Leave My Michelle Alone You Nasty Little Moonbats!

A Personal Commentary

by

Remulak MoxArgon

I must say that you Earthling Moonbats are really starting to get on my craw, which happens to be located just below my left sacroilliac, and I've had enough.

I've just read how you nasty little political trolls are picking on my twelfth dearest beloved, political columnist Michelle Malkin.

Now you're probably asking how I could defend her, since she rejected my offer for her to join my harem.

(saying something about her loving her family and me being evil, repulsive, vile and being unhappy with how it took me so long to learn how to spell her name right)

Nonetheless, I'm not going to hold that against her. In fact, the courage she displayed when she pepper sprayed me in the face, kicked me in the zoldars, and shot me in my grebbleplotz, only made me respect her more.

And I respected her before that, and I mean that in a purely innocent way, and not in some lewd double-entendre sort of way, so get your puny brains out of the gutter for a minute.

Sure, she's a very attractive Earthling female, but that's not the only reason for my invitation, she's also an intelligent political columnist who actually believes in things and sticks with them. No matter how many planets you offer to make her queen of, she won't give up on those values.

She certainly does not deserve the sort of nasty, sexist, and often downright racist attacks she's subjected to on a daily basis. I mean for a bunch of people who claim to desire equality for all, you Moonbats seem to think that some are more equal than others.

Although I think I understand the reason they attack her so viciously.

Jealousy.

I've been studying Earth for a long time, and I can tell you that her intelligence, wit, and yes, even her beauty puts her way ahead of her rivals on the political left.

I mean have you watched any of the left-wing pundits lately?

Whoah, I've been on many planets, and I've seen a million varieties of ugly...

Well, let me put in terms you Earthlings can understand. As your sage Homer Simpson said:

"Ever been to White Castle? Pigtown USA!"

So when faced with what can only be called a perfect specimen of Earthling conservative punditry you Moonbats react with behaviour that would make a Niborean Slug-snot Trader recoil in disgust.

I mean it's not like you can actually argue with her. You need facts to win an argument, but if all you want to have is a childish name calling contest, then the most mature one loses.

So take this from the Usurper of the Flokian Empire and Supreme Ruler of Ten Thousand Stars, mind your manners, or I'm coming down to your planet to teach you some.

Remember, I'm a dictator who has no morals, ethics, or problems with abusing my power or other people.

Don't make me come down there.

~Remulak MoxArgon

Episode #8: Time Machines, Wars & Moonbats, Oh, My!

MOXARGON: Welcome, I know it's been a while but we're back with our first full edition of the Moxargon Group in a long time. Now you're probably wondering why we were gone for so long, well, we've all had our reasons for not being able to post.

XRAN: Not until a certain someone got kicked off the planet with a restraining order.

MOXARGON: Thanks for the extra commentary Senor Lardass McGravypants.

XRAN: I'm not fat, my species is big boned!

MOXARGON: Your ass is not a bone. I hope that'll teach you not to eat so much Earthling candy like you did a couple of weeks ago.

XRAN: I learned a valuable lesson. When you eat those things called lollipops, don't eat the sticks. They are a candy delivery system and not candy.

MOXARGON: Yeah well, it's good to be back with the group. We've got a lot to catch up on and we've got a new feature. We've got an Earthling Name Spell Checker. It's a wonderful thing and should help us spell your strange and somewhat humourous names correctly. Now let the grandstanding begin. First topic: OverLord Bush has appointed someone named Samuel Alito to a vacancy in the Imperial Court. But the Democrats are opposed, claiming that it will lead to some sort of unlawful use of time travel technology.

ANDROID CAI/7: Time travel?

XRAN: Yes. The Democrats are concerned about Alito engaging in some sort of time travel. They keep going on and on about how he would 'turn back the clock' and possibly send them to live among the dinosaurs.

ANDROID CAI/7: That's a highly illogical argument. Earthling technology still interprets time as linear, instead of it's trapezoidal structure. This fellow Alito's claims of mastering time travel are highly dubious.

MOXARGON: But what if they're right. What if he does have the ability to travel through time?

ANDROID CAI/7: Then why doesn't he go back in time and prevent the birth of his enemies? That would be the logical course of action.

MOXARGON: What if he already did, and ended up with a new batch of enemies instead?

XRAN: Ooooh. Cosmic.

ANDROID CAI/7: That's why I hate time travel. Too many anomalies and temporal paradoxes to deal with.

MOXARGON: You've been fairly quite Drone-9099. What do you think of the Alito situation?

DRONE-9099: (weakly) Exterminate?

MOXARGON: That's kind of a feeble response. Where's your passion for termination?

(DRONE-9099 starts crying and storms off.)

MOXARGON: What's with him?

XRAN: Anne Coulter dumped him.

MOXARGON: The bony assed little hussy. (to Drone-9099)Don't cry buddy! You're a gelatinous blob of angry neural-fibers in an armoured shell. What gal doesn't want you? Remember there are plenty of fish in the galaxy!

XRAN: I don't think he's coming back.

ANDROID CAI/7: I believe the next logical step for Drone-9099 is what Earthlings call 'a bender.'

MOXARGON: Let's move onto the next topic. Recently, a Democratic congressman named Murtha... That can't be right... can we get that checked? Anyhoo, he said that the insurgents in Iraq have already won the war, and that America should summarily withdraw. What do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7: I think it's a highly illogical position that is completely divorced from the facts. Forces led by Zarqawi are being slaughtered, the intensity of their attacks are dropping. It is getting so bad that Warlord Zarqawi's forces are reduced to sacrifing men and material on militarily useless targets like weddings in other countries.

XRAN: I agree with the robot. If Zarqawi and his insurgents are as powerful as this- whatever his name is- claims they are, then they'd be seizing and controlling large portions of the country. Not running in terror from town to town in an ever decreasing area. It sounds like this Murtha whatever is engaging in grandstanding at the expense of his Empire.

ANDROID CAI/7: I am amazed at how the American Empire treats people like that. On any other planet, or in any other country, people who make comments like that would be arrested for treason, and tossed into a pit full of hungry Lycorpean Slime-Weasels. Except in America they end up getting elected as representatives of blue states.

MOXARGON: Don't forget Sen. Jay Rockefeller who recently admitted telling secret war plans to the enemies of the American Empire.

XRAN: Knowing Democrats such blatant treason will probably get him their nomination to run for Overlord in 2008.

MOXARGON: This Murtha fellow is saying that his demand for surrender should be heeded because he was a veteran of the Vietnam War. What do you think?

XRAN: If he reflects the attitude of their officers in that conflict, then it is no mystery as to why they lost.

MOXARGON: Good point. When you're in a war, you go in to win. Or you might as well start learning your enemy's language, because he'll soon be helping himself to your Empire.

ANDROID CAI/7: Victory is not good enough for these people. Overlord Bush could mount the head of Earth's last terrorist on a pike, and these people would cry because the terrorist never had a chance to kill enough people.

MOXARGON: It's almost like a form of mental derangement. A complete divorce from reality. And the disease must be widespread because these people get elected to positions of power.

XRAN: Let's hope they're in power when we decide to come back, eh, Remulak. That would make our job a lot easier. The last thing we would ever want to see are Earthlings that actually fight back.

MOXARGON: And on that positive note let's call it a night. Come on guys, let's buy a round for Drone-9099.

_______________________________

PS: As part of my community service sentence I was asked to re-plug the blognovel THE WARLORD 2: JUGGERNAUT. The author had helped us improve the look of our site and it's to make up for the anal probe, the brain parasite, the phaser burn, and leaving him naked and raving in a Mexican cornfield.

There, will his lawyers stop buggin us now?

~Remulak MoxArgon.

Report from a Tasty Planet.

by Xran the FleshRender

Greetings puny Earthlings.

A few of your Earth days ago Remulak MoxArgon invited me to join him on a reconaissance mission of your planet. I eagerly accepted.

Little did I know that Remulak's idea of 'reconaissance' was mostly skulking around the bushes outside Mee-Shell Mall-Ken's house. Being a tad creeped out, and not wanting anymore restraining orders on my record I left Remulak to his dementia and went looking around on my own.

I must admit that it was a weird experience.

When we first heard of Earth we thought the only sentient species were the Humans. Then we heard about all the subspecies like moonbats, left-wingers, right wingers, neocons, paleocons, and others.

But when I went out on that street it was crawling with all sorts of strange beings. And most of them were quite short. I'm at a loss to describe the variety or even come close to giving an accurate estimate of how many there might be.

They appeared to be involved in some sort of ritual that involved them going door to door and getting things put into sacks.

Figuring it was some sort of treasure being offered, I whipped out my plunder sac and went right up to the door.

Instead of the usual screams and drawing of weapons the Earthlings at my door smiled, said that my 'costume' was really impressive and gave me a handful of objects out of a bowl.

I didn't get treasure.

What I got was some wrapped objects called Hershey miniatures.

I went to another door and got the same reaction and a handful of some things on sticks the Earthlings called 'lolly-pops.'

At first I didn't know what in the name of the nards of Nosgar these things were or what I was supposed to with them, and then I saw one of the small creatures take one out of his sack and eat it.

Always eager to try something new, I tried it.

Whoah.

After one taste I started craving more, so I went to every door in that town and collected these sweet pieces of bliss until my plunder sac was full.

I then went to my ship and gorged myself on those things until all three of my stomachs were ready to pop their sporboks.

I woke the next morning feeling dizzy, and with an uncontrollable urge to go to the bathroom.

Those things made me sick and my ass is now twice its previous size, yet I still crave those damned things.

So that's your plan. Invaders come to your door demanding plunder, and you hide the real treasure and ply them with these intoxicating poisons you call 'treats.'

For a pack of primitive sub-megaloids you are a sneaky bunch.

I'll be back someday, either for revenge or for more of those damn treats, you haven't heard the last of me!

______________________

PS: One of your fellow Earthlings helped us with the new look of this site, and I'd like to thank him by plugging his own site. He's participating in something called National Novel Writing Month and he's writing his novel on a blog called THE WARLORD 2: JUGGERNAUT. Sounds like a fun read.

That should make up for Remulak kidnapping him and then dumping him in that cornfield.

Point/Counterpoit #3: Judging Pets and Pets that Judge

THE MOXARGON GROUP
&
MALGRUB'S MATTER TRANSMOGRIFIERS
If your matter really matters, trust Malgrub

Present
POINT/COUNTERPOINT

with

SNOTGLOB, on the Left
TEKTAK F. MECHANOID on the Right

TEKTAK- Welcome to Point/Counterpoint. Today's topic is the nomination of a creature called the Hairy Yet-Mires to the Supreme Court of the American Empire. The nomination is controversial to both sides of the American political spectrum. Those who normally support the President think that this creature lacks the qualifications to be such a prominent jurist and the political opposition don't care for her religion and call her a 'crony' of Overlord DubyaBush.

SNOTGLOB- What exactly is a crony?

TEKTAK- I think it's a name you give some kind of pet.

SNOTGLOB- Well that's appalling! Overlord DubyaBush should be ashamed of his treatment of a poor innocent creature like his pet Yet-Mires. Forcing house pets to work is cruel and inhumane.

TEKTAK- But using their brains as nests for your eggs are not?

SNOTGLOB- I don't need you to point out my hypocrisy! DubyaBush's behavior is disgusting!

TEKTAK- Perhaps you are in agreement with the so-called 'Right Wingers.' They, I assume, are some sort of bird-like creature who hold a lot of sway with OverLord DubyaBush, and they question the qualifications and political backbone of appointing a pet to high court.

SNOTGLOB- I would never agree with a bunch of one-winged avioids! The under-evolved have rights too, and they should be respected. Do you remember the time when Remulak Moxargon got all whacky on Hyborean cactus juice and appointed his pet Alluvian Tree-snail as minister of public works?

TEKTAK- That little slime-spitter actually got the department's budget under control, and increased productions by over 75%. But he was one clever snail. Too bad the next time Remulak had the cactus juice he ate him.

SNOTGLOB- Then those nasty Right Wingers should just back off on the Hairy Yet-Mires and give it a chance!

TEKTAK- Weren't you just scolding OverLord DubyaBush for putting his pet to work a minute ago?

SNOTGLOB- When did you become the king of the nit-pickers?

TEKTAK- I've always been the king of the nit-pickers. Someone has to be. So are you for or against this nomination?

SNOTGLOB- I think the Hairy Yet-Mires should be given a chance to prove its worth, but I also think it's cruel that DubyaBush is forcing pets to do work more befitting a slave. What's your opinion?

TEKTAK- My opinion doesn't matter. As a nit-picker I've done my research. I think OverLord DubyaBush has set this whole thing up as an elaborate deception to embarrass and confuse his enemies. He can't appoint anyone to the high court without approval of the Imperial Senate, a Senate crawling with people opposed to everything he does, no matter what. So he get's a prominent member of that opposition, a plant-like creature called a Hairy Reed to suggest the nomination of his pet Yet-Mires. DubyaBush makes the nomination, knowing that the rest of the opposition will oppose it, based on this creature's religious beliefs. They will then kill the creature with some weapon called a Filly-Buster. DubyaBush will go to the people, waving the corpse of his beloved pet in front of the cameras, get the Filly-Buster removed from the Imperial Senate and then he will appoint his real candidate for the position. Nothing jerks the tears like a deceased pet. Remember how Moxargon cried for a week after he ate 'Mr. Slimy?'

SNOTGLOB- Sounds awfully complicated.

TEKTAK- Earth is a complicated planet. It's crawling with humans, moonbats, hairy reeds, right-wingers, and left wingers...

SNOTGLOB- Maybe DubyaBush should break out his own Filly-Buster and trim the herd a little?

TEKTAK- On that we agree.

A Hot New Look For Fall

MOXARGON: As you can see, The MoxArgon Group's site has a new look. I decided that it was time for a change, but since I'm no expert in that html stuff you primitive Earthlings use, I recruited one of your people to help me do it...

XRAN: 'Recruited?' You kidnapped him and threatened to have him anal probed if he didn't rework the site.

MOXARGON: Well there was no need for the anal probe since he cooperated. I was just trying to motivate him.

XRAN: You then disintegrated his hamster.

MOXARGON: I thought the furry little bastard was an Tryvellian spy. Anywhoo, enjoy the new look.

XRAN: You could have at least dropped him off at his home, instead of dumping him buck naked in a Mexican cornfield.

MOXARGON: Geez Xran, you're turning into a real wet blanket lately. If I want whining I'd call SnotGlob.

Since you Earthlings are so fond of colour coding and things like that, my minions at the Ministry of Telling People That Their Doom Is At Hand have put together this chart that's so simple even an Earthling can understand it.

Enjoy.

~Remulak.

Love is in the Air... Again...

another personal message by Remulak MoxArgon

MOXARGON: Greetings Earthlings. I'm here once again to declare my undying love for a woman with beauty, intelligence, and something that really turns my skrellbach, power. I'm talking about the Secretary of State for the American Empire, Kondo-LeesaRyss. And I'd like to express my feelings through poetry... ahem...

Kondo-Leesa, Kondo-Leesa
That's what your parent's named you
Oh foreign policy dominatrix of my dreams...
Kondo-Leesa, Kondo-Leesa
I adore you
Run away with me, and we can...

XRAN: Are you at this again?

MOXARGON: Dammit Xran! I'm trying to pitch some woo so I can make a little whoopee.

XRAN: This thing for human females is getting to be... well, kinda sad and why are you always looking to add more females to your harem? I've got five wives back home, and that's the main reason I'm always in deep space.

MOXARGON: That's your problem Xran, you're not a romantic like myself.

XRAN: And you've got the attention span of a Tyrullian gnat. Yesterday it was this columnist Mee-Shell something and now it's this Kondo-Leesa. What's next are you going to go ga-ga over AnKolt-her?

MOXARGON: Nah, she's too skinny. Besides, I heard she's dating Drone-9099, but you didn't hear that from me.

XRAN: I haven't seen this female-crazy since school and you...

MOXARGON: Don't say it.

XRAN: Say what? Mention the time you asked Greeba Semoflax to the Conqueror's Ball and that she turned you down flat and called you...

MOXARGON: Don't go any farther...Corky.

XRAN: Oh, you remember that?

MOXARGON: You don't have a head like mine without remembering everything, and since you're so insistent on reliving our school days, why don't I tell the whole galaxy what Baff Arglebarge did to you in the locker room. I'm sure you don't want your crew calling you 'Captain Swirly.'

XRAN: I get your point. I'll be leaving now. Sheesh, slow news week and he goes all crazy.

MOXARGON: Since a certain someone, who shall remain nameless, ruined the mood, again, I'm going to end on this simple message. Kondo-Leesa, if you ever get tired of being a secretary and want to be a queen, gimme a call.

Love is in the Air...

A Personal Message from Remulak MoxArgon.

MOXARGON: Greetings Earthlings. I am not...

XRAN: This is a mistake.

MOXARGON: Ignore him Earthlings. As I was saying, I am not hear to talk about your politics or to conquer your planet. I'm here to on very different business. I'm here to talk about love.

XRAN: Seems that the old boy is smitten.

MOXARGON: Yes I am smitten. As the poets say, I am in deep smit. One of your Earthling females has won over all three of my hearts with her wit, intelligence, and incisive political commentary...

XRAN: Not to mention that she's the Earth's equivalent of a stone cold hottie. Not my type, I like a little fur and more eyes, but she's got old Remulak here head over heels...

MOXARGON: Will you please stop interrupting me... Wait a minute... how can someone be both stone cold and a hottie?

XRAN: It's what the kids are saying these days.

MOXARGON: How about you stop saying anything for a change? Now where was I? Oh yeah, I've come to pitch woo people of Earth, and I'm not talking about pitching Woo Gargleflox out of an airlock, I've come a courting. Now I know you Earthlings are probably wracking your tiny brains over who could possibly win over someone as accomplished, intelligent, and dead sexy as me. Well she's a special lady, and her name is Mee-Shell Mall-Kin.

XRAN: If this wasn't so funny, it would be kinda sad...

MOXARGON: Damn it! I'm trying to be romantic here. So shut your hole Xran, before I stick a plasma thruster up your breemogabble.

XRAN: Leaving now.

MOXARGON: Where was I? Oh yes, Mee-Shell, if I may be so bold to call you by your first name, I've got a lot to offer. I'm the absolute ruler of a large swath of the universe, I've got the biggest battle-fleet in the three galaxies, I like walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and bringing mighty interstellar empires to their knees. A lot of men will promise you the world, but I can deliver. Several worlds to be exact. I think you'd love Trebbleplop-3, the acid falls are beautiful in the spring. Take a look at this artist's conception:

MOXARGON: Don't we make a cute couple? So run away with me my dear Mee-Shell and I'll make you the happiest woman in my harem.

XRAN: Mayybe he'll show you his bottle cap collection.

MOXARGON: Thanks a lot Xran, you've completely spoiled the mood. Mee-Shell, if you can recieve this message, drop me line and I'll put some Tridollian Blue-Wine on ice and a certain loumouthed space pirate on the grill.

XRAN: Look at the time, I really gotta run.

MOXARGON: You better hit light speed you mood-wrecker! So remember Mee-Shell, call me, because once you go E.T. you'll never feel needy, nudge-nudge-wink-wink.

Episode # 7: What's With the Earthling Media?

T.A.R.D.I.S. EXPRESS COURIERS
When it literally has to get there yesterday
present

THE MOXARGON GROUP

MOXARGON: Welcome. Today the panel will be talking about the conflict between the forces of the American Empire and various terrorist factions over who gets to control the petroleum mines of Eye-Rack. However, we're not going to be talking about strategy and military issues. Instead we're going to be discussing how the media of the American Empire is covering the war. Is the media of America biased against its own country? Panel?

ANDROID CAI/7: Most definitely. American Forces are winning major victories all over Eye-Rack and all the American Media will do is present every dead soldier as if it's the end of the world and blame their Overlord for everything from the weather to the failings of minor bureaucrats and municipal prefects.

XRAN: If someone on one of my ships was going around trash talking me the way the American press badmouths Overlord DubyaBush I'd be upholstering my captain's chair with their skin. I mean come on, he's one measly Earthling, he can't be the cause of everyone's problems.

MOXARGON: How do you think he should handle them?

DRONE-9099: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

ANDROID CAI/7: I have studied the Earthling's transmissions for some time and I have compiled a very detailed database of how their media covers conflicts and often what they say has no connection with the actual events. On stardate 5676.99 an army called VeetKong engaged in a major offensive against the American Imperial Guard in something called the Ted Offensive. During the course of this particularly violent battle the VeetKong was effectively wiped out. However, according to the American media the VeetKong had won some sort of massive victory, as if they were poised to march down the main street of America's imperial capitol.

XRAN: They're doing the same thing with Eye-Rack. First thing is that they completely ignore the crushing defeats the American forces are dishing out all over Eye-Rack, and what I think are the real tactical blunders, like letting the people of Eye-Rack elect their own governments and write their own constitutions, and then they have the unmitigated florbaz to call the people behind the violence in Eye-Rack "insurgents," or "rebels," when they are very clearly terrorists.

MOXARGON: Words are very important. The words insurgent or rebel implies some sort of base with the general population. Something these terrorists, the majority of whom are from other countries, do not have. I mean it's hard to win over the hearts and minds of the common people when you've pledged to kill over 80% of the population. Trust me, I know.

XRAN: I'm a pirate. I attack ships and planets, and then I loot the resources and enslave or consume the population. I'm not going to start calling myself a florist, or a dentist, and I don't expect anyone to do that either. I'm a pirate, and damn proud of it, and if I was setting off bombs in front of schools or beheading medical workers for no reason other than a difference in religion or ethnicity, I'd be a terrorist.

ANDROID CAI/7: The irrational nomenclature of these Earthlings does not compute.

DRONE-9099: Exterminate! Exterminate!

MOXARGON: Good point Drone-9099, but I'd like to get back to what Android Cai/7 said. The nomenclature doesn't make sense, but don't forget that many in the American media are not native Earthlings. They are in fact Moonbats who we think came to Earth to escape their lifeless home on Earth's moon. Perhaps they don't have a full grasp of the intricacies of the American language? I mean we're far more evolved than Earthlings, so we shouldn't be so quick to assume that these Moonbats are perhaps an intellectually stunted sub-species that has yet to catch up to the common Earthlings.

ANDROID CAI/7: Then why does the American Empire allow intellectually stunted creatures dominate their media? It is a highly illogical course of action.

XRAN: That's true. If they are too dumb to grasp the Earthling language then send them down to the petroleum mines where they might do something constructive.

MOXARGON: Maybe the Earthlings allow them to dominate their media because they don't view it as information but entertainment. Perhaps watching hapless Moonbats flail around pontificating about things they know nothing about, furrowing their brows in a futile attempt to understand the world around them, strikes the more evolved Earthlings as a source of amusement? There are plenty of alternative sources of data, and the sensible Earthlings probably turn to them for real news.

ANDROID CAI/7: Amusement is illogical.

XRAN: If you're right Remulak, then these Earthlings have a cruel sense of humor.

MOXARGON: It's just something to think about. Something these Moonbats seem incapable of doing. That's all the time we have for now, so until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Earthlings & their Notes

an observation by Android CAI/7

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Today, I'm taking a moment to observe and pass logical judgement on one of your highly inefficient means of communication. I am talking about notes.

Much is being made in the Earthling media about this note penned by American OverLord DubyaBush that was data-scanned by someone named Roy-Ters-Foto-Grabber.

I personally don't see any controversy in such a message. Biological organisms have highly inefficient and demanding means of waste disposal, and if custom dictates that he must ask permission from the nearest human female, then he is just simply following Earthling tradition.

Of course possessing much more advance surveillance equipment allowed me to capture images of other notes that were missed by Roy-Ters.

Now I would like to offer a suggestion to OverLord DubyaBush about writing such communiques. If you don't want people like Mr. Foto-Grabber spying on your messages then you should get a nice fibre-optic data-transfer node implanted in your head with recievers implanted in the heads of your top minions. It's more secure, and does not inefficiently waste paper.

Episode #6: Signs, Symbols, and Stupidity...

THE SOYLENT CORPORATION
'We make people useful."
present
THE MOXARGON GROUP

MOXARGON: Welcome puny Earthlings to another edition of the Moxargon group. Today we're discussing memorials. As you may have heard the American Empire is in the midst of war, and naturally wherever there's a war, memorials are sure to pop up. First came the proposals for the memorial for the victims of the Noo Hork attacks that present the American Empire as the source of all the troubles in the planet, and now there's another memorial that some claim appears to be honoring the attackers.

What do you think panel?

ANDROID CAI/7: This does not compute. The people who attacked the Americans claim that they're chief motivation for their murder of civilians was their religion. A religion that is symbolized by the crescent shape designers are using in this memorial. Why are they honoring their enemies?

XRAN: I think it's those pesky moonbat creatures at work again. They claim that this memorial supposed to honor "peace and understanding," but as like all their attempts at "understanding" it only serves to expose their own ignorance of what's happening on their own planet.

DRONE-9099: Exterminate! Exterminate!

MOXARGON: Both you and Xran make excellent points. But I don't think that the moonbats are acting out of ignorance. There seems to be a psychological problem afflicting the entire moonbat community. To the moonbat: people who attack them deserve sympathy, people who defend them deserve scorn, and that war memorials should honor those who slaughter innocent people and ignore those who gave up their own lives to save others.

ANDROID CAI/7: Don't forget their illogical desire to destroy the only sub-planetary empires that allow them to live freely and not enslaved or processed for nutritional supplements.

XRAN: Even if the designers didn't intend to honor the attackers, this Al Kayda fellow who started this war will no doubt use this idiotic coincidence for propaganda purposes.

MOXARGON: Sure, if some planet I was invading built a memorial that in any-way resembled the sacred hukka-pukka of Tellurax, I'd be on it like stink on an Altherian bog-weasel. I'd be making speeches claiming it was a sign of the enemy's inevitable surrender and use it to recruit some of the dimmer fanatics to fill the ranks of blaster fodder.

DRONE-9099: Exterminate! Exterminate!

XRAN: Exactly.

MOXARGON: So, panel, what do you suggest as an alternative design for this memorial?

ANDROID CAI/7: Memorials are illogical to a machine with perfect memory chips.

XRAN: You can't go wrong with a simple obelisk with the names of the honored dead carved on it, surrounded by pikes, each with the severed head of an enemy mounted on it.

MOXARGON: Now that would be perfect. You just have to make sure the pikes are in a circle and not a crescent to avoid any misunderstandings. That's all the time we have for now, so until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor...

Xran the FleshRender

for

Soylent Blue

Being an interstellar pirate is a rewarding career, but it can also be a messy one. I've lost count of how many times I've come home from a raid smelling of seared metal, scorched flesh, and spilt blood. And let me tell you that my four wives don't care for their hubby tracking blood and gristle onto the newly killed living room rug while reeking of slaughter and looking for a little lovin'.

That's why I use Soylent Blue.

It's the full-body shampoo made from people, and boy, does it keep my fur shiny and smelling its best. It also keeps that pesky dandruff from popping up in places you don't want flaking, and the ladies love a space pirate who can spend all day wallowing in gore and still come out smelling like a Arellian Swamp-Rose.

So try Soylent Blue, it makes people clean, because it's made from clean people.

This message brought to you by the Soylent Corporation of Ursa Major: "We make people useful."