3.12.2007

XRAN XPLAINS- CLIMATE CHANGE

Greetings puny Earthlings, it's your favourite alien space pirate Xran here, and today I'm going to explain the facts behind climate change.

Now I know MoxArgon posted that documentary from England, but come on, it's like over an hour. I'm going to condense so you can know what's going on before you have to take a potty break.

So here are the basics.

This is the
PLANET EARTH
It has a climate, a climate that's been in a state of constant flux for billions of years.

It was hotter in the Middle Ages than it is now, g
ot really cold from the 14th Century to the early 19th Century, and then started heating up again.

It got really hot again in the early 20th century up until 1940. Then temps started to go down again.

People panicked.

In the 1970s scientists started talking about the impending doom of
GLOBAL COOLING
and an inevitable
ICE AGE!

All except one.

An obscure climatologist in Sweden told a British
documentary that there was a slim chance mankind's carbon emissions would create a warming effect, thus making the planet hotter than the dreaded chili pepper of Queztohacatanango.


That statement was music to the ears of this lady.

British PM
Margaret
"The Iron Lady"
Thatcher


She wanted to break the UK's powerful coal miner's union, but didn't want to become dependent on Mid-East Oil.

She wanted NUCLEAR POWER. And to
get it, she needed something to scare people away from burning Trade Union and Middle-Eastern controlled fossil fuels.

GLOBAL WARMING was just the ticket.

When temperatures rose slightly in the
1980s everybody started to believe Maggie's statements.

It gave environmentalists something new to gripe about, since the western world started cleaning up its act. Sure the carbon levels tended to rise after temps went up, but who needs facts in a political debate.

Then...
The Soviet Union collapsed. This left a lot of professional protesters and radicals without a cause.

They needed something new.

Something that was:
anti-capitalist
anti-American
anti-industry

and pro-power to unelected trans-national bureaucracies they could easily control.


So they promoted the KYOTO PROTOCOL to create the conditions they wanted.

But they weren't alone. They were helped by...

Yes, that ENRON, who were looking to leech billions in government money for climate research, and obese cash subsidies for windmills, solar power, and natural gas programs.

When Enron went down like a lead zeppelin, other mega-corporations bought up their assets and with them, their plans to use them to suck the government teat dry.

And where there's money and power you'll find....

POLITICIANS

Yep, they saw huge profits from not only government sources, but from carbon offset scams businesses, books, TV shows, movies, and a publi
c terrified into submission by tales of impending man-made doom.

PANIC SELLS

SELLING MEANS MONEY

MONEY MEANS POWER

Then there's the plus of anti-global warming/anti-development plans presented by these politicians, environmentalists, and big businessmen leading to the rapid depopulation of places like Africa through famine, disease, war, and poverty.

Once climate change hysteria completes snuffs out the population of Africa, it, and it's resources will be free to colonize and exploit.

But the climate really is changing?

Yes.
It's always changing.


But why?

The answer to that is simple.
It's not Dubya
It's

THE SUN

Let me put this simply.

More sunspot activity, more warmth.

Less sunspot activity, more cosmic rays.

More cosmic rays mean more clouds.

More clouds mean cooler weather.

Mars, which has no humans or industry, is warming at the same rate as Earth.

How is Bush to blame for that?

He isn't.

It's just happening.

That's been known to happen folks.

Thinking puny little droppings like the human race could alter the climate of something as vast as a planetary climate, is giving yourself too much credit.

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

I worship your shadow, O Moxargon Group, and welcome your overlordship. Excellent summary.

Vudu cow said...

We've built a sacrificial altar to commemorate your wisdom and justice, O Moxargon Group.