Point/Counterpoit #3: Judging Pets and Pets that Judge

If your matter really matters, trust Malgrub
SNOTGLOB, on the Left

TEKTAK- Welcome to Point/Counterpoint. Today's topic is the nomination of a creature called the Hairy Yet-Mires to the Supreme Court of the American Empire. The nomination is controversial to both sides of the American political spectrum. Those who normally support the President think that this creature lacks the qualifications to be such a prominent jurist and the political opposition don't care for her religion and call her a 'crony' of Overlord DubyaBush.

SNOTGLOB- What exactly is a crony?

TEKTAK- I think it's a name you give some kind of pet.

SNOTGLOB- Well that's appalling! Overlord DubyaBush should be ashamed of his treatment of a poor innocent creature like his pet Yet-Mires. Forcing house pets to work is cruel and inhumane.

TEKTAK- But using their brains as nests for your eggs are not?

SNOTGLOB- I don't need you to point out my hypocrisy! DubyaBush's behavior is disgusting!

TEKTAK- Perhaps you are in agreement with the so-called 'Right Wingers.' They, I assume, are some sort of bird-like creature who hold a lot of sway with OverLord DubyaBush, and they question the qualifications and political backbone of appointing a pet to high court.

SNOTGLOB- I would never agree with a bunch of one-winged avioids! The under-evolved have rights too, and they should be respected. Do you remember the time when Remulak Moxargon got all whacky on Hyborean cactus juice and appointed his pet Alluvian Tree-snail as minister of public works?

TEKTAK- That little slime-spitter actually got the department's budget under control, and increased productions by over 75%. But he was one clever snail. Too bad the next time Remulak had the cactus juice he ate him.

SNOTGLOB- Then those nasty Right Wingers should just back off on the Hairy Yet-Mires and give it a chance!

TEKTAK- Weren't you just scolding OverLord DubyaBush for putting his pet to work a minute ago?

SNOTGLOB- When did you become the king of the nit-pickers?

TEKTAK- I've always been the king of the nit-pickers. Someone has to be. So are you for or against this nomination?

SNOTGLOB- I think the Hairy Yet-Mires should be given a chance to prove its worth, but I also think it's cruel that DubyaBush is forcing pets to do work more befitting a slave. What's your opinion?

TEKTAK- My opinion doesn't matter. As a nit-picker I've done my research. I think OverLord DubyaBush has set this whole thing up as an elaborate deception to embarrass and confuse his enemies. He can't appoint anyone to the high court without approval of the Imperial Senate, a Senate crawling with people opposed to everything he does, no matter what. So he get's a prominent member of that opposition, a plant-like creature called a Hairy Reed to suggest the nomination of his pet Yet-Mires. DubyaBush makes the nomination, knowing that the rest of the opposition will oppose it, based on this creature's religious beliefs. They will then kill the creature with some weapon called a Filly-Buster. DubyaBush will go to the people, waving the corpse of his beloved pet in front of the cameras, get the Filly-Buster removed from the Imperial Senate and then he will appoint his real candidate for the position. Nothing jerks the tears like a deceased pet. Remember how Moxargon cried for a week after he ate 'Mr. Slimy?'

SNOTGLOB- Sounds awfully complicated.

TEKTAK- Earth is a complicated planet. It's crawling with humans, moonbats, hairy reeds, right-wingers, and left wingers...

SNOTGLOB- Maybe DubyaBush should break out his own Filly-Buster and trim the herd a little?

TEKTAK- On that we agree.


A Hot New Look For Fall

MOXARGON: As you can see, The MoxArgon Group's site has a new look. I decided that it was time for a change, but since I'm no expert in that html stuff you primitive Earthlings use, I recruited one of your people to help me do it...

XRAN: 'Recruited?' You kidnapped him and threatened to have him anal probed if he didn't rework the site.

MOXARGON: Well there was no need for the anal probe since he cooperated. I was just trying to motivate him.

XRAN: You then disintegrated his hamster.

MOXARGON: I thought the furry little bastard was an Tryvellian spy. Anywhoo, enjoy the new look.

XRAN: You could have at least dropped him off at his home, instead of dumping him buck naked in a Mexican cornfield.

MOXARGON: Geez Xran, you're turning into a real wet blanket lately. If I want whining I'd call SnotGlob.


Since you Earthlings are so fond of colour coding and things like that, my minions at the Ministry of Telling People That Their Doom Is At Hand have put together this chart that's so simple even an Earthling can understand it.




Love is in the Air... Again...

another personal message by Remulak MoxArgon

MOXARGON: Greetings Earthlings. I'm here once again to declare my undying love for a woman with beauty, intelligence, and something that really turns my skrellbach, power. I'm talking about the Secretary of State for the American Empire, Kondo-LeesaRyss. And I'd like to express my feelings through poetry... ahem...

Kondo-Leesa, Kondo-Leesa
That's what your parent's named you
Oh foreign policy dominatrix of my dreams...
Kondo-Leesa, Kondo-Leesa
I adore you
Run away with me, and we can...

XRAN: Are you at this again?

MOXARGON: Dammit Xran! I'm trying to pitch some woo so I can make a little whoopee.

XRAN: This thing for human females is getting to be... well, kinda sad and why are you always looking to add more females to your harem? I've got five wives back home, and that's the main reason I'm always in deep space.

MOXARGON: That's your problem Xran, you're not a romantic like myself.

XRAN: And you've got the attention span of a Tyrullian gnat. Yesterday it was this columnist Mee-Shell something and now it's this Kondo-Leesa. What's next are you going to go ga-ga over AnKolt-her?

MOXARGON: Nah, she's too skinny. Besides, I heard she's dating Drone-9099, but you didn't hear that from me.

XRAN: I haven't seen this female-crazy since school and you...

MOXARGON: Don't say it.

XRAN: Say what? Mention the time you asked Greeba Semoflax to the Conqueror's Ball and that she turned you down flat and called you...

MOXARGON: Don't go any farther...Corky.

XRAN: Oh, you remember that?

MOXARGON: You don't have a head like mine without remembering everything, and since you're so insistent on reliving our school days, why don't I tell the whole galaxy what Baff Arglebarge did to you in the locker room. I'm sure you don't want your crew calling you 'Captain Swirly.'

XRAN: I get your point. I'll be leaving now. Sheesh, slow news week and he goes all crazy.

MOXARGON: Since a certain someone, who shall remain nameless, ruined the mood, again, I'm going to end on this simple message. Kondo-Leesa, if you ever get tired of being a secretary and want to be a queen, gimme a call.