Reality Check: Cause Or An Excuse?

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I just got back from a trip hunting Trivolian Snarkpuds when I heard that Juan Williams had been fired from his post as a news analyst on NPR.
Yep, someone was able to fire that face. Of course as soon as I heard the news I asked why was he fired, and when I got the answer I was gobsmacked.

Apparently he was fired for offering his opinion.

Now I know that you Earthlings are a relatively primitive, savage, and fairly dim species as a whole, but I think even you know that it's the job of a news analyst to look at the news, analyze that news, and then offer their opinion.

But according to this woman...

Vivian Schiller

Offering opinions is not the job of an opinion giving analyst.

Really?

Of course that wasn't their first story. Frau Schiller She-Wolf of the NPR said that his admission to Bill O'Reilly that seeing openly Muslim men on airplanes made him nervous. He then went on to say how bad that made him feel and how wrong it is to be prejudiced and to deny anyone their constitutional rights... so on and so forth.

Next thing old Don Juan Williams knew, he was out at NPR, first for being a bigot, but when that seemed too silly, it was that whole giving an opinion foolishness.

Now mind you, if Juan said that seeing a Baptist minister and his family on a plane making him nervous he'd probably be promoted, but saying that about Muslims is a no no, because, well, the powers that be in NPR's little pocket dimension say so.

Of course it's not Juan Williams' alleged bigotry that the source of those jittery nerves but rather the bigotry of--

Guys like this
who apparently number in the hundreds of thousands around the world and do things like

this.

No amount of even NPR brand irrationality could justify classifying Juan Williams' statement as racist, or, as Frau Schiller has stated, something only to be shared with a psychiatrist. It also can't make anyone choke down the 'you can't give an opinion because you're an opinion journalist' story either.

No, all the blather spewing from the gaping maw of NPR is just that blather. There are not causes, but excuses.

You see Juan Williams has cause to feel the way he does, NPR is just hunting for an excuse to get rid of him.

Now why would they want to get rid of him?

I mean he is a flaming liberal, he supports the Democratic Party and its screwy platform, as well as most of the politically correct shibboleths that a taxpayer/Soros supported NPR on-air personality is supposed to believe.

The problem is that he was honest about his opinions. He debated his opinions on Fox News openly, and from a place of sincere belief. He also showed the integrity to discuss the opinions of others as just differing from his own, and not as the root of all that evil in the universe.

In other words, he showed too much honesty and integrity for NPR's liking and he did it in the court of crimson king himself Roger Ailes of Fox News.

It's time for the taxpayer to stop having their money pissed away on sinecures for political hacks like Frau Schiller, Nina Totenberg, and that paragon of pseudo-journalistic whoring the late and nowhere near great Daniel Schorr.

That put a target on his head, because the last thing the gauleiters of NPR believe is honest debate based on honest beliefs. NPR stands for using taxpayer dollars to promote and maintain the power of the extreme left-wing of the Democratic Party, and there's no room for any honesty and integrity in that stance.

It's good to see Roger Ailes swoop in to save the day, and offer Juan a full time job. Because while you may not agree with his beliefs, he really does believe them, and is willing to debate them, and not scream racism and stomp off like one of the petulant brats on The View.

Xran Xplains: President Obama VS The US Chamber of Commerce

Howdy Earthlings!

It's your favorite alien space pirate Xran the Fleshrender here, and once again it has fallen on me to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple.

Today it is my duty to explain why President Barack Obama and his administration has declared war on the US Chamber of commerce:

THIS IS
THE US CHAMBER
OF COMMERCE

Its job is to represent the interests of both
BIG BUSINESSES
&
SMALL BUSINESSES
That means making public statements
in support of
PRO-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
& not
ANTI-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
like
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
& HIS CRONIES
are all
MILITANTLY ANTI-BUSINESS
unless you're a businessman named
GEORGE SOROS
(I'll get back to that in a bit)

That means they don't like the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
& sent out top catamite minion
DAVID AXELROD
to accuse the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
of illegally using money from
WALL STREET FAT CATS
&
SINISTER FOREIGNERS
under the direction of
KARL ROVE
to
STEAL DEMOCRACY

Naturally
DAVID AXELROD
has no
EVIDENCE
of any of this but
DAVID AXELROD
believes that the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
must
PROVE THEY'RE
NOT GUILTY
by
RELEASING THE NAMES
OF ALL OF THEIR DONORS

So those same donors can be
AUDITED
by the
IRS
SUED
by groups like
MOVE ON.ORG
&
CRIMINALLY PROSECUTED
by
US ATTORNEY GENERAL
ERIC HOLDER

Who thinks
VOTER INTIMIDATION
is fine and dandy
but
FREE SPEECH
IS NOT

This is to make people too scared to vote
for anyone but
DEMOCRATS
ever again and to hell with the
CONSTITUTION

It also acts as a
DIVERSION
from the people who give money to
DEMOCRATS
because they include real
WALL STREET FAT CATS
BILLIONAIRE SPECULATORS
& REAL FOREIGN CRIMINALS.

I hope that clears things up for you.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since I dipped my big blue toe into the pool of douchebaggery known as Earthling political life, so I think it's time to do it again. Because you have a lot of douchebags running around who really need to know that they are douchebags.

Anyway, let's start with the small fry, and work our way up, or down, depending how you look at it.

BRANDON KIM

You don't know who this guy, but he posts stuff on the IFC website. I say stuff instead of articles or blog posts because those things require thought, and poor little Brandon isn't too good at that. The bit of pseudo-intellectual effluvia that elevates him to the level of douchebag involves a piece he wrote about Velvet Underground drummer Mo Tucker and how he described her recent activities, saying that: "This is one of the farthest falls from cool in music history."

What did Mo Tucker do that was so uncool?

She participated in a Tea Party rally.

Think about that for a second.

Apparently Mr. Kim thinks that someone not wanting the government to control every aspect of human life is uncool.

But let's forget that for a second, and let's look at how dumb and divorced from reality Mr. Kim really is.

Imagine yourself a dyed in the wool Democrat who thinks the sun shines out of Barack Obama's back passage. Can you honestly think that Mo Tucker attending a Tea Party is the farthest fall from cool in rock history in a universe where Gary Glitter exists.

True, Gary Glitter never really was particularly cool, and never near the level of the Velvet Underground, but we are talking about pedophilia here, which puts him way deeper negative zone of uncool than any rational person may feel over a mere political disagreement.

Mo Tucker is doing what people like Mr. Kim usually fail to do, stick by her own beliefs of individual responsibility and individual liberty. Maybe Mr. Kim should polish his hipster-douchebag pseudo-nerd glasses, and maybe then he can see some of the real world for a change.

10:10 & RICHARD CURTIS

This is a story about a real drastic fall from cool.

10:10 is an environment group that wants everyone to cut their carbon emissions by 10% in what's left of 2010. They commissioned Richard Curtis to make a video for them pushing their message.

This is what Curtis shat out of his brain hole:

Curtis peaked on shows like Blackadder, and Mr. Bean, and films like 4 Weddings & A Funeral, only to fizzle out with increasingly bland and forgettable romantic comedies. So, in desperation, he tries to regain his long dulled edge by making this video, only to have it backfire badly for both him and the group 10:10.

Why?

Because the message of the video is "CONFORM TO OUR AGENDA, OR BE GRUESOMELY MURDERED."

It shows just how out of touch both Curtis and 10:10 is. They think that somehow the "rightness" of their cause justifies threatening people's lives as long as the cheekily say: "No pressure," before pressing the murder button.

Mo Tucker stood for being a free individual, Curtis stands for everyone who doesn't have a home in Notting Hill and two "country retreats" to blindly obey the orders of their limo-liberal betters or die if they dare resist.

No pressure.

Asshole.

ED SCHULTZ

The MSNBC pundit and liberal talk radio host declared that he could match Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor Rally with his 1 Nation Rally. Well, let's look at the pictures...

Here's Ed's rally.
Here's the Restoring Honor Rally.
Hmmm.... I don't really see much of a match. In fact, I see the Restoring Honor crowd dwarfing the 1 Nation crowd by a massive margin. Plus, the Restoring Honor people didn't litter the living hell out of the joint like Ed Schultz and his people.

Of course, Schultz is going around crowing that his was a bigger crowd, only serving to show just how bias can so easily slip into the realm of delusion.

GLORIA ALLRED

What can be said about Gloria Allred that hasn't already been said? Some are saying that she's violating her oaths as an attorney by putting her client in legal jeopardy with her little "October Surprise" against Meg Whitman the Republican candidate for governor of California.

But that ex-housekeeper isn't her real client. Allred's real client is Jerry Brown the Democratic candidate. Allred doesn't give a rat's ass about the woman, and how all this attention and exposure will probably get her jailed for using false papers to dupe her employers and then deported. That will all happen long after the election, and by that time, Allred will be long gone, having returned to her usual practice of scrounging for scraps off the courthouse steps.

I'd ask if she had any decency or shame, but we all know the answer to that. Which brings us to Ms. Allred's real client:

JERRY "MOONBEAM" BROWN

This man is the embodiment of everything wrong with the Democratic Party. He's the heir of a political family, has never had any meaningful employment outside of running and holding elected offices, and yet despite decades of alleged "public service" the only accomplishment anyone can remember is that he boned Linda Ronstadt before she got fat and crazy.

He believes that elected office is his entitlement, granted to him by birth and the Democratic Party, and that there is nothing he or his proxies won't do or say to get and hold those offices.

Maybe he should consider getting a real job for once in his life. Then he might develop some common sense, and enough testicular fortitude to shovel his own shit instead of getting minions like Allred to do it for him.

Remember folks, if you find yourself on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check Time!: Court Jester Edition

Greetings puny Earthling...

Sorry I've been away for so long, but it's busy out here in my empire, otherwise known as the REST OF THE UNIVERSE, but I'm here to dispense my own brand of brutal reality checks. Today its all about:

JON STEWART & STEPHEN COLBERT

They made their names claiming to be rebel jesters who "spoke truth to power" and other such utterly meaningless bullshit, but now their true colors are showing.

They are not rebels, they don't speak truth to power, they simper and suck up to power as long as the people in power share their personal prejudices.

Think about these two questions:

A. Why was Stephen Colbert asked to testify at a hearing about illegal immigration, and to do it "in character" as a faux-conservative blowhard pundit? Why is Jon Stewart trying to put together what is essentially an anti-Tea Party rally in Washington?

B. Why do Colbert and Stewart agree to do these things?

Answers:

A. Colbert's character is how the left defines conservative pundits like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. If you ask most leftist to talk about those pundits they'll usually call them ignorant, bigoted, and constantly lying, but ask for anything specific, and they'll cite something Colbert said or did while "pretending" to be one. The Democrats want to make the rest of America think of Colbert and his antics whenever any real conservative pundit is mentioned, so they called him in.

Stewart's job is to dominate the media coverage with anti-Tea Party rhetoric as an election that could prove devastating to the Democratic Party approaches. He is also to create the illusion that the American people like having their health care, jobs, and everything else controlled by Washington bureaucrats in the hope that it will sway undecided voters.

B. Colbert and Stewart agreed to do these things because his ass is owned by three powerful forces:

1) The Viacom-Paramount-Comedy Central Axis.
2) The Elite Critics.
3) Entertainment community.

It's a simple fact that while the audience size for their shows are good for cable, aren't all that great compared to the Fox News juggernaut. That means that in order to keep their cushy hosting jobs, justify their high salaries, and keep other gigs coming they need to appease those three masters, and here's how:

While Stewart, Colbert, and the rest of the mainstream lap-dog media scream in horrified outrage that Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation donated to a Republican organization, the VPCC Axis, its dominant shareholder nonagenarian plutocrat billionaire Sumner Redstone, most of his senior staff, and on-air talent donate money, fund-raise, and actively campaign for Democratic Party candidates and causes.

The same is true of the elite critics and awards nominating voters in the entertainment community who grant respectability and labels of "genius" to guys who need twenty full time writers to sound glib and off the cuff. Anyone else with the same ratings would either be canceled or just considered minor players in the comedy scene, but with the critics and the rest of the media community singing their praises constantly, they are boxing in both prestige and salary beyond their weight class.

Now some may say things like: "Oh, they make jokes about Obama now, so they're all right." But that's a little off topic. They are only doing that in order to save what little integrity they have left with an increasingly dissatisfied audience, but otherwise have to dance to their master's tune. It's just that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

ANSWER TIME! ANSWER TIME!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I gave you a couple of weeks to post your questions, and only got one person, Chris in NC, asking a whole lot of questions. So the others got pissy and left me to answer them alone.

They're all bastards. I think I'll orbit-bomb their houses for kicks tonight.

Anyway, let's get this over with:

ok, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And would Obama's govt let it?

A woodchuck is actually really poor at chucking wood, and even worse at catching it. Which is also very messy. Obama would let them try, but then pile on so many taxes and regulations the woodchucks would give up, and go chuck wood in India.

Will Al Gore come to justice for his perpetual fraud on climate change?

No.

People on the left are rarely punished for their crimes. Blow up a few buildings, shoot some cops, and tell the powers that be that you did it in the name of the environment, communism, social justice, and you'll get a job teaching at a university.

Al Gore will pocket his ill gotten millions, spend them on houses and trophy wives and say "Who me?" when the next nut-bar decides to shoot up the Discovery Channel in his name.

Do you think a third party could win in 2012?

No.

Too many nuts in the third party chocolate bar. However, the Republican Party can be reformed into a whole new party, which is something the Democrats can never do.

This is because the trend in the Republican party is that the rank and file are demanding certain standards, and are not scared of bouncing incumbents that don't meet those standards now thanks to the Tea Party movement. Democrat voters will vote Democrat no matter who they are running because they don't care about standards, they only care about what they can get out of the deal. They'll elect a dehydrated turd on a stick to congress if it promises them some new entitlements.

And, ya know, it's been way too long for a Billie Piper pic! Got a good one?

Just a little one.

How long does it take dear Overlord to puree the 20 humans for his favorite drink? And would he mind going to DC and making several servings while visiting congress?

I had to lay off the Soylent Green, you humans are too fatty, and that Argentinian soccer team smoothie went straight to my ass.

Now that Sarah Palin has re-established herself as a kingmaker, do you think she'll run for POTUS or stay on the sidelines and help the candidate?

Actually, I don't think she should run.

I think her real best spot would be the Red State Oprah, and I suspect Rupert Murdoch thinks so to.

Since it's the end of summer and I'm the only questioner, how about a Billie Piper collage!

Now you're getting greedy. So I suggest showing some appreciation for the new companion Amy Pond played by the downright delicious Karen Gillan.
And I mean 'delicious' in a purely sexual, and not Soylent Green, kind of way.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you... and Karen Gillan.

Random Rambling Reality Checks...

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Time to cash some reality checks... let's get started...

1. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants a federal investigation to find out who is behind the funding of the opposition to the Ground Zero Islamist Victory Mosque & Handball Court. She is pretty certain that there is a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen behind such opposition.

Why?

Because she's a Democrat, and everything they support or propose is the product of a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen. Think health care reform, and you have a cabal of pharmaceutical and insurance companies looking to bloat themselves off the taxpayer's teat. Think Global Warming/Cap & Trade, and you have any number of schemes for everything from carbon credits to bogus 'green jobs' all needing fat government subsidies doling out cash to the already wealthy. It goes on and on.

Even the anti-war movement had financial connections to shady businessmen enriching themselves from violating the Saddam era sanctions.

When Nancy Pelosi sees someone criticizing what they support, they automatically assume that it's the product of the exact same machinations that run their own party.

So Pot, meet Kettle.

2. A common analogy in the Ground Zero Victory Mosque & International House of Falafel debate is that it's like building a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito in Pearl Harbor.

Well, there's a little more to that.

It's exactly like a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito built in Pearl Harbor in 1943. Remember, they may have pulled out of direct combat in Iraq, but radical Islamists are still killing, trying to kill, or plotting to kill people all over your wretched little blue-green rock as punishment for the crime of being different from them.

So, when they start crying racism and 'Islamophobia' it's another case of pot meeting kettle.

3. We at the MoxArgon Group are looking for questions. So if you need answers, then come to us and we'll cram them in your brain. So leave them in the comments.

Reality Check: On Mosques

Greetings puny Earthlings.

There's a lot of chatter going on about the proposed Islamic Mosque/Community Center that a group wants to build pretty much adjacent to the site of the 9/11/2001 attack.

This issues calls for a reality check so let's look at the reasons why and why not.

Here is the main argument for building the mosque at Ground Zero used by its supporters:

1. If you don't love the mosque you're a dirty racist.

Here are the reasons why it shouldn't be built.

1. Feisal Abdul Rauf, the Imam in the forefront of the project. He claims to be a moderate Muslim, who sort of kind of maybe condemned the 9/11 attack, but said America probably did something to deserve it anyway, and he also claims to be unable to tell Hamas from a hole in the ground.

2. We know very little about the backers of this project. Only that they wield a lot of money, and scream racism whenever anyone asks any questions about them or their sources of capital. Let's not forget The Holy Land Foundation, an Islamic charity with a similar opaque structure that was up to its neck in terrorist financing. I know it seems unfair to target organizations promoting one specific religion for such scrutiny, but right now the Presbyterian and Buddhist charities aren't paying for terrorism and propaganda that promotes it.

3. In Islamic tradition the main reason for building a mosque on the site of an Islam inspired mass murder is not to built links between communities, or pray for the souls of the lost. It's to assert a message of Islamic victory and supremacy, no doubt to be used in Al Qaida propaganda looming over the wreckage of the Twin Towers.

4. They named the project as a reminder of Islamic rule of the Spanish city of Cordoba, claiming it marks a time of goodwill, tolerance, and brotherhood. Cordoba did have that, for a little while, but a few decades are used to whitewash centuries of oppression, intolerance, and brutality.

5. The builders of this project claim that Greg Gutfeld's plan to build a Muslim friendly gay bar next door doesn't take into their account Muslim sensibilities. What does that tell you about the people behind this project? It shows that their sensibilities are the only ones that matter, because they don't give a rat's ass about the sensibilities of New Yorkers who lost 3,000 of their friends and neighbors in the name of Islam.

6. Speaking of sensibilities, Muslim sensibilities generally forbid the building of ANY buildings for servicing any religion other than Islam. If they predate Islamic conquest, then under the dhimmi laws they cannot be expanded, or in many cases maintained, in any way because that's seen as an insult to Islam. These buildings, and the people who worship in them are also regularly subjected to vandalism, harassment, and even violence in the name of preserving Islam's honor.

And yet if you don't like the Ground Zero Mosque, then YOU are the bigot.

They are free to build mosques, that is their right in a free, non-Islamic society, but they are not free to play nasty politically correct games to tear down the society that allows them the freedom they are currently enjoying.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Knees Jerking

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry we've been so lazy posting lately. But it looks like we have another question, at least I think it's another question:

trent reker said...nice. we're all about superior cultures that can't spell or punctuate in the language they choose to use for their world domination scheme. are you sure you didn't get a spaceship from spacedad and take off for a weekend to see how many free drinks you could get in vegas?

And I should take lessons in Earthling grammar from someone who apparently doesn't believe in capital letters?

I could say that any grammatical errors I may have made come from Earthling English being my 6 billionth language, but those who have been with this blog since the beginning have noticed a marked improvement in the translating. So I'll just put your comment in the old circular file marked "Troll Scraps," and get down to business.

__________________

1. There's a whole lot of talk going on about the Shirley Sherrod, the rural affairs bureaucrat who had some comments from a speech sent, out of context, to internet media mogul Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart posted them, the White House went bug-shit, fired Sherrod, found out the full story, then rehired her, slandered Breitbart & Fox News for reporting the story.

Now as an intergalactic ruler, things being taken out of context by speakers happen all the time, but my minions always investigate the claims before firing anyone. It's just cheaper than all the other rigmarole, so why didn't the White House do it?

Because it was so believable.

Remember, this is the same White House that tried to get Van Jones, a self-proclaimed Marxist Truther as their "Green Jobs Czar."

The same White House whose partisan minions in the NAACP decided to forgo the real issues facing African Americans, like black on black violent crime, high rates of family disintegration, and crumbling public education systems, to brand the Tea Party movement racist.

The same White House that appointed AG Eric Holder, whose Justice Department decided that justice doesn't include stopping nut-bar racist New Black Panther Party thugs from threatening voters even after they've been convicted.

The list goes on, and on, and on. Which makes you wonder how they managed to cram in so much hypocrisy in less than two years in office. So you can understand why the Obama administration moved so quickly and clumsily to fire her without even investigating the allegations.

The cherry on top of this whole issue was when Shirley Sherrod went on TV and proved Breitbart right after all when she accused him of wanting to take America back to slavery.

_____________

2. Journolist was a by-invitation-only private e-mail thingy where liberal leaning journalists, intellectuals (I use that term loosely) and like minded semi-thinkers could share recipes for organic home-made granola cookies, bury stories about Obama and his racist Pastor, plot to destroy Sarah Palin, conspiracies to slander government critics as racist, and violent Rush Limbaugh death fantasies.

Why are people surprised?

Look at what liberal talk radio host Mike Malloy says in public:

Murdoch is a Nazi; Murdoch is a Nazi! And everyone that works for him is a potential murderer! Do you not -- do you not get that? Why does anybody in this administration pay any attention whatsoever to anything these people say? They shouldn't be listened to; they should be dragged into the street and pummeled! And I'd be very happy to be the first person to do it.

And we expect them to be any more polite when they're among their own brain-dead, morally bankrupt, fascistic kind?

Despite their claims of love of civil liberties, free speech, and other constitutional rights, the Leftist Mind is, at its core, a fascistic mind that sees the world in hard Manichean terms. They are so certain that they are correct in every way, those who may differ from them are not only wrong, they are actively evil and in the pay of some sinister force bent on world destruction.

Well as a sinister force bent on world destruction, I can tell you that I ain't paying anyone on your puny little planet.

This is the same profession that honors the recently deceased Daniel Schorr, who outlived his journalistic integrity by about 60 years. They tend to gloss over that he was a partisan hack, who deliberately fabricated a story on the CBS National News that claimed Republican presidential candidate Barry Goldwater was going to Germany to a secret Neo-Nazi conference to get his orders on destroying America.

The simple fact that he wasn't tarred, feathered, and run out of the profession of journalism, but instead given a cushy spot as a grey eminence suckling on the taxpayer subsidized teat of National Public Radio illustrates the state of the media today.

Journalism is dying, because journalism killed itself when it shifted from at least being open about their biases, to claiming their biases were in fact objective reality and the sum of all morality. All it cares about is getting and keeping power for its political masters, nothing more, and truth has nothing to do with it.

People want opinion presented by pundits, not reporters, and are fleeing the old media in droves because they know that they are not getting the truth, or any discussion about what might be true. They are not reporters, they are whores, and you don't get your news from whores.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Questions & Answers!

MOXARGON- Greeting puny Earthlings. Welcome to another long awaited edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP. You have questions, and we have the answers. I'm joined by our regulars Xran the Fleshrender, Android CAI/7, Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, and Varos Quasar. Good to have you all here. Let's skip the formalities, and leap right into the first question.

Mark in VA asked... Why are you demanding intergalactic media silence on the Blagojevich trial? Is Lindsey Lohan's trial really more newsworthy?

XRAN- I think I can answer that one.

MOXARGON- Go right ahead old chum.

XRAN- There isn't intergalactic media silence on the trial of disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. That media blackout is strictly an Earth only affair. No one here ordered any blocking of the coverage of his ongoing legal problems.

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 can you tell him the reason why? I'm trying to spread it around today and give everyone a chance to talk.

ANDROID CAI/7- The reason is quite simple--

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!!

MOXARGON- What?

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!

VAROS- It's a Republican Nazi witch hunt of an innocent man with incredible hair!!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. What the hell are you saying, and why is Varos joining you?

SNOTGLOB- I believe he's innocent.

TEKTAK- Why do you believe that?

SNOTGLOB- He's a Democrat. Chicago Democrats are the purest politicians the universe has ever seen.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think Snotglob's extreme illogic has actually answered the question.

MOXARGON- That the mainstream media is ignoring Blagojevich's trial because it may embarrass their masters in the Democratic Party and their billionaire backers?

ANDROID CAI/7- More or less, yes.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Blackhawk12151 asked... It is well known that America has problems with illegal aliens and border security. Are there any similar problems being dealt with by MoxArgon? Some pesky aliens planet hoping without the proper documentation?

MOXARGON- Since this is about my government, I guess I can answer it. In my empire citizens are free to go to whatever planet they wish to live on. Now I must state that none of the planets in my empire are run by governments as corrupt, incompetent, and just plain shit-heeled as the government of Mexico. Planets that are as badly run as Mexico, aren't part of my empire, and incapable of space travel.

XRAN- But there is immigration though?

MOXARGON- Oh, yes, lots. We're always terraforming new planets and allowing people to colonize them. It's a great way to ease the pressure on overpopulated planets, and grow the overall intergalactic economy. As for documentation, it's impossible to travel without it considering we implant such documentation into your DNA. If you don't have your papers, then you're missing all of your cells. Even our androids have some organic parts that contain their identification codes. Next question:

Damian G. asked... Given that the fauna of alien worlds is decidedly different from that of Earth, what would be your home planets' equivalents of a "Mama Grizzly"?

XRAN- Don't go there.

MOXARGON- I'm going there.

XRAN- Damn it.

MOXARGON- My home planet's equivalent of a "Mama Grizzly" is called Nestarrax. Otherwise known as the second ex-missus Xran.

XRAN- Douche.

MOXARGON- Keep your questions coming folks. Ask us about policy, the oil spill, or anything else you can think of. We'll answer them, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP

Greetings puny Earthlings.

We here at the MoxArgon Group have been a tad light and loose with the blogging lately. Probably because there is just so much to complain about and explain to you lesser mortals, we just don't know where to start.

So we're going to let you tell us where to start!

It's time for

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP!

If you have a question about any aspect of your planet's politics, policies, and poltroons, then leave them in the comments.

All we ask is that you leave a name for us to call you, but aside from that ask early and ask often.

So get asking. Don't make me come down there.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Douchebags of Week!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Sorry for the light posting, it's been sort of busy in the empire lately, but I thought I'd take a moment to remind you about the sheer level of douchebaggery that keeps happening on your wretched little rock of a planet.

So let's go in no particular order...

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA: There are literally too many examples of bias to mention, from their constant use of the word "brilliant" to describe every time Barack Obama farts, to deliberately leaving out important facts. Recent Senator Robert Byrd slipped the surly bonds of Earth, rung down the curtain, and joined the jug band invisible, and they are already forgetting that he once held a leadership position in the Ku Klux Klan.

Former Democrat turned Republican Strom Thurmond died, and they rushed to brand him the eternal segregationist despite his later change in position on that issue. Byrd on the other hand was a leader and recruiter for what can only be described as a racially motivated domestic terrorist group. Of course Byrd stayed a Democrat, so to the media, that makes it all a-okay.

I know you Earthlings have a thing about speaking ill of the dead, but one shouldn't lie about them either.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: He's become a regular on this feature, for continued douchebaggery ranging from delaying action on the BP oil spill to please his union masters, and playing around with people's lives and livelihoods with the offshore drilling ban in order to please his billionaire masters who are invested in Brasilian oil and want those Gulf oil rigs. And let us not forget the kissing up to enemies, the pissing on allies, and all the other stuff he does on a regular basis to completely cripple the nation.

BP: I guess when this company went "Beyond Petroleum" they also went beyond basic safety considerations. They honestly believed that being behind such boondoggles in the making like "cap and trade" would somehow protect them from fundamentally failing at the one thing they are supposed to be good at, which is extracting oil from the ground, and delivering it without creating some sort of massive environmental and economic disaster.

Remember, if you're on this list then you....

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Helen Thomas & Everything That's Wrong

Greetings puny Earthlings.

This past week saw the retirement of Helen Thomas from her place of dishonor in the front row of the Washington Press Corps after she suggested that Israelis give up their 3000+ years of history, hand over their nation to people who enjoy blowing up schools, and return to Europe where 6 million of their number were slaughtered during the 1940s.

Her forced retirement came just months shy of her 90th birthday, and about 25 years too late.

Her entire career was a classic illustration of everything that's wrong with the mainstream media. As I write this many of the media's chattering classes are talking about her great accomplishments as the doyenne of the chattering class.

And here is a list of greatest journalistic accomplishments:

1. She showed up.

2. She stayed.

Yes, she broke the mold by being the first woman to join the White House drinking club press corps. But if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else, it was an inevitability, and after breaking that mold, Helen Thomas got moldy very quickly.

For those of you who don't believe me just answer these two questions:

1. What big "scoops" did she dig up in her career?

2. When was the last time you read one of her "columns" and said: "Damn, she's brilliant?"

The answers are 1. None, and 2. Never.

Because you don't get scoops when you're the White House correspondent. All you do is regurgitate what the Press Secretary tells you, and write about what you heard, layering on as much spin as you can get away with.

Reporters like the position because it gives them instant daily national exposure, but realize that it's a very limited position, because you really can't break news the way you can in other positions. So most journalists, the real ones, move on when they've done their turn in order to grow their careers.

Helen Thomas at least had the foresight to know her limitations as just a biased hack, and once she had the "showing up" part done, she stayed, using her gender and age to get away with her hackery, her bias, and her blatant hatred of Jews, Republicans, Israel, democratic countries, and anything else that she disagrees with that manages to poke through the layers of cobwebs in her senility addled brain.

Since she was "The First," had seniority, and expressed openly the prejudices most media mavens had to hide under layers of baffle-gab, she was honored, feted, and glorified waaay beyond her ability, intelligence, or integrity. It helped her get a contract with Hearst newspapers that Hearst instantly regretted, running only a handful of her least incoherent columns, and binning the rest.

Helen Thomas sat in the front seat of that press room like a pimple on the ass of progress. Sore, unpleasant, and full of some really nasty stuff.

Then she finally went too far, ripped off the mask, and showed the world the pseudo intellectual pus that filled her head.

Now she's gone, and the White House is going to have to find another long-in-the-tooth, anti-Semitic, incoherent, yahoo to fill that precious front row seat.

It won't be hard, there are a lot of jokers in the media deck.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.