I Go To Rio.... De Janeiro....

Hello fellow Earthlings...

Vox Poplar here, things are going to be a little sparse around here for a while. Apparently someone who will be unnamed (but let's call him Xran) got drunk and tossed their junked Dimensional Flux Generator into a black hole.

Apparently you're not supposed to do that, because it then turned the Black Hole into a portal connecting our Universe with the Negative Universe. And let me tell you something, the Negative Remulak is an even bigger douchebag than our regular Remulak.

So it looks like the entire Universe is going to war with the Negaverse, and everyone in the MoxArgon Group's been drafted, including me, thanks to my high scores playing Halo.

But before I go, I thought I would give you folks a list of reasons why Barack H. Obama lost the only foreign policy he cared about: Getting the Olympics to go to Chicago.

1. The corruption in Chicago made even the IOC wince.

2. The IOC decided that it wasn't their job to make Valerie Jarrett richer, that was the job of the American taxpayer.

3. The African countries in the IOC are racist against black people.

4. The IOC didn't like the idea of ACORN handling the score-keeping.

5. The IOC saw the ACORN sting videos and were pissed to find out that under-age brothels are illegal in the USA.

6. Even they are getting sick of Obama always talking about himself instead of the business at hand.

7. The reason why Rio won? THONGS!

8. The IOC felt that giving the Olympics to Rio was the best way to reward the awesome sacrifices of Michelle Obama.

9. Obama lacked the balls to scream: "Shut the fuck up!" during Qadafi's UN speech.

10. The IOC figured Obama better get used to getting squat from international bodies, because that's all he's going to get from now on.

Well, keep watching the skies folks, because we'll be watching you, in between fire-fights.

I think I've got this figured out...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I think I finally have Barack Obama figured out, and boiled it down to some pretty basic points.

1. He spurns allies like the British, the Polish, the Israelis, the Hondurans, and even the French when they're willing to fight, and he definitely doesn't give a rat's ass about their feelings.

2. He coddles enemies like Ahmadinejad, Chavez, Kim Jong-Il, and any other crackpot with a hard-on for hating America, Jews, and democracy in general, and he will kiss their ass to avoid giving them any offense, either real or imagined.

3. He is quite willing to fight dirty and be aggressive, but only toward Republicans and American voters who do not believe that the sun shines out of his back oratory.

4. He surrounds himself with racists, radicals, and reprobates, and is willing to suborn the constitution to award them with power and money.

5. He is the most obedient president in history, doing everything that he is told to do, by everyone else other than the American people.

6. He doesn't play the race card himself, because he has professional surrogates to do it for him.

7. He claims to be for freedom of speech, but is currently doing everything he can from FCC "diversity and localism" schemes to "net neutrality" to suppress it.

8. He claims to have a life defined by the audacity of hope, but his entire administration is scared of Fox News. Not very audacious. How can he stand up to Putin, Chavez, or Ahmadinejad when he's scared to the point of soiling his knickers by Glenn Beck?

What do all these little tidbits tell you?

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

The Leftist Mind: Whatever Works

Greetings puny Earthlings. Time to take another dip into the snake-pit otherwise known as the LEFTIST MIND.

Today we're going to look at opportunism, big business, and stupidity.

Right now the Democrats are getting ready to go after the insurance companies, demanding information on executive salaries for them to use to pillory them. Why? It's all part of their never ending game to use class warfare to justify their own incompetence and corruption. You see the White House, the Congressional Democrats and their masters are trying to paint the civic anger over their plans for turning health care into the DMV writ large as the product of a big conspiracy run by the "eeeeeeevvvvvviiiiiiilllll" insurance companies. (All the while ignoring the obvious plant material at the Obama Greenhouse events.)

Now I'll bet dollars to Delbarian oggoorats that if you did a little digging, you would find that most of the so-called evil insurance companies, or the people that run them, donated and voted for the current ruling Democratic line-up.

Now you're probably wondering why they would do that?

Because, like their Wall Street brethren they know that deep down the Democratic Party is the party of big business.

Now you're probably thinking I've been eating Zygorthian toadstools again, but you're wrong.

You see big business loves the Democrats, because Democrats hate competition.

Democrats create regulations that prevent small players from challenging the big players, and make sure that there are plenty of loopholes in everything from the tax code to safety regs that only their rich friends can afford to exploit. Then they get to become "too big to fail" and rake in billions in bailouts from the taxpayers.

Meanwhile the small businessperson faces the fact that if they succeed too much, they will be eventually crushed by government regulations and if they have any real value they'll be bought up by one of the big boys, while the people who built the company are usually left hanging.

Now the health insurance companies backed the Democrats because they know that any free market based reform of the health insurance business would result in the opening up of the market and the elimination of the near mini-monopolies they've created across the country. Without these regulations they would have to act like real competitors, cut their prices, and maybe actually work for a living.

Of course the Democrats have turned on their former backers, because they have their own agenda, one based on state control, and will crush anything and anyone that they even perceive as either in their way, or as simply a convenient distraction.

Because when it comes to the Leftist Mind, it's all about power and control.

Some Ideas

Greetings puny Earthlings. With all the talk and rage going on about health care in the USA I've decided to offer some advice.

Now I know that you don't have medical androids in every home and don't have the bio-manipulative nanotechnology that cures all disease and heals all injuries in a matter of minutes, so I will try to take your primitiveness into consideration.

So here are a few basic facts that are being ignored by many in the mainstream press.

1. Government can't run government. That's a simple fact. Need proof, go to the DMV, or apply for a passport, or just try to do anything that may involve a government body. What makes people think they can run health care? Health care has nothing to do with it, it's all about controlling people's lives based on crackpot theories from socialism to eugenics.

2. The insurance companies want Obamacare. Why?

A- Because it will force people in that 18-25 otherwise healthy people who can afford but don't buy health insurance to buy health insurance or have their lives taken over by the state. Also those who were covered by employers will be dumped onto the state, forcing them to buy insurance on their own, for higher individual rates instead of bulk rates, or also face government takeover.

B- It will help hinder competition. Right now you can buy car insurance nationwide, but you can't buy health insurance nationwide. That's because each state has their own regulations that dictate who can operate in which state. In some cases if allows them to set a near monopoly in some areas, and hinder any competition. If Obama really wanted to reform health insurance, he would put health insurance under a unified regulatory structure, and allow companies that can operate within those regulations to work nationwide. It would allow real competition between insurance companies, and eliminate the buddy system that currently keeps prices up and competitors down.

C- Not only will more people be forced to buy health insurance these same companies, as well as the hospital corporations will all line up to leech the Obamacare system dry. That's why the bill was written by their lobbyists, that's why it's a mish-mash of regulations that fill out over 1000 pages. The longer and more confusing the bill, the more loopholes they can manipulate for profit.

Just a little something to chew on, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

THAT'S UN-AMERICAN!!

A SPECIAL JOINT
GUEST COMMENTARY
BY
REP. NANCY PELOSI
(Speaker of the House D-Frisco)
&
REP. STENY HOYER
(D-Ementia)

Hello, to our fellow Democrats and we guess it's hello to the rest of you who didn't vote for us in the last election.

Now a lot of the jackbooted Talk Radio Racists, Fox-News Nazis, and Blog Bastards are going to be attacking us with their swastikas because of an article we wrote calling the people who are opposed to the Obamacare Plan "un-American.

We will not apologize. Just because people vote doesn't mean they know what's good for them. It's a fact. Which is why you need great minds like us, Joe Biden, and our glorious Messiah President Barack Obama (all hail his glorious name) to guide you to do the right thing by controlling every aspect of your life and even your death.

And it's in the spirit of that belief that we must tell you what constitutes being American, and being Un-American.

So here's the list:

Dissent against a Republican government- American

Dissent against a Democrat government- Un-American

Wanting America to be defeated by radical Islamic terrorists- American

Wanting Grandma to live beyond their state-allotted time- Un-American

Handing over health care to same people behind the DMV- American

Wanting to maintain control over your own health care- Un-American

Speaking your mind when you don't agree with Republicans- American

Speaking your mind when you don't agree with Democrats- Un-American

Reporting on the political beliefs of fellow Americans for punishment by the state - American

Putting foreign terrorists under surveillance- Un-American

If someone you know is Un-American, than be sure to report them to flag@whitehouse.gov, so we can begin a campaign of federally sanctioned intimidation against them, including IRS audits, wire-tapping, harassment by ACORN, and the hacking of their computers by the FBI and Secret Service.

So click on this picture, and pass it around. It's the most important message you will ever see.
Also, failure to pass the message around will result in you being flagged as Un-American, and you don't want to be Un-American, do you?

-Nancy Pelosi
Steny Hoyer

XRAN XPLAINS- THE CiT BANKRUPTCY

Howdy Earthlings, it's your buddy Xran here, once again gracing you with my presence to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple. Today I am going to explain the financial problems currently being had by the commercial lender CiT Group.

This is

CIT GROUP
it is currently fighting to
SURVIVE & AVOID
BANKRUPTCY

It asked the
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
for a
BAILOUT
but was
REFUSED
putting the company at risk of
BANKRUPTCY

Even though hundreds of billions were already spent rescuing
WALL STREET
&
THE AUTO INDUSTRY
but why?
CiT GROUP
specializes in loans to
SMALL BUSINESSES
who in turn create
JOBS
which are needed in this economy
the problem is that
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS
tend to vote
REPUBLICAN
while

WALL STREET BILLIONAIRES
&
AUTO UNION KINGPINS
vote for and donate to
DEMOCRATS
& would like to see
SMALL BUSINESSPEOPLE
go
BANKRUPT
to keep them from giving to
REPUBLICANS

I hope that clears thing up for you.

We Have Our Reasons

A
MOMENT
OF TRUTH
COMMENTARY
BY
ERIC HOLDER
(Attorney General of the USA)

My fellow citizens of this sweltering pustule of a nation, I speak to you from Vox Poplar's Stainless Steel Tube of Truth, which is actually living to its name and making me tell you the truth.

Now some reports are going around on this here internet thing that we're looking into prosecuting Bush administration and CIA officials for "torturing" members of Al Qaida.

Well, we are, but we have to.

President Obama's poll numbers are slipping.

Don't you see, we have no other choice.

People are starting to figure out that Obama's stimulus plans are boondoggles of unprecedented size and expense, cap and trade's really just a huge scam so our backers on Wall Street can make billions on a "Carbon Trading Market" that's even more ephemeral than derivatives and sub-prime mortgages, while industrial production falls completely under the sway of our backers in China.

And don't get me started on some of our political appointments.

Judge Sotomayor, is a raving racialist, whose legal decisions get overturned by the Supreme Court 2/3 times.

John Holdren, our new "science czar," is a raging eugenicist who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations, and the control of families by an all powerful state.

And I'm not even getting into the tax and money shenanigans of everyone else. They're enough to make even me weep.

That's why we have to go after Bush's people and the CIA.

First, a lot of show trials of Bush officials, and hopefully of the former President himself can not only serve to distract our minions in the mainstream media, but will also create the chilling effect we need to squash all viable political opposition.

Because who is going to run against Obama in 2012 if they're looking at an indictment for crimes against humanity if they dare to toss their hat in the ring?

Nobody, that's who.

Plus, the billionaires who own our asses are demanding these trials, so they can go forward sucking trillions out of the country, and ensure that they're the last men standing when it all comes tumbling down.

And we don't want to say no to those guys, because they scare the piss out of me.

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. The country won't cripple itself, it takes serious leadership to do that.

Testing... Testing...

Well, who knew that Joe Biden, who has the comparative brain power of a turnip, would turn into a prophet. He said that President Obama would be tested by the world's petty tyrants and terrorists, and guess what, he is.

And I don't think he's studied for these tests.

You got North Korea threatening to lob a missile at Hawaii, Obama's home state, on the 4th of July. Plus you have Ahmadinejad rigging an election so he can keep frigging up his country for another term.

And what has Obama done in response?

Well in the case of North Korea, he has ordered some ships to Hawaii, and put the defence forces there on alert, in the hopes that they might intercept the missile if it actually works.

But he seems to have forgotten something.

Which brings me to a little parable from my own experience.

In the Hoon system on the fringe of my empire is a piss-ant little planet called Valhoon. Valhoon was technologically backward, dirt poor, and had a government that couldn't organise a shag in a brothel. But they had a leader named Nudsak, who thought that he was the rightful ruler of the universe.

Nudsak started building and testing war-ships, and threatening to nuke the neighbouring planet of Yolhoon unless the Known Universe declared him the rightful ruler.

So I sent a message back. It was a simple and direct message explaining that not only will my forces intercept and crush his piss-ant little fleet, I would kill him.

Not bomb his planet, or even invade. I would kill him, Nudsak, personally, and painfully.

Because that's how you have to talk to these kinds of dictators. They don't care about their people, and won't lose a wink of sleep if they get slaughtered, they only care about themselves.

Now I'm not saying that President Obama should go to Pyongyang and personally skin Kim Jong-Il alive, and keep him alive on life support so Kim can watch Obama eat his heart, because I doubt Obama has the street fighting skills or the retractable claws for the job. But if he launches his missile, a cruise missile in the window of his presidential palace might do the trick, even if it doesn't kill him. Remember, the North Korean people are raised to view Kim Jong-Il as a near deity and his Stalinist slave state as eternal.

Reducing his palace to a smoking hole does wonders for teaching people about their own mortality.

Now let's look at Iran.

Right now the woefully unpopular Ayatollahs of Rock and Rollas are threatening their own people 6 ways from Sunday because they dare to expect elections to actually result in people getting elected.

The theocracy is on thin ice. Rumours say they don't trust their own army and Revolutionary Guard, preferring the services of their own Basij Militias, topped off with imported thugs from Hamas, and Hezbollah.

It's a lot like the communist government in Poland in the 1980s, they oppressed everyone brutally, but lacked the military loyalty needed to go full Tianneman on their own people. Reagan played it masterfully, promoting the pro-democracy Solidarity movement, while avoiding any direct armed confrontations.

What has Obama done?

Well, he said nothing for days, then he sort of, kinda, maybe, offered some sort of, kinda, maybe tentative support behind the people on the streets, but then backed off, worrying that it sort of, kinda, maybe might destabilize Iran.

A destabilized Iran is just what you want.

A stable Iran is a terrorist supporting, nuke building, neighbour threatening basket case that exports more misery than oil.

An unstable Iran, can't support terror, build nukes, threaten neighbours, or export the misery its masters seem to love so much. Suddenly Hamas and Hezbollah can't bomb innocent women and children like they used to, and their political armor starts to break up. This will take the pressure off the democracy of Israel, and the nascent democracy sprouting in Lebanon.

However, Obama is, above all things, a Democrat.

Being a Democrat means treating enemies better than friends, which means no concrete support for real democracy in Iran, or the neutering of its terrorist catamites, because Democrats are scared that some bearded weirdo in a basement in Qom isn't going to like them.

So expect an already nutless foreign policy to get much more nutless.

EXCLUSIVE! NAPOLITANO'S DIRTY DOZEN!!!

The following document is the first draft of the memo released by Janet Napolitano, the Director of Homeland Security, to law enforcement agencies across the United States.

FROM THE DESK OF JANET NAPOLITANO
Director of Homeland Security

WARNING!!!

The following groups and people (in no particular order) are deemed to be threats to The Democratic Party Homeland Security.

1. US Veterans of Iraq & Afghanistan- They have been trained to kill indiscriminately and for a fascist state that lies in order to start wars to steal oil from poor innocent people like Saddam Hussein. Expect daily outbreaks of mass slaughter committed by roving bands of these heavily armed psychopaths.

2. The American Legion- This is an unabashed hate group populated by people who are actually proud of killing hundreds of thousands of Germans, Japanese, North Koreans, Chinese, and Vietnamese. Do not let their elderly appearance fool you, they are assumed to be armed, dangerous, and grouchy when you interrupt their afternoon nap.

3. The Shriners- Those little cars they drive around at parades may contain small amounts of explosives.

4. Catholics- The bizarre rituals of this cult involve eating the flesh and blood of the cult's founder. Expect outbreaks of cannibalism at any moment.

5. Libertarians- People following this twisted ideology wish to have a minimum of government involvement in their lives. Obviously the foundation of some sort of fascistic dictatorship.

6. Taxpayers- For some reason they don't want to pay more in taxes. Obviously suffer from some sort of mental deviance.

7. Orthodox Jews- They're hiding something in those beards. I just know it!

8. Wile E. Coyote- He has a seemingly endless supply of anvils, weapons, and various products made by the ACME company. Needs to have his financial records investigated.

9. Janet Napolitano- Her obsession with putting people under police surveillance for blatantly political reasons is an obvious threat to the constitution and freedom of speech.

9. Karl Rove- There has to be something we can use to lock him up. FIND IT!

10. Free Market Economists- Their ideas of personal freedom and small government threatens the development of our one party state.

11. Small Businesspeople- They don't like being singled out as "fat cats" while billionaire party backers squirm out of paying their taxes. They must be taught a lesson.

12. The State of Texas- It's up to something. I can smell it.

On Gifts, Gaffes & Goofs

Greetings puny Earthlings, Remulak MoxArgon here and I'm going to take a moment to talk to you about gifts, and when you're a political leader, how they can be used against you.

Much has been made about President Obama's return of the bust of Winston Churchill to Britain, the wrong format DVD pack he gave to UK PM Gordon Brown, and the uber-lame gift of an iPod (containing his own speeches) to Queen Elisabeth.

Now I know that heads of government and heads of state are hard to shop for. They literally are the people who have everything, but that's why government's have special offices of protocol that do nothing but handle such things.

But get this Obama's administration not only hasn't filled vacancies in the White House protocol office, they DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THE STATE DEPARTMENT HAD A PROTOCOL OFFICE.

Yep. Not only is Barack Obama ignorant of the workings of the government he is supposed to head, he's also put himself in a position where he can be taken down by his own people.

Now you're probably wondering why I said that, well the answer is simple.

Think for a moment about who is the Secretary of State.

Who is supposed to know about the protocol office, because it's their job to know such things?

Who should also at least know about the protocol office's existence because she was first lady for 8 years?

That's right...

HILLARY CLINTON

I know the old maxim about keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer, but you don't give them a sharp knife and tell them to watch your back.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and Barack, you better start watching Hillary.

A Look Into The Future: State of the Union 2012.

Greetings puny Earthlings.

After seeing President Barack Obama's first speech before Congress I wondered what he would say in the last speech of his first term. So I cranked up the Warp-Scanner to have a gander at his State of the Union Speech from the year 2012.

My fellow citizens. I am here to tell you the state of what's left of the Union, and that Union is strong, sort of.

The $4 trillion stimulus package, our twenty-third stimulus package, will be exactly what the economy needs to get going. Already we have seen signs of success, the Dow Jones average just broke over 1,000 points for the first time in two years. If that's not a sign that the damage wrought by the Bush Administration tax cuts are finally being repaired, I don't know what it could possibly be.

And while the super-rich people who make more than $40,000 a year may gripe at having to pay 90% in income taxes, I will not have them swanning around in their private jets while community activists like ACORN are forced to fly commercial.

In defense, I am pleased to announce that America is now officially at peace in the Middle East. I just completed negotiations with Caliph Bin Ladin of the new state of Trans-Islamia and he gave me his word that with Israel now a radioactive crater, he doesn't have any reason for killing any more Americans for now. And if there is one thing we know, is that we can trust the word of Usama Bin Ladin.

In domestic affairs, I would like to offer my sincere condolences to the people of New York and Northern New Jersey. I feel your pain as you mourn the loss of your loved ones, and your own inevitable death from radiation poisoning, but I want you to know, that even though Rush Limbaugh has been in solitary confinement in Guantanamo Bay since 2010, we know that he is somehow responsible for that attack, and he will face justice for his continued acts of treason.

Now I would like to correct the conspiracy theories that say that I traded large sections of American territory to China in exchange for them buying our debt. Well that is not true. I lost Alaska, Texas, Florida, California, and Tennessee, in a poker game, which had nothing to do with our national debt.

Also, we have made great strides in public health care. Waiting lists for Emergency Room treatment are now down to six months. Which has also had the added benefit of reducing our carbon footprint, by reducing our surplus population.

This is an election year, I won't deny that. Though I must mention how embarrassing it must be for the Republican Party to have all their presidential nominee candidates arrested for treason and war crimes. But it's not that great a loss, since recent census information collected by Rahm Emmanuel shows that there are absolutely no Republicans registered to vote in the entire country.

We have entered the first stage of a glorious new era of hope and change. An era liberated from the tyranny of a two party system, to a leaner and more efficient system, free from the imperialism of talk radio hosts and their free speech, and free from the burdens of wealth and property.

Thank you.

Well, that assuages my fears.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check

Greetings puny Earthlings. It's Remulak MoxArgon here, and it's time to cash some REALITY CHECKS.

THE "STIMULUS" PLAN

Well, it's long been wondered what the Democrats would do if they held both the Presidency and Congress, and now we know.

They will go bug-shit crazy.

I mean I've seen some tax and spend policies in my time, but this whole bogus "stimulus" boondoggle is on a level I have never seen before, and I've visited the planet Taxspendofrax.

I guess the best way to sum it up is to bastardize Churchill: Never has so much been paid by so many to please so few, and achieve so little.

And the Democratics are just choking on their own mad glee at being able to completely cripple the economy, force Euro-style socialism on America, all the while fattening the bank accounts of their political cronies.

Of course anyone who opposes them is promptly accused of "doing nothing" for the economy, completely forgetting it was government interference that caused the recession in the first place. This "stimulus" can only succeed in making things worse.

Of course when that happens they'll start campaigning to rewrite the Constitution so Obama can have unlimited terms to keep "fixing" things.

OBAMA & LEADERSHIP

Well, Obama's living up to my greatest fear of him, rapidly transforming from the messiah of "hopechange" into Jimmy Carter without the spine.

He went on El Arabiya TV, declared that his administration will stop "dictating" to the Middle East, spoke fondly of Middle Eastern dictators, and made Iran's Ahmadinejad feel more empowered than a Major League slugger on a steroid binge.

And it's not just foreign policy.

His blind support for this "stimulus" bamboozle-palooza shows that if Washington DC was one big prison, he'd be Nancy Pelosi's bitch.

Obama was elected to lead the country to a magical realm of hope and change, and he's basically become the political equivalent of a jellyfish.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

An Alternate View...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Tomorrow marks the inauguration of Barack Obama as your new president. In honour of this occasion I went on a little trip in time to an alternate time-line version of tomorrow, and recorded Obama's inauguration speech. Of course I had to put in a twist, I gave Obama one of Vox Poplar's Truth gizmos meaning that he had to be honest during his speech.

So here's the transcript...

My fellow Americans.

I stand before you as your new President, and I must admit, that I am now regretting what I wished for. Holy shit. I'm the goddamn president. What was I thinking?

I just realised that I can't vote "present" anymore, and that scares the hell out of me.

But I guess I have to buckle down and get to work.

To my supporters.

I will disappoint you.

There's no way around it. Your blind worship of me is to be honest, a little creepy, I mean come on, I'm just a freaking human being, I really can't make the oceans recede, or the Earth cool, and I can't just end wars, I can either win them, or lose them. And both choices are a lot of hard work.

I am not ushering in an age of sunshine, unicorns, and unending love from our enemies. They will still be the enemies of America, no matter how much of the $200 million dollars in untraceable foreign campaign donations I got during the election came from them.

People will still hate us, and I can't change that. And many of those people will keep trying to kill us, and let's face it, most of them are Muslims. You have to acknowledge that a lot of them hate us, and when you look deeply at the facts, you know it's not our fault. I can't make them love us, because hating us is all they have to keep them from realizing how they've pissed away their own legacy. One man can't change that.

To the people who didn't vote for me.

Yes, I won thanks to shady foreign money, and the apparently stalker-like adoration of the media. The media ignored not only the millions in untraceable illegal donations to my campaign, they also ignored the fact that pretty much all my friends and political allies are either racists, radicals, or reprobates. I'd like to thank them, though I must admit, Chris Matthews does give me the creeps.

I know that George W. Bush was not an evil man, yes Saddam did have 500 tons of plutonium, and yes, Saddam did support terrorism. Warrantless wiretapping didn't spy on American citizens, but just tapped foreign communications. Face it, patching a call through an American owned switchboard, doesn't really give you all the rights of an American citizen.

Bush didn't do things in service of some sinister agenda. He just had to make hard choices in an age where there were no good options.

That doesn't mean that we're not going to prosecute Bush and other administration officials. I have a re-election to plan for, and I have no ideas on how to fix the economy, win the wars, or do anything else but hurl money in all directions. I need to immunize my administration from having our inevitable failures exposed by criminalizing Bush administration policies that I'll probably continue myself.

Yeah, waterboarding is nasty, but Navy Seals do it, and if it can get a terrorist talking in an average of 30 seconds, it's not as bad as electrocuting genitals.

Face it, I'm not even 50, and I'm already the President, I need that second term or I'll feel like a loser. So another 9/11 would ruin me, because I really wouldn't know how to react to it. So I'm going to keep up the renditions, bring back the waterboarding, and do all sorts of things that I'm going to prosecute Bush for, because I have to protect my own ass. Thankfully the media will support me over it, while they condemn Bush.

Well, that's it. I really have to go now and figure out what the hell I'm gonna do when all that "hope and change" talk doesn't sell anymore.

Goodbye.

Well, very revealing.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

There is only one thing I can say...

BLAGOJEVICH BECOMES PRISON BITCH

Reality Check: Crazy Ladies....

Greetings puny Earthlings.

This is the week of the crazy ladies, and their stories show just what a load of douchebags the mainstream media really are.

Crazy Lady #1: Crystal Mangum, best known as the woman who almost tore a city apart by making false accusations against three Duke University lacrosse players. Well, now she has a book out called "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Mangum Story." I used to justify not prosecuting her alongside Durham county persecutor Mike Nifong that at least she had her mental and emotional issues as a defence, but now I see a craven attempt at profiteering from her attempt to destroy the lives of three innocent men, who, BTW, had ALIBIS. She's still declaring that she was assaulted, despite the lack of witnesses, physical evidence, and her own constantly changing story.

Now it does raise the questions: Who the hell gave her a book deal?

What kind of sleazebag seeks to profit by exploiting a woman with her issues, and reopening old wounds?

I'm sure the lawyers for the parents of the Duke Lacrosse players know, and are preparing their actions accordingly.

Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, have at them. It's the only way they'll learn.

Crazy Lady #2: Ashley Todd, the Pittsburgh McCain campaign volunteer is getting all kinds of national press now that her story of being assaulted and carved by a rampaging Obama voter has turned out to be a hoax. I knew it was a hoax the moment I saw the legible letter "B" carved into her cheek.

How did I know?

Easy, get a marker, sneak up on someone on the street, and then pin them down and try to write your name on their face.

Guess what you'll get.

A couple of scribbles that in no way resemble any language outside the Dinarran Nebula, and an arrest on your record. You will not get a legible letter "B."

I don't know why, but a lot of people who instigate assault/rape hoaxes think that writing on people is something assaulters do, but there has never been a case of any legible writing being written, or carved on any living person without their consent. In fact, I'm surprised Miss Mangum didn't claim it.

Of course, she's all over the mainstream media, being used as a brush to paint all Republicans as like this sad, pathetic, deranged, and none too bright creature, meanwhile...

This hefty bag full of feces in New York--

--tore a McCain campaign sign out of a woman's hands and beat her with the stick, declaring he did it because he is a Democrat and a leftist who was angry at the woman's blatant expression of free speech.

That's the only picture I could find of the snivelling little piece of grabasstic amphibian diarrhoea, and the media won't even release his name, let alone give this, not uncommon, act of political violence any coverage remotely close to the triviality of one delusional and pathetic young woman.

Nutbag Ashley Todd will be on the news everyday until election day.

That's a fact.

And the cowardly little doughboy in New York will probably get off scot-free if he gets a Democrat prosecutor and a Democrat judge. Because he beat a Republican, and that's all right by their books.

Now here's a question every American voter must ask themselves:

If these tactics are what they will do to obtain power, what the hell will they do when they have that power and want to keep it?

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Exclusive!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Here's the cover of Obama's next book, which has already been written, and it will detail how he won the White House.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

The Following People Are Black

Greetings puny Earthlings.

The Barack Obama campaign, the arbiters of the English language, have declared that the word "socialist" is a code word for "black."

So in keeping with the belief that the media holds that everything Obama says is gospel truth, the following people, all self-proclaimed socialists, are now officially black.

KARL MARX

FRIEDERICH ENGELS

VLADIMIR LENIN

JOSEPH STALIN

ADOLPH HITLER

EUGENE V. DEBS

&

MAO TSE-TUNG

And to think, all this time I thought they were Germans, Russians, White American, and Chinese, because they looked so German, Russian, White American and Chinese. If there's one thing Barack Obama's campaign has taught us it's that appearances, and historical records can be decieving. Just look at his claims of bipartisanship. Not a single instance of bipartisan action in his entire life, yet there he is heralded as the great uniter. You see, trust nothing of what you see.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

NEW OBAMA POSTER

THIS JUST IN!

I just landed an exclusive scoop, a genuine "Action Alert" from the Obama Campaign to Obama supporters.

A MESSAGE FROM THE
BARACK OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN
TO HIS LOYAL AND OBEDIENT MINIONS
(ALL HAIL THE ONE)

The following things are hereby declared to be RACIST...

1. Bringing up that all of The One's friends, mentors, and associates are racists, violent radicals, and corrupt felons is RACIST.

2. Mentioning that The One didn't produce any work of legal scholarship while president of the Harvard Law Review is RACIST.

3. Mentioning The One's term on the Chicago Annenberg Challenge produced nothing but cash for radical left-wing causes while doing nothing for Chicago's schools is RACIST.

4. Mentioning The One's lack of experience in anything remotely affective is RACIST.

5. Bringing up The One's connections to ACORN as an attorney and organizer is RACIST.

6. Complaining about The One's use of the race card to shame people into voting for him is RACIST.

7. Mentioning The One's lack of knowledge and experience with the world outside academia and politics is RACIST.

8. Voting for McCain or anyone other than The One is RACIST.

9. Mentioning The One's snobbish elitism toward just about all Americans is RACIST.

10. Discussing Joe Biden's frequent verbal gaffes and raging egomania is RACIST.

That is all for now.

Wow, I guess everyone's a racist.

Whatcha Gonna Get, A Reality Check...

Greetings puny Earthlings, I think it's time to make a list of what America, and the world will get if ACORN gets its way and Barack Obama gets elected president. So let's get started:

1. The end of free speech under the aegis of the "Fairness Doctrine." Goodbye talk radio, goodbye blogs, goodbye Fox News, and goodbye to anyone asking tough questions.

2. The criminal prosecution of political critics by the Obama administration. Don't believe me? Then ask what the St. Louis MO prosecutors are threatening to do.

3. An end to secret ballots for union elections, bringing back thuggery and intimidation on a scale not seen since the death of Jimmy Hoffa.

4. Chicago style machine politics going on a national scale.

5. Further chaos and losses on the stock market as investors flee the country to escape Obama's doubling of the capital gains tax.

6. The sudden realization that the "rich" Obama is targeting with his class war style income tax hikes are 70% small business operators. Costing millions of jobs.

7. Iran getting nuclear weapons leading to nuclear war in the Middle East.

8. Allies will be discarded, enemies empowered.

9. The stripping of the military to levels that make even Jimmy Carter uncomfortable.

10. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will be the de facto president, because Obama is far too weak, and bound to partisanship to stop her quest for ultimate power.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.