ANSWER TIME! ANSWER TIME!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I gave you a couple of weeks to post your questions, and only got one person, Chris in NC, asking a whole lot of questions. So the others got pissy and left me to answer them alone.

They're all bastards. I think I'll orbit-bomb their houses for kicks tonight.

Anyway, let's get this over with:

ok, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And would Obama's govt let it?

A woodchuck is actually really poor at chucking wood, and even worse at catching it. Which is also very messy. Obama would let them try, but then pile on so many taxes and regulations the woodchucks would give up, and go chuck wood in India.

Will Al Gore come to justice for his perpetual fraud on climate change?

No.

People on the left are rarely punished for their crimes. Blow up a few buildings, shoot some cops, and tell the powers that be that you did it in the name of the environment, communism, social justice, and you'll get a job teaching at a university.

Al Gore will pocket his ill gotten millions, spend them on houses and trophy wives and say "Who me?" when the next nut-bar decides to shoot up the Discovery Channel in his name.

Do you think a third party could win in 2012?

No.

Too many nuts in the third party chocolate bar. However, the Republican Party can be reformed into a whole new party, which is something the Democrats can never do.

This is because the trend in the Republican party is that the rank and file are demanding certain standards, and are not scared of bouncing incumbents that don't meet those standards now thanks to the Tea Party movement. Democrat voters will vote Democrat no matter who they are running because they don't care about standards, they only care about what they can get out of the deal. They'll elect a dehydrated turd on a stick to congress if it promises them some new entitlements.

And, ya know, it's been way too long for a Billie Piper pic! Got a good one?

Just a little one.

How long does it take dear Overlord to puree the 20 humans for his favorite drink? And would he mind going to DC and making several servings while visiting congress?

I had to lay off the Soylent Green, you humans are too fatty, and that Argentinian soccer team smoothie went straight to my ass.

Now that Sarah Palin has re-established herself as a kingmaker, do you think she'll run for POTUS or stay on the sidelines and help the candidate?

Actually, I don't think she should run.

I think her real best spot would be the Red State Oprah, and I suspect Rupert Murdoch thinks so to.

Since it's the end of summer and I'm the only questioner, how about a Billie Piper collage!

Now you're getting greedy. So I suggest showing some appreciation for the new companion Amy Pond played by the downright delicious Karen Gillan.
And I mean 'delicious' in a purely sexual, and not Soylent Green, kind of way.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you... and Karen Gillan.

Random Rambling Reality Checks...

Greetings puny Earthlings...

Time to cash some reality checks... let's get started...

1. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants a federal investigation to find out who is behind the funding of the opposition to the Ground Zero Islamist Victory Mosque & Handball Court. She is pretty certain that there is a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen behind such opposition.

Why?

Because she's a Democrat, and everything they support or propose is the product of a sinister conspiracy of shady businessmen. Think health care reform, and you have a cabal of pharmaceutical and insurance companies looking to bloat themselves off the taxpayer's teat. Think Global Warming/Cap & Trade, and you have any number of schemes for everything from carbon credits to bogus 'green jobs' all needing fat government subsidies doling out cash to the already wealthy. It goes on and on.

Even the anti-war movement had financial connections to shady businessmen enriching themselves from violating the Saddam era sanctions.

When Nancy Pelosi sees someone criticizing what they support, they automatically assume that it's the product of the exact same machinations that run their own party.

So Pot, meet Kettle.

2. A common analogy in the Ground Zero Victory Mosque & International House of Falafel debate is that it's like building a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito in Pearl Harbor.

Well, there's a little more to that.

It's exactly like a Shinto Shrine honoring the Emperor Hirohito built in Pearl Harbor in 1943. Remember, they may have pulled out of direct combat in Iraq, but radical Islamists are still killing, trying to kill, or plotting to kill people all over your wretched little blue-green rock as punishment for the crime of being different from them.

So, when they start crying racism and 'Islamophobia' it's another case of pot meeting kettle.

3. We at the MoxArgon Group are looking for questions. So if you need answers, then come to us and we'll cram them in your brain. So leave them in the comments.

Questions & Answers!

MOXARGON- Greeting puny Earthlings. Welcome to another long awaited edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP. You have questions, and we have the answers. I'm joined by our regulars Xran the Fleshrender, Android CAI/7, Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, and Varos Quasar. Good to have you all here. Let's skip the formalities, and leap right into the first question.

Mark in VA asked... Why are you demanding intergalactic media silence on the Blagojevich trial? Is Lindsey Lohan's trial really more newsworthy?

XRAN- I think I can answer that one.

MOXARGON- Go right ahead old chum.

XRAN- There isn't intergalactic media silence on the trial of disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. That media blackout is strictly an Earth only affair. No one here ordered any blocking of the coverage of his ongoing legal problems.

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 can you tell him the reason why? I'm trying to spread it around today and give everyone a chance to talk.

ANDROID CAI/7- The reason is quite simple--

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!!

MOXARGON- What?

SNOTGLOB- Blagojevich is innocent!

VAROS- It's a Republican Nazi witch hunt of an innocent man with incredible hair!!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. What the hell are you saying, and why is Varos joining you?

SNOTGLOB- I believe he's innocent.

TEKTAK- Why do you believe that?

SNOTGLOB- He's a Democrat. Chicago Democrats are the purest politicians the universe has ever seen.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think Snotglob's extreme illogic has actually answered the question.

MOXARGON- That the mainstream media is ignoring Blagojevich's trial because it may embarrass their masters in the Democratic Party and their billionaire backers?

ANDROID CAI/7- More or less, yes.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Blackhawk12151 asked... It is well known that America has problems with illegal aliens and border security. Are there any similar problems being dealt with by MoxArgon? Some pesky aliens planet hoping without the proper documentation?

MOXARGON- Since this is about my government, I guess I can answer it. In my empire citizens are free to go to whatever planet they wish to live on. Now I must state that none of the planets in my empire are run by governments as corrupt, incompetent, and just plain shit-heeled as the government of Mexico. Planets that are as badly run as Mexico, aren't part of my empire, and incapable of space travel.

XRAN- But there is immigration though?

MOXARGON- Oh, yes, lots. We're always terraforming new planets and allowing people to colonize them. It's a great way to ease the pressure on overpopulated planets, and grow the overall intergalactic economy. As for documentation, it's impossible to travel without it considering we implant such documentation into your DNA. If you don't have your papers, then you're missing all of your cells. Even our androids have some organic parts that contain their identification codes. Next question:

Damian G. asked... Given that the fauna of alien worlds is decidedly different from that of Earth, what would be your home planets' equivalents of a "Mama Grizzly"?

XRAN- Don't go there.

MOXARGON- I'm going there.

XRAN- Damn it.

MOXARGON- My home planet's equivalent of a "Mama Grizzly" is called Nestarrax. Otherwise known as the second ex-missus Xran.

XRAN- Douche.

MOXARGON- Keep your questions coming folks. Ask us about policy, the oil spill, or anything else you can think of. We'll answer them, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP

Greetings puny Earthlings.

We here at the MoxArgon Group have been a tad light and loose with the blogging lately. Probably because there is just so much to complain about and explain to you lesser mortals, we just don't know where to start.

So we're going to let you tell us where to start!

It's time for

ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP!

If you have a question about any aspect of your planet's politics, policies, and poltroons, then leave them in the comments.

All we ask is that you leave a name for us to call you, but aside from that ask early and ask often.

So get asking. Don't make me come down there.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Ask The ArgonMox Group!

NEGULAK: Greetings mighty Earthlings!

It is I, you're new Supreme Ruler of the Unknown Universe Negulak ArgonMox!

That's right, not only have I defeated your precious Remulak and his hordes, I have also swiped his Blogger password!

All must kneel before NEGULAK!

Well, it looks like you have some questions, so as your new Lord & Master, I'm going to answer them.

Now since most of my minions are busy conquering this tiny Universe, I only have the token idiot from my dimension's Counterpoint / Point Show, SpotBob T. Normal.

SPOTBOB: Hi, how are all you Earth people doing.

NEGULAK: Let's look at the questions.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of sending Obama to the North Pole and making him sit on an egg after he loses in 2012?

NEGULAK: That would be horrible. Obama is the leader of the free world, and by virtue of his election, his race, and his brilliant policies the most incredible leader you ever had, who is always right, will be re-elected in 2012 by a grateful nation, and anyone who questions anything about him is racist, plain and simple.

SPOTBOB: Well, I disagree--

NEGULAK: SpotBob you ignorant one gendered slut! Will you shut the hell up with your idiocy.

SPOTBOB: Sorry.

NEGULAK: Next question.

Chris in NC asked: Will a movie that mocked Obama (even for just one scene) make hundreds of millions of dollars or do we need to wait another year for that?

NEGULAK: Hopefully such racist trash will be righteously savaged by the critics, or at least deliberately censored by the morally upright people of Hollywood.

Chris in NC asked: What do you think of the decision to try the terrorists in New York? How would you have handled it?

NEGULAK: It's better than actually following the constitution and legal precedent that puts those poor innocent Freedom Fighters under the threat of death by a military tribunal, and it has the added bonuses of exposing national security secrets, putting the CIA on trial, and giving a Democrat judge the chance to set them free because those CIA meanies waterboarded them. Personally, I wouldn't have tried them at all, because I mean America had to have done something to deserve mass murder of its civilians.

Chris in NC asked: Plus, ya know I'm going to beg and plead for another of your best Billie Piper pictures.

NEGULAK: Here's the sexiest one I have:
NEGULAK: Someone put saltpeter in my cappuccino, I'm feeling warm in the secret spots.

blackhawk12151 asked: What are the top 5 most important events that have happened on our world during your absence?

NEGULAK: Let's see, since I'm new to this dimension I might have missed a few things. Oh, I'll say:

1. Iran getting closer to getting an A-bomb to terrorize the Middle East in the name of a pre-Medieval theocracy.

2. Obama winning the Nobel Prize. A magical moment.

3. The Democrats finally adding trillions to the debt, which is the only thing that will save the US economy from evil small business people.

4. The horrible injustice being visited upon that poor Malik Nidal Hasan who faces evil Texas justice simply because he protested against the racist wars of US Imperialism.

5. The terrible punishment the Mainstream media is getting for sharing to the world the unbiased truth of just how wonderful Barack Obama really is.

blackhawk12151 asked: Also, perhaps you could have Xran explain why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am still trying to wrap my feeble human brain around that one.

NEGULAK: RanX isn't here today, but I will explain it. Obama won for being born the greatest man history has ever seen, and anyone who questions that is racist.

Random Walker asked: How low do Odumbo’s popularity has to drop before Hitlery Reset Clinton quits? If she considers running again what would be a good time for her to stab him in the back? Would mediots crucify her or would they jump ship with her?

NEGULAK: Listen you racist, Obama's modest dip in popularity is simply because of the evil propaganda of racist like you and at Fox News. I'm sure Hillary acknowledges Obama's greatness and will a model of loyalty for all time.

Random Walker asked: Are Snotglob and Varos still douches in that parallel universe you’ve been fighting?

NEGULAK: Yes. They have the racist temerity to question Obama's policy decisions. If that doesn't make them disgusting racist teabaggers, I don't know.

REMULAK: Excuse me.

NEGULAK: What are you doing here? We defeated you!

REMULAK: Defeated me? I destroyed your fleet, and your armies. All the other members of your little inner circle are dead.

NEGULAK: Yes, in the Negaverse the one that gets beaten the worst is the winner.

REMULAK: You ain't in the Negaverse anymore Dorothy.

(ZAP)

NEGULAK: Aaaaaaaaggghhhhh!

SPOTBOB: You vaporized him!

REMULAK: Want to be next?

SPOTBOB: Nope, I got an appointment back in the Negaverse, see you later.

(Whoop-Pop!)

REMULAK: Sorry Earthlings. We hope to have everything back to normal in the next few days. Thanks for your questions and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you. And here's a little palate cleanser for Chris in NC...

Ask The MoxArgon Group: We have Answers!

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time for another long belated round of "Ask the MoxArgon Group." Joining me are the usual suspects, Xran, Android Cai/7, Varos, token Earthling correspondent Vox Poplar, and from Point-Counterpoint, Tektak F. Mechanoid, and Snotglob T. Mutant. Welcome aboard everyone. Now let's get to our first question.

Clinton asked... Maybe its my stupid racist retarded brain... but can you point out to me in that nasty old piece of paper us bitter clingers keep talking about where it says the govt will have anything to do with health care?? Just curious, must be the urge to suppress a minority that keeps me from seein it...

MOXARGON- Who want's to field this one?

XRAN- I'll take it. There is nothing in the US constitution that says that the government has to have anything to do with health care. However, we're talking about a left wing government here, so it really has nothing to with rights, or even health care. It's all about power and control.

MOXARGON- You're starting to sound like one of my "Leftist Mind" pieces.

XRAN- A broken clock is right twice a day.

MOXARGON- Aren't you clever. But to answer Clinton's question, the average Leftist wants to run your life, and there's no better way to run your life, than to literally have control over your health. Next question.

Fuloydo said... Why are Democrats?

MOXARGON- Let's ask a Democrat. Varos?

VAROS- There is no "why" with Democrats. Why is a question, and when Democrats are in power, asking questions make you a racist.

MOXARGON- So, Fuloydo, you are a racist. I would also like to add that you mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries. Next question.

Random Walker said... Since everything about Odumbo is fake, does he also fake his orgasms?

ANDROID CAI/7- Is this questioner asking about Zirox Odumbo?

TEKTAK- The Warlord of the Planet Izzaz? I didn't think he even heard of him. The Tharago Nebula is a long way away from this Earthling's Galaxy.

VOX- I'm an Earthling, and I heard of him.

TEKTAK- That's because you dated his sister. You don't count.

MOXARGON- I think this guy was talking about Barack Obama. And to answer his question, it's no. His orgasms are apparently real, he just has to be lying on a mountain of taxpayer debt in order to achieve climax. Next question. We have three from a guy named Porkchop. They are...

What do we need to do to get out from under this group od socialist anti-american douchebags?

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 would you care to take this one?

ANDROID CAI/7- The only logical step is to first begin boycotting media outlets that serve as nothing but mouthpieces for this government. Then, vote as many as you can out in the 2010 elections. That is the key, and is the main reason Obama is moving so fast with his agenda. He knows that once past 2010, he will be a lame duck president in the middle of his first term. So he has to do everything now, including putting ACORN in charge of the census, because it's the only way he could possibly win in 2012. So keep standing up, and refuse to give them any excuse to smear you. They will smear you anyway, but don't give them the slightest thing to use against you.

MOXARGON- Good advice. Next from Porkchop...

I am sure you have seen this before in other worlds... do we need to start preparing for the Civil Revolution?... Civil being American vs. American and Illegal Aliens, Revolution because the people who enjoy liberty and freedom want to take it back... much like the guys in 1776 who everyone seems to have forgotten... they tended to write perfect documents, or can we get out of this with less violence?

MOXARGON- Now I don't see a civil war coming. The Left has realized that 30+ years of anti-gun rhetoric has left the left unarmed. What I do see is a real grassroots political movement causing Obama to stop being such a tool.

I often wonder about Gangsters.. or is Gangsta the appropriate term used today... i usually just call them worthless bastards who the world would be better off without... what i tend to wonder about is their weapons... i just saw this waste of sperm and eggs talking about how much he loves guns... i wonder how often they clean their weapons... i just cant imagine a whole bunch of G-Thuggins hanging out, cleaning their weapons while on breaks during man-love Thursdays... now the man love thing i can see them doing... giving a bad name to all the decent gay men and women worldwide... but... how do they keep their weapons functioning properly?

MOXARGON- Xran?

XRAN- Why am I given the criminal question?

MOXARGON- You are a pirate.

XRAN- Fine. It all depends on the individual gangster. I myself have a regular rotation where we clean and maintain our weapons so that we are always ready at all times. However, very few "gangstas" are that responsible or mature. Remember Voldek the Bloodreaper?

MOXARGON- Oh yeah, he pulled a gun on me and shot his own head off. That was one hell of a new year's party. And the lesson is, clean and maintain your firearms regularly. Next question:

Anonymous said... Did those two journalists Clinton just freed join the mile high club on the way back?

MOXARGON- Tektak you're no slouch as a pilot. What do you think?

TEKTAK- I don't think they did after their ordeal, which probably only got worse being stuck on a plane with President McFeely.

Chris in NC said... Now that the Earth has cooled for 11 years straight and this is the coldest summer on record for several cities, what punishment do you think befits the fraud Al Gore for his hoax and all the profit he made from it?

SNOTGLOB- What do you mean cooled? The Earth is on fire right now. In fact, it is warmer now in Texas than it was just six months ago!

TEKTAK- And that pretty much sums up the entire Global Warming movement.

MOXARGON- As for punishment, how about seizing the hundreds of millions Gore's currently making off of this hysteria, and using it to support the people who will lose their jobs because of Cap and Trade.

Chris in NC said... When the democrats enact their socialist medicine scheme despite popular disapproval, how many years do you think it will be until there is a French Revolution style uprising here in America? Or are we too far gone down the sheeple road?

MOXARGON- I don't expect these programs to survive past Obama's single term. Unless he succeeds in getting ACORN to decide the voter lists, and turns it into a federalized version of "card check" union elections. Then you will seriously be sheeple, because the only thing socialized medicine will pay for, will be mandatory lobotomies.

Chris in NC said... It's just not an "ask the MoxArgon Group" without a Billie Piper picture request. So can we please have another?

MOXARGON- Make your own deposit in the spank bank. I'm not here to supply you with cheesecake!

MOXARGON- Who put that there?

Chris in NC said... Even though the democrats have blown it over and over since January, what makes the republicans think they deserve another chance? is it arrogance or are they just counting on the general stupidity of the American people who were dumb enough to elect Obama.

TEKTAK- A little of Column A and a little of Column B. However, there is also a Column C, and we will see a new generation of Republicans to flush out the RINOs and the opportunists, and hopefully create a new Republican Party. One based on real conservative values of independence, etc... Plus, the American people are pretty dumb considering they did elect a man with no qualifications to the highest office in the land simply because he's good at making speeches that no one can actually remember afterwards.

Random Walker said... So why is comparing Odumbo to Joker racist? Other than comparing Odumbo to Jesus are any other comparisons not racist?

MOXARGON- Varos.

VAROS- Because anyone who dares think differently than Obama is officially worse than Hitler, Barbra Boxer says so.

SNOTGLOB- Yeah, so don't ask questions, they're racist too.

Random Walker said... If Odumbo were to be publicly compared to Mohammed, who gets to go apeshit first?

ANDROID CAI/7- I calculated that the Muslims would go "ape-shit" first, because the Left would be wondering if it was some sort of comparison to Mohammed Ali.

Blackhawk12151 said... Is Obamacare a plot hatched by your undercover agents within the Obama administration to make us humans weaker and easier to conquer?

MOXARGON- No it isn't. I don't have to weaken you when I have 100,000,000,000 more battle androids than you in your sector. We actually do have free medical care in my empire. But since the only way it can work is if you have medical androids installed in every home and advanced bio-manipulative nanotechnology that can cure every disease and patch every injury, it's really just a game by your own government to control your life so you can't do anything while they sell off your country to their billionaire masters.

Porkchop said... we know about billie piper... what other human women would you allow to partake of the splooge of the ruler of the known universe... photos please

MOXARGON- When did we become Mr. Skin? Listen Bub, I'm sure you'll find plenty of nikked ladies on the interwebs, and maybe one day, a real woman will touch you without getting paid.
MOXARGON- What is Zooey Deschannel doing here?

Porkchop said... What do you make of the new Big Brother scheme where the white house is asking you to turn in "fishy emails" and things to them?

MOXARGON- Strictly amateur hour. Dick Cheney could simply read all your e-mails with just the power of his mind. And guess what he found out, people are boring. Our last question is from Germany, I guess, and it was a really long one, but I've cut it down to the essence, because you know how Germans like to talk.

DHH- Why are movies from Canada designated as being from "CDN"?

XRAN- Because "CAN" would make people think it somehow involves a canned foodstuff, like tuna. Also, to bug the shit out of you, personally.

MOXARGON- Well, that's all, and it was a doozy, so keep watching the skies because we're watching you. Damn I need a drink, and I think I'll call Zooey...

GOTTA QUESTION

Then, puny Earthlings, you better leave it here.

Because the brightest brains in the Known Universe are gathering next week to answer them.

So if you're looking for answers that mere humanoid brains can't answer, then leave it in the comments.

All questions welcome, all answers will be final, correct, and brilliant.

Now get asking, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

A Few Random Thoughts by The Ruler of the Universe

Greetings puny Earthlings, sorry I've been away for a while, it's a busy life ruling the Known Universe. So here are a few random thoughts...

WHAT'S WITH THE CZARS?

I'll tell you what's with the Czars, and why Obama has 30 of them to manage everything from your car to your colon, and everything in between.

The answer is simple. Obama loves control, but he hates all that democracy thing where his cronies candidates have to face any sort of public scrutiny, even from his pet poodles in Congress and the media. So he makes up a whole truckload of bogus positions, free from public scrutiny, and if anyone does ask a question about them, they get scolded for wanting to do nothing while some earthshaking disaster destroys civilisation around them.

There is no disaster, there is just the job of government, which is to be done by government, not a bunch of unelected political hacks from Chicago.

WHAT'S WITH GATES?

We've all had our encounters with the police in Cambridge Massachussetts police. I know I have thanks to your country's abundance of cheap liquor and prudish rules about going around without pants, but that still doesn't make what President Obama said right.

What he should have said was: "I may know Prof. Gates personally, but I am also the President, so I really shouldn't comment on something that I don't know all the facts of, and we'll leave it at that."

But he didn't. Instead he automatically decided that the Cambridge Police was the reincarnation of Bull Connor (who was also a Democrat) and that Gates wasn't screaming and ranting when he should have calmly shown the cop his ID, proving that it was his own home, and then politely said goodbye.

Obama let his mask slip, and revealed the racial grievance monger that he really is, and as his numbers continue to slip, expect him to start spreading that grief from the police, to the voters.

WHAT'S WITH JOE BIDEN?

The man has pudding for brains.

WHAT'S WITH THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

What's with the rest of Obama's paperwork. We don't know how he paid for college, let alone what he did in university, or how he managed to become editor of the Harvard Law Review without a single piece of legal scholarship to his name, because those records are sealed.

Obama is keeping those things sealed not because he likes being a mystery, but because he must be a non-entity. He must make himself a blank slate so that his pet poodles in the press can fill it with their own wishful thinking. Finding out that he worked as a male prostitute (just a theory, because I don't know any different) to get through Columbia and Harvard would put something on that blank slate that can't be written over with the dreams of a bunch of guilty rich white liberals from the Hamptons.

Then there's this simple fact that debunks the "Birther's" conspiracy. If Obama was born in Kenya, he'd be an immigrant, and then he'd be a hell of a lot more patriotic toward the country that he currently leads.

It's that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

PS: I think we need another round of "Ask The MoxArgon Group" so leave a question in the comments, and we'll answer them next week.

YOU HAVE QUESTIONS: WE HAVE ANSWERS!

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. You had questions, and the entire Moxargon group is here to answer them. Joining me are Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, Varos Quasar, and token Earthling Vox Poplar. Let's get right to our first question.

BigJQ said... This is a question about the current economy... what do you think is going to happen in the next few months with the stock market I have a few thousand shares I been hanging on to and it has since went up 1 dollar in the last week and I made some money but just would like to know if it is expected to go up where I can hold on to it. thanks for you time

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 you're a bit of a financial wonk, what do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7- The fundamental rule of markets is that they will go up, they will go down, and recessions will end, barring some sort of government contrived crisis. So the logical course of action is to look at your personal financial situation and whether that modest profit is needed, or if you can afford to wait a little while until things improve overall.

MOXARGON- Logical as always. Our next question...

KurtP said... I'm watching re-runs of TORCHWOOD right now. How much do you have to do with it, and- more importantly- when can we see more of Gwen Cooper?

MOXARGON- Well, I don't really have anything to do with Torchwood. I haven't had any real business in television since the disastrous variety show "Pink Lady & Remulak" in the 1970s.

MOXARGON- The less said about that the better. Though I do believe Tektak knew Torchwood creator Russell Davies back in the day.

TEKTAK- Back when I was a child actor on my home planet, he was a production assistant on the set of Family Units. But I am afraid that we haven't spoken in a long time, I had him fired when he put mayonnaise on my sandwich, so I can't answer that question. Though it is a good excuse to post a picture of the lovely Eve Myles and that strangely sexy gap between her two front teeth.

MOXARGON- Next question.

Anonymous said... What diseases actually have cures for them that are not being released due to profitability of treatment, versus profitability of curing?

VAROS- I can answer that question. All diseases can be cured by daily bathing in patchouli oil, which is something THE MAN doesn't want you to know! Plus, 9-11 was an inside job, fire does not melt steel!!!

ZAP!

MOXARGON- Sorry about that. He gets excited easily, and needs the occasional dose of medication, in the form of a stun blast, to keep himself under control. Next question.

Blackhawk12151 said... With the energy problems that we humans are currently facing I've been wondering how the rest of the Universe gets around. What resources does the Great MoxArgon use as to power his mighty warships? And when you inevitably enslave our weak race to what uses will you put the resources that we have been using?

XRAN- I can answer that. We use tr-cyclic fusion reactors fueled by hydrogen that's processed from biological waste products, basically: shit. That costs us about a penny a gallon in US dollars.

MOXARGON- And as for my plans for your planet's resources... well, I can't ruin the big surprise now, can I? Next question:

Cmcnail said... This one has puzzled me for years... How come hot dog buns come in packs of 12 but hot dogs only come in packs of eight

SNOTGLOB- Oooh! I can answer that. It's because hot dogs are divided by weight, and a pound is best divisible by 8, while buns, being baked goods are best divisible by 12.

TEKTAK- Wow Snotglob, you managed to answer a question without being an ignorant hermaphrodite slut.

SNOTGLOB- And it's all Bush's fault.

TEKTAK- That's the Snotglob I know.

MOXARGON- Next question.

Bain said... How does the American Goverment plan to get us out of debt by borrowing money and putting us further in debt by spending more than anyone, EVER. I am sure you have to spend a lot Ruling the Universe... but does it come this close?

MOXARGON- I can answer this one directly. The Obama administration has no plan to get you out of debt. Their only plan is to spend trillions on their friends and pet projects, while making the general public completely dependent on the state. As far as ruling the Known Universe, we actually run a budget surplus. But we have a reasonable and simple tax-code, and sensible spending policies. We can even afford state-funded health care, thanks to our legions of android doctors, who are effective, though they lack the bedside manner of organic, privately funded medicos. Next question:

Chris in NC said... Following up on Kurtp, with the Eve Myles pics, can you toss up a couple more Billie Pipers? You're such a generous overlord when it comes to that.

MOXARGON- What kind of a site do you think this is? Some cheap, cheesy, cheesecake site? Well we are.

MOXARGON- And another question from Chris in NC....

Also, I was wondering what Barack Obama gave to you and what you exchanged back to him?

MOXARGON- That's an easy question. He gave me slipper-socks. Size small, slipper-socks. I mean, what the hell, size small wouldn't even cover my big toe! Anyway, I gave him the energy crystal of Thallusia Planetia. It helps hide his rapidly greying hair.

Blackhawk12151 said... I have another question: I am only a lowly human, but I consider myself pretty smart. Is there a way I can apply for a position in your Empire once your takeover is finally complete?

MOXARGON- My employment office did get your application. I have to say that they never encountered anyone so eager to work in the anal probe testing division before. We will get back to you. So to speak. Next question:

Noseinit said... How's that "Hope & Change" thing working out for you?

XRAN- I can answer that question. Let's just say that I hope things will change.

MOXARGON- That was lame. Next question:

Anonymous said... I need to know how to sell all my cool skits to either Comedy Central or Saturday Night Live...I am the balls with writing, but am lost when it comes to selling...Any help to make me rich would be appreciated...

TEKTAK- I can answer that question. Rewrite them so that they are all about George W. Bush, and be sure to include the times Jon Stewart's supposed to arch an eyebrow in a sarcastic manner. Because someone has to tell him when to do that. Never write anything about Barack Obama, and wrap it all up with you publicly offering to sexually service Lorne Michaels. While it won't get you a job, the sight of you getting tossed on your ass by security will be entertaining in itself.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Dumb Information said... I have a question that has been burning a hole in my brain since inception...If I cloned myself, then had sex with my clone, would it be homosexuality or masterbation? Or, better yet, how screwed up am I in the head to even think such a thought?

ANDROID CAI/7- Logically speaking that would be rape, because not even your clone would willingly have sex with you.

VOX POPLAR- And you are really screwed up for thinking about that.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Dumb Information said... I have a forum, and keep getting pounded by crap ads faster then loosing breakfast after seeing Pelosi naked...Is there anyway I can get rid of that crap?

MOXARGON- When I get spammers I simply teleport them to the planet Ovrax, where I hunt them for sport. Though I think you should probably get someone who knows something about web and forum management to give you some advice. Next question:

Dumb Information said... Do you want to join us at Dumb Information Nation?

MOXARGON- We don't join nations, we conquer them.

Dumb Information said... I have so many questions...In the war of the worlds, whose side would you choose?

XRAN- That's from a work of fiction, Martians don't exist, and we all know why.

MOXARGON- They pissed me off. So the question is moot. Next question:

Porkchop said... Do you think these 15 April "Tea Parties" will do any good? What do you think the outcome will be?

MOXARGON- Let's have Vox Poplar answer this one...

VOX POPLAR- Thanks. While the mainstream media will either ignore them, or center their coverage on the nuttiest fringe of the participants, they could lay the foundation for a movement that could get the Republicans back in charge of congress in 2010. That's unless the Republican leadership completely screws up and just runs the same-old-same-old yahoos. Which they still might.

Porkchop said... What do you think about PETA? What do you think about the death threats Joe Biden and the dog breeder he bought the dog from are getting?

MOXARGON- The first thing you must know about PETA is that they are not really pro-animal. They are fundamentally anti-human. So it's only a matter of time before someone, hopped up on their wacky beliefs, does something completely nutty. Just be ready to duck when it happens, and have some ribs on the grill outside their jail cells afterwards.

Porkchop said... What do you think about our second amendment? Do you think the recent shootings around america will allow the gun hating democrats to come closer to destroying the second amendment and everything america was founded on? i have heard that the democrats are the masterminds behind these shootings, can you let us know the truth?

MOXARGON- The Democrats aren't behind the shootings. Being a crack-pot douchebag is the reason behind all mass shootings. Now this doesn't mean that the Democrats will try to exploit them to ram home gun control laws that will ensure that only gangsters will have guns, because gangsters vote Democrat. I allow people to own as many guns as they like. Not like they can stop me anyway, but it does keep the crime down. Well, I think that was our biggest Q&A session ever, and I'm exhausted. So, until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Ask The MoxArgon Group...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since we've asked you to ask us, so here we go again.

If you have a question about Earthling politics, economics, or just plain life in general that can only be answered by the most brilliant minds in the universe, then drop it off in the comments by next Sunday, and we'll post the answers on Monday April 13.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and we have all the answers.

We Got Yer Answers Right Here!

Greetings puny Earthlings. Sorry to be so late, but I was waiting for more questions.... okay, I was drinking, so what, I rule the universe! Anyway, I've got the questions, and I'm not too hungover to answer them, not unlike my colleagues.

First question...

marvin said...

Could you move your invasion up to sometime before the end of January?

No.

You're not the boss of me, and you don't decide when I invade what planet. You get the government you deserve, even one that may weaken your nation so it will only take five minutes to conquer your planet instead of ten.

Debbie from the Land of Lincoln er Obama

What stuff should be renamed to honor the election or Barack Obama?

I think voting "present" to avoid offering an opinion on a controversial issue should be renamed as "Voting Obama."

LGD said...

So where are the anti-Moslem riots, murders, assaults or even protests in exchange for these attacks in Mumbai?

They occur mostly in the minds of extremists, who want them to help with their recruitment, and in the minds of leftist journalists, who just can't accept that there's anyone who isn't a White Christian that isn't more racist, sexist, and narrow minded than they are.

evilgrey said...

Do you think Obama will win again in 2012? I ask this seriously, because I have seen this happen in other countries, where socialism has metastasized.

Thank you for noticing my words, O Great Ones, for I know I am but dust in your feet, er... (claws? tentacles? antigravitic fields?)

Hillary will have throttled him and Biden with a microphone cord during a press conference in 2010. And despite it helping her standing in the polls, it doesn't help her beat the candidacy of Jindal/Steele in 2012.

But I don't want to tell you too much about your future. Spoilers and all that.

And thanks the toadying, btw I have feet with claws.

blackhawk12151 said...

When the invasion finally comes what can an insignificant human like me do to avoid extermination and serve the great MoxArgon?

First, be a hot chick. That's a great help with my empire, but failing that, learn some toadying from Evilgrey, and be ready to serve my mighty alien order.

Libsareb Raindead said...

O Universal Overlordestness, after you mercilessly... er, mercifully invade us and take over our benighted planet, what place in the order of things would Former Senator Obama and other communists find themselves? Zoo exhibit? Lab specimens? Tri-cyclic fusion reactor scrubbers, junior-class? Or similar position where, yes, they can hope to make actual contributions to society for a change?

I must keep some surprises for when the invasion comes.

And another one from blackhawk12151...

blackhawk12151 said...

Also, could you repost that picture of Billie Piper from a few months back? That would make this insignificant human's day

It's not my job to make your day, but what would make my day is a new one.

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

GOTTA QUESTION?

Greetings puny Earthlings, we haven't done this in a while, so it's time for another edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP.

So if you have a question about politics, life, the universe, and everything that only the greatest minds ever known can answer, then drop one in the PLEAS section, and we'll answer them December 5th.

And remember to keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Interglactic Roundtable 2-15: Ask The MoxArgon Group

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. Remulak Moxargon, Ruler of the Known Universe, I'm joined by Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, Varos Quasar, and our Point/Counterpoint colleagues Tektak F. Mechanoid, and Snotglob T. Mutant. That's because it's time for another edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP. That's where we answer YOUR questions, and laugh amongst ourselves at the overwhelming ignorance of your sub-species. First question!

Damian G. asked...

When are you going to get some sense and endorse the brilliant goddess that is Sarah Palin for John McCain's VP?

Just do it. It's like an anal probe of happy.

MOXARGON- Would you like to field this one Xran?

XRAN- Yes, and I'd like to start by saying that someone at Damian's stage of puberty shouldn't be hanging around the spaceport bars where one learns about the "anal probe of happy". As for Sarah Palin we really don't know all that much about her, except that she comes from Alaska, and her brother Michael is an unfairly underrated member of Monty Python.

MOXARGON- Next question...

RT said...

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

MOXARGON- Bit of a personal question, but I'll answer it. The birds suddenly appear, because I am the damn sexiest thing in the universe. And if you pay attention, squirrels also show up, but they're there for my nuts. The ones I always have some to feed squirrels you know. They give us great information about you Earthlings. Next question:

Marvin said...

Are Obama's ears actually some kind of alien implanted mind control device? If so, do they put him under the control of alien overlords, or do they help him control the wills of the simple minded, like journalist?

MOXARGON- I believe Android Cai/7 can answer that question.

ANDROID CAI/7- The ears are not a mind-control device. They are merely a genetic trait inherited from his real father, Don Knotts. His control over journalists is a product of the combination of their illogical political bias, liberal guilt, and their simple-minded and illogical attraction to shallow charm.

MOXARGON- Next question...

Libsareb Raindead said...

O Overlord of the Known Universe ...and minions, Given your infinitely superior knowledge and advanced technologies, I'm sure you know of a way to convert the mushy sludge known as liberals' "brains" into something actually beneficial to mankind; namely, an abundant source of readily exploitable crude oil.

If we do all the domestic drilling for it and give you all but a few measly hundred billion barrels off the top, so to speak, would you be interested in working out an intergalactic trade deal between your group and our planet for this new oil? It's a metaphysical certainty liberals would unanimously go along with such a deal because they'd feel they'll be "doing something" to "Save the Planet™" and deny any huge "windfall profits" to "evil Big Oil®." Plus they won't miss that pre-converted pristine sludge since they never had the first use for it anyway.

MOXARGON- Will you like this one Tektak being a bit of a economics wonk?

TEKTAK- Sure. I have to start with that we don't use petroleum products for really anything outside of making inexpensive hair gels, and we don't need it for energy since our tr-cyclic fusion reactors fulfill all our energy needs and then some, safely, cheaply, and efficiently. In fact, once we conquer your world and start bringing tri-cyclic reactors to your planet, you'll probably kick yourselves for not seeing how simple that technology is to replicate. Though I do believe Snotglob has a use for such a product.

SNOTGLOB- Liberal brains make a wonderful dessert topping called Slurmy.

TEKTAK- It's the pipe dreams that really bring out the sweetness.

MOXARGON- Next question...

Marvin said...

Why is it always unattractive southerners in trailer parks who get probed? Living in the south, and having colorful employment, I must say it drives me nuts having to listen to these peoples complaints all the time. If it is you probing them, and you must do so, couldn't you evaporate the dumber of the bunch? It would have the added bonus of sabotaging any future Ron Paul/ Mike Huckabee campaigns.

MOXARGON- Varos, I think you can answer this one.

VAROS- It's essentially a make work project for the under-employed of several planets. The aliens make extra money scanning human brains for recipes for corn fritter via the best way to reach the Earthling mind, the anus, and the trailer park folks can earn extra money selling their stories to tabloids and cable tv shows.

MOXARGON- And without Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee, we wouldn't have enough Republicans to laugh at. Next question--

RT said...

What will be the big surprise of the upcoming elections?

MOXARGON- It will occur during the only debate between John McCain and Barack Obama. It will end when McCain catches Obama reading his, supposedly spontaneous, answers off a teleprompter, threatens to "tear off his head and shit down his neck" for doing it, and then McCain does it. Winning the election by a landslide as the first candidate to actually keep a promise. Next question--

Chris in NC said...

How many planted trees of carbon offsets do you have to buy from Al Gore to fly your ships around the world?

XRAN- I'll take that one, first we don't burn carbon, and second, carbon offsets are the biggest scam since Trusme of Tebokka V sold "breathing licenses" to the fish-people.

MOXARGON- Looks like Chris has a second question...

Chris in NC said...

What is the hottest picture of Billie Piper that Remulak has?

MOXARGON- What shameless pandering for cheap cheesecake. You sir, are a sexist pig, and we here at the MoxArgon group do not objectify women! But to answer your question, it's this one...



MOXARGON- Our last question is...

Wyatt Earp said...

Who wins in this three-way battle royale: Boba Fett, Darth Maul, or Nancy Pelosi?

MOXARGON- That's a bit of a toughie. While Nancy Pelosi won't fight for anything but keeping Americans away from their own oil, all the botox injected into her over the years have left her immune to both blaster and light saber attacks. We're going to have to run some computer models on that one. Or just toss them all into a ring... depending on which one's more fun. Anyway, we're out of time for now, so keep watching the skies because we're watching you.

GOTTA QUESTION?

Have a question that only the advanced minds of the MoxArgon Group can answer?

Then drop it off here. We're going to be taking a little hiatus till the next Earth week and we'll answer them then.

Now get asking!

Your Questions Answered!

MOXARGON: Greeting puny Earthlings. It's time to answer your questions. The others are all busy making excuses to not do any work, so I'll be doing it all by myself. So let's get to the first question:

RememberSekhmet asked...
So, what do you think is going to happen at the Democrats' convention?

Here's my theory. Hillary will bribe the superdelegates to give her a win, sparking riots at the convention. She will run for president and she will lose.

Wyatt Earp asked...
If Hillary Clinton leaves New York at 1pm traveling at 55 mph, and Nancy Pelosi leaves California at 3pm traveling at 65 mph, when will they meet in a head-on collision replete with fireballs?

Somewhere outside Kansas City. Android CAI/7 would be more accurate, but I'm not that good at math.

Anonymous said...
Why do they still sell things like Head Cheese at the Deli counter in my local market?

That's for when Snotglob comes to visit.

Damian G. asked...
Has Ann Coulter officially outlived her usefulness following her announcement that she now supports Hillary Clinton over John McCain?

It happened long before that. Coulter can be cutting and funny, but she has an overwhelming desire for attention that she doesn't care what she says, or the damage her words can do to what she considers "her side."

Wyatt Earp said...
Who put the bop in the bop she-bop she-bop?

Xran. Which is why he has to give up 3/4 of his salary to child support.

RT said...
How do you feel about the U.S. military shooting satellites out of the sky?

We think it's cute. Kind of like watching a toddler strutting around so proud because they used the potty for the first time.

It's not going to help you. But it is cute.

momster said...
My son worries abut aliens coming to suck his brains out. What can I say to reassure him?

He doesn't have to worry as long as the deli counter has a good supply of head-cheese for Snotglob.

Chris in NC asked...
Why should anyone believe McCain when on a Sunday in California he said that he would never want Roe V. Wade to fall and 4 days later in the Bible Belt he's talking about his active role in trying to kill Roe V. Wade?

Because people will believe anything.

Chris in NC asked...
Where do we get these sucky candidates?

Democracies get the candidates they deserve. So embrace your doom.

Chris in NC asked...
Why haven't you just come down here and wiped out the losers in charge already and imposed a rule that would be much better than what we have?

Then where would I go for entertainment?

Chris in NC asked...
How many demons are gang raping that fake prophet of the religion of piss "mohammed" at any given time in hell?

I'm not an expert on theology. I suggest you go to the nearest mosque and ask the congregation.

mrshoppes asked...
Who was the first person to look at an egg coming out of a chicken's butt and thought "YUMMY!"

His name was Thag Rocktosser, and he was also the first person to eat an oyster.

dragonlady474 asked...
What is th airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African, or European?

flightmedic934 said...
Should Obama be elected to the highest office in the land, what is the correct and proper salutation, Mr President, Your most high worshipfulness, or Der Fuhrer?

You can choose between Mr. President, or The Black Barney Fife.

CINCIMADDOG said...
What is a predatory lender, and what does it eat? Do they make good pets?

A predatory lender is a financial institution more concerned with short term greed, than long term success. It eats mortgages, usually until it chokes to death, and they make poor pets as they tend to poop on everything around them.

That's all for now, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Ask The MoxArgon Group: Depth of Winter Edition

To bring a little sunshine in your bleak little lives I've decided that it's time for another edition of
ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP!

So put your questions in the comments, and we'll answer them as only the most supreme intellects in the Known Universe can.

Laying Down The Law Part 3: The Earthlings Speak

Greetings puny Earthlings. It's you future Lord and Master Remulak MoxArgon here, and I've been going through your suggestions for laws to be enacted when I bring your wretched little marble of a planet to heel.

So let's see what your puny little Earthling brains have come up with.

Fuloydo said...

What have you got to deal with frivolous lawsuits?

I'm thinking an extra time in the slammer for convicts trying to game the system, assuming they are trying to game the system and it's not a legitimate complaint.

For people not in jail....perhaps having to pay a minimum of 10% of what they were asking for to the people they tried to sue if they lose? Plus another 10% levied against the lawyer who took their case?

We have a very simple system in my empire, which is called the Known Universe. If a person files a lawsuit in good faith, because they honestly feel that they have been wronged, but the suit is found wanting, they may have to pay a portion of the defendant's legal fees if necessary.

If the suit is filed in bad faith, solely for the impoverishment of the defendant through a barrage of legal fees, they have to pay all of the defendant's legal bills, and then have the choice of being forced out an airlock or face the deadly Rancor in open combat armed only with a rubber band.

Only a fellow named McGyver escaped the Rancor.

Clever little bastard!

Next up is..

Smilin' Joe Fission said...

One out of every 5th person getting a welfare check is to be lined up and shot in the street as an incentive to get off of welfare.

Include WIC with it.

9 out of every 10 liberals taken care of the same way.

Oh primitive ignorant Earthlings.

You don't need to shoot anyone to inspire people to get off welfare.

Not when you have mind controlling brain-slugs to do it for you.

And I assume WIC is some local form of injury compensation on your planet, I can tell you that we don't have that at all. When you have android doctors capable of replacing limbs and organs, and restoring the horribly mangled to perfect health within 24 Earth hours, it's really not necessary.

And I shot 9 out of 10 liberals who will work in the mucus mines?

Have you thought of that?

I don't think you did.

Next up...

RememberSekhmet said...

IQ tests for computer ownership, to be administered by comptetent, experienced tech support.

I hope spelling isn't included in the test, because your spelling of competent would condemn you to using a Commodore 64.

Public flaying for all losers who try to impersonate veterans. Followed by a lemon-juice bath if above impersonation was done to defame actual troops.

So, you believe in being soft on phony veterans. We normally just put them in stocks installed beneath the public lavatories at our monthly chili cook-off.

Oh the screams coming from those holes after TekTak's Kosher Napalm Chili would scare the horns off Deimonas of Atreyu.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio is appointed to head the prison system.

We're in contract negotiations with him, how did you guess?

Wyatt Earp said...

Would you consider hood-mounted plasma rifles for slow drivers ahead of you?

I have mine installed behind the headlights of my limo-transport. It only disintegrates the car, leaving the driver and passengers intact, so I can run them over as a lesson in good road etiquette. Though I don't think you Earthlings have the cranial capacity to use such tools wisely.

For now, you will only be permitted sonic disruptors, set to the 'brown note.'

Random Walker said...

The name Ron Paul will not be included in any political pool with the exception of the contest for the “Biggest Douche of the Universe”

Actually, he's only the 17th Biggest Douche in the Universe, behind Zeldar The Biggest Douchebag in the Universe, Odorios the Lesser Douche of Nehama IV and Al Gore.

Gnome Chimpski, Al Gorebot and Michael Mooron can no longer be cited as authorities on any topic (other than how to be a braking moonbat).

I don't know, my seers see them becoming quite expert on the topic of mucus mining in the near future.

Failure to obey above laws will result in the offender being fed to Michael Mooron (if Michael Mooron disobeys he will not be fed).

He's going to be too busy shoveling mucus to eat anyone. But good suggestions nonetheless.

Hippies will be washed. Survivors will be washed again, All we are saying is: “give soap a chance”

Cleanliness in the mucus mines will be strictly enforced. With caustic soap and wire brushes for the really recalcitrant ones.

Moonbat, traitor saboteurs who drop their babies while protesting will themselves be dropped… from the outer orbit.

Good idea, the orbital mucus haulers could use exterior ballast when they do a re-entry, and their children can definitely use new parents.

Those who demand income redistribution will see their income redistributed.

It won't be much, since mucus mine labour is paid mostly with food scraps, but we can try it as a social experiment.

Chicopanther

I think you should also sentence spammers, phishers, and malware authors to only being able to use computers that have been rendered unusable because of their own garbage!

You Earthlings, so innocent and naive.

You're assuming that I'm going to let them live in any form where they'd be capable of computer use.

Damian G. said...

Please, please, for the love of God, make FOX News stop playing crap "news" stories about Britney, O.J. and the latest pretty white girl to go missing.

You've already vaporised Greta Van Susteren for her insolence on the matter; could you please make the rest of the network follow suit?

I own shares, and the audience seems to like the occasional dose of crappy faux news as long as it involves blonde hair, boobs and faux celebrities, who are also boobs.

Yes, I'm a bastard.

And finally this rather cryptic message from an Earthling...

Your Jewish Master said...

You probably already know that the Jews run things down here. Now, the Ron Paul supporters have been doing their best to expose our Zionist Conspiracy and New World Order, but have been able to keep close track, and eliminate the squeekiest wheels.

But my office did not receive any memo, let alone tribute from the Moxargons. And I must say, I am shocked. You know you face great annoyance when you get here, due to the aforementioned Zionist Conspiracy and New World Order. Just ask the Ron Paulians. So do the right thing, no-nose!

For now, you will be entered into the Blogroll for further investigation.

Hmmm....

This Hebraic Hegemonist seems to think that I should be paying tribute to him....

Someone's off their meds.

I run THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, which is also known as ALL OF THE UNIVERSE, except the primitive little armpit worlds like your planet that I leave free for my amusement.

You're so primitive you probably don't even know that when you reach one end of the Universe, you enter the other end once you get past the Great Taffy Barrier.

Besides, I don't do the tribute thing. It's inefficient and wasteful. I have a flat tax of 15% on gross income and corporate revenue. You'd be surprised at how well that works.

Well, it's been a good laugh seeing how your puny minds work, but I've got some other things to do, like...

LINK PIMPING!

Dirty Harry from Libertas has his own solo blog now. Check it out.

Furious D has a discussion of religion and movies.

So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you!

We have a question...

This question comes from Anonymous, who, in relation to my recent complaint about lefty gang-trolling of a blogger, asked:

How old are you? 15?

Interesting question.

I'm not 15 of your Earth years old, but I am 15.

Allow me to explain.

My species, the Flokians, are especially long lived. We measure our lifespans in Bukkins. A Bukkin is about 97 of your Earth years long, and I'm still a spring Zelnorb at 15 Bukkins.

Thanks for the question, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Ask The MoxArgon Group: Feeling Better Edition

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon here, I've recovered from my bout with Antaran Flu, but everyone still staying clear of me. Probably because when a Flokian gets the only disease that can affect him, it makes his very presence lethal to every other species in the Universe while giving the infected Flokian nothing more than the sniffles.

Vox Poplar was immunized by his blood/alcohol level, but he's at the organ mall today getting an extra liver implanted, and with the others too chicken to help, I have to answer all your questions alone.

First up is Damian G. and he asks:

Is it possible that She Who Must Not Be Named may be elected President of the United States?

Well Damian, anything is possible. Especially with some of the stupid habits picked up by some American voters. The only way she could win is if the majority of American voters all simultaneously get some sort of brain damage on Election Day.

Then will come an age of darkness and despair. Cities will burn, crops will turn to the dust, the time of weeping will begin and the grim specter of death will hang over the nation.

But I'm not going to get into any political name calling here, this is a classy blog.

Our next question is from RT who asks:

Why are people stupid?

The answer is simple.

Because they're Earthlings.

Your species thinks the opposable thumb is so wonderful while your brains aren't capable of forming coherent thoughts, or making people's underwear ride-up through psychokinetic powers.

I bet you feel stupid for asking that question, don't you?

Next question is from Sekhmet who asks:

Anyway, isn't it way too early to call an election that is over a year away? So why do people try?

That's because you live on a planet with too many 24/7 news channels and a standing ban on reporting anything positive about the Bush Administration or anything negative about a Democrat.

That leaves a lot of empty time they have to fill.

So they fill it with useless celebutard coverage, and roll out the over-paid, over-hyped, and over-fed pundits who look into their crystal balls and deny that all they see is their own reflection.

BTW- The election will end with a Giuliani/Thompson victory over Clinton/Richardson.

Take that to the bank.

Our next set of questions is from B.C., you know the comic strip about the cavemen... and he's got a lot of them. I'll try to answer one at a time.

Why do people have their poodles shaved to make them look like even bigger wusses than they already are?

Because people are always on the lookout for a new level of wussy. This also explains the success of John Edwards.

Why does nose & ear hair become thicker & longer as a person gets older? Are old people exposed to more dust, dirt and other environmental detritus than the rest of the human race?

Yes they are. That's because they are slowly turning to dust themselves. That process will change when we conquer your planer in 2067. After that the elderly will be collected and have all their nutrients extracted to fertilized my sixth wife's flower garden.

What do atheists yell when they're having an orgasm?

Nothing.

They don't have real orgasms.

That's God's little cruel joke on them.

Wouldn't it be easier for cats to just jump into water and get their baths over with, in once fell swoop, instead of licking themselves for 18 hours per day? (And getting hairballs in the process.)

Where's the fun in that?

Our next question is from Anonymous.

What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? (I know it isn't 42)

You're right.

It's 37.

Wyatt Earp asks:

Why do I suffer from anal bleeding after I watch a DNC campaign commercial?

That's because there's a loose spring in your couch. You should get that fixed.

JPM asks:

I've wondered about the existence of the human soul. I'm guessing Hillary just doesn't have one and George Soros has a Black Malignant one. Or do I have that backwards?

The human soul does exist.

Hillary had a soul, but sold it to Soros in exchange for power. Soros than ate it and promptly shat out $27 million in campaign money.

Soros' soul is currently in a jar on a shelf in my friend Xenu's house. Xenu's getting on in years and in his retirement takes in souls that have been rejected or mistreated by their rightful owner, sort of like a shelter. He calls that soul 'Binky.'

Another Anonymous asker, asks:

Why do some people think they own cats when if the cat were bigger than you they would happily eat you!

Look at my answer to RT's question.

If California is so great, why do I see so many California plates heading East on I-40?

Because California's been taken over by rampaging hordes of vacuous celebutards. There's only so much syphilis and stupidity people can take.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies because we're watching you.