Hey Joe!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

We've got a big scoop that's exclusive to this blog. You've probably heard that author Joe McGinnis has literally moved into a house that's 15 feet from Sara Palin's in Wasilla, Alaska while he writes a book about her. Well, we here at the MoxArgon Group have obtained a page from his personal diary for Monday, May 31, 2010, so we can look into what he's really up to there:

JOE MCGINNISS' DIARY
MAY 31, 2010

12:00-1:00 AM- The lights are off at the Palin house. They want me to think they're asleep, but I know they're not. They're in there and they're wide awake and plotting the takeover of America through those useless evil voters.

-Willow's curtains are still drawn.

What is she hiding?

1:00-2:00 AM- Something's rooting through my garbage. It's cleverly disguised as a raccoon, but I know what it's real game is. THAT'S RIGHT YOU NAZI PIG! I'M ON TO YOU!!

2:00-3:00 AM- Feeling sleepy. But I can't drop my guard. They derive their power from darkness and it's up to guardians of the truth like me to expose thefgdsgjsshdhsgjvbm

3:00-4:00 AM-

4:00-5:00 AM-

5:00-6:00 AM- Damn. They must have drugged me somehow. My head hurts and someone emptied my bottle of gin.

-Willow's bedroom curtain still closed. She must be up to something. Possibly organizing Hitler Youth meetings in secret.

6:00-7:00 AM- Masturbated to photo of Tina Fey. It's just not the same.

7:00-8:00 AM- Breakfast: Bowl of Cap'n Crunch, 2% milk, strong black coffee. Milk was past due. Karl Rove must have made that happen so I'd end up puking in bathroom and miss their latest Nazi conspiracies in action.

-Willow's curtain still closed. She's a sneaky one.

8:00-9:00 AM- Family is leaving house. My parabolic mic is only picking up snippets of conversation. They are talking about something called "mu-mor eeyalday." Must be some sort of code to signify a Nazi related event. Must include that in book.

9:00-10:00 AM- Masturbated to photo of Helen Thomas. Memories of that hot night in DC bounce around in my brain. Focus Joe! FOCUS!

10:00-11:00 AM- About to engage in recon mission in enemy territory. If I don't come back, tell my story!

I can hear some sort of marching music coming from town. Must be some sort of Nuremberg style Nazi rally that they were speaking in code about earlier.

11:00 AM- 12:00 PM- Back from recon, injured. A vicious dog attacked me while I was lowering myself into the Palin family laundry room. My Gap khakis were ripped on one leg, and I only narrowly escaped. Unable to obtain panties research material on this mission.

12:00-1:00 PM- There's a moose in my backyard. At least it wants me to think it's a moose. I'M ON TO YOU TEABAGGING NAZI BASTARDS!

There's a strange smell wafting in from town. It smells like some sort of large communal barbecue, but I suspect it's some sort of nerve gas experiment designed to target ethnic minorities. These people are so evil.

Ate a frozen pizza pocket for lunch. Don't dare turn on microwave, that's when they get you.

1:00-2:00 PM- Family hasn't returned yet. Masturbated to TiVo'd episodes of Rachel Maddow's MSNBC show. I wonder if she'll go out with me?

2:00-3:00 PM- Still no sign of the Palins. I know that they're watching me. The woods around Wasilla are crawling with her Brownshirt wearing zombie followers. I know their out there.

Someone put a bottle of Cutty Sark in my hand and opened it.

3:00-4:00 PM-

4:00-5:00 PM-

5:00-6:00 PM-

6:00-7:00 PM- Lost some time, and someone emptied the Cutty Sark bottle. I think Dick Cheney did it.

Surveillance monitors shows that the Palins have returned home. They appear to be preparing some sort of meal. Must discuss possibility of cannibalistic tendencies in book.

7:00-8:00 PM- Ate supper. Consisted of another frozen pizza pocket and a plastic tumbler full of vodka. Must keep up my strength.

Palin family has drawn blinds to hide their Nazi activities. I can hear the movie Wizard of Oz playing on their TV. No doubt to prevent my surveillance from hearing their conspiring.

Just realized I haven't had a bowel movement in 76 hours. Is that a bad sign? Possibly a plot by the Palin/Nazi/British Petroleum Axis to distract me. Yes, I'm onto you.

8:00-9:00 PM- Light is on in Willow's room. Still can't see through the blind. She must be up to something pretty evil. I'm assuming some sort of human sacrifice.

Took some time to masturbate to video of Nancy Pelosi. Don't worry my fearless leader, I will save you from the Palin/Nazi conspiracy.

9:00-10:00 PM- Plot to distract me with my lack of recent bowel movements has changed tack. Now I can feel something moving.

10:00-11:00 PM-

11:00 PM- 12:00 AM- Spent over an hour on toilet. Obviously a distraction to make me break my surveillance, but I won't give up. Spent time carefully folding a new hat out of tinfoil to beat their vicious Nazi brainwave machines. They won't get me.

Light is off in Willow's bedroom, but the curtains are still drawn. What is she up to?

Make note to change batteries in cameras in the morning before going to liquor store. Someone keeps draining the contents of all my bottles and leaving them all over the floor between puddles of vomit and urine.

There are no bounds to their evil.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and Joe McGinniss is watching the Palin Family.

Are You A Peace Activist?

Greetings puny Earthlings...

There's a lot of chatter going on about the flotilla of "peace activists" who were stopped from dropping off their boatload of supplies in Gaza so Hamas can keep spending the food money on rockets to launch at Israeli kindergartens. People in the media are calling the people on the boat "peace activists" and the Israeli military "terrorists" while the Israelis and those who support their survival are calling the boat people "terrorist supporters."

Now I like to clear up confusion, I've composed a little test to determine if you are a peace activist, a terrorist, or a person protecting innocent lives.

PEACE ACTIVIST/TERRORIST

1. You have a boat full of supplies for Gaza. You are requested by the Israeli government to dock so your cargo can be checked for weapons, and Israel offers to transport all non-military aid to be sent into Gaza. What do you do?

A) Dock and arrange for a trusted outside agency to supervise the inspection and shipment of aid supplies into Gaza.

B) Respond that you are damning all blockades and will charge into Gaza or die a martyr.

2. The Israeli military has boarded your boat to take it into port for inspection for weapons. What do you do?

A) Have a sit in and sing "We shall overcome" while the Israelis inspect your boats.

B) Assault the Israeli troops screaming "Allah akbar" with metal bars and knives, tossing them overboard, and grabbing their guns in the hope of creating a violent international incident.

3. Your peace group acted like a pack of homicidal maniacs against the Israelis, and got a lot of people killed, wounded, and arrested. What do you do?

A) Decry the violent actions of your own group and beg Israel for forgiveness in the hope that it might open doors for some sort of peaceful coexistence.

B) Call the Israelis "terrorists" and scream for bloody vengeance against the Jewish state and Jewish people in general.

If you answered "A" to these three questions you are a PEACE ACTIVIST.

If you answered "B" to these three questions you are a TERRORIST SUPPORTER.

TERRORIST/ DEFENDER

1. A flotilla of terrorist supporters and the Eurotrash activists that love them are sailing right into Gaza in violation of a security blockade. They are refusing to go into port where their supplies will be shipped after inspection, and are screaming for martyrdom. What do you do?

A) Board the vessels with lightly armed commandos in the hope that the ships can be redirected safely.

B) Blast the flotilla into splinters, and tell the world that the boats were full of explosives meant for Hamas that were accidentally set off.

2. The commandos you sent onto the ships were assaulted, their non-lethal weapons overcome, and their lethal sidearms taken. What do you do?

A) Return fire, but try to minimize casualties.

B) Leave the ships, then sink them, and machine gun anyone who tries to swim away.

3. You have captured a bunch of foreigners who participated in the assault on the Israeli commandos. What do you do?

A) Arrest them, but instead of jailing them, deport them to their home countries.

B) Toss them into a deep, dark dungeon where they are vigorously tortured for information, then executed when their usefulness is spent.

If you answered "A" to these three questions, then you are a DEFENDER trying to protect human life.

If you answered "B" to these three questions. you're probably one of the Middle Eastern dictatorships that surround Israel.

Overheard By Snotglob: We're Sorry

Hello Earthlings.

It's your friend Snotglob here.

Remulak has let me post again, because I have an exclusive scoop that will enlighten you all.

The Fox News and Talk Radio fascists are going after Michael Posner the Assistant Secretary of State for Human Right etc., for apologizing to China's leader over Arizona's recent transformation into a Nazi Genocide state by demanding immigrants to produce ID when the pigs harass them.

Well, it just so happens that I heard the whole conversation. It was a telephone call between Posner and Chinese leader Hu Jintao at this meeting, and I have posted the complete transcript for you.

JINTAO: Welcome Mr. Assistant Secretary, you honor me with...

POSNER: I'm sorry, but I really have to apologize.

JINTAO: For what?

POSNER: For Arizona.

JINTAO: What about Arizona?

POSNER: Right now, as we speak, Arizona has become the greatest human rights violator the world has ever known, and as the voice of the American people I feel I must apologize for this to you, the leader of the freest and most democratic state in the world.

JINTAO: What?

POSNER: We are so very, very sorry.

JINTAO: Wait a minute. Do you know what country you're calling?

POSNER: Yes, I must apologize for Arizona's ongoing atrocity. If only America had the strong central leadership that you have here in China we'd have been able to stop it. But that damn constitution is holding us back.

JINTAO: What is Arizona doing?

POSNER: You haven't heard?

JINTAO: No. What's happening in Arizona.

POSNER: If the cops stop an illegal immigrant for a traffic violation, or for committing a crime... they... they...

JINTAO: They what?

POSNER: They ask for their ID.

JINTAO: And then they....

POSNER: Well, we assume they report them to our immigration department for deportation back to Mexico.

JINTAO: They don't shoot them and send a bill to their families for the bullet?

POSNER: No.

JINTAO: They don't torture them? Burn them alive? Rape them?

POSNER: No.

JINTAO: Then what's the big deal?

POSNER: It's the most horrible violation of human rights the world has ever seen since the fascist pigs of the Bush administration water-boarded that poor innocent man Khalid Sheikh Mohammed!

JINTAO: Okay... Now I get it. Ashton Kutcher's going to jump out from behind the fern and tell me I'm "Punk'd" or something like that?

POSNER: What are you talking about?

JINTAO: I'm talking about you talking like a crazy man.

POSNER: I see. The scale of this holocaust is just too massive for you to conceive. I understand, but you must believe.

JINTAO: Are you on some sort of medication or something?

POSNER: Please! I'm begging you! You're the moral leader of the world! You must forgive us for our crimes against humanity!

JINTAO: Do you know any history?

POSNER: I memorized everything written by Howard Zinn.

JINTAO: Sheesh, I never thought I'd have to say this...

POSNER: Oh, I'd like to also apologize for our ongoing brutal oppression of America's Muslim population.

JINTAO: Really, you finally started rounding them up, eh?

POSNER: No. It's just that we keep catching Muslims committing or trying to commit terrorist acts.. Sorry, I mean man caused disasters, and we're sorry that it might spark a racist backlash that really hasn't materialized even though Muslims have killed thousands of Americans and other westerners the world over. The government of the USA is very, very sorry for driving them to kill our citizens by buying their nation's oil, not killing Jews, and failing to sign the Kyoto Protocol.

JINTAO: Okay, I think I'm going to hang up now.

POSNER: Oh, I've offended you. I'm so sorry. So very very sorry.

JINTAO: Will you please stop apologizing! Don't you realize that my government's killed millions of people, tens of millions really, most of them for being the wrong religion or political persuasion. We've invaded Tibet, killed thousands of Tibetans, and continue to do so! What the hell is wrong with you? Arizona's policy is exponentially nicer than ours, and it's way nicer than Mexico's who regularly abuse and imprison illegal aliens from El Salvador and Honduras for merely passing through their country. What is your major malfunction that you feel you have to apologize simply because one state wants to enforce a pre-existing and very mild federal law? Why do you have to apologize for doing nothing wrong?

POSNER: Sorry I got you so mad.

CLICK-- DIAL TONE

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and I'm listening too.

In Vino Veritas

A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY BY
DRUNK GORDON BROWN
Soon To Be Ex-Prime Minister of Great Britain

Wha' are you lookin' at?

Huh!

Wha' you fancy yerself sumtin special?

Tink yer so feckin' 'ot, because you ain't run no feckin' country into the ground?

I oughtta kick yer ass....

(SOBS)

OH WHY DIDN'T YOU VOTE LABOUR?

WHY?

We did what you wanted.

We made the schools so bad and politicized your children actually get dumber as time goes by.

We made law enforcement so impotent you are now free to viciously assault each other on the streets, because the odds of the constant video surveillance being used against you is outweighed by the incompetence of our police, prosecutors and judges.

We made the once booming economy a cruel black joke with banks crashing, unemployment rising, and yahoos demanding more out of less.

We looted the treasury through our expense accounts, and lived high on the hog, the way the ruling elite should.

We made the hospitals death-traps where if you actually are lucky to get a bed in one, it's so riddled with anti-biotic resistant germs, you're chances of survival and costing us money are slim.

What more could you want?

I mean look at who is forming the next government. You've got David "Less Balls Than Thatcher" Cameron, of the Tories joining forces with Nick "Europe is Right About Everything, Even Greece" Clegg.

Talk about Tweedledum and Tweedleshitforbrains.

The Tories are so lacking in the balls department you're just going to get all the same sucky Labour policies, except this time, the BBC/Oxbridge pundits will piss on them from their ivory towers!

You dumb sods!

You're still buggered six ways from Sunday!

The only way you could have been dumber, is if you voted me back in power!

Damn, I need a feckin' drink.

Piss off!

Douchebags of Week! Greece Fire Edition!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

So many douchebags, so little time. Let's get started:

1. Administrators of the Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill California.

These administrators suspended a bunch of students for daring to wear shirts adorned with the American flag on Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco de Mayo, which I used to think was a sandwich with extra mayonnaise, is a holiday Mexicans celebrate to honor the day when their self-inflicted backwater of a country joined the large club of nations that defeated France.

Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with the USA, but Americans acknowledge it out of the goodness of their hearts to make their brothers and sisters of Mexican descent feel part of the nation, and to chow down on Mexican cuisine.

Which begs the question: Why anyone would be offended by the flag of a nation so accommodating to a holiday of another country?

It's not like these students were wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the flag of the invader France, or even the usurper Emperor Maximilian I of Mexico, or someone even more maniacally bloodthirsty like Che Guevera. They were wearing a reminder to students of Mexican descent that they are damn lucky to not be living in Mexico.

So why the offense?

Because Cinco de Mayo has become yet another pawn in the game of identity politics, professional victimology, and the racial/nationalist games of political hacks of groups like La Raza. It is no longer a celebration of beating France, but a stick to be used to beat the United States of America into becoming Mexico North. Because we all know what a wonderful condition Mexico is in right now.

Here's a simple policy suggestion. If anyone is offended by the flag of the country they live in, then they should be moved, post-haste to the country they apparently prefer. Simple as that.

2. Greek Rioters.

Decades of bad management, corruption, and tax fraud, have turned Greece from the "sick man of Europe" to the basket case of the Western World. People are rioting, assaulting police, smashing windows, burning businesses, and even murdering poor bank employees because they want to keep getting 14 monthly paychecks instead of 12.

And let us not forget that they're letting communists and anarchists run roughshod with their permission. Try that in my empire, and you can consider yourself lucky if you only end up in the belly of a Grenarrian razorbeast. I'm all for decent pay and pensions, but Greece's situation is ridiculous, the country is going down in flames, threatening to take the rest of Europe with it, and these people don't care, just give them their bloated entitlements.

Where were the voices of reason that said: You can't do that, we can't afford it! when the unions were formulating their demands?

Where are the current voices of reason that say: Burning down Athens only do us more harm then good, as they storm through the streets?

They're definitely not in Greece, that's for sure.

Of course, this will all be repeated on an exponential scale in the USA, if the Democrats succeed with their "hope and change" agenda, but with an added soupcon of the Chinese aiming nukes at them to demand repayment of debts.

Anyway, if you are on this list, then...
Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Straight From The Horse's Mouth

A SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY BY
LIBBY RALL
Spokeshuman for P.O.O.P.
Progressives Organized for Organizing Progress

Hello fellow humans.

I've been given some space here on this normally racist and fascist blog to present to you normally racist and fascist alternative media readers the reasoning behind progressive thinking, or as we prefer to call it "correct" thinking.

ARIZONA: This southwestern state has officially become over 100 times worse than Nazi Germany with their racist and fascist laws oppressing our poor undocumented sisters and brothers.

Sure, all the law really does is enact pre-existing federal laws asking local police to inquire about people's immigration status when arresting them for committing crimes, but that's not the point. The point is that we need these undocumented workers more than those awful legal immigrants so we can:

1. Suppress wages at the bottom of the economic ladder. That way we can prevent the simple economics of supply and demand from decreasing poverty, and make people believe that only the government can do it.

2. Use the politics of "cultural sensitivity" to keep these undocumented people in ethnically segregated enclaves where they are unable to learn the national language and fully participate in the political system in any way that we progressives don't directly control.

3. With these undocumented people carefully isolated to protect the wonderful culture that has done so many wonderful things with Mexico, they are then completely dependent on the beneficent state to maintain them, and will thus vote to keep the correct progressive party in power when they are given the right to vote.

Now some compare the hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants to some sort of "invasion," from a third world country. Now that's just wrong, when a technologically advanced or prosperous country sends its citizens into a poor country to make over the poor country in the image of the rich country, it's imperialism. When the citizens of a poor country pour into a rich country to remake it in the image of the poor country, it's social progress in action.

That's why Arizona is evil.

Douchebags of the Month!

Greetings puny earthlings!

Sorry it's been so long between posts. I'm lazy, I admit, but there's been so much douchebaggery lately I just had to make a statement.

So here are the DOUCHEBAGS OF THE MONTH in no particular order.

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION For a myriad of reasons, but chiefly their ignoring of Iran's nuclear threat, and discarding America's allies in favor of their ongoing smear campaign against the Tea Party movement through proxies like--

PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON The pants-less prez put on his smart glasses to show the world just how big a tool he really is. What did he do this time? He compared the Tea Party movement to mass murdering scumbag Timothy McVeigh. I wanted to call him and ask how a movement asking for more responsible spending of taxpayer's money could be compared to a paranoid thug who got pushed over the edge by the bungling operations of Clinton's justice department, but all I could get was his secretary. She was no help because she wouldn't talk with her mouth full.

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA For continuing to play lap-dog to the current administration and playing along with their smear campaign against a growing segment of the population. And they wonder why they're all sinking and alternative outlets are thriving. Disgusting and stupid, a dangerous combination.

COMEDY CENTRAL For caving into the not-so-veiled threats of a Islamist and giving them yet another victory in their ongoing war against the right of free speech and true rebels like the makers of South Park. Comedy Central will mock Christianity and Judaism to no end, but when it comes to the people who actually do murder artists on the street they become nutless wonders. Then they go to a dinner party in Malibu and be feted as "courageous" for letting Sarah Silverman make yet another boring Jesus joke.

ABU TALHAH AL AMRIKEE For being the maker of the no-so-veiled threats against the makers of South Park and the right of free expression. At least have the cojones to admit you made a threat when you make a threat.

THE GREEN MOVEMENT For transforming from a movement aimed at curbing pollution and toxic waste into a profiteering, power mongering bastardization of all it once stood for. Thanks to Rachel Carson's misguided campaign against DDT hundreds of thousands, if not millions die from malaria every year. Scientists have whored out and destroyed their integrity in the name of "Climate Change" and politicians do everything they can to grab your money, and control your lives. Way to go Greenies, way to go.

If you find yourself on this list, then it means that...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Nukes For Thee, But Not For Me

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry for the light posting lately, but I've been a very lazy overlord.

But I think it's safe to dip our toe into that cesspit known as the Leftist Mind, and this time I'm going for the nuclear option.

For decades the simplest part of American foreign policy was the country's nuclear posture. It basically said that any country, or agents of said country, that attacks the USA with nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, would get the living shit nuked out of them.

This is actually a very sound policy, and one followed by American presidents for decades. Even Jimmy Carter signed off on it. But current prez Barack Obama decides that striking back at America's foreign enemies with the biggest bottle of whoop-ass Earthlings can muster is just a little too rough and tumble for him.

His new policy is that if a country attacks the USA with biological or chemical weapons, he will have his lawyers check their paperwork to see if that country is compliant with international nuclear non-proliferation treaties. If they have their no-nuke papers filed with the proper international body, then they won't have to face the ultimate sanction, and instead have to face some sort of conventional reprisal.

To translate: Imagine an American city completely depopulated with some nasty lab-created super-germ. Everyone, and I mean hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, in that city is dead, and some have become zombies thanks to this attack. The nasty super-germ was made in a lab in a country called Shitholistand.

President Obama, faced with a city of corpses, immediately dispatches his lawyers to make sure that Shitholistan hasn't been making nukes along with their super-germs. If they're declared nuke free by the United Nations, then Obama has the option of lobbing a few conventional bombs at the country, doing nothing but kill a few token civilians deliberately put in harm's way by the Grand Poobah of Shitholistan, or he can send in troops, so they can all be exposed to Shitholistan's collection of nasty viruses and bacterium.

Pres. Obama has effectively tied America's swift right hand behind its back.

Why?

Because Pres. Obama is a leftist, and here is how leftists think.

1. Leftists believe that the USA is an imperialist power that oppresses, abuses, and has actually nuked poor innocent non-Americans for no other reason than simple racism.

In short, he thinks like Tom Hanks. I'll bet dinars to donuts that Obama is convinced that Truman OK'ed the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki because he wanted to "annihilate" the "other" for daring to be ethnically different. Completely forgetting that the Japanese of the 1940s were a 100% militarized society, hardened by decades of Asian conquests, whose soldiers fought like demons and didn't whine like pussy little Al Qaida bitches that the Yankees were mean to them on the rare instances they were captured alive. And let's not forget that Japan also started the war

2. Leftists think that if you're weak, then you will be loved.

Sure, and unicorns will frolic in green fields. You see, the Leftist sees the world as a zero-sum game. America is prosperous not because of its individual liberty and industrious population. It is prosperous because it must have taken that wealth from someone else. The same goes with strength. To the leftist America cannot create strength, it has to steal it, by bullying poor innocent people like the Iranian Mullahs.

So, by their logic, if America is weak, then the oppressed will love them, and no longer attack.

WRONG!

If America is weak, then those Obama likes to call "outliers" like Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Ill, and all the other tin-pot dictators will see it as a big fat target unwilling and unable to fight back, and they will all go for a piece.

3. The leftist doesn't believe in truth. Decades of "post-modern" intellectual nihilism has created a generation, now sitting in Washington, that thinks that there is no such thing as truth, or such "black & white" concepts like right and wrong. To them there is only opinion, and all opinion is valid, even if spat out by a delusional paranoiac hallucinating golden showers in the UN, while preparing to bring about his personal messiah by slaughtering as many people as possible.

This means that a leftist is perfectly able to decry fellow Americans as "racists," "sexists," "homophobes," and "terrorists" while completely ignoring real, and violent racist, sexist, homophobic terrorists who publicly declare their intentions and attitudes.

Those people are forgiven, or excused, because they are "oppressed" because someone from the evil imperialist West did something mean to one of their ancestors, and not because their own leadership consists of a gaggle of certifiable psychopaths.

Now I'd like to go back to the advantage of having a nuclear option.

As you know, I'm the Supreme Overlord of the Known Universe. Now that position means that a lot of little piss-pots are always trying to do something nasty to become the next alpha dog. There is one thing that keeps those piss-pots at bay.

And that is making them think you're fucking out of your fucking mind.

Making your enemies think you're crazy, and fully capable of unleashing the unspeakable upon them for looking at you cockeyed is a wonderful way of making them think twice before doing something stupid. Dictators are all the same, they'll gladly kill thousands of the innocent, but threaten to irradiate their own innards with the heat of a thousand suns, and they tend to chill out.

To do that right, you have to keep all your options open. Because someone who refuses certain ways of striking back, even when justified, is just going to get hit, again, and again.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
by attacking Pearl Harbor.

The Olbermann Report: Dissent Is The Lowest Form of Terrorism

Good evening America. It's me, Keith Olbermann, America's only true voice of reason. I'm here to tell you about a wave of pure, distilled evil that is sweeping over this wretched cess-pit of a country.
I'm talking about those EVIL TEA-BAGGING FASCISTS, who are ALL, and I mean EACH & EVERY ONE OF THEM, THREATENING BRUTAL SLAUGHTER & USING VILE RACIST SLURS against the saintly politicians of the Democratic Party who are giving them the gift of government controlled health care.
These people must be stopped! The rights of free speech and free assembly must be taken away from these sociopath maniacs BEFORE MORE PEOPLE ARE SLAUGHTERED BY THESE ROAMING LYNCH MOBS OF RACIST HATRED!!
Of course I use the figure of speech "slaughtered by roaming lynch mobs of racial hatred" in the metaphorical sense, because no one has actually been hurt, let alone killed, and no one has yet to find a recording of the racist language, but that doesn't matter.
What matters is that these people are dissenting from the state. Dissent is the lowest form of terrorism known to humanity. They must know that it is a wonderful thing that the Federal government is going to seize control of their health care and make it as efficient as the DMV, or the Postal Service.
The Democrats are giving this nation a debt that will cripple it for generations to come for it's own goddamn good, and these tea bagging retards are just too... um... retarded to see it. Which is why we must suppress these Tea-Baggers who are all issuing death threats against politicians in an unprecedented wave of political violence.
Of course I use that figure of speech metaphorically. I mean a few threatening phone calls and notes, a politician's relative having car trouble, and some yelling at protest are pretty much isolated incidents, and really don't compare to the unreported violence committed by Leftists physically attacking delegates and their vehicles at the 2008 Republican convention, the shots fired at the office of Republican Representative Eric Cantor, or even the more numerous threats received by flip-flopper Bart Stupak for not supporting Obamacare. But this is MSNBC, and we're the news network where if the facts don't match our agenda, we ignore them.
So take my advice America, just shut up, accept the Democrat's unconstitutional grab of 1/6 of the nation's economy, the crippling debt, and the inevitable skyrocketing taxes. This is all part of making America equal to a truly great nation, like Belgium. Because if you dare to speak your mind....

YOU'RE AN EVIL RACIST FASCIST!

PS: Bill O'Reilly is Hitler. Goodnight.

The Leftist Mind: Pot Meet Kettle

Greetings puny Earthlings.

If all you watch is the mainstream media you'd think that America is being rocked with an unprecedented wave of threats against politicians, and that it's solely the work of angry right wing racist "tea-baggers" terrorizing innocent and pure Democrats who are only trying to make the world a utopia.

Excuse me, but I just have to call bullshit on this one.

Anyone with a brain will remember that the past decade was dominated with a wide variety of murder fantasies aimed at George W. Bush, his cabinet, his family, and anyone that sided with him on any issue. Major novels and even feature films were made about these fantasies.

Which brings us to a major dichotomy in the Leftist mind.

Threaten a conservative- You're a freedom fighter practicing your right to free expression.

Threaten a liberal- You're a domestic terrorist who is 100 times worse than Osama Bin Laden & Hitler combined, and all conservatives must now be associated with you for all time.

Now I personally think that those who make death threats against politicians aren't really working for a cause, they're just looking for an excuse to threaten someone, because that's where they really get their jollies. Those kind of people have no place in a serious discussion of a serious issue, and should be ignored by everyone but the police who should give them a good firm beating about the head with cricket bats.

Which brings me to the other part of this fiasco, and that's the mainstream media.

Let's look at the points:

1. Bart Stupak has been threatened for voting for Obamacare, but before his flip-flop he was being threatened for opposing Obamacare. Why weren't those threats reported?

2. Republican Rep. Eric Cantor, who opposes Obamacare, has had an actual gun fired at his campaign office. Why is that being ignored?

3. Despite the threats being performed by fringe dwelling troglodytes with brains and genitals comparable in size to lima beans, ALL CONSERVATIVES & CRITICS OF OBAMACARE are being branded as participating in these threats without trial, or evidence. Why is this slander allowed to go on?

Well there are two possible reasons:

1. Democrats are whiny little cry-babies.

2. Democrats & their media catamites want to lay the groundwork for some future oppression of the free speech rights of those who dare to criticize them. Why? Because the truth will only set them free from their jobs, and if they are to realize their dream of making America a government dependent one-party state, they have to quash any and all criticism.

Nothing quashes criticism better than branding critics as terrorists, whether they threaten anyone or not.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Let Me Explain Myself

A
SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY BY
REP. BART STUPAK
(D-Mich)

Hi there everyone.

It's me, Bart Stupak, the man who sold out his vote and his pro-life ideals on Obamacare in exchange for a flimsy little executive order that's not even worth the toilet paper it was written on.

Well, I guess I should explain myself, and why I flipped on the flop of Obamacare.

I'm a Democrat.

That should explain everything, but I guess it needs a little clarification.

1. Democrats obey their masters. We could have done serious tort reform, we could have opened up the market to free-competition, and we could have created inexpensive options for cheap catastrophic health insurance. But that would have helped voters, and not helped us. Our masters are the civil attorneys looking to protect their crazy lawsuits, the insurance companies looking to us for subsidies and protection of their little monopolies, radical leftists demanding the destruction of America's economy, and hedge fund speculators looking to profit from America's economic collapse.

Voters will always vote for us because the media will tell them to vote for us, and that's because deep down, the voters are sheep. So we can just ignore them, but if we day to disobey our real masters, well, then I won't get that lobbying job I need to pay to send my family to private clinics in India for health care once America's go completely to shit.

2. Democrats love power. Let me tell you something, look at every country that has nationalized health care, then look at what political party put in that nationalized medicine, and then look how they tend to dominate the elections in those countries. It's true, and while they may get voted out from time to time, they will always come back for the majority of elections.

Why? Because voters will be dependent on the state, and through the state the party that gave it to them, and fearful of giving any real power to anyone that might cancel their goodies.

So what if it's unconstitutional?

So what if it bankrupts the country for generations to come?

So what if I sold out everything I claimed to hold dear?

I'm a Democrat, which makes me the whore of power, and that's all you need to know.

A Few Reality Checks...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry we've been away for a while. Xran got married (again) and the bachelor party ended with us waking up in Vegas with a wicked hangover, a missing groom, and some legal situations that took time to hush up. So we're back with a new reality check for you to cash:

HEALTH CARE REFORM: The Democrats seem obsessed with digging up every sob story about every person who ever got screwed over by an insurance company, or driven into debt by medical bills as some sort of proof that the free market has failed in the field of health care.

Except there's one problem with that little assertion:

THERE NEVER HAS BEEN A FREE MARKET IN AMERICAN HEALTH CARE

The system is regulated so that each state has specific regulations for who can operate in their state, and how they can operate. The insurance companies love this because it ensures that they can create networks of mini-monopolies, set prices at whim, and never have to worry about any real competition, because the government will actively use these regulations to block it for them.

Despite what Obama and his minions say, the opposition is not backed by some sinister insurance company cabal. The insurance companies actually support Obamacare because it protects their monopolies, gives them access to trillions in government subsidies, and has enough loopholes nestled deep within its 2000+ pages to make sure they don't have to change a damn thing about how they operate, or treat their customers.

What the insurance companies are scared of is what those pesky Tea Partiers want. I'm talking about being able to buy insurance across state lines, younger people foregoing everyday health insurance in favour of cheaper catastrophic health insurance, or the insurance companies being forced to actually compete for customers and their business.

But all Obama can do is trot out the story of the person going around with their dead sibling's dentures, because he knows, that arguing on the true merits of his seizure of 1/6 of the USA economy is a tactical blunder. There are no merits to this plan, just a lot of empty promises, and increasing debt.