Are You A Peace Activist?

Greetings puny Earthlings...

There's a lot of chatter going on about the flotilla of "peace activists" who were stopped from dropping off their boatload of supplies in Gaza so Hamas can keep spending the food money on rockets to launch at Israeli kindergartens. People in the media are calling the people on the boat "peace activists" and the Israeli military "terrorists" while the Israelis and those who support their survival are calling the boat people "terrorist supporters."

Now I like to clear up confusion, I've composed a little test to determine if you are a peace activist, a terrorist, or a person protecting innocent lives.

PEACE ACTIVIST/TERRORIST

1. You have a boat full of supplies for Gaza. You are requested by the Israeli government to dock so your cargo can be checked for weapons, and Israel offers to transport all non-military aid to be sent into Gaza. What do you do?

A) Dock and arrange for a trusted outside agency to supervise the inspection and shipment of aid supplies into Gaza.

B) Respond that you are damning all blockades and will charge into Gaza or die a martyr.

2. The Israeli military has boarded your boat to take it into port for inspection for weapons. What do you do?

A) Have a sit in and sing "We shall overcome" while the Israelis inspect your boats.

B) Assault the Israeli troops screaming "Allah akbar" with metal bars and knives, tossing them overboard, and grabbing their guns in the hope of creating a violent international incident.

3. Your peace group acted like a pack of homicidal maniacs against the Israelis, and got a lot of people killed, wounded, and arrested. What do you do?

A) Decry the violent actions of your own group and beg Israel for forgiveness in the hope that it might open doors for some sort of peaceful coexistence.

B) Call the Israelis "terrorists" and scream for bloody vengeance against the Jewish state and Jewish people in general.

If you answered "A" to these three questions you are a PEACE ACTIVIST.

If you answered "B" to these three questions you are a TERRORIST SUPPORTER.

TERRORIST/ DEFENDER

1. A flotilla of terrorist supporters and the Eurotrash activists that love them are sailing right into Gaza in violation of a security blockade. They are refusing to go into port where their supplies will be shipped after inspection, and are screaming for martyrdom. What do you do?

A) Board the vessels with lightly armed commandos in the hope that the ships can be redirected safely.

B) Blast the flotilla into splinters, and tell the world that the boats were full of explosives meant for Hamas that were accidentally set off.

2. The commandos you sent onto the ships were assaulted, their non-lethal weapons overcome, and their lethal sidearms taken. What do you do?

A) Return fire, but try to minimize casualties.

B) Leave the ships, then sink them, and machine gun anyone who tries to swim away.

3. You have captured a bunch of foreigners who participated in the assault on the Israeli commandos. What do you do?

A) Arrest them, but instead of jailing them, deport them to their home countries.

B) Toss them into a deep, dark dungeon where they are vigorously tortured for information, then executed when their usefulness is spent.

If you answered "A" to these three questions, then you are a DEFENDER trying to protect human life.

If you answered "B" to these three questions. you're probably one of the Middle Eastern dictatorships that surround Israel.

Are you like Hitler?

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Folks on the internet are always comparing others, especially conservatives to Hitler.

Well, the MoxArgon Group has a way to use science to end these accusations, and I'm not talking about using plasma cannons.

I'm talking about a test, one that determines how much like Hitler you really are:

How Much Like Hitler Are You?

Try the test, spread the word, especially to your lefty friends, and don't forget to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Look Into the Future!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

The Democratic National Convention is coming up this week, and I've got an exclusive sneak peek at some of the speeches given by the Democratic candidates. First up is Obama's VP choice, Joe Biden:

JOE BIDEN, Vice Presidential Nominee

My fellow Democrats. Today we are at a momentous moment of time. A time where I, a man whose first run for President was blown out of the water by allegations of plagiarizing speeches and stories from someone else, can be redeemed, thanks to the touch of America's political messiah, Barack Obama!

It brings me back to my childhood in the hollers of West Virginia. My daddy was a coal miner, and I was married as a teenager, and my husband liked my singing and took me to Nashville, and Sissy Spacek played me in the movie. It shows that someone like me, can rise to the post of Vice President! All thanks to Barack Obama and the Democratic Party.

I bring my expertise to this team, because face it, Obama's resume is skinnier than an Olsen Twin, I mean, come on, what the hell is a "community organiser" anyway?

But with me as your next vice president, you can be assured that I will protect America from the dire threats that face it. I'm talking about threats like the horde of bloodthirsty kill-bots called the US Military, domestic oil drilling, and those damned Hindoo shopkeepers that don't know their damn place!

So let's get out there and win this election, or people will actually start thinking this country is strong!

And here's the acceptance speech by Barack Obama:

BARACK OBAMA, Democratic Presidential Nominee

My Fellow Democrats.

Today America has made a great step in transcending the things that divide us. And stand united as one country, under one eternal ruler, me.

Under my reign, such evils as global warming, talk radio, anti-terrorist operations, the conservative blogosphere, free trade, free union elections, America's democratic allies, and the US Military. The waters will recede, the sick will be healed, solely by my soaring rhetoric, and change and hope will stalk the land, the way oppression and fear stalks all fifty-seven states of this terrible, cruel, and downright mean nation.

Sure, your taxes will skyrocket, especially for the middle class, but their poverty is a small price to pay for the wonderful things that will come when all that money is dispensed to groups run by George Soros and his billionaire buddies.

And while I will not play the race card in this election, there are lots of my friends in the media who will.

So remember, if you don't vote for me, they will call you a racist.

I won't call you a racist, I'm above all that, but they will, so think twice before voting.

I may not know much about foreign policy, economics, history, or much else, but I am supremely charming and eloquent when I have a teleprompter. And that charm and scripted eloquence will no doubt convince nations like Iran, which poses no real threat, to stop threatening us with their nuclear weapons program.

I am also proud that I turned down a job on Wall Street to pursue my career as a community organiser.

Because if I had taken that job, I might have created jobs in America's predominantly minority inner cities, they'd become working middle class, and they'd probably end up voting Republican.

And besides, after the initial hire, Wall Street starts judging you on actual merit, you know work, and if a job can't be done on charm alone, it's just not worth doing.

I will keep America secrets safe. Just look at how I locked up the non-secret papers of my work with the Chicago Annenberg Challenge. No one can see any of them. I'm better than the damn CIA at keeping folks out of my business! You don't here squat about Tony Rezko anymore, and I was farther up his ass than a rectal thermometer.

Now a lot of people ask me why I'm running for President now. My resume is skinnier than Nicole Richie. I was a editor of the Harvard Law Review and a professor, managing to not produce a single work of important scholarship, but I did manage to write two books about how great I am, my work as a community organiser only really served to land me pork barrel posts with the Illinois legislature, and even then I had to get all my opponents disqualified for my first election.

Well the answer is simple.

If I don't do it now, I'll never do it.

If I spend any real time in the Senate, folks will get to look behind the charm, and know the real me.

That's bad.

Plus, being in the Senate means actually having to, you know, do something besides making pleasantly vague speeches. So I have to go for it now, or never.

So vote for me, for a new America. One where the airwaves are no longer cluttered with free speech, where illegal aliens can get free medical coverage before full American citizens, one where the stock market will crash the day after election night because of my doubling of the capitol gains tax, one where I, a friend of an unrepentant terrorist, do the bidding of an elite clique of billionaires.

That's a real America.

Wow. What soaring rhetoric.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A NEW TEST!

Need to know exactly what kind of conservative you really are?

Then take THIS TEST!

It's that easy.

Do it now, and tell us what you have and be sure to post your results of this 100% accurate test on your own blog.

Take this test NOW!

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Then you need to take THIS TEST.

Select which statements you agree or disagree with and it will tell you exactly what kind of liberal you really are.

Tell your friends about it and have them take the test.

Love the test.

But above all, DO THE TEST!

NOW!