling species. Scott Brown won because Obama communicated too much about his intentions to seize control of the US economy and individual liberty and beat them into a fine gruel.

3. Then there's Coakley herself. Talk about the perfect example of a classic liberal elite candidate in a liberal elite state. She assumed that the voters of Massachusetts would vote for anyone who claimed to adhere to the classical leftist shibboleths. Why? Because she said so. She took the obedience of the voters for granted, and was punished for it.

4. I saw the other day that no one in President Obama's national security apparatus were allowed to interrogate, or even briefed about the Xmas Bloomer Bomber. WTF? The moment they dragged his sorry ass off the plane they should have turned him over to whatever equivalent they have of Jack Bauer, and made him the official Bitch of the Year for the intelligence community. But no, despite being legal under the rules of war, that would offend Attorney General Eric Holder's friends in the legal community, who are looking at freshly laundered payments from Saudi Arabia for their services against the country and the constitution.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

On Haiti...

2010-01-19T18:16:00.001-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Right now aid is pouring into Haiti to help the people affected by the recent earthquake, and some folks are praying that the country will soon return to normal.

But in Haiti's case normal is shit.

I know I'm being blunt, but I have to be.

Haiti has no natural resources, no industry, and not much of anything. In fact if you're a Haitian, you are better off out of Haiti. I've dealt with many Haitians who have emigrated to other countries, and the bulk of them become decent hardworking citizens.

And that's what I'm suggesting.

After centuries of bad governments, poverty, and despair, Haiti needs to disband and its people get to join other countries. Let them start new lives in places where they might have a chance to build a life without the fear that some thug with a gun will take it away from them, or that the earth itself will smash everything on them.

It will take billions to rebuild what was destroyed. I say forget about putting up new buildings. Get the people out of there, and use the money to let them build new lives someplace decent.

Random Rambling Reality Checks

2010-01-15T07:11:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Here are a few quick reality checks.

1. If Martha Coakley has to resort to Al Franken type tactics of zombie voters and finding ballots in abandoned cars to justify her inheritance of Ted Kennedy's seat in the Senate, then voters may finally clue in that it's not about health care, it's not about equality, it's all about power. Getting it, and holding onto it.

2. If a bill is more than 100 pages, at most, then it's nothing more than a scam for power and money hidden behind layers of bogus legalese.

3. A friend told me that Pat Robertson is more interested in attention than salvation, and that's why he says the things he does. Being outraged at him is just giving him what he wants because it means you're paying attention. Ignore him, and he goes away.

4. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists ticked the "Doomsday Clock" back a full minute because of.... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama. And you know what that means, Earth is now closer to total nuclear annihilation than ever before. Because the BAS deals more in BS when they ignore the simple fact that a psychopathic regime like Iran's is going to go nuclear at any minute because of... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

It's Mine Damn It!!

2010-01-14T10:24:00.001-08:00

A
PAID
POLITICAL
ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM
MARTHA COAKLEY

Democratic Candidate for Senate

My fellow Democrats, and the rest of you tea-bagging scum suckers who don't deserve the vote.

I am here to tell you that ~~Massakussetz Maffabusebbs Mazz~~--- The state with Boston in it, is in a very deep trouble. In fact, the entire state, if not the country is on the precipice of complete and total destruction.

I'm saying that a Republican could win Ted Kennedy's Senate seat.

That will plunge the entire nation into a dark age that will make the country resemble post-earthquake Haiti, instead of Detroit, which is what the Democrats want.

It's become so bad that one of my aides had to defend me from a savage Republican stalker who dared to ask me questions that I didn't want to answer by flinging him to the ground at my big money fundraiser in Washington DC!

Scott Brown is pure evil incarnate. I have proof! He opposes the Democrat's Health Care Reform bill that will punish you for not having health insurance, and then punish you for having health insurance!

How can a man like not accept such a logical plan of health care reform? Only one that is worse than Hitler, at least in my books.

Now you're probably wondering why you should vote for me over Scott Brown, other than the simple fact that he allegedly drinks the blood of infants.

Well the answer is simple.

I AM A DEMOCRAT!

That seat in the Senate belongs to Democrats. That's the law! You idiots are supposed to blindly vote Democrat no matter what. We could run a chimp with a spike stuck in its brain, and you Boston bean humpers are supposed to vote for it!

Because we're Democrats and we own your ass.

Why else would the party nominate me, a flip-flopping failure of an Attorney General who spent more time harassing women's garden clubs, while blocking serious criminal investigations for purely political reasons? I'm an elite white liberal with a bloated sense of entitlement. I am the Democratic Party!

So vote for me goddammit! I own you and your votes.

Don't force me to "find" uncounted ballots in abandoned cars like Al Franken. We can only push that chestnut so far before even our pet poodles in the media start smelling the horseshit.

Now VOTE FOR ME!

Or my aides will shove, and my staff will indict you! And we will, we can indict anyone for anything!

Caucasian Dialect

2010-01-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

A SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY SENATOR ROBERT BYRD
(D-Mentia)
Race Relations Expert for the Democratic Party

Well I say, I say, welcome to all yah readers of this here blog thang. I'd like to start by saying...

YOU BOY! GET OFF MY LAWN!

THAT'S RIGHT! I'M TALKIN' TO YOU BOY!

DON'T YOU GIT UPPITY WITH ME BOY!

I DON'T CARE IF YOUR NAME IS "SENATOR" SUMTIN' AND THAT YOU THINK THIS IS THE HALLWAY TO YOUR OFFICE! YOU GIT NOW! OR I'LL SIC MY SMELL HOUND ON YA ASS, & THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!

Now where was I?

Oh right, race relations.

Now a bunch of those evil racist blood drinking Republicans are saying that it was racist when Senator Harry Reid referred to our now President Obama would speak in a "Negro dialect."

That is the greatest travesty of justice since the end of segregation.

Harry Reid's comments are in no way racist. The same way my past membership in the KKK, my repeated use of the word "NDELETEDr" in public, my filibustering of the Civil Rights Act, or Chris Dodd saying that I'd have been on the right side of the Civil War, are not remotely racist.

That's because we're Democrats.

Being a Democrat is wonderful.

You can promote slavery, segregation, belong to an organization that actively attacked and killed NDELETEDrs, and do everything you can to keep them poor and dependent, and you will never be a racist.

Why?

Because we say so goddammit!

It's not like saying something nice about a retiring repentant ex-segregationist, or using a word that no one really heard of in this century, or having legitimate criticisms of policy decisions.

Now that's racist.

So back off of Harry Reid. He's not racist because he's working very hard to help a NDELETEDr President properly cripple this country for generations to come, and I'm not a racist either. No matter how many racist things we say and do.

Because we say so.

Two Quick Reality Checks About Mutallab

2010-01-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Here are two quick reality checks, I hope they don't blow your puny Earthling brains.

1. The Transportation Security Administration refuses to profile, and I'm not talking about racial profiling, because Islamic Jihadis come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and skin tones. What I'm talking about is the sort of behavioral profiling that catches folks paying for a 1 way ticket in cash, checking in with no luggage, having their father report them as a jihadi wannabe, and trying to set off an explosion in their pants.

Instead we have the TSA denying flights to elderly comedienne Joan Rivers and having journalist Michael Yon arrested for not telling them his gross annual income.

Wow, Sherlock Holmes is reborn, and he's running the TSA.

Even Janet "Man Caused Disaster" Napolitano sees that the system of harrassing the many while the determined few slip through, is not working. However, she won't dare do anything about it, better to let a thousand Americans be crushed and incinerated beneath falling airliners than give some yahoo from CAIR a chance to call them racist.

2. Meanwhile almost 60% of the American people think that the Bloomer Bomber should be handed over to Gitmo and water-boarded until he starts singing like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed after a shampoo and a rinse, then tried before a military commission and punished accordingly.

That attitude is legal. Mutallab does not serve in the name of a legitimate state, since the global Caliphate only exists in the wet dreams of men who think living in their own feces in a cave is how Allah wants everyone to live. He also does not wear a uniform, bear his weapons openly, in fact he crammed them in his nether regions, and he both deliberately hid among, and targeted unarmed civilians.

According the Geneva Conventions and the Common Law of History, young Squire Mutallab can be made into Dick Cheney's bitch then summarily executed once all the info's been squeezed out him, because he's not a prisoner of war, he's an unlawful combatant, and an enemy of civilization.

Of course President Obama doesn't believe that. Not when his Attorney General's old law firm can score some filthy ducats from Mutallab's friends, well-wishers, and supporters, while still appeasing the hard left who currently hold President Obama's testicles in a jar on George Soros' mantle.

But don't worry, Obama won't let Joan Rivers get you!

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

What Have We Learned 2

2009-12-30T06:58:00.000-08:00

Howdy Earthlings!

Xran the Fleshrender here, with a few more lessons learned from the 2000s.

So let's roll...

1. Poverty is not the root cause of terrorism. Look at the roll of prominent terrorists and you'll find that very few of them were actually suffering any poverty. Usama Bin Ladin comes from a family with a net worth in the billions, Ayman Al Zawahiri is a trained doctor, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is university educated and from a middle class background, and the Wannabe Bloomer Boomer Mr. Mutallab is the son of a rich Nigerian banker.

The root cause of terrorism is a combo of religiously inspired ego, coupled with intense self loathing due to all the self-inflicted suffering of the Islamic people, that's aimed at the West because they've got Westerners from University Professors, Media Pundits, to the Current President taking the blame for all that suffering.

2. The science is not settled. As recently liberated e-mails reveal, Global Warming is not a science, or even a religion, because a religion must be able to stand up to some form of theological debate, it is a cult. A cult where there are no questions asked, and those who dare to ask questions, are cast out and professionally burned as heretics.

3. Terrorism is not a civilian criminal problem. The laws of war , and even the Geneva Convention, dictate that anyone who engages in terrorist acts, while out of uniform, and using civilians as shields is not a prisoner of war, but an Enemy Combatant. Enemy combatants literally have no rights under the Geneva Convention, and are not to be granted extraordinary legal protections by an Attorney General whose old law firm is currently defending them.

4. "Social Justice" is the new refuge of the scoundrel. As those pesky ACORN videos show, if you want a career getting away with criminal acts, get millions in federal funding, and have politicians protecting you while kissing your ass, cover your scam under the cloak of "social justice."

Plus, if anyone calls you on your criminality, you can call them racist, fascist, and any other nicknames you can come up with.

5. Peace movements aren't pro-peace, they are anti-democracy. Throughout modern history there have been movements aimed at protesting those savage warmongering regimes who go around picking on innocent peace-loving countries. Of course those savage warmongers all happen to be democracies that have been attacked by those allegedly peace loving countries, which just happen to be ruled by bloodthirsty dictators.

If you have any of your own lessons that you have learned over the past decade, then leave them in the comments.

Keep watching the skies kiddies, because we are watching you.

What Have We Learned?

2009-12-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's hard to believe, but the wretched inhabitants of Earth have managed to get through the first decade of the twenty-first century.

Now a lot of folks like to take this time to look back at the events of the past decade, I on the other hand, being a more evolutionarily advanced creature, like to look back at what lessons we have learned.

And wow, have we learned a hell of a lot of lessons.

We have learned...

1. That the "Clash of Civilizations" is really a myth. What we are witnessing is not civilizations clashing, but civilization clashing with pre-medieval barbarism. Civilizations build up, they do not bring down, and there is nothing Al Qaida does other than tear things down.

2. Being wealthy doesn't mean that someone is a free-market capitalist. Look at how Wall Street and the billionaires who loves them, rushed to embrace the economy crippling policies of the Obama Administration. It's not because they love socialism, but because they love their own position at the top of the economic food chain.

They know that they are safe from crushing taxes, cushioned not only by the immensity of their wealth, but by the simple fact that the 1000+ page tax codes passed by their pet politicians, are literally written by their pet lobbyists, to leave loads of loopholes for them to exploit. It's not about bringing up the poor, or bringing down the rich, it's about keeping the middle class from challenging the supremacy of the super-rich. If they really were for the free market, they'd be fighting to simplify and reduce taxes because of the simple reason that it increases revenue, spurs economic growth, and starves that freedom devouring beast called government.

3. There is no such thing as an unbiased media. The mainstream press, from the New York Times, to the major TV networks have completely tossed away any pretension to being unbiased guardians of the truth. From the Great Global Warming Swindle, to the worship of Barack Obama, to the demonization of the previous administration whose sole goal seemed to be keeping the country safe, and whose attempts at bi-partisanship only served to hurt himself. There is literally an entire industry that catalogs their exercises in extreme bias, and they do a much better detailed job than I could ever do.

4. We now know what the Democrats would do once fully in power in both the White House and Congress. They would go completely ape-shit insane from their lust for power.

Look at the mad frenzy to pass society transforming legislation putting unprecedented chunks of the US economy under the control of people who can't even handle the simplest of administrative tasks. Now you're probably wondering why they would want to control so much when they can't really manage it?

It's power.

They want it, and the only way they can get it, is to lie, cheat, steal, and then use that power to make the voters completely dependent on their tax-payer funded largess. Because dependent voters are obedient voters, no matter how miserable those same politicians make their lives.

Just look at Detroit, a city that is literally dead on its feet because of the Democratic Party's "progressive" policies, but the voters there would elect a shaved wombat if they ran it as a Democrat making crazy promises. To Democrats Detroit is the perfect condition they want for the country, a wealthy elite keeping the poor obedient and contained in their state-sponsored ghettos, and the middle class either destroyed, or in exile.

I'll post more of this past decade's lessons until New Year's Eve, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

What a long strange trip it's been...

2009-12-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

A
MOMENT
OF TRUTH
COMMENTARY
BY
RAJENDRA K.
PACHAURI
(head of the IPCC)

Hello....

Hello...

Could the person who stuck me in this strange metal tube that forces me to tell the truth please open the hatch just a skitch, because my comb-over is caught in it.

>CLICK!<

Thanks.

>CLANK!<

Well, since I'm stuck here until I start dishing out the truth like Grandma's cooking, I might as well start.

Climate change is real.

The climate of the planet Earth is constantly changing. It's been up and down like a whore's drawers, and the all that shit about mankind causing it is just that, shit. It's been warmer, it's been colder, it happens all the time, it hasn't wiped out the world yet, and mankind has nothing to do with it.

Come on, a single volcanic eruption pumps more carbon into the atmosphere than humanity can in decades, and even then it's got nothing on water vapor when it comes to atmospheric content and its effect on the climate, and I haven't even brought up sunspots and cosmic rays and their effect on the weather.

I know, it's confusing to you, and it's confusing to me, remember, I'm not a climatologist, I'm a railway engineer, and a bureaucrat, when it comes to about 90% of what I pronounce upon, I'm just pulling stuff out of my ass.

"But what about the 'Hockey stick' graph?" you may ask.

Well, let me explain the infamous hockey stick graph, what it means, where it came from, and why we push it so hard.

The hockey stick graph is what all us global warm-mongers bring up when we demand that the Western world cripple itself economically and give trillions to dictators, despots, and petty bureaucrats like me.

The graph claims that Earth's temperatures were a constant even line that suddenly shot up in the 20th century because of evil carbon spewing Americans and literally everything about their lives and lifestyles.

Well, to be blunt, it's BULLSHIT.

Yep.

That's right.

Grade A faux-scientific poop.

First, there was how were put it together. The 19th and 20th century temperatures were taken from actually temperature records, even though some of them were a tad iffy, but that's not the iffiest part of this boondoggle. The really iffy stuff comes from that everything before the written temperature records was gleaned from tree ring data. You see, we'd cut an old tree down, and look at the condition of its rings to determine what the weather was like at different years.

Now you're probably thinking that climate scientists studied thousands of trees and millions of rings to make our determination.

Not exactly.

You see, a wide survey of tree ring data showed that carbon output increases actually followed temperature rises, instead of causing them. That's because warmer temps mean longer growing seasons, more life, more carbon being exhaled, which then causes more vegetation, and everything pretty much evens out until the planet enters another natural cooling cycle. Which, I might add, the sort of cooling cycle that we've been in since 1998.

That's not what we wanted.

We wanted something we could point at to justify our bloated salaries and luxurious lifestyles, plus scare people into buying bogus "carbon credits" from our cronies.

So we had to narrow down our sample.

Really narrow it down.

In fact we narrowed it down to a single tree in Siberia.

Yep, I'm talking about one single lone tree.

Sure, it's not scientific, but we're not talking about science here, we're talking about giving me a government funded jets to take me from New York to India, to watch a cricket practice by my favorite team, or to have a conference about the evils of carbon that created more carbon in a little more than two weeks than the entire nation of Morocco in a year.

We're talking about a creating a system that gives us what we want.

Basically what we want is money and power.

The "scientists" get more money by telling us what we want to hear, as well as our backing to suppress and/or slander researchers who don't tow the party line. Completely destroying the scientific process and the value of "peer review" making it more like "fear review." Then we scare politicians into handing over power and money to unelected bureaucrats like myself, to expand our ability to control the very air you breathe, and hopefully eliminate democracy and free markets as well.

So we fudge and fabricate data, and call anyone who challenges us a "climate criminal" a "denier," or if that doesn't work an "asshole." The media goes along with us, because they're owned by big corporations want the elimination of democracy and free markets because they threaten their stranglehold on the public discourse.

That's why in all the coverage of the Copenhagen Summit, hardly anyone in the mainstream media bothered to acknowledge that it was the bigger collection of crooks and scammers since the Appalachin Meeting, but with less integrity.

At least the mafioso meeting at Appalachin never claimed to have a monopoly on morality like we do.

We're sort of like James Cameron, the man who spends $500 million of a major multinational corporation's money to develop advanced technology to make a film whose sole purpose is to decry money, corporations, and technology. The combination of extreme luxury, and ass kissing is a very heady mix that makes you unable to see your own hypocrisy, because your eyes are wedged too deep within your own colon.

Anyway, sure the agreement was non-binding, and more aspirational than active, but that doesn't bother me. I'm still getting paid the big bucks, and so are my buddies, and in the end, that's all that matters.

The Mainstream Media Youth Roundtable

2009-12-17T11:25:00.000-08:00

LARRY KING- Hello, I'm Larry King, and welcome to the Mainstream Media Youth Roundtable, where the coverage of the days events will not only be hep, but happening. I will be your moderator, and I have two very special guests with me, to bring a youthful perspective on the mainstream media. Joining me is... who are you again?
HELEN THOMAS- I'm Helen Thomas!

LARRY KING- Oh right, that night in Tijuana.

HELEN THOMAS- Please Larry, not here.

LARRY KING- Who is the other guy?
ANDY ROONEY- I'm Andy Rooney! You know what I don't like? Banana peels. I once slipped on one, and not only was it not funny, I broke my hip.

LARRY KING- They've got these people on Al Gore's interweb who "bloog" and these "bloogers" are saying that the media, meaning hip young people like us, are out of touch. What do you think?

HELEN THOMAS- Those bloogers are worse than Hitler. They cause all wars, death, and poverty with their mad tea-bagging parties where they burn crosses and dance on the bodies of murdered Iraqi babies and cancer patients. They are almost as bad as Hadassah Lieberman!

LARRY KING- Andy?

ANDY ROONEY- You know what I really hate? When I'm at the massage parlour and the girl wants an extra $20 for the "happy ending." I'm lying there, naked as the day I was born, asking: "What the hell? Did they raise the price of rice in Cambodia or something?"

LARRY KING- Good point Andy. But these bloogers are saying that we don't report the real news, and are instead just mouthpieces for the Democratic Party and other fashionable left-wing causes.

HELEN THOMAS- Look, sure we may have covered up Obama's connections to radicals, racists and reprobates in order to get him elected, his lack of experience, his shockingly thin resume, and his connections to ACORN a group that would gladly help smuggle underage girls for the purposes of prostitution, but it was all for a good cause, getting Obama elected.

LARRY KING- Let's not forget covering up Climategate. I mean it's the biggest scandal to hit science since the invention of science, and we won't dare say boo about it, except to somehow find a way to blame it all on Bush.

HELEN THOMAS- It is Bush's fault! Everything is Bush's fault! The man eats the skin of children left homeless by his policy of firebombing American cities!

LARRY KING- Andy, what do you think about our tendency to cover up things that do not fit our ideological bias?

ANDY ROONEY- You know what I really hate? When I'm burying a hobo that I just killed in my backyard, and the bastard starts moaning. I mean what the hell is going on here? I stabbed him seven times. Then I have to beat his head in with the shovel to make sure he stays dead. It's very messy, and it dented my shovel.

LARRY KING- Good point Andy. So there you have it America, the mainstream media isn't out of touch, you are.

The People Do Speak.... Through Me!

2009-12-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow soldiers in the struggle against the fascist evil state known as America! It's me Howard Zinn, the only man who knows the truth about history!

Plus, I know Matt Damon. Doesn't that make me the coolest guy who has ever lived?

Anyway my pal, Matt Damon, has used his celebrity to get the History Channel to broadcast a TV show based on my work exposing the festering shithole otherwise known as the United Fascist States of AmeriKKKa. They're also using it in schools, so a whole generation of children can understand that WW2 was unnecessary because all Hitler wanted was socialism in Europe, and is that so bad?

Now you're probably wondering why a major cable channel would air a "documentary" that basically condemns the most successful democracy in the history of humanity.

Because of my pal, Matt Damon.

He's a movie star, and TV execs love to associate with movie stars. Hell they'd buy film of grass growing if some over-hyped celebrity like Julia Roberts would narrate it.

Well, at least I am seeing my dream coming to fruition. America now has a President that's weaker than a gimpy wimp, this same president is gladly signing away the country's sovereignty to massive global bureaucracies in the name of things that don't even exist, like Man Made Climate Change. He's crippling the economy, neutering the military, giving corrupt trade unions unimaginable power, and making everyone in America dependent on the state for everything from mortgages to medical care.

It's enough to make me weep with joy.

As long as he doesn't raise my taxes.

Then I'll have to stash my cash overseas like a common Kennedy.

Anyway.

I know Matt Damon.

Al Gore: Poet

2009-12-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings....

I guess you've heard that Al Gore has now become a poet, regurgitating rhymes to teach you wretched Earthlings about the doom of climate change.

Fool.

The only doom you have to worry about is the one I decide to dish out on you, but that's for another day. Anyway, we've decided to tackle poetry with poetry and come up with our own verses....

There once was a hack from East Anglia
Whose data was upsetting his ganglia
To make the money flow better
The data went to the shredder
And his ethics got all mangle-ia

Obama went off to Copenhagen
To hand out the climate change bacon
Cap and trade is a curse
That'll make the economy worse
And 2012 will soon be forsaken

Ed Begley gave the fakers a pass
Because they got the vote of their class
They'll rubber stamp a review
For whatever peers spew
And poor Ed's got his head up his ass

What do you think?

Do you have your own. Please submit them in the comments, and the best one will win a special prize, mention in this blog, and THEY WON'T BE ENSLAVED!!

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

THIS IS PLANETARY JEOPARDY!!

2009-12-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

ALEX TREBEK Welcome to a very special global warming edition of Jeopardy. Joining me today are some of the loudest voices in the field of the planet's impending doom. First up is NASA's James Hansen.

JAMES HANSEN I am being silenced! I am being oppressed! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

ALEX TREBEK That's great James. And next up is a man who needs no introduction because we're all pretty sick of looking at him, former Vice President Al Gore.

AL GORE The world will be destroyed in less than seven days unless I am given one billion dollars to save it.

ALEX TREBEK And our last contestant is someone who is unique among actor/activists in that he actually lives by what he preaches, Ed Begley jr.

ED BEGLEY JR. I hope my buzzer is solar powered!

ALEX TREBEK Let's look at the categories. We have:

HYPOCRISY

LYING & CHEATING

PROFITEERING

&

MAN-BEAR-PIG

Hansen, you're first up.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take profiteering for $100.

ALEX TREBEK This former politician left office worth $2 million and is now worth $100 million and it's all because of Global Warming.

BUZZ!

ALEX TREBEK Al Gore.

AL GORE Who is me, Al Gore, the man who was supposed to be your President.

ALEX TREBEK Correct. You choose the next category.

AL GORE I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $100 and I'm really being serial about it!

ALEX TREBEK During the 1970s everyone was expecting this to destroy the world.

BUZZ!

ALEX TREBEK Ed Begley Jr.

ED BEGLEY JR. What is an ice age?

ALEX TREBEK Correct. You get to pick the next category.

ED BEGLEY JR. I'll take lying and cheating for $100.

ALEX TREBEK This scientist claimed to have been silenced over global warming, when he never actually shut up.

BUZZ!

JAMES HANSEN ~Ooh! ~Ooh! I know it. Who is James Hansen of NASA?

ALEX TREBEK Correct.

JAMES HANSEN Damn right!

ALEX TREBEK Next category.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take lying and cheating for $200.

ALEX TREBEK This organisation just happened to delete all their raw climate data before they could be reviewed.

BUZZ!

ED BEGLEY JR. The CIA!

ALEX TREBEK Sorry, that's incorrect. Anyone? No. That was the Climate Research Unit of East Anglia University. Hansen, you still have control of the board.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take hypocrisy for $500.

ALEX TREBEK The Copenhagen Conference is predicted to produce as much carbon as this did in 2006.

BUZZ!

JAMES HANSEN What is Morocco?

ALEX TREBEK Correct. Although the judges would also accept "Al Gore's Media Room." Next category.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $300.

ALEX TREBEK This is what global warming alarmists really want when they make predictions of imminent doom.

BUZZ!

AL GORE What is money and power?

ALEX TREBEK Correct.

AL GORE And I'd like to say that if I don't get a trillion dollars in the next twelve hours a massive tidal wave will sweep through the Eastern Seaboard, and the people in the midwest will feast upon the corpses, because they will have no other source of food.

ALEX TREBEK Your pick.

AL GORE I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $1000.

ALEX TREBEK These people have been called "Holocaust deniers," "climate criminals," "big oil toadies," "flat earthers," and "assholes."

BUZZ!

ED BEGLEY JR. Anyone who doesn't accept that the science is settled. Even though there are over 30,000 scientists who disagree, and that those who advocate man-made global warming engage in cover-ups, slander campaigns, and destruction of scientific evidence, the science is settled. It really, it's been peer reviewed by people willing to sacrifice their integrity for grant money and political power...political...power

ED BEGLEY JR. FAINTS.

ALEX TREBEK Correct. And that's all the time we have for now, because I'm getting kind of sick of it, so until next time, goodbye.

AL GORE If I don't get 100 trillion dollars in the next five minutes dinosaurs will come back from the dead and feast upon the innocent. Give me money or you're doomed!

JAMES HANSEN Stop talking! You're silencing me! You are silencing me!!!

Reality Check: Trivialities...

2009-12-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Right now things are happening all over your planet that are pretty damn important. I'm talking about things like:

1. President Obama's rather weak-kneed speech where he announced a new surge in Afghanistan, but not to win, just to hold out for 18 months before he hands over the country to the dark ages.

2. The Obama Administration's rather weak and indecisive relationship with India, who just happens to be the world's most populous democracy, an emerging economic powerhouse, and possibly America's best ally in Asia.

3. The Climategate scandal exposes a massive conspiracy among so-called scientists to perpetuate doomsday scenarios in concert with governments and corporations to leech money and power while whittling away your liberty.

4. The economy is in the toilet, and all the Obama Administration can do about it is piss away billions on non-existent jobs in non-existent congressional districts, and hold meetings with academics and big money lobbyists while ignoring the small businesspeople who actually create wealth and jobs.

So what is the mainstream media covering?

1. Tiger Woods and his crashed car. I don't care if he was scoring whores with both hands, and I don't care if his wife beat the living snot out of him with a nine iron, that's their damn business, not ours.

2. The fame-whoring party crashers who intruded on the state dinner with India's President, who probably got in because of a mix of incompetence on the part of the Social Secretary, whose office is now more secret than the CIA, whose operations will now be aired out in open court, and that the Secret Service didn't want to be accused of being racist for turning away a man with a Middle Eastern sounding name.

I mean this is a complete scandal all on its own.

And the mainstream media wonders why no one watches their shows, reads their papers, or visits their websites in anywhere near the numbers that visit the "alternative media" of Fox, blogs, and other news web sites.

They don't see that people watch news for news. They want the full story, and they don't want people willfully ignoring stories that don't conform to their personal beliefs/prejudices.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check: Peer Review Or Peer Pressure

2009-11-29T15:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I find it funny that those who love to call global warming doubters "sell-outs" who are in "the pay of big business" and that their research doesn't "pass peer review," because as we've been seeing with reports of hacked e-mails, there's no such thing as peer review in climate science, only peer pressure.

For those who don't know, the "Climategate" e-mail scandal is all about a plucky little devil of a hacker getting his hands on the e-mails between a Dr. Phillip Jones of the University of East Anglia's Climate Research Unit and senior advisor to the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, and Dr. Michael Mann one of the chief authors of the now notorious, and woefully inaccurate "Hockey stick graph" made famous by Warm-monger and green fear profiteer Al Gore.

Now these weren't love notes they were exchanging, these two men, the two top brains in the field of "climate research" were actively conspiring to cover-up data that proved that the so-called "global warming" was a natural, and cyclical phenomena, and that it ended in the late 1990s.

That's an affront against the very nature of science, and you're probably wondering how these chaps managed to get away with it. I mean weren't these sorts of things supposed to be "peer reviewed."

Well yes, but peer review is only as good as the peers doing the reviewing, and whether or not those peers have the testicular fortitude to resist the overwhelming peer pressure so prevalent in contemporary Earthling climate research.

You see, if you dare write anything that might question the findings of those two men and their assorted climate catamites, you will find it very hard to get a journal to publish your research, and if some plucky journal does decide to publish, well guess what happens. Suddenly word starts zipping around the "climate community" that the journal in question isn't fit for toilet paper because they dared publish some evil anti-Earth propaganda.

That's right, you'll find your career sunk by those very same men with accusations of doing the exact same things that they themselves appear to do on a twice daily basis.

Climate research isn't science, it's a high school cheerleader squad, with its ranks determined by the bitchy machinations of the squad's meanest girls who crush all who dare oppose them with slander, and innuendo until they develop an eating disorder and give up, because they can't have their voices heard.

Now you're probably wondering why these men would sacrifice all sense of scientific integrity to become nothing more than a pair of glorified whores.

The answer is simple.

MONEY & POWER

It's a deadly combination, but too much for folks to pass up.

You see to get any money to do research you have to apply to governments and corporation backed foundations. And if you don't want your application in the circular file you have to tell them what they want to hear, and what they want to hear is "Global Warming," and the more doom oriented the better.

Governments want to hear it because Warm-mongering Alarmism allows them to-

1. Gain more control of the lives of their people, using an "Obey or we're all doomed" message to regulate personal freedom into oblivion.

2. Use the "crisis" to justify massive tax hikes, even bigger spending programs, and the accumulation of massive debts, with most of the money going to...

Big corporations, who want Global Warming because it gives them...

1. An excuse to suckle at the teat of taxpayers, draining billions every year to supposedly spent on "alternative energy" programs, that don't really produce enough energy.

2. They will then use the excuse of "not enough power" to hike the price of energy, and along with it the price of literally everything you might possibly want, or need.

3. Meanwhile they race to the bottom, using the "carbon credit" status of the Third World, exploiting their resources, both natural and human, and pollute wildly, all in the name of "saving the planet.

Dr. Jones and Dr. Mann saw an opportunity and they went for it. They made themselves unassailable. The mainstream media and the current American and Western European administrations will not do anything to them. These men are the prophets of a new faith, a faith that gives them absolute control without the pesky morality that most religions come with.

So what good is peer review is climate research? Apparently it's not good at all, especially when men like those are the peers you have to submit too.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Xran Xplains: The KSM Trial

2009-11-26T13:55:00.000-08:00

Howdy Earthlings.

Xran here, I'm back from fighting the Negative Universe hordes and I'm back doing what I do best, simplifying the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple. Today I'm looking at Attorney General Eric Holder's decision to give the 9/11 conspirators a civilian trial in New York.

THIS IS
KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED
he orchestrated the
9/11/2001 ATTACKS
the US Military had him at
GITMO
but
ERIC HOLDER
the US Attorney General
is moving
KSM
to a civilian trial in
NEW YORK CITY
even though
KSM
already plead guilty and demanded execution in
GITMO

ERIC HOLDER
claims that the
CONSTITUTION
demands it

But the reality is that
KSM
as a terrorist is an
UNLAWFUL COMBATANT
and under the law an
UNLAWFUL COMBATANT
can be
SHOT
without trial military or civilian
because they have no rights under the
CONSTITUTION
or the
GENEVA CONVENTION
so
ERIC HOLDER'S
decision has no basis in law or history and
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
or does it?
Because...

HIS OLD LAW FIRM
is up to its neck in
GITMO CASES
and it also gives him a chance to put
THE CIA
on trial
for being mean to
KSM
and use it to slag the
BUSH ADMINISTRATION
neuter the War on Terror
and hopefully distract from the
fact that
THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION
is a dismal failure.

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

Ask The ArgonMox Group!

2009-11-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

NEGULAK: Greetings mighty Earthlings!

It is I, you're new Supreme Ruler of the Unknown Universe Negulak ArgonMox!

That's right, not only have I defeated your precious Remulak and his hordes, I have also swiped his Blogger password!

All must kneel before NEGULAK!

Well, it looks like you have some questions, so as your new Lord & Master, I'm going to answer them.

Now since most of my minions are busy conquering this tiny Universe, I only have the token idiot from my dimension's Counterpoint / Point Show, SpotBob T. Normal.

SPOTBOB: Hi, how are all you Earth people doing.

NEGULAK: Let's look at the questions.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of sending Obama to the North Pole and making him sit on an egg after he loses in 2012?

NEGULAK: That would be horrible. Obama is the leader of the free world, and by virtue of his election, his race, and his brilliant policies the most incredible leader you ever had, who is always right, will be re-elected in 2012 by a grateful nation, and anyone who questions anything about him is racist, plain and simple.

SPOTBOB: Well, I disagree--

NEGULAK: SpotBob you ignorant one gendered slut! Will you shut the hell up with your idiocy.

SPOTBOB: Sorry.

NEGULAK: Next question.

Chris in NC asked: Will a movie that mocked Obama (even for just one scene) make hundreds of millions of dollars or do we need to wait another year for that?

NEGULAK: Hopefully such racist trash will be righteously savaged by the critics, or at least deliberately censored by the morally upright people of Hollywood.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of the decision to try the terrorists in New York? How would you have handled it?

NEGULAK: It's better than actually following the constitution and legal precedent that puts those poor innocent Freedom Fighters under the threat of death by a military tribunal, and it has the added bonuses of exposing national security secrets, putting the CIA on trial, and giving a Democrat judge the chance to set them free because those CIA meanies waterboarded them. Personally, I wouldn't have tried them at all, because I mean America had to have done something to deserve mass murder of its civilians.

Chris in NC asked: Plus, ya know I'm going to beg and plead for another of your best Billie Piper pictures.

NEGULAK: Here's the sexiest one I have:
NEGULAK: Someone put saltpeter in my cappuccino, I'm feeling warm in the secret spots.

blackhawk12151 asked: What are the top 5 most important events that have happened on our world during your absence?

NEGULAK: Let's see, since I'm new to this dimension I might have missed a few things. Oh, I'll say:

1. Iran getting closer to getting an A-bomb to terrorize the Middle East in the name of a pre-Medieval theocracy.

2. Obama winning the Nobel Prize. A magical moment.

3. The Democrats finally adding trillions to the debt, which is the only thing that will save the US economy from evil small business people.

4. The horrible injustice being visited upon that poor Malik Nidal Hasan who faces evil Texas justice simply because he protested against the racist wars of US Imperialism.

5. The terrible punishment the Mainstream media is getting for sharing to the world the unbiased truth of just how wonderful Barack Obama really is.

blackhawk12151 asked: Also, perhaps you could have Xran explain why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am still trying to wrap my feeble human brain around that one.

NEGULAK: RanX isn't here today, but I will explain it. Obama won for being born the greatest man history has ever seen, and anyone who questions that is racist.

Random Walker asked: How low do Odumbo’s popularity has to drop before Hitlery Reset Clinton quits? If she considers running again what would be a good time for her to stab him in the back? Would mediots crucify her or would they jump ship with her?

NEGULAK: Listen you racist, Obama's modest dip in popularity is simply because of the evil propaganda of racist like you and at Fox News. I'm sure Hillary acknowledges Obama's greatness and will a model of loyalty for all time.

Random Walker asked: Are Snotglob and Varos still douches in that parallel universe you’ve been fighting?

NEGULAK: Yes. They have the racist temerity to question Obama's policy decisions. If that doesn't make them disgusting racist teabaggers, I don't know.

REMULAK: Excuse me.

NEGULAK: What are you doing here? We defeated you!

REMULAK: Defeated me? I destroyed your fleet, and your armies. All the other members of your little inner circle are dead.

NEGULAK: Yes, in the Negaverse the one that gets beaten the worst is the winner.

REMULAK: You ain't in the Negaverse anymore Dorothy.

(ZAP)

NEGULAK: Aaaaaaaaggghhhhh!

SPOTBOB: You vaporized him!

REMULAK: Want to be next?

SPOTBOB: Nope, I got an appointment back in the Negaverse, see you later.

(Whoop-Pop!)

REMULAK: Sorry Earthlings. We hope to have everything back to normal in the next few days. Thanks for your questions and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you. And here's a little palate cleanser for Chris in NC...

I'm Back... Sort Of....

2009-11-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

Greetings fellow Earthlings, it's Vox Poplar here, I've returned from the war against Remulak's alternate Universe doppelganger and his hordes. I'd say I've returned from the front, but I never made it to the front, because of something I didn't know.

What I didn't know was that Xran doesn't know that particle blasters have safety buttons for a reason.

Now I'm back on Earth and have to sit on an inflatable donut. Thanks Xran.

Anyway, the war against Negulak (the negative universe Remulak) is going as well as can be expected. They've kept the Nega-Horde contained in the Andromeda Galaxy for now, and I'm sure victory is at hand, because Negulak is waffling on sending a troop surge.

We should be posting again, more or less, pretty soon, so be sure to check back and thanks for your patience.

Remulak also asked me to set up another edition of Ask the MoxArgon Group to celebrate their inevitable victory, so if you have any questions, leave them in the comments and we'll get to them as soon as we have enough.

Keep watching the skies, and watch where you're aiming.

I Go To Rio.... De Janeiro....

2009-10-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow Earthlings...

Vox Poplar here, things are going to be a little sparse around here for a while. Apparently someone who will be unnamed (but let's call him Xran) got drunk and tossed their junked Dimensional Flux Generator into a black hole.

Apparently you're not supposed to do that, because it then turned the Black Hole into a portal connecting our Universe with the Negative Universe. And let me tell you something, the Negative Remulak is an even bigger douchebag than our regular Remulak.

So it looks like the entire Universe is going to war with the Negaverse, and everyone in the MoxArgon Group's been drafted, including me, thanks to my high scores playing Halo.

But before I go, I thought I would give you folks a list of reasons why Barack H. Obama lost the only foreign policy he cared about: Getting the Olympics to go to Chicago.

1. The corruption in Chicago made even the IOC wince.

2. The IOC decided that it wasn't their job to make Valerie Jarrett richer, that was the job of the American taxpayer.

3. The African countries in the IOC are racist against black people.

4. The IOC didn't like the idea of ACORN handling the score-keeping.

5. The IOC saw the ACORN sting videos and were pissed to find out that under-age brothels are illegal in the USA.

6. Even they are getting sick of Obama always talking about himself instead of the business at hand.

7. The reason why Rio won? THONGS!

8. The IOC felt that giving the Olympics to Rio was the best way to reward the awesome sacrifices of Michelle Obama.

9. Obama lacked the balls to scream: "Shut the fuck up!" during Qadafi's UN speech.

10. The IOC figured Obama better get used to getting squat from international bodies, because that's all he's going to get from now on.

Well, keep watching the skies folks, because we'll be watching you, in between fire-fights.

Douchebags of the Week!

2009-09-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's been a while since we've done a tally of Earthling douchebaggery, so let's get the ball rolling...

1. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA:

Talk about having your priorities straight. The commander in chief of the free world has taken a break from voting "present" on Afghanistan, letting Iran go nuclear bugshit on the rest of the Middle East, and trying to ram state-run health care down the throats of America, to campaign for Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics.

Now you might wonder why he's doing this, well the answer is simple.

His bosses in the Chicago Machine told him to do it.

Sure the Olympics have devolved from a festival of sports and culture into a multi-billion dollar boondoggle where huge corporations get governments to help pay for their global advertising campaigns. It also means a way for corrupt city officials to rake in millions if not billions from graft, waste, and outright theft from the Olympic piggy bank.

Good old Barack H. Obedience, always delivers for his bosses.

2. GORE VIDAL:

The wheezy old windbag of American letters crawled out of his coffin to gripe about the only country that allowed a pretentious old twat to be successful as a writer, saying things like:

Obama believes the Republican Party is a party when in fact it’s a mindset, like Hitler Youth, based on hatred — religious hatred, racial hatred. When you foreigners hear the word ‘conservative’ you think of kindly old men hunting foxes. They’re not, they’re fascists.

Now that's real courage, calling people who won't shoot you "fascists" also pretty original too. Personally, I just think he was just glad he had someone to talk to since he hasn't been relevant since the 1970s.

3. ROMAN POLANSKI:

He's in the news for getting busted by the Swiss, and now faces extradition for statutory rape of a 13 year old girl, after plying her with a Quaalude and champagne cocktail.

My prediction, he's going to be shipped to America, walk on the charges, and then be appointed Obama's new "youth czar."

4. MICHAEL MOORE:

Because he's Michael Moore, the living dictionary definition of hypocrisy. He is a douchebag, always was a douchebag, and barring some sort of miracle will remain a douchebag for all time, and well into eternity, creating a black hole of douchebaggery.

So remember kiddies, if you're on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.