Reality Check: Leaky Edition

Greetings puny Earthlings....

Sorry I've been so lazy with posting lately, but to be blunt I have an intergalactic empire, and you people are apparently getting dumber. So I'm here to cash a reality check for you, this one about....


I just saw that an arrest warrant was issued for Julian Assange the accused rapist and admitted leaker of classified documents for the enjoyment of terrorists and the dictators who love them.

I once was faced with a similar dilemma. Many years ago I was fighting a war against an insectoid race called the Zzz'Ach. The Zzz'Ach thought that all the other sentient races of the Universe existed to be their buffet, and steadfastly refused to live in peace with their neighbours. Naturally a very nasty war broke out requiring the reconquest of the entire Omaxian 3-123 Galaxy.

This chap named Grox thought I was being prejudiced against insectoid races, even though seventy-five thousand sentient insect species call my empire home as full citizens. He talked a low level clerk named Murg into leaking some of my war-plans and published them for all the Universe, including the Zzz
'Ach to see.

I had Murg executed after a court martial and immediately issued a warrant for Grox's arrest. I can even quote the entire thing for you here, my warrant said: "Bring me his head."

Now I'm not a harsh man, I didn't order his murder. My android police simply detached his head from his body, plugged into into a life support sphere, and brought it to me. He's still around, in fact, we go bowling regularly. He doesn't seem to like bowling though.

Julian Assange and his minion Bradley Manning have openly declared themselves enemies of Western Civilization. That means that they are too be treated the same as the terrorists, dictators and pirates they seem to admire so much. I'm thinking Gitmo, military trial as enemy combatants, and then summary execution.

Or, the Americans could just use that death ray I left behind at Area 51 and melt him like a Nazi at the end of
Raiders of the Lost Ark during one of his press conferences. I know you have it. Just because I was drunk doesn't mean I'm forgetful.

If someone told Obama that Assange supported the Arizona immigration law he'd whip that thing out himself faster than he can spend a trillion dollars.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.