A Personal Message from Remulak MoxArgon.
MOXARGON: Greetings Earthlings. I am not...
XRAN: This is a mistake.
MOXARGON: Ignore him Earthlings. As I was saying, I am not hear to talk about your politics or to conquer your planet. I'm here to on very different business. I'm here to talk about love.
XRAN: Seems that the old boy is smitten.
MOXARGON: Yes I am smitten. As the poets say, I am in deep smit. One of your Earthling females has won over all three of my hearts with her wit, intelligence, and incisive political commentary...
XRAN: Not to mention that she's the Earth's equivalent of a stone cold hottie. Not my type, I like a little fur and more eyes, but she's got old Remulak here head over heels...
MOXARGON: Will you please stop interrupting me... Wait a minute... how can someone be both stone cold and a hottie?
XRAN: It's what the kids are saying these days.
MOXARGON: How about you stop saying anything for a change? Now where was I? Oh yeah, I've come to pitch woo people of Earth, and I'm not talking about pitching Woo Gargleflox out of an airlock, I've come a courting. Now I know you Earthlings are probably wracking your tiny brains over who could possibly win over someone as accomplished, intelligent, and dead sexy as me. Well she's a special lady, and her name is Mee-Shell Mall-Kin.
XRAN: If this wasn't so funny, it would be kinda sad...
MOXARGON: Damn it! I'm trying to be romantic here. So shut your hole Xran, before I stick a plasma thruster up your breemogabble.
XRAN: Leaving now.
MOXARGON: Where was I? Oh yes, Mee-Shell, if I may be so bold to call you by your first name, I've got a lot to offer. I'm the absolute ruler of a large swath of the universe, I've got the biggest battle-fleet in the three galaxies, I like walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and bringing mighty interstellar empires to their knees. A lot of men will promise you the world, but I can deliver. Several worlds to be exact. I think you'd love Trebbleplop-3, the acid falls are beautiful in the spring. Take a look at this artist's conception:
MOXARGON: Don't we make a cute couple? So run away with me my dear Mee-Shell and I'll make you the happiest woman in my harem.
XRAN: Mayybe he'll show you his bottle cap collection.
MOXARGON: Thanks a lot Xran, you've completely spoiled the mood. Mee-Shell, if you can recieve this message, drop me line and I'll put some Tridollian Blue-Wine on ice and a certain loumouthed space pirate on the grill.
XRAN: Look at the time, I really gotta run.
MOXARGON: You better hit light speed you mood-wrecker! So remember Mee-Shell, call me, because once you go E.T. you'll never feel needy, nudge-nudge-wink-wink.