MoxArgon Xplains: Islamophobia

Greetings puny Earthlings.

You're probably wondering why I'm doing the Xplaining here today and not Xran.

Well, after his last little explanation post sparked a fat bump in our visits Xran got all big headed and signed on with the Creative Artists Agency in Hollywood to renegotiate his contract.

I've spent the last few days in Los Angeles with my legal androids trying to sort out a deal without bloodshed.

Well, we're at a bit of an impasse and negotiations have been suspended for the time being, or to be more exact Xran's agent Dwayne Shapiro has been suspended. In carbonite to be more exact.

My bad, I'm big enough to admit that, but he'll be thawed out in a week or two. So no harm, no foul.

Therefore, while Xran lounges by the pool at the Beverly Hilton, I'm filling in to update and explain things from his last post.

So, here goes, and be warned, it's pretty graphic....

MOXARGON EXPLAINS-- ISLAMOPHOBIA

Folks define...
ISLAMOPHOBIA
as the
IRRATIONAL FEAR
of
MUSLIMS

This is
BARBARA HALL

She is the head of
ONTARIO'S
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION

She thinks that
ISLAMOPHOBIA
is caused by
MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE

&
MARK STEYN


And while
BARBARA HALL
thinks one has a
HUMAN RIGHT
to not get their
FEELINGS HURT
She doesn't think people have a right to
A FAIR & LEGAL HEARING
BEFORE CONVICTION

Which makes
BARBARA HALL

WRONG!

So if she's wrong what causes Islamophobia?

It might be...

this...
this...
this...
this...

this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
this...
or this...
and

The loss of basic fundamental liberties in order to not offend
GUYS LIKE THIS

That's the
REAL CAUSE
of
ISLAMOPHOBIA

Which doesn't seem like an
IRRATIONAL FEAR
after all

What's the cure for
ISLAMOPHOBIA?

How about
MUSLIMS

refuse to allow
GUYS LIKE THIS
TO DEFINE THEM

And stand up to...
THESE GUYS
Who let
GUYS LIKE THIS
get away with it.

I hope that clears things up for you... and keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

Point/Counterpoint - Wright's Wrongs & Other Stuff...

TEKTAK- Hello puny Earthlings and welcome to another edition of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the Right.

SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob T. Mutant from the Left.

TEKTAK- First topic today is the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama has officially disowned his mentor and pastor of over twenty years after a rather.... hmmm... how to put this politely? ....screwy series of speeches about everything from phrenology in race relations, to the nature of his most famous congregant.

SNOTGLOB- You're a racist!

TEKTAK- How am I a racist? I'm not even human.

SNOTGLOB- You're a racist by calling Wright's speeches "screwy." He was merely discussing basic scientific facts.

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! The only reason Wright wasn't carted away to the loony bin over those speeches was because the men with the butterfly nets are scared of being called racists by morons like you. If a white man made such strange and broad declarations about the differences between blacks and whites, he'd be tarred and feathered, and rightfully so! Do you know why? Because such theories are screwy!

SNOTGLOB- Yeah, but Wright practices black liberation theology. That means it's okay for him to say things like that.

TEKTAK- You're not doing a very good job Snotglob.

SNOTGLOB- Good job of what?

TEKTAK- Of giving me an excuse to not shoot you.

SNOTGLOB- I'm just speaking truth to power.

TEKTAK- It's a good think Moxargon's on Earth, or he'd kick your ass for using that phrase. Next topic: Howard Dean and other Democrats insist on smearing McCain by deliberately misinterpreting, misleading, and outright lying about the whole "100 years of war" statement.

SNOTGLOB- I don't see anything wrong about that.

TEKTAK- They're deliberately lying about what McCain said! That's very wrong!

SNOTGLOB- Yeah, but didn't a great Earthling socialist state that if you lied often enough, and loud enough it eventually becomes the truth.

TEKTAK- You're talking about Josef Goebbels. He was a Nazi propagandist who helped create the Holocaust and World War 2.

SNOTGLOB- So a socialist made a few mistakes, that's why pencils have erasers. So folks, just let the Democrats keep lying about America being at war for 100 years and it will become true.

TEKTAK- In a way it just might. Especially if Democrats win the White House and Congress. What McCain meant is a presence in Iraq not unlike the American presence in Germany and Japan. Not 100 years of open war.

SNOTGLOB- Peace now! The quickest way to end a war is to lose it!

TEKTAK- For the first time in your life, you've said something accurate, so we're going to wrap it up for now, so until next time, stay on point.

It's a Joke Folks...

A
PAID
POLITICAL
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY
AL
FRANKEN
(D-FL Candidate for Minnesota Senator)

I must be important. Because the Rethuglikkkan attackkk machine of the big fat idiot Rush Limbaugh, the crypto-nazi Bill O'Reilly, George Stephanopolous, and their snivelling snot-nosed servants at Hot Air are making a big deal over a few of my little deals.

Oh sure, they make a big deal on me skipping on paying the disability and worker's comp premiums for my employees, but look at it from my point of view, if we had the universal health care that only Democrats can provide, I wouldn't have to pay those premiums.

And so I may have skipped on my California state taxes for a few years, but I'm a celebrity, a comedy legend, I deserve a little leeway.

Come on, if nobody's gone to prison for Air America's finances yet, I shouldn't be hassled over my taxes, or lack thereof.

Hmmm... looks like I'm losing the crowd here. Better do what I do best, and that's tell jokes.

Okay, Dick Cheney walks into a bar... and shoots some guy in the face!

Come on, I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing.

All right, how about this one.

What's the difference between Adolph Hitler and George W. Bush?

Adolph Hitler wasn't a chimp.

Huh-huh?

Come on folks these are the jokes.

If I was still on SNL they'd be rolling on the floor with these!

You of f*cking fascist bastards!

Okay, take a deep breath Al. You're not a failure, they're just too stupid to get your cerebral brand of comedy. Okay?

Remember, I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and darn it, people like me.

Don't you?

WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME!

F*ck this, I'm going to go crawl under the bed with a bottle of Jack and cry myself to sleep.

Again.

Bastards.

News of the Earth: Matters of Race...

Hi Earthlings.

TekTak here, filling for Remulak MoxArgon who is in Los Angeles today.

After the spike in visits to see Xran's piece about the Mark Steyn / Maclean's Magazing HRC controversy Xran got all big headed and joined Mike Huckabee as a client of the Creative Artists Agency in Hollywood so they could renegotiate his contract.

I wish them luck, the last time someone tried to renegotiate a contract midway through, a planet exploded. I'm not accusing anyone of specifically blowing the planet up, I'm just saying that it happened.

But anyway I'm here to talk about the news, so let's get started while you still have a planet.

1. Police officers charged in the death of Sean Bell were acquitted of murder charges. In response Al Sharpton declared that he was going to "shut down the city." Well, I don't know the details of the case, but I can tell you that the moment the Bell's family let Sharpton into their lives, an acquittal was guaranteed.

Sharpton's mere presence on one side of any case is pretty much a declaration that the side he's involved with is going to forgo facts and evidence for racially charged invective and threats. Bringing in Sharpton on your side is practically an admission of fault, and if you want to avoid that, you should spurn Sharpton like you would spurn a rabid weasel.

2. Whoopi Goldberg declared that View co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck's desire to judge a candidate by qualification over race or gender was a "very white attitude." Doesn't anyone see that Whoopi managed to insult both whites and blacks with this?

Then let me explain. Basically Whoopi insulted whites, by declaring that their attitude is somehow wrongheaded because of their skin colour. But she also insulted African-Americans by saying that they aren't capable of considering qualifications, competence, or integrity when it comes to voting, if that person has the correct skin colour. While some wags might use that to explain the political career of Ray Nagin, it's patronizing, and insulting to African Americans.

3. Obama's sort-of ex-pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright made a speech to the National Press Club, after speaking to the NAACP and an interview that bordered on fellatio with Bill Moyers. While some in the media are declaring that all is forgiven and that we should "move on" but I don't think so. Obama's 20 year relationship with the race-baiting conspiracy spewing Wright and his subsequent spurning when it became inconvenient shows both a lack of judgement, and moral fibre on the part of Barack Obama.

It reveals that he only joined Wright's church because it was politically convenient for him, not out of any deep belief, and the fact that he joined such an openly racist church shows a serious lack of thought in anything beyond his own short-term ambitions.

Anyway, I hope you Earthlings learn get past all this racial stuff, because as my colleague Snotglob likes to say: "Earthlings all taste the same to me."

Keep watching the skies folks.

Some Random Thoughts and Thanks...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon, your future lord and master here, taking a moment to off a few random thoughts, and to give a big thank you to some folks who linked to Xran's piece on Mark Steyn's battle with the Human Rights Mafia and caused our recent spike in visitors. I'm talking about the great Mark Steyn himself, Small Dead Animals, Right Wing News, and a whole passel of other bloggers, you know who you are because there's not enough space to thank all of you.

Just be assured that when my android hordes bring your wretched little planet under my mighty blue thumb, I will make sure you get cushy jobs in the petroleum mines. Perhaps a nice middle management position.

And now some random thoughts...

1. Cindy Sheehan, I try to not slag her because of her son's heroic sacrifice on the battlefield in Iraq. However the self-proclaimed "Peace Mom" has gone beyond her normal combo of grief and mental illness into shameless attention whoring by filing to run against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco. You are no longer the media's darling, do the best thing for your country, the memory of your son, and yourself, by going home and getting some serious mental health help.

2. In the realm of celebrity idiocy Wesley Snipes was sentenced to 3 years on a tax conviction. He dodged the nastier fraud and conspiracy charges by claiming that he was too stupid to conspire to commit fraud. Here's a hint Wes, there are only two inevitable things in the universe, death and taxes, and you can't cheat both without them coming to bite you on the ass.

3. The media and lefty pundits keep going after John McCain, but their attacks aren't exactly coming up to snuff. One story about him having a fling with a Brazilian model when he was a young lad actually put him up a notch in my books.

And the accusations that his temper disqualifies are completely bogus. I think his temper makes him eminently qualified. When you're dealing with terrorists and dictators, it's best to have them think that you are just one inch from going completely end of Scarface -say hello to my little friend- on all of them.

4. There's been a lot of talk about the the polygamist cult in Texas, and whether or not these people are being picked on over their religious beliefs. Now I've been tentative about commenting on the issue, because I have a lot of wives and would be called a hypocrite for criticizing them, but then I thought about it. My brand of polygamy is way different than your screwy Earthling brand of polygamy.

Yes, I have a lot of lives, but it's not like we all live on some compound in some remote corner where I have complete control of their lives. In fact, I have very little control of them and how they run their planets. Yes, I said planets, you see when I marry a female, they end up running a planet in my Empire known as The Universe. I don't try to control them, because I don't want to control them. My personal fetish is female with a combination of intelligence, independence, inner strength, and good old common sense.

I sure as hell wouldn't abuse them, or boss them around, and if I tried, I'd end up like one of my predecessors, Omulak the Beheaded, and I'd deserve it. Plus, they are all consenting adults who choose me as much as a choose them. (When the ladies go blue, nothing else will do.)

Now when you Earthlings do polygamy it becomes about dominance instead of partnership, and in relationships that can only lead to abuse. Also, these polygamist cultures always lead to inbreeding on an epic scale, and pretty soon you'll get a generation that makes Snotglob look normal.

Now I'm not calling for those people to be arbitrarily judged, but I am calling for a thorough investigation of this cult and its internal culture.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

XRAN XPLAINS: The Maclean's/Mark Steyn Controversy

Howdy Earthlings.

Xran here, to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple. Now I'm sure that many folks have heard about the Human Rights Commission complaints filed against Mark Steyn and Maclean's Magazine, but a lot of people don't know the details. So allow me to explain...

This is...
MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE
A Venerable Canadian News Magazine.

One day it printed an essay by this manMARK STEYN
a popular conservative columnist

It was about the threat posed by these people...
RADICAL ISLAMISTS
to the nation of
CANADA

The article raised a little controversy and many letters to the editors were written and many were published.

6 MONTHS LATER

These folks
A GROUP OF MUSLIM LAW STUDENTS
(artist's conception)
Declared that they were

OFFENDED

By the
MARK STEYN ESSAY

And

DEMANDED
that an entire issue of
MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE

be...

WRITTEN BY THEM

EDITED BY THEM
&
DESIGNED BY THEM

With no
EDITORIAL OVERSIGHT
of this special issues content on anything but grammar
by the people who actually own and operate the magazine

MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE
said

NO

Because saying YES would be
STUPID

So theMUSLIM LAW STUDENTS
filed a complaint against
MACLEAN'S MAGAZINE

with several provincial
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS

Now the question you might ask is...

WHY
file complaints with multiple
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS
instead of just filing a

LAWSUIT
in a
COURT OF LAW?

The answer is simple...
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS
were the creation of this man
PIERRE TRUDEAU
Canada's Former Prime Minister
PIERRE TRUDEAU
didn't think highly of Canada's tradition of
BRITISH COMMON LAW

with its rights of...

HABEAS CORPUS
DUE PROCESS
SPEEDY & FAIR TRIAL
&
THE PRESUMPTION OF INNOCENCE

So Trudeau created the
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS
with the touchy feely mandate of
PROTECTING HUMAN RIGHTS

However for these
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS
don't allow such things as...

HABEAS CORPUS
DUE PROCESS
SPEEDY & FAIR TRIAL
&
THE PRESUMPTION OF INNOCENCE

In fact
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSIONS
specifically...

DON'T NEED ANY BODY OF EVIDENCE FOR THE PROSECUTION OF COMPLAINTS OTHER THAN THE WORD OF THE ACCUSER

THE PROCESS IS NOT GUIDED BY THE RULE OF LAW, BUT THE WHIM OF THE ACCUSERS AND THE COMMISSIONERS

HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION HEARINGS CAN TAKE AS LONG AS THEY LIKE.

ACCUSERS DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING, UNLIKE A CIVIL TRIAL, BUT THE ACCUSED HAVE TO PAY FOR THEIR OWN DEFENCE.

THERE IS NO PRESUMPTION OF INNOCENCE
BUT A PRESUMPTION OF GUILT

Which is why
HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION COMPLAINANTS
win around
100%
of all cases brought before them.

So it's more like a
STALINIST SHOW TRIAL

or a
WITCH HUNT
than a legal proceeding.

So the...
MUSLIM LAW STUDENTS

CAN'T POSSIBLY LOSE

Meaning that
FREE SPEECH
in
CANADA
is
DEAD

How much will you bet that I'll get a Human Rights Commission Complaint over this?

I hope that clears things up for you.

CLICK HERE FOR AN UPDATE & EXPLANATION OF ISLAMOPHOBIA

All Allies Must Be Destroyed

A
SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
SPEAKER OF
THE HOUSE
NANCY PELOSI
(D-San Fran)

My fellow San Franciscans and all you folks in the hillbilly states, I have come on this blog to explain why I violated longstanding precedent in order to kill the free trade deal with Colombia.

My official position is that I had misgivings about how trade unionists were treated in Colombia, but we know that's all bunk since Colombia's trade unions all supported the deal. And with this revelation I've decided to come clean.

And nothing says honesty like a list.

1. American union leaders have a knee jerk hatred of any trade going on with any foreign country, even if the country in question is looking to purchase goods from some of America's struggling manufacturing industries. Potential job creation is greatly outweighed by their desire to hold power of the country's trade, and as a Democrat I must obey the people who give my party money.

2. Colombia is a functioning democracy that is fighting back against narco-terrorists, aggressive autocratic neighbours, official corruption, while heralding in strong economic growth and a rising standard of living for all citizens. We can't have that. All proof that free-market democracies make lives better for average people must be buried. Why couldn't they be more like real progressive economies, like Zimbabwe?

3. The Colombian government is a staunch ally of the United States of America. It is the policy of the Democratic Party to punish America's allies, and reward America's enemies. We must teach the world that being a friend to the USA is a bad thing, and aligning with progressive autocrats like Hugo Chavez are the future. Look at the great job Chavez has done with Venezuela.

I hope these points have inspired you to vote Democrat in 2008.

Thank you.

News of the Earth: Cosmic Edition

Hello Earthlings. TekTak here with another edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

1. Cosmologist, physicist, and all around dude Stephen Hawking said that life on other planets is probable, but intelligent life is rare. Tell me about it, we have yet to find any on Earth.

2. Hillary Clinton declared that if Iran nuked Israel, she, as president would "totally obliterate them." Since she is a Democrat, I'm sure she thinks "obliterate" mean send them a strongly worded letter saying that their actions weren't exactly nice.

3. The Washinton Post recently ran a story that claimed that John McCain's temper disqualifies him from the presidency. When asked to comment on the story McCain yelled: "Aaaarrgh! McCain SMASH!!"

That's all for now, keep watching the skies and all that.

Douchebags of the Week... The Really Late Edition

Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to another edition of DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK.

Sorry it's late, but there's been just too much recidivist douchebaggery to choose from without repeating oneself lately. So here's the list.

NANCY PELOSI- For killing the Colombia free trade agreement to butter up Hugo Chavez and some corrupt and fat American unions, and then the unmitigate chutzpah to claim that it was all for the good of Colombian unions, even though Colombian unions supported the deal.

BILL AYERS- For having an easy privileged and prosperous life just handed to him on a silver platter, and repaying the favour with bombings, threats, and lefty grandstanding that's no doubt poisoning young minds at Chicago universities all because Daddy didn't hug him enough, and never being punished, or even called on his crimes until now, and only because it's favourable to Hillary Clinton.

ENVIRONMENTALISTS- From the yahoos of the Sea Shepherd society trying to kill men who are only trying to make a living in the North Atlantic, and then whining when they get arrested for it, to the ethanol and carbon credit crowd who are having needed farmland turned over from food production to inedible ethanol crops and eucalyptus trees. Thanks to you people, yes, real sentient human beings, will starve to death.

PS: When a ship is accused of deliberately bumping an ice floe that people are walking on, it can only be interpreted as an attempt to knock said people off said ice floe and to their icy deaths, the fact that no one was killed says more for dumb luck than intent. As for the seal hunt itself, I can't really bring myself to buy into the cute and cuddly image since I have actually encountered healthy seals in the wild, and they have tried to bite my face off without provocation.

And to explain further the whole carbon credit boondoggle, when you give Al Gore money, he gives a small part of that money to a farmer in a 3rd world country to stop growing food and to plant supposedly carbon sucking Eucalyptus trees that are inedible to anyone who isn't a koala.

Besides, as Ed Begley said about carbon credits: it's like a drunk driver tearing down the street in an SUV, and saying it's all right, because he tossed a handful of change at an AA meeting as he sped by.

And thanks for posting your pre-prepared comments, complete with news articles, I do not think that you are sock puppets trolling for blogs that mention environmentalists in any way, shape or form.

So, if you find yourself on this list, it means that...
Goodnight, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Quit Harshing My Mellow Dudes...

A
SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
BILL AYERS
(Weather Underground Terrorist & Obama supporter)

Whoah, dudes, things are gettin' heavy for my black brother Obama. Some crypto-fascist pigs are all on his back over us being friends and because I used to toss bombs for the Weather Underground.

Dudes, that's just harsh man, really harsh pig-talk there.

Think about a minute. All I did was plant bombs to bring down the capitalist pig society that gave me the comfort and privileged childhood of the son of a corporate CEO, then let me get off on all charges, and then hand me a career in academia where my biggest qualification was that I was a terrorist.

Any society that let's someone like me get so prominent has to be screwed up and must be brought down!

But that's no reason to get all harsh and crypto-fascist on my bro Barry.

Barack Obama knows how to handle terrorists, he becomes friends with them. I think Osama Bin Ladin will be much more relaxed if we get him on the board of a nice university somewhere.

Anyway, leave my bro Barry alone.

Damn, I could sure go for some weed, and some dynamite....

What were we talking about again?