Random Rambling Reality Checks

Greeting puny Earthlings.

Time for a few of my random rambling reality checks.

1. I now know why Wall Street billionaires have been funnelling money to the Democrats. They're looking for protection for the sub-prime boondoggle created by their own greed and lack of common sense. If a Democrat gets elected, expect to see a multi-gazillion dollar bailout program that will essentially protect them from their own greed and allow them to keep their massive bonuses for running their companies into the ground.

2. There are all sorts of reports that Hillary Clinton's campaign is hemorrhaging money and stiffing suppliers for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars. Damn, she's spending like she's already in government.

3. Okay, Islamic leaders around the world are shitting kittens about that movie Fitna, saying that it portrays them as prone to violence. So what do they do to quash this "unfair stereotype?" They threaten to KILL the filmmaker and anyone who broadcasts the film. People are offencive by nature, if you can't live with that fact, you're not going to live very long.

4. Muqtada Al Sadr is a nutless whiny bitch. He just is. Who else would play so bravely with the lives of others just to make Ahmadinejad happy? And then he folds up and cries for mercy when the serious ass-whupping starts. If he was picking a fight with my empire standard procedure would be to trap them into a temporal loop where they spend the rest of eternity getting their ass kicked by my android hordes.

5. What the hell is wrong with England? It was their acting more nutless than Al Sadr that started this whole Mahdi uprising. Wake the hell up!

That's all for now, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Douchebags of the Week...

Greeting Earthling, time for another look into the wide wild world of Earthling douchebaggery.

Hollywood: For putting out another Al Qaida propaganda film, this time called Stop Loss, and for planning to put out even more, even though no one outside of a Barack Obama fundraiser will pay to see.

The Mainstream Media: For a litany of douchebaggery-

1. From refusing to identify the parties of corrupt politicians when they're Democrats (Governors of New York, Puerto Rico, Detroit's mayor, etc., etc.) or misidentifying them as Republicans.

2. For believing the Islamists when they blame the Crusades for Jihad, even though the Crusades were, in fact, a defencive war against aggressive Jihad.

3. For underreporting real abuses in Tibet, while over-reporting Palestinian terrorist publicity stunts.

4. For not taking Obama to task for his prettily phrased, but meaningless speech about Jeremiah Wright, and for scolding his own Grandmother, the woman who helped raise him, as a "typical white person."

That's all for now, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Point/Counterpoint - No No Mamet

SNOTGLOB- Hi Earthlings. It's time for another edition of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Snotglob T. Mutant from the Left and Tektak is on assignment, so filling in for him is playwright and filmmaker David Mamet.

MAMET- How's it going.

SNOTGLOB- I must say Mr. Mamet that I'm a huge fan of your work. I almost sat through all of Glengarry Glen Ross.

MAMET- Thanks.

SNOTGLOB- Wait a minute. You're sitting on the right side of the desk.

MAMET- Yeah, I guess, I recently came out that I can no longer be a brain dead liberal.

SNOTGLOB- Worthless hack. Joe Ezterhaz is a better writer!

MAMET- F-ck you too. Let's get to the first topic. It looks like Hillary Clinton was caught fibbing, her natural state, about snipers taking potshots at here in Tuzla.

SNOTGLOB- She misspoke, she was tired, she was anxious--

MAMET- She was lying! Snotglob you f-cking ignorant hermaphodite slut. The only time she f-cking mis-speaks is when she accidentally tells the truth. You're not even getting the steak knives tonight.

SNOTGLOB- What? She's not lying, she just has a talent for fiction.

MAMET- Don't steal my f-cking line and tell us what's next f-cking topic?

SNOTGLOB- Let me have some coffee...

MAMET- Put that f-cking coffee down. Coffee is for closers!

SNOTGLOB- Close what?

MAMET- Whether you're writing plays, making movies, or being a political pundit you have to A-B-C! Alway be closing! Always be closing!

SNOTGLOB- What are you talking about?

MAMET- A-I-D-A! Attention! Interest! Decision! Action! You have to get people's attention, keep their attention by being interesting, make a decision, and then take some action!

SNOTGLOB- I'm a liberal, I don't do decisions or action.

MAMET- I'll read the next f-cking topic. Let's see, China's still picking on Tibet, what a bunch of f-cking pr-cks.

SNOTGLOB- I'm sure the People's Republic of China has their reasons.

MAMET- What kind of reason do you need to invade and oppress the only f-cking country that has never tried to f-cking conquer anyone else. Are you taking stupid pills?

SNOTGLOB- I only take organic vitamins.

MAMET- I did this as a favour for Tektak, but this isn't worth it.

SNOTGLOB- You know Tektak?

MAMET- My first gig was a script assistant on his old show Family Units. But that was a long time ago, and he's going to have find someone else to put up with this sh-t, I'm f-cking outta here.

(David Mamet leaves)

SNOTGLOB- That's all we have time for today. Stay on point, or something like that.


Everybody's a Nazi Except Me & Osama Bin Ladin


I hope all you God-lovin' inbred hillbilly Nazi fascist freaks enjoyed your Zombie-Jesus Day. (Isn't that Zombie-Jesus Day joke just so freakin' original)

I'm sure a lot of you took a break from your daily racist lynchings and
child molestation & banjo festivals to go attend services in one of your scumsucking temples to the magic sky-fairy.

Well guess what!

You're a NAZI!

That's right. Especially if you're one of those evil little Catholics like Bill O'Reilly.

Do you know why?

Because your Pope is a Nazi!

That's right, when he was a teenager Pope Benedict (AKA Joe Ratzinger) was in the Hitler Youth in his native Nazi-Land (AKA Germany).

So I guess you all better back the f*ck down when you're talking trash about Barack Obama and his Preacher Jeremiah Wright.

Sure Ratzinger was taken from his seminary and forced to join the Hitler Youth under threat of deportation to a death camp, and Barack Obama joined Wright's church, not only of his own free will, but to cynically advance his political career BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

And yeah, Ratzinger did get the hell out as soon as he saw a way to escape the threat of torture and death and returned to a life dedicated to serving God and his fellow man, while Barack Obama stayed for twenty years listening to this preacher condemn white people, Jews, and Amerikkka in general BUT IF OBAMA LEFT THAT CHURCH HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BECOME FRIENDS WITH OPRAH WINFREY!

Don't you inbred hicks see the logic here?

A teenage Ratzinger being forced at gunpoint to join an organisation that was actively working against everything he believed in, including the Catholic Church, is way worse than an Ivy League educated adult freely choosing to spend 20 years listening to and exposing his family to race-hatred and conspiracy theories to advance his political career.

But you typical white people just can't see the truth.

If only you Nazi inbred pig-dogs were as smart as me, you'd be writing for the Huffington Post too.


A Question of Logic

An Editorial By
Android CAI/7 -5342-X7

(MoxArgon Group Entertainment Reporter)

Greeting organics of the planet Earth.

My attempts to "weasel" my way out of the position as the "entertainment reporter" for the MoxArgon Group have failed and I am compelled by my employer to post something related to your already over-exposed entertainment industry.

I have decided to engage in a search for some signs of logic in the western world's entertainment industry, but only found these pieces by respected playwrights David Mamet, and Tom Stoppard.

Which raises 2 questions.

Why is the revelation that two people, who enjoy all the benefits of a free society, appreciating that free society big news?

Why don't other "celebrities" feel the same appreciation for the free society that makes their fame and success possible?



Douchebags of the Week...

Greetings puny Earthlings, another week, another line-up of douche-bag behaviour. Let's get started.

The People's Republic of China- For picking on Tibet, among other things, and screaming like a troll with a hang-nail if anyone says boo about the fact that their government is a shower of bastards.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright- For somehow mistaking the command to "love thy neighbour" as "loathe thy neighbour." Congratulations, you are officially the black Fred Phelps.

Barack Obama- For listening to Wright's vitriolic sputum for 20 years and only now, when it's costing him votes, does he stand up to him. Great, if this is how he handles a non-homicidal bigoted preacher, how will he handle Bin Ladin?

Hillary Clinton- For shamelessly selling out her country and becoming a shill for Al Qaida by declaring the Iraq War "unwinnable" so she could win back some of the Kos Kids. She's become such a big political whore, Eliot Spitzer is going to call her.

Wall Street- For getting hung up on shaky sub-prime mortgages and then crying for a bail-out when they blow up in
their face. Wall Street, the we have no balls street. Here's an idea, try common sense and capitalism! Now I know why they're all backing Hillary and Obama, they want welfare for the rich.

If you're on this list, then always remember that...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Random Rambling Reality Checks

Greetings puny Earthlings. Just a few scatter-shot thoughts about things happening on your wretched little rock.

now demanding a re-vote because they violated party rules and got their delegates disqualified. It looks like their being punished for being Democrats. They violated their own rules, not for any constitutional or idealistic reason, but to get more media attention, they knew full well that they would be disqualified from the convention, but they did it anyway, and now they're crying about it not being fair.

They're the perfect Democrats.

BARACK OBAMA & THE MEDIA are in a relationship so creepily close I'm expecting Chris Matthews to fall to his knees and publicly fellate the candidate from Chicago during the next debate. Sure, his preacher and mentor is a raving conspiracy spouting racist lunatic, but he's eloquent and charming, so let's talk about Mitt Romney's sacred underpants.

DAVID MAMET IS THE BRAVEST MAN IN ENTERTAINMENT because the salty mouthed playwright/filmmaker had the brass balls to publicly declare his daring new outlook on life and politics, in, of all places, The Village Voice. He will never get another good review, award nomination, or any good press for the rest of his life. Mr. Mamet, I salute you.

HILLARY CLINTON IS A MORAL COWARD for trying to win back the lefty base of the Democratic Party by declaring that a war that America is winning, is "un-winnable." At least Tokyo Rose had a gun to her head to excuse her enemy propagandizing, what the hell is Hillary's excuse? Oh right, her unending lust for power... how could I forget.

JOHN F. KERRY IS AN IDIOT for declaring that Obama's race will somehow bridge the gap between America in the Middle East. I guess having two African-Americans as head diplomat for the past 7 years didn't count, and by the way, aren't Muslims from the Middle East going to Darfur in Somalia to hunt black Africans for sport? Yeah, they really respect black people.

IF WILL SMITH BECAME A SCIENTOLOGIST then he is off my Xmas card list, because I won't abide anyone who picks on my old friend and mentor Xenu, who, by the way, has never dissed anyone about their race. He's eaten everyone regardless of their skin-colour.

That's all for now. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


The Audacity of Hype


My fellow Democrats.

I am here today to tell you about how I am an agent of change you can--

--Wait a minute?

--Where did this steel tube come from, and why is it labelled Vox Poplar's Patented Stainless Steel Tube of Truth?

--Why do I suddenly have the urge to tell the truth?

Oh hell! I'm a Democrat, I can't tell the truth!

But I can't stop!!!


Now someone's passing me notes, asking questions that I can't lie or obfuscate about...


Yes, he is a bigot.

Yes, he runs a church that wouldn't exactly welcome my own mother with open arms.

Yes, he's buddies with Farrakhan, and he's a conspiracy nut.

But it's not like I actually believed in anything he said.

You see, I'm a Democrat, and as a Democrat, I don't really believe in anything but getting power for myself and my financial backers.

I only joined that church because it's the largest black church in Chicago's South Side, and I needed it to get me the street cred I needed to get elected. Face it, I'm half-white, I look like Don Knotts, and I spent my life surrounded by white people in private prep-schools and the Ivy League. I might as well change my name to John Kerry and live in Boston.

If I actually believed in anything I would have said something about how Wright's cult of victimization is doing more to oppress African-Americans than anything done by "The Man."

But then I wouldn't be a Democrat.


My wife actually does seem to believe in a lot of Rev. Wright's teachings.

Why else would a woman who got into Ivy League schools mostly because she was a legacy* of her older brother and had a successful career making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, not feel proud of the country that made it all possible?


Now this is the tough part. I don't want to talk about it, but I have to...

You see, I'm running now, because I won't be able to run in the future.

My entire political career has been spent getting elected, not actually doing anything after I get elected.

If I don't run now, when I'm still mostly an unknown quantity to the national audience, avoid anything specific, and rely solely on vague platitudes and charm, I will have to run later, and that's bad.

If I run later, people will know that I have nothing but charm and vague platitudes. I have no real plans, and any attempts at making real plans just embarrass me and my campaign.

This is my one shot for the big prize, before people realize that I make John Edwards look like Abe Lincoln.

Then I would have to get a real job.

Can I get out of this tube now?


* legacy placements are also known as "White Man's Affirmative Action."


Time For The Facts!


My fellow Democrats and all you folks in flyover country.

The time has come for some plain talk. Some truth-telling, if you will. It's time to put away the bogus cornpone accents, the shrill cackling, and do nothing but tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

As I see it.

FACT #1: We have lost the war in Iraq. Don't let the reports about terrorist's getting killed, economic, political, and social progress in Iraq, or that the mainstream media is now completely ignoring the war fool you. Al Qaida is an indestructible force comprised of fearless and supreme tactical geniuses that can never, ever be defeated. The only true path to peace, is through complete and utter surrender. I am sure that Osama Bin Ladin will have no more trouble with America if we withdraw all military, diplomatic, and trade interests from Iraq, Israel, Europe, Asia and sections of the continental United States.

FACT #2: We are not in a Recession. We are in fact, in the midst of a Depression far worse than what happened in the 1930s. Everywhere I go poor American families in communities like Malibu, Greenwich Connecticut, and The Hamptons are forced to stop driving their SUVs in favour of their more fuel efficient Lexus sedans because they can't afford the gasoline. Why I can't even get shady Asian businessmen to give my campaign money anymore, because the dollar is now worth less than the peso.

FACT #3: My opponent Barack Hussein Obama is not a Muslim, as far as I know. Just look at the racist Christian Church he belongs to. Though I must admit, I've never seen him eat bacon.

FACT #4: John McCain is old. He just is.

I hope these hard truths have convinced you of the right way to vote in the primaries, and the next Presidential Election.

Thank you.


TekTak's Culture Corner: A Patriotic Moment

Hello Earthlings.

TekTak F. Mechanoid here with an exclusive scoop.

It's what Barack Obama wants as the new National Anthem of the United S
tates of America, and it's written by his long-time Pastor the Rev. Jeremiah Wright.


The New True National Anthem*
by The Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

God damn America,
Land that I loathe,
Filled with Whiteys and dirty Righties
Who deserve to be bombed from above;

Go with Farrakhan, to see Quadafi,
Cause whitey made AIDS back at home,
God damn America,
My evil, racist home.
God damn America,
My racist, evil home.

Sounds catchy. I don't why people question Obama's patriotism.

*With apologies to Irving Berlin. You can stop spinning in your grave now.


The Leftist Mind: A Spritz of Spritzer

Eliot Spitzer, the media anointed Eliot Ness of Wall Street has instead been revealed to be Eliot Mess.

His once stellar career has been brought down by his taste for hookers, and I really feel sorry for his wife and daughters. Trust me I know, my 2nd Wife Vadeela of Flokia Secundus is friends with Xran's 4th ex-wife Zoga, and I remember their little 'venting sessions' echoing through my palace.

But I'm not here to rub salt in the Spitzer family's wounds, that's for the divorce lawyers.

I'm here to talk about how Eliot Spitzer is the perfect leftist.

1. He assumed all who stood against him, were evil. We've all seen it, the default position of leftists is that people who oppose them, are not only wrong, but evil, and act out of some sort of malicious ulterior motive. Ironically, he never thought about the nature of his own motives, since the leftist is usually a solipsist in social-crusader's clothing.

2. The law had nothing to do with justice, but with with his own power. Any serious review of his career as a prosecutor shows tactics and methods that made Mike Nifong look like Perry Mason. They weren't even used to get convictions, but to get Spitzer's face in front of TV cameras. He was also not above using the law, and its officers, to pursue his political enemies on usually specious reasons.

3. The law was for others, but not for him. I was amazed at how many of the settlements he extracted out of corporations involved putting his friends in cushy positions on corporate boards, and landing massive donations to "community groups" that ended up beholden to Spitzer, and supported his election to governor. I also find it interesting that he shut down so many "escort services" while partaking of similar services himself.

4. He claimed to stand for utopia, but he really stood for his own power. All through his legal and political career he promised that he would deliver the promised land, yet all he ended up doing was trying to get more power for himself.

I'd feel sorry for him, especially when his wife's lawyers are through with him, but this is his own petard and he happily hoisted himself on it.

Maybe when everything dies down he can get a job on Wall Street?

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Interglactic Roundtable 2-13: Eliot Spitze Edition

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. Time again for a long overdue edition of the Moxargon Group. As usual we are joined by Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, and Android Cai/7. First topic. It looks like New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is going down, for paying women to... um...

XRAN- I thought you weren't going to do that joke?

MOXARGON- Well I don't have to now that you blew my timing. Anyway, it looks like Eliot Spitzer has a taste for hookers. Whaddya know, whaddya say?

XRAN- Anyone that smug, self-righteous, bullying, and innately hypocritical has to be more crooked than a hound's hind leg. This is just the tip of the...

VAROS- You hypocrite!

XRAN- What? Me?

VAROS- Yes. We all know you have a wandering eye, among other parts, and that you regularly patronize brothels, bordellos, cathouses, and common bawdy houses of ill repute!

XRAN- But I'm a space pirate, I'm not a State Attorney General, or a Governor, claiming to be an ethical paradigm. If you can't figure out the difference, then you're dumber than Snotglob.

MOXARGON- And since I handle the payroll I know how much Xran gets punished by his ex-wives and their lawyers for his philandering.

VAROS- It's just sex.

ANDROID CAI/7- Then so was Larry Craig's solicitation conviction.

VAROS- That's different!

ANDROID CAI/7- They are exactly the same. Both were men in positions of authority who are accused of engaging in illegal activities that left them open to arrest at best, or blackmail at worst.

VAROS- I still say they're different.

MOXARGON- Well I say that someone needs to cast a hairy eyeball on all of his cases from his time as State Attorney General. If he's willing to break the law to get head, he's definitely willing to break the law to get ahead.

XRAN- We're going to need an NSFW warning for those puns.

MOXARGON- Next issue: Michigan and Florida Democrats want a re-vote to get back into the convention after being disqualified for breaking party rules in favour of bigger media coverage. What do you think?

XRAN- Since when did Democrats start punishing people for breaking rules to score points with the press?

VAROS- Only if they vote for Hillary... Or Obama... I don't know!

ANDROID CAI/7- Popular voting is illogical. There must be a clear logical review of the candidates' pros and cons, then a simple mathematical selection of the best candidate.

MOXARGON- They actually want people to qualify. I say that Michigan and Florida Democrats should consider themselves lucky they weren't rounded up and shipped to the party's petroleum mines. Next issue: Hugo Chavez was close to declaring war with Colombia over the death of a cocaine dealing terrorist. How big an idiot is Chavez?

XRAN- Anyone who has tons of oil money coming in, and still screws the economy, and thinks that starting a war he cannot win will help him, is a honking big idiot.

VAROS- That's a biased question.

ANDROID CAI/7- The idiocy of the Chavez Regime is beyond even my ability to calculate.

MOXARGON- I'm with Android Cai/7 on this one. Next issue: Obama and Tony Rezko.

XRAN- Doesn't he know shady foreign money is Hillary's bailiwick?

VAROS- It's just an innocent misunderstanding!

ANDROID CAI/7- At least now we know the real reason he opposed the Iraq War.

MOXARGON- I don't believe that Obama's a Muslim, but he certainly has a taste for Middle Eastern money. What can we expect from a graduate of one of the shadiest political machines since Tammany Hall? Well, that's all for now. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


The Obama Picture Scandal!

Greeting puny Earthlings.

Apparently some folks on the left side of the blogosphere have said that Hillary Clinton's supporters are secretly doctoring photos of rival Barack Obama to make him look darker.

But don't worry. We at the MoxArgon Group can get to the bottom of this using our highly advanced anti-photoshop process that will remove the layers of digital trickery to get to the real image that lies beneath.

This is the doctored photo.

De-photoshopping begun....





First Stage Complete!

This is the photo with 50% of the trickery removed

But we haven't reached the full, unvarnished truth.

Initiate stage 2 processing....






We now have the true face of Barack Obama!



Greetings puny Earthlings.

Another week goes by, and there's another set of douchebags. So without further ado...

HUGO CHAVEZ: Just being Hugo Chavez normally qualifies him as the nadir of douchebaggery, but he's managed to find new lows. Right now he's rattling sabres and threatening war with Colombia over the death of narco-terrorist FARC leader Paul Reyes.

Hey, Hugo, maybe you should ask the Argentinian Junta about how starting a war to cover their own incompetence worked out for them.

HILLARY CLINTON: For running for president on the basis of her "experience" but keeping all evidence of her "experience" under lock and key. What is she so afraid of? Oh right, people finding out she's a douchebag.

BARACK OBAMA: For bringing dirty Chicago style machine politics to the national stage under the guise of "hope" and "change." Forget about his middle name Hussein, it should be hustle, especially when it comes to double talking about NAFTA (probably leaked by a Hillary friendly diplomat) to the sources of his money, and his house.

THE BRITISH PEOPLE: Went from a proud nation that conquered half the world, to an obnoxious drink-sodden reality-tv tabloid sucking bog full of soccer hooligans who will fight for the right of Imams to preach mass murder, but won't let their own military wear their uniforms in public. When Prince Harry starts sounding sensible, the whole island is in trouble.

THE YESHIVA GUNMAN: Because anyone who thinks shooting up a school is the right thing, is a douchebag and nothing but.

That's all for now. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.



Howdy Earthlings. It's your old buddy Xran here, and I'm doing something I haven't done in a while. I'm taking a moment to simplify the complicated, after they've been complicated by the simple. So allow me to explain the Rezko-Obama affair.
This is...

He's running for...

But he couldn't have gotten as far as he did if he didn't start in...
Home of the most corrupt one-party political machine outside New Orleans.
(Guess what party that is)
Career in Chicago politics was largelyBANKROLLED

This man....

who calls himself a property developer

But everyone else calls him a


for the Chicago Democratic PartyTONY REZKO
even helpedBARACK OBAMA
Get a discount on his
by getting
(photo unavailable)
to buy the land next door

But neither....REZKO
to buy the land due to serious

Where did
come from?

Turns out it was loaned toREZKO
via a bank controlled byDEMOCRATIC PARTY BAGMEN

From this man...

A London based Iraqi BillionaireNADHMI AUCHI
used to be in business with this man...SADDAM HUSSEIN
Former President of Iraq
I think that explains more about why Obama opposed the Iraq War from the beginning, and wants to lose it now.

As for the rest, you can draw your own conclusions.


Ze 9/11 is ze fake?

Guest Commentary

(Academy Award Winning Actress)

Allo, bonjour, Americain swine-peegs.

I 'ave taken a break from ze wine un cigarettes an' am 'ere to tell you ze troot aboot ze 9-11 conspiracy.

Ze Guiliani fellow was behind it all. 'e non like ze towers, make ze towers go boom.

Trust me, I know ze fax, I am ze actress who won ze Award des Academy, which is, as you say, great, because before I was known only as ze actress who took off 'er clothes all ze time.

I shall now tell you zat dere are other tings zat ze government Americain is doing ze fibbing aboot.

'ere is ze leest.

1. Ze moon landings, were done at ze Twentieth Century Fox.

2. Ze Coke an' ze Pepsi is ze same ting.

3. Ze presidente ze Bush mangez les bebes.

4. Al Gore is not ze shameless whore fer ze money.

5. 'ollywood is very right wing.

6. Ze bubblegum is made from ze eggs du spider.

7. Ve don't make ze smelly cheese to cover ze scent du Francais.

8. Ze 'olocaust never ze 'appened. Neither did ze World War Deux.

9. Saddam Hussein was beloved by ze Iraqi peeples.

10. Ze Kennedy assassination was ze fake, made by ze Freemasons.

I 'ope ze fax 'as opened ze eyes.

Au revoir.

I need wine an' cigarettes now...