Helen Thomas & Everything That's Wrong

Greetings puny Earthlings.

This past week saw the retirement of Helen Thomas from her place of dishonor in the front row of the Washington Press Corps after she suggested that Israelis give up their 3000+ years of history, hand over their nation to people who enjoy blowing up schools, and return to Europe where 6 million of their number were slaughtered during the 1940s.

Her forced retirement came just months shy of her 90th birthday, and about 25 years too late.

Her entire career was a classic illustration of everything that's wrong with the mainstream media. As I write this many of the media's chattering classes are talking about her great accomplishments as the doyenne of the chattering class.

And here is a list of greatest journalistic accomplishments:

1. She showed up.

2. She stayed.

Yes, she broke the mold by being the first woman to join the White House drinking club press corps. But if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else, it was an inevitability, and after breaking that mold, Helen Thomas got moldy very quickly.

For those of you who don't believe me just answer these two questions:

1. What big "scoops" did she dig up in her career?

2. When was the last time you read one of her "columns" and said: "Damn, she's brilliant?"

The answers are 1. None, and 2. Never.

Because you don't get scoops when you're the White House correspondent. All you do is regurgitate what the Press Secretary tells you, and write about what you heard, layering on as much spin as you can get away with.

Reporters like the position because it gives them instant daily national exposure, but realize that it's a very limited position, because you really can't break news the way you can in other positions. So most journalists, the real ones, move on when they've done their turn in order to grow their careers.

Helen Thomas at least had the foresight to know her limitations as just a biased hack, and once she had the "showing up" part done, she stayed, using her gender and age to get away with her hackery, her bias, and her blatant hatred of Jews, Republicans, Israel, democratic countries, and anything else that she disagrees with that manages to poke through the layers of cobwebs in her senility addled brain.

Since she was "The First," had seniority, and expressed openly the prejudices most media mavens had to hide under layers of baffle-gab, she was honored, feted, and glorified waaay beyond her ability, intelligence, or integrity. It helped her get a contract with Hearst newspapers that Hearst instantly regretted, running only a handful of her least incoherent columns, and binning the rest.

Helen Thomas sat in the front seat of that press room like a pimple on the ass of progress. Sore, unpleasant, and full of some really nasty stuff.

Then she finally went too far, ripped off the mask, and showed the world the pseudo intellectual pus that filled her head.

Now she's gone, and the White House is going to have to find another long-in-the-tooth, anti-Semitic, incoherent, yahoo to fill that precious front row seat.

It won't be hard, there are a lot of jokers in the media deck.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

I'm here to help you ACORN

Greetings puny Earthlings...

It has come to my attention that ACORN, the group that backed everything from Barack Obama's political career, to underage brothels in sting videos, is breaking up as a national organization.

Actually, that's a tad inaccurate. ACORN is merely rearranging, and renaming elements of their labyrinthine corporate structure to keep on doing that thing they do. Which is to help corrupt politicians expand their power, cripple the economy, and perpetuate class and racial differences.

So I'm now going to help ACORN find a new name, one that tells more about what they do than their old name of Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now. This is because I'm the helpful sort.

C.R.A.P.
Corrupt Radicals Aiding Politicians

F.A.R.T.
Fraternal Association of Reprobate Transgressors

P.A.P.S.M.E.A.R.
Pseudo Activists Pushing Socialist Mobsters in Elections And Re-elections

T.A.R.D.
Tainted Activists Ruining Democracy

P.O.O.P.
Plutocrats Owning Opportunistic Politicians

If you have your own suggestions, then please let us know.

Two Points To Ponder....

Greetings puny Earthlings, here are some points for you to ponder.

1. So, according to reports Abdulmutallab the bloomer bomber is talking.

Why is that being reported?

All the folks he's talking about, whether they're in Yemen or in Britain, have now gone to ground thanks to that little tidbit coming out.

In fact, there should have been no news about anything about him doing or saying anything. The moment he came off the plane he should have been whisked to a special facility where he would be made to talk in private.

Of course that didn't happen. Eric Holder just gave him some rights he wasn't due under any constitution, treaty, or barroom bet. Then, when this asinine move, among other asinine moves, like not consulting the national security/anti-terrorism apparatus, start coming under public scrutiny, they decide to tell the world that panty-boy is yakking up a storm.

If they got any dumber.... they'd all be Joe Biden.

2. The whole Global Warming boondoggle just keeps getting deeper. First came the schemin' e-mails with their overall theme of "lie, cheat, and crush all who ask questions," and now comes the glaciers. It seems that the IPCCCCCC's report on those pesky shrinking glaciers was based on a student's term paper, an article in a hiking magazine, and anything else that guy with the combover pulled out of his ass that day.

Which raises one question: Why is anyone shocked?

We're talking about people whose entire careers are based on the conceit of the baby boomers. That conceit being that the climate the baby boom generation knew in their childhood was not only the time when Earth was in perfect harmony, but that same climate was an unchanging constant for all of Earth's history.

Sorry, but that's what we in Outer Space call a big steaming pile of horseshit.

So why are people shocked to discover that anyone who believes that is not only not a scientist, but also a craven opportunist looking to profit through fear mongering.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Here's Some Alternatives...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It looks like President Obama has decided that pissing away hundreds of millions of dollars and endangering the lives of New Yorkers so Eric Holder could expose CIA secrets in open court, wasn't the great idea they originally thought it was. Now the POTUS is looking for alternate venues for the trial of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his catamite cronies.

Since I'm all about helping people, and Obama seems to have a thing about closing Gitmo too, I'm going to offer these alternatives, nay solutions, for this problem.

MONSTER ISLAND

It's owned by Japan, but the Japanese are willing to lease it to the US government at a very affordable price. It's secure, at least from outside threats, and no matter the outcome of the trial, civilization wins. If he's convicted their sentence is to be tossed to the monsters, if found not guilty because someone at the CIA was mean to them, then they can be safely set free to live out the rest of their (short) lives on Monster Island.

SKULL ISLAND

This is technically a sovereign nation, but I checked with the natives, and they are very willing to sign the island over to the USA, in exchange for GETTING OFF SKULL ISLAND. Once there, it's simply a matter of tossing them over the big wall that lies between the village and the jungle.

THE VALLEY OF THE GWANGI

This requires the co-operation of Mexico, but slip someone in power a few pesos, and he'll toss you the key. This is a perfect place for the sort of medieval jurisprudence these Jihadis are so fond of. Set them off, naked and smeared with A1 steak sauce, at one end of the valley, and if they make it to the other end of the valley, then they can go free.

THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT

This is not only a good place to hold trials, but it would make a crackerjack low-maintenance prison for recalcitrant Jihadis. It's essentially a temperate lost valley hidden beneath the ice of Antarctica. Just toss them in, if they escape, then they'll freeze in the Antarctic wastelands. No fuss, no muss.

BIZARRO WORLD

This is the one planet in the Known Universe where right is wrong, and wrong is right. Come to think about it, maybe Eric Holder actually comes from this planet.... that's something to think about.

Anyway, I think these are good alternatives. So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Random Rambling Reality Checks

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Here are a few quick reality checks.

1. If Martha Coakley has to resort to Al Franken type tactics of zombie voters and finding ballots in abandoned cars to justify her inheritance of Ted Kennedy's seat in the Senate, then voters may finally clue in that it's not about health care, it's not about equality, it's all about power. Getting it, and holding onto it.

2. If a bill is more than 100 pages, at most, then it's nothing more than a scam for power and money hidden behind layers of bogus legalese.

3. A friend told me that Pat Robertson is more interested in attention than salvation, and that's why he says the things he does. Being outraged at him is just giving him what he wants because it means you're paying attention. Ignore him, and he goes away.

4. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists ticked the "Doomsday Clock" back a full minute because of.... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama. And you know what that means, Earth is now closer to total nuclear annihilation than ever before. Because the BAS deals more in BS when they ignore the simple fact that a psychopathic regime like Iran's is going to go nuclear at any minute because of... wait for it... the election of Barack Obama.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

What Have We Learned 2

Howdy Earthlings!

Xran the Fleshrender here, with a few more lessons learned from the 2000s.

So let's roll...

1. Poverty is not the root cause of terrorism. Look at the roll of prominent terrorists and you'll find that very few of them were actually suffering any poverty. Usama Bin Ladin comes from a family with a net worth in the billions, Ayman Al Zawahiri is a trained doctor, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is university educated and from a middle class background, and the Wannabe Bloomer Boomer Mr. Mutallab is the son of a rich Nigerian banker.

The root cause of terrorism is a combo of religiously inspired ego, coupled with intense self loathing due to all the self-inflicted suffering of the Islamic people, that's aimed at the West because they've got Westerners from University Professors, Media Pundits, to the Current President taking the blame for all that suffering.

2. The science is not settled. As recently liberated e-mails reveal, Global Warming is not a science, or even a religion, because a religion must be able to stand up to some form of theological debate, it is a cult. A cult where there are no questions asked, and those who dare to ask questions, are cast out and professionally burned as heretics.

3. Terrorism is not a civilian criminal problem. The laws of war , and even the Geneva Convention, dictate that anyone who engages in terrorist acts, while out of uniform, and using civilians as shields is not a prisoner of war, but an Enemy Combatant. Enemy combatants literally have no rights under the Geneva Convention, and are not to be granted extraordinary legal protections by an Attorney General whose old law firm is currently defending them.

4. "Social Justice" is the new refuge of the scoundrel. As those pesky ACORN videos show, if you want a career getting away with criminal acts, get millions in federal funding, and have politicians protecting you while kissing your ass, cover your scam under the cloak of "social justice."

Plus, if anyone calls you on your criminality, you can call them racist, fascist, and any other nicknames you can come up with.

5. Peace movements aren't pro-peace, they are anti-democracy. Throughout modern history there have been movements aimed at protesting those savage warmongering regimes who go around picking on innocent peace-loving countries. Of course those savage warmongers all happen to be democracies that have been attacked by those allegedly peace loving countries, which just happen to be ruled by bloodthirsty dictators.

If you have any of your own lessons that you have learned over the past decade, then leave them in the comments.

Keep watching the skies kiddies, because we are watching you.

What Have We Learned?

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's hard to believe, but the wretched inhabitants of Earth have managed to get through the first decade of the twenty-first century.

Now a lot of folks like to take this time to look back at the events of the past decade, I on the other hand, being a more evolutionarily advanced creature, like to look back at what lessons we have learned.

And wow, have we learned a hell of a lot of lessons.

We have learned...

1. That the "Clash of Civilizations" is really a myth. What we are witnessing is not civilizations clashing, but civilization clashing with pre-medieval barbarism. Civilizations build up, they do not bring down, and there is nothing Al Qaida does other than tear things down.

2. Being wealthy doesn't mean that someone is a free-market capitalist. Look at how Wall Street and the billionaires who loves them, rushed to embrace the economy crippling policies of the Obama Administration. It's not because they love socialism, but because they love their own position at the top of the economic food chain.

They know that they are safe from crushing taxes, cushioned not only by the immensity of their wealth, but by the simple fact that the 1000+ page tax codes passed by their pet politicians, are literally written by their pet lobbyists, to leave loads of loopholes for them to exploit. It's not about bringing up the poor, or bringing down the rich, it's about keeping the middle class from challenging the supremacy of the super-rich. If they really were for the free market, they'd be fighting to simplify and reduce taxes because of the simple reason that it increases revenue, spurs economic growth, and starves that freedom devouring beast called government.

3. There is no such thing as an unbiased media. The mainstream press, from the New York Times, to the major TV networks have completely tossed away any pretension to being unbiased guardians of the truth. From the Great Global Warming Swindle, to the worship of Barack Obama, to the demonization of the previous administration whose sole goal seemed to be keeping the country safe, and whose attempts at bi-partisanship only served to hurt himself. There is literally an entire industry that catalogs their exercises in extreme bias, and they do a much better detailed job than I could ever do.

4. We now know what the Democrats would do once fully in power in both the White House and Congress. They would go completely ape-shit insane from their lust for power.

Look at the mad frenzy to pass society transforming legislation putting unprecedented chunks of the US economy under the control of people who can't even handle the simplest of administrative tasks. Now you're probably wondering why they would want to control so much when they can't really manage it?

It's power.

They want it, and the only way they can get it, is to lie, cheat, steal, and then use that power to make the voters completely dependent on their tax-payer funded largess. Because dependent voters are obedient voters, no matter how miserable those same politicians make their lives.

Just look at Detroit, a city that is literally dead on its feet because of the Democratic Party's "progressive" policies, but the voters there would elect a shaved wombat if they ran it as a Democrat making crazy promises. To Democrats Detroit is the perfect condition they want for the country, a wealthy elite keeping the poor obedient and contained in their state-sponsored ghettos, and the middle class either destroyed, or in exile.

I'll post more of this past decade's lessons until New Year's Eve, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check: Peer Review Or Peer Pressure

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I find it funny that those who love to call global warming doubters "sell-outs" who are in "the pay of big business" and that their research doesn't "pass peer review," because as we've been seeing with reports of hacked e-mails, there's no such thing as peer review in climate science, only peer pressure.

For those who don't know, the "Climategate" e-mail scandal is all about a plucky little devil of a hacker getting his hands on the e-mails between a Dr. Phillip Jones of the University of East Anglia's Climate Research Unit and senior advisor to the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, and Dr. Michael Mann one of the chief authors of the now notorious, and woefully inaccurate "Hockey stick graph" made famous by Warm-monger and green fear profiteer Al Gore.

Now these weren't love notes they were exchanging, these two men, the two top brains in the field of "climate research" were actively conspiring to cover-up data that proved that the so-called "global warming" was a natural, and cyclical phenomena, and that it ended in the late 1990s.

That's an affront against the very nature of science, and you're probably wondering how these chaps managed to get away with it. I mean weren't these sorts of things supposed to be "peer reviewed."

Well yes, but peer review is only as good as the peers doing the reviewing, and whether or not those peers have the testicular fortitude to resist the overwhelming peer pressure so prevalent in contemporary Earthling climate research.

You see, if you dare write anything that might question the findings of those two men and their assorted climate catamites, you will find it very hard to get a journal to publish your research, and if some plucky journal does decide to publish, well guess what happens. Suddenly word starts zipping around the "climate community" that the journal in question isn't fit for toilet paper because they dared publish some evil anti-Earth propaganda.

That's right, you'll find your career sunk by those very same men with accusations of doing the exact same things that they themselves appear to do on a twice daily basis.

Climate research isn't science, it's a high school cheerleader squad, with its ranks determined by the bitchy machinations of the squad's meanest girls who crush all who dare oppose them with slander, and innuendo until they develop an eating disorder and give up, because they can't have their voices heard.

Now you're probably wondering why these men would sacrifice all sense of scientific integrity to become nothing more than a pair of glorified whores.

The answer is simple.

MONEY & POWER

It's a deadly combination, but too much for folks to pass up.

You see to get any money to do research you have to apply to governments and corporation backed foundations. And if you don't want your application in the circular file you have to tell them what they want to hear, and what they want to hear is "Global Warming," and the more doom oriented the better.

Governments want to hear it because Warm-mongering Alarmism allows them to-

1. Gain more control of the lives of their people, using an "Obey or we're all doomed" message to regulate personal freedom into oblivion.

2. Use the "crisis" to justify massive tax hikes, even bigger spending programs, and the accumulation of massive debts, with most of the money going to...

Big corporations, who want Global Warming because it gives them...

1. An excuse to suckle at the teat of taxpayers, draining billions every year to supposedly spent on "alternative energy" programs, that don't really produce enough energy.

2. They will then use the excuse of "not enough power" to hike the price of energy, and along with it the price of literally everything you might possibly want, or need.

3. Meanwhile they race to the bottom, using the "carbon credit" status of the Third World, exploiting their resources, both natural and human, and pollute wildly, all in the name of "saving the planet.

Dr. Jones and Dr. Mann saw an opportunity and they went for it. They made themselves unassailable. The mainstream media and the current American and Western European administrations will not do anything to them. These men are the prophets of a new faith, a faith that gives them absolute control without the pesky morality that most religions come with.

So what good is peer review is climate research? Apparently it's not good at all, especially when men like those are the peers you have to submit too.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Xran Xplains: The KSM Trial

Howdy Earthlings.

Xran here, I'm back from fighting the Negative Universe hordes and I'm back doing what I do best, simplifying the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple. Today I'm looking at Attorney General Eric Holder's decision to give the 9/11 conspirators a civilian trial in New York.

THIS IS
KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED
he orchestrated the
9/11/2001 ATTACKS
the US Military had him at
GITMO
but
ERIC HOLDER
the US Attorney General
is moving
KSM
to a civilian trial in
NEW YORK CITY
even though
KSM
already plead guilty and demanded execution in
GITMO

ERIC HOLDER
claims that the
CONSTITUTION
demands it

But the reality is that
KSM
as a terrorist is an
UNLAWFUL COMBATANT
and under the law an
UNLAWFUL COMBATANT
can be
SHOT
without trial military or civilian
because they have no rights under the
CONSTITUTION
or the
GENEVA CONVENTION
so
ERIC HOLDER'S
decision has no basis in law or history and
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
or does it?
Because...

HIS OLD LAW FIRM
is up to its neck in
GITMO CASES
and it also gives him a chance to put
THE CIA
on trial
for being mean to
KSM
and use it to slag the
BUSH ADMINISTRATION
neuter the War on Terror
and hopefully distract from the
fact that
THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION
is a dismal failure.

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

Ask The ArgonMox Group!

NEGULAK: Greetings mighty Earthlings!

It is I, you're new Supreme Ruler of the Unknown Universe Negulak ArgonMox!

That's right, not only have I defeated your precious Remulak and his hordes, I have also swiped his Blogger password!

All must kneel before NEGULAK!

Well, it looks like you have some questions, so as your new Lord & Master, I'm going to answer them.

Now since most of my minions are busy conquering this tiny Universe, I only have the token idiot from my dimension's Counterpoint / Point Show, SpotBob T. Normal.

SPOTBOB: Hi, how are all you Earth people doing.

NEGULAK: Let's look at the questions.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of sending Obama to the North Pole and making him sit on an egg after he loses in 2012?

NEGULAK: That would be horrible. Obama is the leader of the free world, and by virtue of his election, his race, and his brilliant policies the most incredible leader you ever had, who is always right, will be re-elected in 2012 by a grateful nation, and anyone who questions anything about him is racist, plain and simple.

SPOTBOB: Well, I disagree--

NEGULAK: SpotBob you ignorant one gendered slut! Will you shut the hell up with your idiocy.

SPOTBOB: Sorry.

NEGULAK: Next question.

Chris in NC asked: Will a movie that mocked Obama (even for just one scene) make hundreds of millions of dollars or do we need to wait another year for that?

NEGULAK: Hopefully such racist trash will be righteously savaged by the critics, or at least deliberately censored by the morally upright people of Hollywood.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of the decision to try the terrorists in New York? How would you have handled it?

NEGULAK: It's better than actually following the constitution and legal precedent that puts those poor innocent Freedom Fighters under the threat of death by a military tribunal, and it has the added bonuses of exposing national security secrets, putting the CIA on trial, and giving a Democrat judge the chance to set them free because those CIA meanies waterboarded them. Personally, I wouldn't have tried them at all, because I mean America had to have done something to deserve mass murder of its civilians.

Chris in NC asked: Plus, ya know I'm going to beg and plead for another of your best Billie Piper pictures.

NEGULAK: Here's the sexiest one I have:
NEGULAK: Someone put saltpeter in my cappuccino, I'm feeling warm in the secret spots.

blackhawk12151 asked: What are the top 5 most important events that have happened on our world during your absence?

NEGULAK: Let's see, since I'm new to this dimension I might have missed a few things. Oh, I'll say:

1. Iran getting closer to getting an A-bomb to terrorize the Middle East in the name of a pre-Medieval theocracy.

2. Obama winning the Nobel Prize. A magical moment.

3. The Democrats finally adding trillions to the debt, which is the only thing that will save the US economy from evil small business people.

4. The horrible injustice being visited upon that poor Malik Nidal Hasan who faces evil Texas justice simply because he protested against the racist wars of US Imperialism.

5. The terrible punishment the Mainstream media is getting for sharing to the world the unbiased truth of just how wonderful Barack Obama really is.

blackhawk12151 asked: Also, perhaps you could have Xran explain why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am still trying to wrap my feeble human brain around that one.

NEGULAK: RanX isn't here today, but I will explain it. Obama won for being born the greatest man history has ever seen, and anyone who questions that is racist.

Random Walker asked: How low do Odumbo’s popularity has to drop before Hitlery Reset Clinton quits? If she considers running again what would be a good time for her to stab him in the back? Would mediots crucify her or would they jump ship with her?

NEGULAK: Listen you racist, Obama's modest dip in popularity is simply because of the evil propaganda of racist like you and at Fox News. I'm sure Hillary acknowledges Obama's greatness and will a model of loyalty for all time.

Random Walker asked: Are Snotglob and Varos still douches in that parallel universe you’ve been fighting?

NEGULAK: Yes. They have the racist temerity to question Obama's policy decisions. If that doesn't make them disgusting racist teabaggers, I don't know.

REMULAK: Excuse me.

NEGULAK: What are you doing here? We defeated you!

REMULAK: Defeated me? I destroyed your fleet, and your armies. All the other members of your little inner circle are dead.

NEGULAK: Yes, in the Negaverse the one that gets beaten the worst is the winner.

REMULAK: You ain't in the Negaverse anymore Dorothy.

(ZAP)

NEGULAK: Aaaaaaaaggghhhhh!

SPOTBOB: You vaporized him!

REMULAK: Want to be next?

SPOTBOB: Nope, I got an appointment back in the Negaverse, see you later.

(Whoop-Pop!)

REMULAK: Sorry Earthlings. We hope to have everything back to normal in the next few days. Thanks for your questions and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you. And here's a little palate cleanser for Chris in NC...

Some Ideas

Greetings puny Earthlings. With all the talk and rage going on about health care in the USA I've decided to offer some advice.

Now I know that you don't have medical androids in every home and don't have the bio-manipulative nanotechnology that cures all disease and heals all injuries in a matter of minutes, so I will try to take your primitiveness into consideration.

So here are a few basic facts that are being ignored by many in the mainstream press.

1. Government can't run government. That's a simple fact. Need proof, go to the DMV, or apply for a passport, or just try to do anything that may involve a government body. What makes people think they can run health care? Health care has nothing to do with it, it's all about controlling people's lives based on crackpot theories from socialism to eugenics.

2. The insurance companies want Obamacare. Why?

A- Because it will force people in that 18-25 otherwise healthy people who can afford but don't buy health insurance to buy health insurance or have their lives taken over by the state. Also those who were covered by employers will be dumped onto the state, forcing them to buy insurance on their own, for higher individual rates instead of bulk rates, or also face government takeover.

B- It will help hinder competition. Right now you can buy car insurance nationwide, but you can't buy health insurance nationwide. That's because each state has their own regulations that dictate who can operate in which state. In some cases if allows them to set a near monopoly in some areas, and hinder any competition. If Obama really wanted to reform health insurance, he would put health insurance under a unified regulatory structure, and allow companies that can operate within those regulations to work nationwide. It would allow real competition between insurance companies, and eliminate the buddy system that currently keeps prices up and competitors down.

C- Not only will more people be forced to buy health insurance these same companies, as well as the hospital corporations will all line up to leech the Obamacare system dry. That's why the bill was written by their lobbyists, that's why it's a mish-mash of regulations that fill out over 1000 pages. The longer and more confusing the bill, the more loopholes they can manipulate for profit.

Just a little something to chew on, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Few Random Thoughts by The Ruler of the Universe

Greetings puny Earthlings, sorry I've been away for a while, it's a busy life ruling the Known Universe. So here are a few random thoughts...

WHAT'S WITH THE CZARS?

I'll tell you what's with the Czars, and why Obama has 30 of them to manage everything from your car to your colon, and everything in between.

The answer is simple. Obama loves control, but he hates all that democracy thing where his cronies candidates have to face any sort of public scrutiny, even from his pet poodles in Congress and the media. So he makes up a whole truckload of bogus positions, free from public scrutiny, and if anyone does ask a question about them, they get scolded for wanting to do nothing while some earthshaking disaster destroys civilisation around them.

There is no disaster, there is just the job of government, which is to be done by government, not a bunch of unelected political hacks from Chicago.

WHAT'S WITH GATES?

We've all had our encounters with the police in Cambridge Massachussetts police. I know I have thanks to your country's abundance of cheap liquor and prudish rules about going around without pants, but that still doesn't make what President Obama said right.

What he should have said was: "I may know Prof. Gates personally, but I am also the President, so I really shouldn't comment on something that I don't know all the facts of, and we'll leave it at that."

But he didn't. Instead he automatically decided that the Cambridge Police was the reincarnation of Bull Connor (who was also a Democrat) and that Gates wasn't screaming and ranting when he should have calmly shown the cop his ID, proving that it was his own home, and then politely said goodbye.

Obama let his mask slip, and revealed the racial grievance monger that he really is, and as his numbers continue to slip, expect him to start spreading that grief from the police, to the voters.

WHAT'S WITH JOE BIDEN?

The man has pudding for brains.

WHAT'S WITH THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

What's with the rest of Obama's paperwork. We don't know how he paid for college, let alone what he did in university, or how he managed to become editor of the Harvard Law Review without a single piece of legal scholarship to his name, because those records are sealed.

Obama is keeping those things sealed not because he likes being a mystery, but because he must be a non-entity. He must make himself a blank slate so that his pet poodles in the press can fill it with their own wishful thinking. Finding out that he worked as a male prostitute (just a theory, because I don't know any different) to get through Columbia and Harvard would put something on that blank slate that can't be written over with the dreams of a bunch of guilty rich white liberals from the Hamptons.

Then there's this simple fact that debunks the "Birther's" conspiracy. If Obama was born in Kenya, he'd be an immigrant, and then he'd be a hell of a lot more patriotic toward the country that he currently leads.

It's that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

PS: I think we need another round of "Ask The MoxArgon Group" so leave a question in the comments, and we'll answer them next week.

A Little Bit of Advice...

Hello Earthlings.

Tektak F. Mechanoid here and I've been looking at your Earthling news and I can't resist butting in with a little unsolicited advice.

1. Mark Sanford: Will someone get this guy a brain-scan? I mean come on, Michael Jackson dies, the only thing to get the mainstream media to drop a Republican scandal, and he goes and opens his big mouth, again, and again. He's gotta have like an aneurysm, or a brain tumor clouding his sense of reason.

My advice- get him some medical help, and his wife a damn good lawyer.

2. Cap & Trade: Crap & Raid is more accurate. This bill seeks to increase prices exponentially, destroy jobs, and hand Wall Street a whole new market more ephemeral than derivatives and sub-prime mortgages, otherwise known as carbon credit trading. And I haven't even touched the goodies for every political crook, crank and crackpot that it's going to dish out.

My advice- ditch it in the Senate, and anyone who votes for it should be voted out as soon as possible.

3. ObamaCare: Soon Americans will discover the joys of waiting 6 months to see a doctor, and another year to get a test, just like Canadians.

My advice- Forget the 50 million uninsured, the bulk of them can actually buy their own, but don't. Stick only to the 10 million chronically uninsured, and then you can do something. Either that or buy MoxArgon's android doctors and install them in every home. It's the only way you can get socialized health care to actually function.

4. Iran & North Korea: Both countries practice violent aggression against their neighbors and their own people, and both are working on nukes.

My advice- grow a pair, and do something.

I hope this advice is helpful.

Bye.

Testing... Testing...

Well, who knew that Joe Biden, who has the comparative brain power of a turnip, would turn into a prophet. He said that President Obama would be tested by the world's petty tyrants and terrorists, and guess what, he is.

And I don't think he's studied for these tests.

You got North Korea threatening to lob a missile at Hawaii, Obama's home state, on the 4th of July. Plus you have Ahmadinejad rigging an election so he can keep frigging up his country for another term.

And what has Obama done in response?

Well in the case of North Korea, he has ordered some ships to Hawaii, and put the defence forces there on alert, in the hopes that they might intercept the missile if it actually works.

But he seems to have forgotten something.

Which brings me to a little parable from my own experience.

In the Hoon system on the fringe of my empire is a piss-ant little planet called Valhoon. Valhoon was technologically backward, dirt poor, and had a government that couldn't organise a shag in a brothel. But they had a leader named Nudsak, who thought that he was the rightful ruler of the universe.

Nudsak started building and testing war-ships, and threatening to nuke the neighbouring planet of Yolhoon unless the Known Universe declared him the rightful ruler.

So I sent a message back. It was a simple and direct message explaining that not only will my forces intercept and crush his piss-ant little fleet, I would kill him.

Not bomb his planet, or even invade. I would kill him, Nudsak, personally, and painfully.

Because that's how you have to talk to these kinds of dictators. They don't care about their people, and won't lose a wink of sleep if they get slaughtered, they only care about themselves.

Now I'm not saying that President Obama should go to Pyongyang and personally skin Kim Jong-Il alive, and keep him alive on life support so Kim can watch Obama eat his heart, because I doubt Obama has the street fighting skills or the retractable claws for the job. But if he launches his missile, a cruise missile in the window of his presidential palace might do the trick, even if it doesn't kill him. Remember, the North Korean people are raised to view Kim Jong-Il as a near deity and his Stalinist slave state as eternal.

Reducing his palace to a smoking hole does wonders for teaching people about their own mortality.

Now let's look at Iran.

Right now the woefully unpopular Ayatollahs of Rock and Rollas are threatening their own people 6 ways from Sunday because they dare to expect elections to actually result in people getting elected.

The theocracy is on thin ice. Rumours say they don't trust their own army and Revolutionary Guard, preferring the services of their own Basij Militias, topped off with imported thugs from Hamas, and Hezbollah.

It's a lot like the communist government in Poland in the 1980s, they oppressed everyone brutally, but lacked the military loyalty needed to go full Tianneman on their own people. Reagan played it masterfully, promoting the pro-democracy Solidarity movement, while avoiding any direct armed confrontations.

What has Obama done?

Well, he said nothing for days, then he sort of, kinda, maybe, offered some sort of, kinda, maybe tentative support behind the people on the streets, but then backed off, worrying that it sort of, kinda, maybe might destabilize Iran.

A destabilized Iran is just what you want.

A stable Iran is a terrorist supporting, nuke building, neighbour threatening basket case that exports more misery than oil.

An unstable Iran, can't support terror, build nukes, threaten neighbours, or export the misery its masters seem to love so much. Suddenly Hamas and Hezbollah can't bomb innocent women and children like they used to, and their political armor starts to break up. This will take the pressure off the democracy of Israel, and the nascent democracy sprouting in Lebanon.

However, Obama is, above all things, a Democrat.

Being a Democrat means treating enemies better than friends, which means no concrete support for real democracy in Iran, or the neutering of its terrorist catamites, because Democrats are scared that some bearded weirdo in a basement in Qom isn't going to like them.

So expect an already nutless foreign policy to get much more nutless.

Ask The MoxArgon Group...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since we've asked you to ask us, so here we go again.

If you have a question about Earthling politics, economics, or just plain life in general that can only be answered by the most brilliant minds in the universe, then drop it off in the comments by next Sunday, and we'll post the answers on Monday April 13.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and we have all the answers.

Reality Check: About Those Bonuses...

Greetings puny Earthlings. Time for another REALITY CHECK.

The Democrats are still shitting kittens about AIG executives getting the bonuses that they, the Democrats approved as part of their bill. They're getting their minions (or are they masters?) from ACORN to take bus tours to the homes of executives to harass and occasionally threaten them and their families.

Now you're probably wondering why did the Democrats approve the bonuses in the first place only to turn on the idea and attack the people that are getting them.

Well it all starts with accepting something that you might consider counter-intuitive.

The Democratic Party is the party of Wall Street.

That's right, I know it's a mind blower, but that's because the "Barons of Wall Street" pretty much gave up on capitalism (too much work) to aim for a new system of plutocratic socialism. Plutocratic socialism is where billionaires and millionaires get their lifestyles subsidized by the small businesspeople and entrepreneurs who can't afford the elaborate tax-evasion schemes the super-rich use to hide their money.

These Plutocratic Socialists on Wall Street gave millions to pay for the Democrats campaigns, (Obama himself got over $100,000 from AIG alone) as well as using "bundling" schemes to funnel even more money secretly to the party. The deal was to get the federal goverment to take on all the risk wrought by the financial bubble that they created, while they kept the profits.

But when you deal with politicians there is always a catch.

They pushed for the bonuses, because they live for bonuses, and some can even make a case for the bonuses, without realizing that they would be used as a weapon against them.

Now you're probably wondering why the Democrats have turned on some of their very own paymasters.

Well the answer is simple, they're after bigger fish, and sometimes you have to toss some friends in the chum-bucket.

Right now the Democrats are hoping to socialize the country, and making voters completely and utterly dependent on the Democratic party and its largesse with taxpayer's money. The average American doesn't want that because it would mean high taxes, and little or no control over your own life.

The Democrats are also engaging in a foreign policy aimed to alienate allies, and embolden enemies. They think they can end terrorism by rebranding it into "human caused disasters" and hope that the next time a city gets a severe deduction in population, they can pass responsibility as if it was a natural phenomenon like an earthquake.

The American people won't like that.

These people need to be distracted.

So you get a parade of whores like Obama, Dodd, and Rangel, turning on their one time favourite customer. They're best case scenario is that some nut will take a shot at an AIG big-wig, so the news cycle can cover that 24/7 and ignore the fact that the Obama Administration couldn't find its own ass with a map and the help of a friendly bloodhound named Geetch, or that Democratic congress has gone completely bat-shit insane with earmarks and mad schemes of social engineering.

And that's why they won't shut up about the AIG bonuses.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Is it just me?

Some
Thoughts
from
TekTak F.
Mechanoid


Hi Earthlings, TekTak here, and I've been doing some thinking lately and there have been some things that are bugging me, and I'm sure if it's just me, or is there something going on.

So I have to ask...

IS IT JUST ME...or does the whole AIG bonus boondoggle seem like a set-up? I mean Rahm Emmanuel, Chris Dodd and Tiny Tim Geithner finagle some language into the bill to protect those bonuses, then they lead the charge against them. I mean I know hypocricy is born in the heart of Democrats, but this just strikes me as a cheap distraction from some of the other, even more expensive boondoggles they're sneaking by.

Yeah, the idiots who drove AIG into the ground don't deserve bonuses, so you forbid them bonuses in the bill, not later with threats of "punishment taxes" which brings me to my next question.

IS IT JUST ME... or does that whole bill of attainder to seize the bonus money via the IRS strike you as a trial balloon for something more sinister?

I mean if that bill passes, then it would literally erase centuries of legal tradition, and generally transform America into an oversized banana republic where the political elite can just seize everything from their "enemies."

Even if the bill doesn't pass, the seed has been planted, and with all the fertilizer they're tossing, it just might bloom into something stinky.

IS IT JUST ME...or do Democrats have a problem with people wanting to be allies? Look at their foreign policy, it can summed up with the phrase "screw friends, reward enemies." I mean they kiss up to Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, and North Korea, but will leave Colombia, Brazil, Poland, India, and anyone else flapping in the wind.

IS IT JUST ME...or have the media, for the most part, just plain given up on any real journalism? I mean does anyone ask the Democrats any real questions?

IS IT JUST ME... or does Obama's addiction to the teleprompter show a certain lack of an essential leadership quality, which is the ability to think on one's feet?

IS IT JUST ME... or does a door to door campaign to pledge their fealty to a man above the constitution, to show support an agenda that no one has explained seem vaguely fascistic to anyone else but me?



Or am I being paranoid?

You're Are All So Screwed...

Greetings puny Earthlings. Remulak MoxArgon here, wishing you a happy St. Patrick's Day.

I've been looking around your planet, and I have come to a conclusion. You are so screwed.

You really are.

This is a mixed blessing for me. There's the convenience of my hordes overwhelming your puny world in 3 minutes rather than five because you will be in such poor shape, but there's also the incredible inconvenience of having to rebuild your society and economy after it's been botched into the ground.

FREE SPEECH

First you have elected a government that's more interested in crushing dissent than preventing terrorism, by getting their media and internet catamites attack dissenters. Jon Stewart used to be a comedian, now he's Rahm Emmanuel's bitch, attacking Jim Cramer, not for the things he said before the economic crash, which was no different from hundreds of other so-called "experts," but because Cramer, a liberal Democrat, dared to disagree with Obama's budget. Stewart won't admit that, because it would be an admission that Emmanuel has his testicles in a jar in his office.

And it's not just open dissenters. The Daily Kos has gone after Keith Olbermann. That's right Keith "I Wish I Was Michelle Obama" Olbermann. His sin wasn't dissent, he still worships the Obamessiah's every excrescence, but for not taking the orders put out on JournoList and joining in on the gang-bang of Jim Cramer.

They're wittling down free speech, first come the attacks, then will come the legislation, and then will come the arrests.

I can understand why Obama doesn't care for free speech since he isn't capable of it himself, requiring a teleprompter to order lunch, but that doesn't give him the right to take it away from others.

WEIRD SPEECH

Obama has also declared that no one is allowed to refer to Al Qaeda terrorists as "enemy combatants," but won't say what they can be called now. Why is he engaging in this little bit of Orwellian double-speak.

Well, it all depends on his poll numbers.

If they keep going down then he's going to have to do something to distract the populace from his utter lack of leadership, and there is only one thing big enough.

Show trials.

Bush and company are going to dragged through the mud, probably by Senator Leahy's proposed "Truth Commission." Then terrorists, turned "enemy combatants," turned "poor innocent victims," can tell the world how they were "tortured" under the orders of the sinister Bushitler regime and the Israel Lobby.

Now it's unlikely that Obama will prosecute them himself, like everything he will pass it onto others, like, oh, maybe the Socialist government of Spain to prosecute them if any Bush official enters Europe. The Leahy witch hunts will be to manufacture the "evidence" these foreign prosecutors need to go after them, even though they'll be pretty much based solely on the word of men trained to lie about being tortured.

Words have power, they can build and they can destroy.

And they can even get you elected if you have nothing else to offer.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

GOTTA QUESTION?

Greetings puny Earthlings, we haven't done this in a while, so it's time for another edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP.

So if you have a question about politics, life, the universe, and everything that only the greatest minds ever known can answer, then drop one in the PLEAS section, and we'll answer them December 5th.

And remember to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Bail Out Has Bailed Out...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It looks like the bailout has tanked, and Wall Street is having a hissy fit over not getting any taxpayer's money to cover their stupidity, and the media is talking like it's the end of your world.

Hah.

Let me tell you something, if my starships aren't in orbit over your major cities, it is not the end of your world.

It has recently come to my attention that Wall Street habitually gives to Democrats $2 for every $1 given to Republicans, and yet Republicans are considered the "party of big business."

Why do you think that is?

Because most Wall Street big wheels these days, aren't real capitalists. Sure they love money, they'd have sexual relations with piles of cash if they could avoid the inevitable and nasty paper cuts.

But there is one thing they love more than money.

It's your money.

It's getting your money for free.

If they can suck on the government teat for all it's worth, they will do it.

That's why they give so heavily to Democrats. They want the free handouts that socialism promises, but hope the obedience they buy from the politicians will stop them from full nationalization.

I didn't like the deal. It struck me as stupidity insurance, when the whole system, which supported, nay promoted, blatant stupidity, should have been gutted long ago, and I think a better plan can be thought up.

And Pelosi screwed the pooch when she took the vote as a chance to take one last shot at the lame duck Bush. Turning the on-the-fence Republicans against the deal completely.

Why? Because to the leftist the cheap shot during an election is worth more than actually accomplishing anything.

The Leftist doesn't really want to accomplish anything, they just want to blame someone else for their failures.

Ironically, this has happened before, and I'm not talking about 1929. I'm actually talking about 1907.

In 1907 the Gilded Age came crashing down with dozens of banks collapsing under the weight of bad loans. JP Morgan, then King of Wall Street, gathered every major banker, and in one overnight marathon session, arranged an entire system for healthy banks to buy the sick ones, get the loans properly handled through a new reserve system.

The panic was averted, and business began to prosper again, for over 20 more years.

Sadly, there are no JP Morgans on Wall Street anymore. The current crop aren't interested in leaving a legacy of stability and prosperity, all they care about is their next quarterly bonus, before it's discovered that they earned it by playing with the books rather than actually earning any money.

Thanks to the New Deal and Keynesian economics, folks now turn to the state to fix these problems completely, there's no partnership with private interest carrying the bulk of the load, they just sit back and wait for the politicos they paid for to pony up with the band-aid solution to save their golden parachutes.

In my Empire, when an executive steals, squanders, or stinks up a company, costing millions of dollars and hundreds of jobs, I give them a special Golden Dismissal.

I have them encased in molten gold, and then auctioned off to other CEOs, who are forced to bid at blaster point. It's a way to keep their eyes on the ball and not anyone else's wallet.

I also have all bonuses held in escrow for a year, to prove that they came from real profits, and not from accounting shenanigans. Just to keep them honest.

Oh well, enjoy the collapse of your civilization and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.