Point/Counterpoint- Hollywood & The Enemy

TEKTAK- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to a special edition of Point/Counterpoint. Now Snotglob is on holiday today getting its shell waxed, so we have a special guest. Actress, activist, and symbol of everything that's wrong with Hollywood, Susan Sarandon.

SUSAN SARANDON- How did I get here?

TEKTAK- Well I typed in "Left Winger with no connection to planet Earth" into Google and your name topped the list. Then it was just a matter of aiming my teleporter and voila. So let's get to business. You recently participated in an anti-war rally, why don't you tell us all about it.

SUSAN SARANDON- Sure. Hundreds of thousands of people... nay, millions, joined me friends Jane Fonda and Sean Penn in declaring the opposition of the American people to George W. Bush-Hitler's war for Imperialism and Oil! We demanded the immediate pullout of American forces from Iraq!

TEKTAK- Even though it would guarantee civil war and possibly the deaths of millions?

SUSAN SARANDON- War is only wrong if it is done in the name of defending or promoting democracy or the interests of the USA. War, for everyone else, is just an honest expression of their culture.

TEKTAK- So you support the attempts by the fascist theocrats of Iran and the Wahabi terrorist factions to seize control from Iraq's first popularly elected government?

SUSAN SARANDON- Any government elected that doesn't want the USA destroyed, cannot possibly reflect the true will of the people.

TEKTAK- How does wanting to destroy the USA reflect the will of the people?

SUSAN SARANDON- The United States is evil because its government is overrun with evil white fascist Christians who drink the blood of small babies!

TEKTAK- Are you aware, that you, an actress, feminist, and all around loudmouth with your sexual history would most likely be beheaded or beaten to death with rocks in any country under Sharia law, yet the country run by folks you call "evil white fascist Christians" allow you to live as you please and enjoy wealth and success in your chosen profession?

SUSAN SARANDON- Of course I'm aware of that. That's why America must be destroyed. What kind of an evil, sick country would ever allow someone like me to be rich and famous?

TEKTAK- So your desire to support the enemies of freedom is based on a neurotic sense of self-loathing?

SUSAN SARANDON- Well d'uh. Everyone in Hollywood hates themselves, that's why chase fame, to bury our own sense of self-disgust through the adoration of total strangers. Now can I ask you a question?


SUSAN SARANDON- As an alien warlord, what can I do to bring down the United States?

TEKTAK- Threaten to take off your bra and do jumping jacks. But that's a little too cruel and unusual. Listen, I think this is enough time wasted, so let's call it a night. See you next time puny Earthlings, be sure to check out my new CAPTION CONTEST and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


TekTak's Super Happy Fun-Time Caption Contest

Greetings puny Earthlings.

With the retirement of GOP & The City I've decided to become a total link whore and start an all new, totally original CAPTION CONTEST.

Yep, I'm pretty certain nobody's ever done this before.

Here's a picture of John Kerry and one of his favourite homosexual hanging Ayatollah's at Davos Switzerland....

I wonder what they're talking about.

Maybe YOU can tell us with a funny caption.

Winner gets a free day pass from the mucus mines when we finally get around to conquering your planet.




Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'd like to take a moment to discuss what I consider to be the most horrifying blight upon the Earthling language.

The phrase "Speaking Truth to Power."

Please stop using that hackneyed piece of bastardized newspeak or I'll be forced to break out the plasma cannons and make you stop.

It claims to mean people taking a brave stand against the powerful (AKA The Man) who aims to keep them down.

However, claims and reality are often very different.

In the real universe where ordinary people live, "speaking truth to power" has come to mean often rich, self-righteous, fascist coddling, closet-bigoted, hypocrites spewing out the same old, and often bogus, talking points in the most ill-mannered and obnoxious way possible.

So please stop.

Don't make me come down there.


Intergalactic Roundtable 2.6

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to another edition of the MoxArgon Group. I'm Remulak MoxArgon, ruler of the Trans-Galactic Empire, Usurper of Thrones, and Dark Lord of a Trillion Suns. Joining me are my regular co-hosts Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, and the head of Android Cai/7. First topic. Last night US Overlord Bush made a speech outlining future plans for Iraq. What do you think?

XRAN- It was missing those three little words.


XRAN- Giant killer robots.

VAROS- Don't you think that's a little extreme?

MOXARGON- The problem with the entire war effort is that they haven't been extreme enough. They're fighting a war and the Americans, despite what the media says, have been fighting with kid gloves on. They're taking prisoners alive, they're not massacring whole cities as punishment for sheltering insurgents, and they're not nuking the capitol cities of the neighboring countries that insist on interfering with Iraq. They're being too damn nice, and that's got to stop.

VAROS- What's wrong with trying to be nice?

MOXARGON- Wars are not nice. Especially when you're dealing with an enemy that loves death to the point of dementia and believes that compassion, charity, and diplomacy are weaknesses and invitations to aggression.

ANDROID CAI/7- I agree with our wonderful, and dashingly handsome leader on this point. The USA should have just exterminated the entire region and taken the oil.

MOXARGON- Thanks for the kind words, you're still not getting your body back.

ANDROID CAI/7- Shazbot.

XRAN- Of course the Democrats are opposing Bush's plan. They oppose anything that might result in victory. It's only a matter of time before they defund the war and Iraq is torn apart.

MOXARGON- I hope they're ready to take responsibility for the genocide that would come as Iran and Syria try to carve up the country.

VAROS- As a supporter of the Democrats I feel that any genocide committed in Iraq wouldn't count.

MOXARGON- How could genocide not count?

VAROS- Genocide only counts if it involves white people, like in Yugoslavia. If anyone involved has a bit of tan, like the Iraqis, then they're to be left alone, like in Sudan, and Rwanda.

MOXARGON- That's a real eye-opener. Next issue- The Taliban recently released new guidelines for its terrorists. And rule number 19 is very interesting. It's now forbidden for Taliban terrorists to have underage boys in their tents. Apparently all the forced buggery is having a bad effect on their image.

XRAN- How can it get any worse? They're idea of doing the will of Allah is to behead teachers for the sin of teaching girls to read.

VAROS- Wait a minute. Is this rule an attempt to suppress homosexuality among the Taliban.

MOXARGON- Taliban fundamentalists are not homosexuals. The term 'homosexual' implies some sort of romantic-sexual attraction. Taliban fundamentalists are misogynists who spend their lives demonizing women and rejecting any and all forms of feminine affection. Their sexuality is based on pain and dominance, hence the rampant sexual abuse of boys in their madrassas and training camps. Isn't that right Android Cai/7?

ANDROID CAI/7- Yes. The ever-present suicidal/homicidal rage of the Taliban fundamentalist is a mix of misogyny, sexual frustration, and no doubt emotional trauma caused by past abuse.

XRAN- Of course if you were really a homosexual in a Taliban society, you'd have to be killed because you might fall in love and that doesn't fit their societal/sexual structure based on pain and suffering.

VAROS- This is all too complicated for me.

MOXARGON- That's what the media says too, so they ignore it. Next issue. There's a move to impeach Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from the Iranian Presidency. What do you think?

XRAN- Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

VAROS- Why do they want to get rid of him?

ANDROID CAI/7- It might be his policy of getting pre-emptively nuked by Israel.

MOXARGON- Not exactly something you put on your campaign posters. "Vote for Me & I'll Get You Incinerated." The irony is that there are some on the left who think it would be okay for Iran to attack Israel to prevent them from preventing Iran from getting the A-Bomb and killing everyone to feed the Mahdi's thirst for blood.

XRAN- I think the motto of the left is to go against whatever logic, human decency and democracy stands for.

VAROS- I resent that.

MOXARGON- Still on the topic of Iran, a local girl has been convicted and sentenced to death by a religious court. Her crime, defending herself and another girl from being raped.

XRAN- Don't get me started on their treatment of women.

VAROS- She must have done something wrong. The Iranian government doesn't toss around the death penalty lightly, like Texas.

ANDROID CAI/7- It's highly illogical.

MOXARGON- The thing that really sticks in my zolbag is that the women were accompanied by two young men, who RAN AWAY and left the girls to be raped. The girl should be given a medal, the surviving rapists hung, and those boys horsewhipped for the crime of not having balls and running away.

XRAN- I'm detecting a bit of a theme here in the Islamic world.

MOXARGON- It's time the Islamic world took a long hard look at itself. Hell, Pakistan recently banned Robert Spenser's THE TRUTH ABOUT MOHAMMED for being 'damaging to Islam' even though he only used recognised Islamic sources for his book.

ANDROID CAI/7- The entire culture is hell bent on destroying itself and taking the rest of the planet Earth down with it.

MOXARGON- Let's leave the Middle East and take a look at America. A Yale University Men's choir was assaulted by a gang of private school students after singing the Star Spangled Banner in San Fransisco.

XRAN- The rumor is that they attacked the choir because they thought they were gay, not because they were patriotic.

ANDROID CAI/7- That's a pretty weak defense. Both actions are wrong.

MOXARGON- Exactly, they should have just left the choir alone. I say that those private school snots should be sentenced to an immediate and thorough ass whupping delivered by people who know how to do it right. It's the only way they'll learn.

VAROS- That would be cruel and unusual.

XRAN- I think they should bring back corporal punishment. Nothing like a bare-bottomed flogging in the town square to teach you not to do something.

MOXARGON- It worked for you.

XRAN- Damn right. I haven't smoked since.

MOXARGON- However, it looks like no one is going to be charged, thanks to police inaction and no-doubt the actions of the attacker's parents. In other news, the FBI says that their leak investigations are being stymied by everything from uncooperative bureaucrats to the disappearance of key files.

ANDROID CAI/7- Was Sandy Berger in the office?

MOXARGON- Good one. What do you think?

XRAN- I think there's a blatant conspiracy by bureaucrats to undermine the elected government of the USA. Now the media won't report it, because they're in on it too.

VAROS- You're being paranoid.

MOXARGON- But is he paranoid enough? And we have to leave on that cheerful not, so on behalf of my associates, it's goodbye, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.