Enough with the name calling!


(Co-Host of The View)

You folks know me as "The Funny One" on The View, and how my witty repartee has set a new standard of intelligent and polite conversation.

But I'd like to be serious for a moment to discuss a problem that threatens America's very democracy.

I'm talking about NAME CALLING.

Those fascist baby-blood spilling Christian fundamentalist bitch-bastards on the Right have taken a break from their Klan meetings where they plot lynchings and abortion clinic bombings to destroy America's freedom by calling the sainted people that disagree with them names.

That's why we must eliminate free speech for the evil inbred Christian blood for oil trading motherf*ckers and leave it in the hands of people like me, who know how to be civil.

Now that would be great.



William F. Buckley, conservative thinker and founder of the National Review passed away.

His work compelled three generations of Earthlings to think. And not to think like him, but to think for themselves, which made the American conservative movement the big tent that it is today.

He will be missed.

Pierre Elliot Obama...

Hi folks. Vox Poplar, token Earthling, here.

Folks in the American media have been gushing in their comparisons between Barack Obama and John F. Kennedy, but some Canadian commentators, me included, have noticed another, more striking resemblance.

Back in the 1960s Canadians witnessed the rise of a politician with incredible charm, and panache, who charmed a generation into a mindless swoon that still exists to this day.

That politician was Pierre Elliot Trudeau. Like Obama he played on his mixed heritage (Scottish & French) to make himself a figure of reconciliation for Canada'
s 2 solitudes and more importantly an agent of change.

No one knew exactly what that change was supposed to be, Trudeau avoided any specifics, but it was the 60s and any change was considered an absolute good.

His opponents tried to play up his radical leftist leanings, but the popular press ignored it, because he was just so playful, witty, and above all charming.

Now he became Prime Minister on this wave of popularity, held office for 15 years, and he tore the country apart.

His lite-socialist policies wrecked the economy, racked up enormous debts, crippled the military, created unconstitutional human rights tribunals, ruined the Canadian national identity, turned Canada from a post-WW2 major power, to a global non-entity. He even once suspended the constitution and instituted a state of near martial law that made the Patriot Act and FISA look like an ACLU wish list. Ironically, that brought on his only real success, the crushing of FLQ a Francophone separatist terrorist group. Ironically the FLQ, many say, was borne from Trudeau's alienation of the people of Quebec.

To this day, the same baby-boomers who voted him into office would gladly do it again. Sure everything he touched was a disaster, and he stomped out centuries of common-law liberty for mainland Euro-cratic top down rule by judicial fiat, but if his zombified corpse rose from the grave muttering for brains, they'd vote for him.

Now the major difference between Obama and Trudeau, like with everything else associated with Obama is experience. Before running for Prime Minister, Trudeau was an attorney, a political theorist, and activist, with numerous writings and senior ministerial positions.

Obama's record is a knack for getting elected, and the authorship of two books. Now these two books weren't about politics, or anything like that, but mostly Obama telling you about how great Obama is.

So the next time you look at Barack Obama. Think about Trudeau and how Canada is still cleaning up after him, over 24 years after his retirement.


Your Questions Answered!

MOXARGON: Greeting puny Earthlings. It's time to answer your questions. The others are all busy making excuses to not do any work, so I'll be doing it all by myself. So let's get to the first question:
RememberSekhmet asked...
So, what do you think is going to happen at the Democrats' convention?
Here's my theory. Hillary will bribe the superdelegates to give her a win, sparking riots at the convention. She will run for president and she will lose.
Wyatt Earp asked...
If Hillary Clinton leaves New York at 1pm traveling at 55 mph, and Nancy Pelosi leaves California at 3pm traveling at 65 mph, when will they meet in a head-on collision replete with fireballs?
Somewhere outside Kansas City. Android CAI/7 would be more accurate, but I'm not that good at math.
Anonymous said...
Why do they still sell things like Head Cheese at the Deli counter in my local market?
That's for when Snotglob comes to visit.
Damian G. asked...
Has Ann Coulter officially outlived her usefulness following her announcement that she now supports Hillary Clinton over John McCain?
It happened long before that. Coulter can be cutting and funny, but she has an overwhelming desire for attention that she doesn't care what she says, or the damage her words can do to what she considers "her side."
Wyatt Earp said...
Who put the bop in the bop she-bop she-bop?
Xran. Which is why he has to give up 3/4 of his salary to child support.
RT said...
How do you feel about the U.S. military shooting satellites out of the sky?
We think it's cute. Kind of like watching a toddler strutting around so proud because they used the potty for the first time.

It's not going to help you. But it is cute.
momster said...
My son worries abut aliens coming to suck his brains out. What can I say to reassure him?
He doesn't have to worry as long as the deli counter has a good supply of head-cheese for Snotglob.

Chris in NC asked...
Why should anyone believe McCain when on a Sunday in California he said that he would never want Roe V. Wade to fall and 4 days later in the Bible Belt he's talking about his active role in trying to kill Roe V. Wade?
Because people will believe anything.
Chris in NC asked...
Where do we get these sucky candidates?
Democracies get the candidates they deserve. So embrace your doom.
Chris in NC asked...
Why haven't you just come down here and wiped out the losers in charge already and imposed a rule that would be much better than what we have?
Then where would I go for entertainment?
Chris in NC asked...
How many demons are gang raping that fake prophet of the religion of piss "mohammed" at any given time in hell?
I'm not an expert on theology. I suggest you go to the nearest mosque and ask the congregation.
mrshoppes asked...
Who was the first person to look at an egg coming out of a chicken's butt and thought "YUMMY!"
His name was Thag Rocktosser, and he was also the first person to eat an oyster.
dragonlady474 asked...
What is th airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African, or European?
flightmedic934 said...
Should Obama be elected to the highest office in the land, what is the correct and proper salutation, Mr President, Your most high worshipfulness, or Der Fuhrer?
You can choose between Mr. President, or The Black Barney Fife.
What is a predatory lender, and what does it eat? Do they make good pets?
A predatory lender is a financial institution more concerned with short term greed, than long term success. It eats mortgages, usually until it chokes to death, and they make poor pets as they tend to poop on everything around them.

That's all for now, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.



Greetings puny Earthlings, it's another week, another wave of inane douchebaggery.

THE NEW YORK TIMES- For the basic treachery of endorsing McCain while they were sitting on a thinly sourced story & probably inaccurate story that claimed he was sleeping around with a lobbyist. Am I the only one to notice a creepy resemblance between the alleged mistress and McCain's wife? Hell, it could have just been mistaken identity? Although it did succeed in convincing many Republicans into thinking McCain's not all that bad if the Paper of Discord is after him.

MIKE HUCKABEE- Just because he's Huckabee.

HILLARY CLINTON- For her backroom machinations designed to violate party rules to bring more delegates in for her over Barack Obama. Nothing like being a sociopath to help you get the job done.

SERBIA- For not realizing, after all that's happened, the reasons why no one likes them.

SAUDI ARABIA- Managed to find a new level of douchebaggery by ordering the execution of a woman for... get this... witchcraft. Now I don't like Hillary Clinton either, but...

Oh, that's enough for today. If you have any questions for the group, CLICK HERE and leave it in the comments, we will probably answer them on Sunday.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


2 Michelles & One Angry Brandy

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Michelle Malkin wrote an article critical of Michelle Obama's statements that her husband's success made her proud of America for the first time in her adult life, and got this angry letter from an Obama supporter.

And be warned, like a lot of Leftist attempts at arguments, its language is NSFW.

from Brandy Priestess playpoli@yahoo.com
to malkinblog@gmail.com,
date Feb 20, 2008 8:44 AM
subject: Bitch, you’re retarded and your thoughts on Madame President Obama doesn’t count

Michelle Malkin,
No matter how many white men you fuck and no matter how many white asses you kiss, you will always be “A wanna be white woman”, silly ass Bitch..

Except Bitch,” 2 asians fucking, don’t make a white”. Do you really think Mrs. Obama gives a fuck about what you think about her?

You have a lot to be thankful for Bitch, fucking a white man gave you a good life in America, a life you could never have where your fucking ancestors were born.

Just be thankful that your lack of self decency allowed you to suck the white man’s dick to get where you are in life, you fucking sell out cunt.


Show me the white woman named Ming Lee Malkin, but there’s tons of sell out Asian Bitches like yourself who think nothing of naming your Asian and bi-racial children white names. Blacks have white names because of Slavery, you have white names and semen in your body because you hate yourself and your slant eyes.

You pray that your bi-racial child by a white man will come out more white than Asian.

No wonder the white man loves Asia to fill out all of his pedophile tendencies, you Bitches will move in with him and let him fuck your children just as long as he’ll give you his credit card and allow you to pretend that you’re an honorary white woman. BITCH PLEASE.

FYI HO: “Fuck you and the Bitch (your mother) that had you.”

Now how’s that for free speech, silly dumb ass HO?


Let's begin at the beginning:

Subject Line:
1) It opens with an insult. Mostly rude, childish name-calling, which is the Leftist's first line of defence when presented with an actual argument.

2) It declares that Michelle Malkin's "thoughts don't count" because the Leftist hates free thought and free expression.and regularly decide whose opinions "count" and whose "don't count."

3) It contains an factual error. Michelle Obama is not "Madame President" and isn't even running for that position. She is the wife of a candidate for the nomination of a political party. If you can't tell the difference, then you don't deserve to vote.
First Paragraph:
1) Like pretty much all attacks against Mrs. Malkin, they open with attacks on how they perceive Michelle Malkin began her career. And since Leftists are also hard-core racists, they cannot acknowledge that she may have succeeded through hard work and perseverance, and automatically assumed that her career was somehow dispensed to her by "The White Man" in exchange for some sort of sexual favour. I understand that's how Dennis Prager got his start.

2) The Leftist's racist beliefs assume that anyone who is not white, and not a leftist like them, is some sort of "race traitor" who is a "wannabe white person." This is because the Leftist does not see people as individuals but groups, who should not be capable of independent thought.
Second Paragraph:
1) Restate racist/sexist "wannabe" comments with typically dreadful grammar. The Leftist is a firm believer in Goebbels who said that if you lie loud enough and often enough, it becomes the truth.

2) The Leftist declares that Madame President Obama is too important, too god-like, to worry about criticism, leaving that job to inarticulate ranters like herself. This comes from the Leftist's innate fascist desire for the classic "strongman" who will solve all the world's problems.
Third Paragraph:
1) Restate racist/sexist statements.
Fourth Paragraph:
1) Restate racist/sexist statements.
Fifth Paragraph:
1) The Leftist declares Michelle's expulsion from the sorority of "women of colour" for her failure to blindly obey the party line, and for using the party's own language of identity politics against them. The Leftist hates it when their own tropes are used against them in intelligent arguments.
Sixth Paragraph:
1) The Leftist shifts their racist/sexist attacks using wildly inaccurate ethnography based more on preconceived prejudices that any actual fact. The Leftist Mind is a racist mind.

2) Play the "slave card" even though slaves haven't existed in America for over 140 years, and just forget about the war to end slavery that killed hundreds of thousands of white men.

3) Project own self-hatred onto Malkin for having her own mind.
Seventh Paragraph:
1) Project more self-hatred onto Malkin using her children as fair game, even though you're attacking her for criticizing an adult over public statements.
Eighth Paragraph:
1) Since racist/sexist attacks are getting stale the Leftist then shifts to mean spirited attacks against her family. Including accusations of paedophilia, based on their own deluded prejudices.

2) Then the Leftist brings up the old "Asian prostitute/White pervert sugar-daddy attack" again, because the Leftist is basically a racist who if they didn't have their prejudices, they wouldn't have anything in their brains.
Ninth Paragraph:
1) One last childish and foul mouthed foot-stomp.
Tenth Paragraph:

1) Then the Leftist declares their own right to free speech, as a defence for their attempts to bully someone else out of theirs. Because deep down, they're all hypocrites.
I hope you Earthlings found this illuminating, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
And if you have a question: CLICK HERE and leave it in the comments.


Hey-hey-hey, Goodbye!

Fidel Castro has announced his retirement.

Well here are somethings he can do to fill his autumn years:

1. Move to Miami, I understand there's a lot of Cuban retirees living there. I'm sure they'll have a lot in common.

2. Pursue a career as a celebrity endorser. I think Depends needs someone.

3. Become a masked wrestler in Mexico under the name Il Diablo Incontinento.

4. Join the cast of the next season of Dancing with the Dictators!

5. Get a job with the Obama campaign.

Have a question?

Then CLICK HERE and leave it for the MoxArgon Group to answer.


Ask The MoxArgon Group: Depth of Winter Edition

To bring a little sunshine in your bleak little lives I've decided that it's time for another edition of

So put your questions in the comments, and we'll answer them as only the most supreme intellects in the Known Universe can.




It's me, Ernesto, but you can call me Che, everybody does. Especially the big red guy with the horns and the pitchfork who keeps rotating the the cactus that's lodged in my rectum and pouring in the hot sauce. Today is Scotch Bonnet day... not nice.

I guess I'm supposed to thank Vox Poplar and his digital ouija board for getting me a few minutes from my damnation to post this blog-thing, but he's a North Americano capitalist swine, so screw him.

But I would like to thank the Barack Obama's campaign workers in Texas for this...
Yep, that's me hanging in the Texas campaign office of the Democratic Party's front-runner Barack Obama. I have to admit, I found the picture so funny I almost pissed out the fire that regularly roasts my genitals into leathery cinders.

Boy, only someone who doesn't know shit about me would allow my picture to appear on anything but toilet paper.

I was a warmonger who is idolized by so-called pacifists.

A homophobe praised by gay rights activists.

A pompous elitist snob now seen as a working class hero.

A sexist worshipped by feminists.

A racist admired by civil rights activists.

A mass murderer who is hailed by death penalty opponents.

A coward who is thought of as a hero.

Essentially, I was a minor league Hitler or Stalin wannabe, and that's why I'm where I am today. I even screwed the economy which was actually in good shape before I came along, because I was basically an idiot.

Oh, crap.

I gotta go, it's almost time for them to shove flaming hot pokers up my nose and rotate my cactus one more time.

So in closing, you lefties should probably stop worshipping me, because for every T-Shirt with my face on it, I get a hemorrhoid the size of a monkey's fist.

Give a guy a break.


Hi Earthlings. TekTak here, with the latest instalment of DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEKS so here they are:

THE ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY SHOOTER: I don't have the douchebag's name at the time of this writing, and even if I did, I won't post it. Publicity is what these douchebag's crave, so I say we deny it to them, and only refer to them as "douchebags." And Remulak has asked me to pass on a little message to all those who think that going on a killing spree will somehow solve their problems: "KILL YOURSELF FIRST YOU DOUCHEBAGS!"

CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS: For blocking, obstructing, and generally obfuscating American national security for the political gain earned by toadying to the Kos Kids and oily billionaires. Classy.

MAYOR CARTY FINKBEINER OF TOLEDO: For barring the US Marines from training in methods to protect his city from terrorists because it offends his Democratic Party postures.

CINDY SHEEHAN: Remulak had considered not putting her on this list because of her losses, of both her son, her marriage, her dignity, and her sanity. But now she's out protesting on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt. She's essentially now in open support of Al Qaida, which spawned from the Brotherhood. She's essentially pissing on her son's grave to feed her own egomania as the self-proclaimed "Peace Mom."

So to the folks on this list, please remember this little message from your Intergalactic betters:

And keep watching the skies and all that.


It's all America's Fault...

Professor Juan Cole
Explains Why the Word
"Islamofascist" is Racist, Offencive
Inaccurate, Insulting, and Fattening

by Prof. Juan Cole.


I'm here to tell you all about the evil racist Zionist fascist Nazis use and abuse language to keep the fascist state of Amerikkka enthralled to their blood-drinking Israeli Zionist Likudnik Masters and put us all in a state of never-ending war with the peace-loving Islamist fundamentalists.

I'm talking about the word "Islamofascist." It's nothing but a foul lie used to slander innocent people like Osama Bin Ladin, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and all those poor innocent suicide bombers who are standing against the bloodthirsty crypto-Zionist conspiracy.

The people of the Nazi state of Amerikkka are the last people to comment on anyone else, considering the roots of the current conflict, and how it's all our fault.

If Amerikkka hadn't forced the creation of the state of Israel in 1948, we'll all be living in peace today.

Sure Sayyid Qutb was so shocked and appalled by the behaviour of people at a church social in Greeley Colorado in 1947....

...And Hajj Amin al-Husseini the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem was working with Adolph Hitler in the 1930s and 1940s...

...But they were only mad because of Amerikkkan's Imperialism!

Yeah, that's right...

Sure, the Barbary Pirates were attacking and enslaving Amerikkkans and using the Koran for justification when Amerikkka's empire consisted of the original 13 colonies...

But that was because Amerikkkans were Christians and the Christians started it all when the did the Crusades.

Okay, maybe the Crusades wouldn't have happened if Islamic Armies hadn't invaded the Holy Land and forced the people there to convert by the sword, but I'm sure they had a good reason for it...

And it would be Amerikkka's fault somehow.

What were we talking about?


Xran Investigates- The Obama Oppo Files!

Howdy my little Earthling friends.

Xran here, and as the internet's most respect investigative journalist, I come across many big scoops.

Normally, I'm too lazy to do anything about them, but ever since Remulak threatened convinced me to post them.

Today, I have Hillary Clinton's double top secret opposition research/dirty tricks files on her opponent Barack Obama.

Here's an excerpt:

To: Clinton, Hillary (candidate)
From: Peepen, Tom (director Oppo-Research)

To be blunt, things are getting down to the wire. While we still have a lead in delegates, Obama is beating us in fundraising, celebrity endorsements, and momentum.

Our attempts to imitate his style of bland platitudes and avoiding issues haven't worked, and there aren't enough tears to win any more states.

So I'm proposing we do what Clinton Democrats do best, destroy all of our enemies.

Here are some possible tactics we can unleash on the Obama campaign:
  • We spread rumours that Barack Obama is the illegitimate love child of Don Knotts and Nichelle Nichols from Star Trek.
  • Plant cocaine in Obama's hotel room.
  • Hussein! Hussein! Hussein! Hussein!
  • Plant a Koran in Obama's hotel room.
  • Keep pimping out your daughter Chelsea on the campaign trail, and freak out when anyone criticizes you about it.
  • Plant a prostitute in Obama's hotel room.
  • Figure out how to scare white people to vote for you again. Start mispronouncing Barack Obama's name as "Idi Amin."
  • If that's not nuanced enough call him "Barack Osama."
  • Plant cocaine powdered Korans in his hotel room.
  • Drug Oprah with LSD during campaign appearance.
  • Plant dead prostitute in his hotel room.
  • Spread rumours that Obama is really George W.'s long lost brother.
  • Plant drugged Oprah in Obama's hotel room.
  • Send Obama for a drive by the seaside with Teddy Kennedy.
Let me know what tactic you think is underhanded enough for this campaign.

Yours in service to our Dark Lord
-Tom Peepen
(director opposition research)
Wow, shocking stuff. Keep watching the skies, because Hillary's watching Obama.


My England, My Lavatory...

A Special
View From The Afterlife
General Sir Charles James Napier
Commander in Chief of the British Army in India

Pip-pip and tally-ho to all you living folks.

It's me, you're favourite British Imperialist piss-bag popping down for a visit, because Vox Poplar left his digital Ouija board on, and hasn't changed his password yet.

Isn't technology wonderful. In my day high speed messaging was a steam engined train, or a particularly fast running messenger. But I'm not here to talk about that.

Nope. I'm here to talk about Britain, I won't call it Great Britain, because it hasn't been so great lately.

I mean what the hell is happening in my old country?

We've got the government giving handouts to polygamists, essentially endorsing the practical enslavement of women as chattel because of their religion. And don't get me started on that horse's arse of an Archbishop.

Firemen, the same people who run into burning buildings to rescue your sorry arse, are subject to around 40 violent attacks a week. The police think this is a good thing, because it was closer to 100 before, but firemen are most likely not reporting most of them anymore.

Athletes are having their sacred rights to free speech curtailed because it might offend the Chinese Communist Party.

And the icing on the cake, they're serving chocolate cake with an unhealthy sprinkling of human dung in Cardiff.

Well here's what I would do.

I would explain to the polygamists, that what they are doing is illegal in Britain, and hence put the bastards in jail until they learn their lesson. Now some of the wobbly-bottoms will wail and cry about "making a place" for people who wish to live under Sharia Law, and my answer to them is simple. There are places for people to live under Sharia Law, they're called Pakistan and Saudi Arabia. Britain is a place for British Law, and if you hate it that much, British Law says that you are free to leave.

For the people attacking the firefighters... well this will be a tad rough, but necessary. First, identify the neighbourhoods where the attacks happen the most. Then cancel all fire, ambulance, and police services in those areas, and wall the neighbourhoods in with fences and minefields. Wait until said neighbourhoods burn down, and ask the survivors if they've learnt their lesson. Because anyone who can't tell the difference between a rescuer and a target, deserves to burn.

I would also sack the people running the police, and replace them with folks with some testicular fortitude.

Now when it comes to the Chinese Communists, I would say that as a free society we have to live with being offended, and if they want to be a part of the world, they have to thicken their skin or forget it. Besides, if you don't want to be criticized for your human rights abuses, stop abusing people.

And as for the feces-cakes of Cardiff, I know the Welsh are odd ducks, but I don't think it extends that far. And how come no one seems interested in how the feces got on the cakes?

That's kind of important information, so you can prevent it from happening again.

Of course, if you push too hard, the miscreants might complain, and it seems that Britain would rather eat shit than stand up for themselves.

If you listen carefully, you can hear me spinning in my grave.

What bollocks.


NEWS OF THE EARTH #17: Grade Primary Edition

Hello Earthlings!

Varos Quasar here, and even though I'm a liberal I'm allowed to do a News of the Earth!

So here we go!

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.: Hillary Clinton got angry and an MSNBC anchor was suspended for saying that Hillary was "pimping out" her daughter Chelsea with her constant campaigning. This goes to show what a fascist organisation MSNBC is. They are only supposed to use such slanderous language against the children of REPUBLICANS. Bastard!

DATELINE: TOLEDO, OHIO: The mayor of Toledo finally did the right thing and kicked the US Marines out of his city for the crime of daring to train in techniques for protecting the
city. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner, you are an American hero, not like those cowards at Berkeley who are folding faster than Zendar the Swift making his bed, just because the federal government wants silly laws enforced. FIGHT THE POWER FINKBEINER!

Mayor Carty Finkbeiner
Toledo's Greatest Military Hero!



Greetings puny Earthlings.
It's time once again for a Holier than Thou edition of DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

As usual it's been a big week for douchebaggery and it comes in a wide variety of forms. So here they are, in no particular odour...

Dr. David Suzuki
: A
Canadian TV institution with his long running science show The Nature of Things and an active environmentalist. Why is he a douchebag? For calling for Global Warming Skeptics to be IMPRISONED. Yep, nothing like fascism to save the planet.

Here's a little scientific fact for you buddy. If you claim to be a scientist, and call for people who disagree with you to be imprisoned for the crime of disagreeing:

You are wrong.

Hillary Clinton: For accepting "bundled" donations from one of the people behind the Turkish made Al Qaida propaganda film "Valley of the Wolves: Iraq."

One thing you can say about Hillary, if your money's green, she doesn't care if you're a raging anti-Semite.

Can anyone say: "Culture of corruption."

Bryant Purvis: One of the infamous Jena 6 who savagely beat the snot out of a kid in Louisiana, then claimed an
unrelated prank involving nooses on a tree forced them to do it, giving Al Sharpton yet another reason to scream. As if that wasn't enough, he got busted in Texas for... beating the snot out of another kid. Thanks for the contribution to inter-racial relations.

Rowan Williams: The Archbishop of Canterbury has decided that multiculturalism is more important than t
he faith he was elected to lead and has declared that Shari'a law is unavoidable and must be accepted for social cohesion. Nothing like segregation and the oppression of women to bring people together.

James Dobson: Leader of Focus on the Family and a prominent voice for the Evangelical Republicans for endorsing Huckabee simply because Huckabee claims to be a "man of God." Dobson is essentially sacrificing Republican victory by deliberately dividin
g the party, in the hopes that a Democratic Presidency will help him with his fund-raising. I just hope he believes that the deaths of innocent Iraqis, caused by the inevitable Democrat surrender policy will be worth it.

So I want all you folks, who preach about how great and wonderful you claim to be, that when push comes to shove...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Everything's Avoidable, but Death & Taxes...

View From the Afterlife
St. Thomas Becket
Martyred Archbishop of Canterbury
(1162-1170 AD)

Greetings from the Afterlife, and may God bless all of you.

At least most of you anyway.

I know I shouldn't be so judgemental, but the behaviour of some of my colleagues really boils my cassock.

One thing that makes me ready to pop my cincture is a recent statement by current Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Atkinson Williams that Shari'a Law is "unavoidable" in Britain and that elements of it should be accepted anyway to "maintain social cohesion."

His stance has more dung in it than a pig sty after a bean supper.

First of all, NOTHING IS UNAVOIDABLE. I could have easily avoided those drunken knights who eventually hacked off the top of my head, but I didn't. I stood my ground, and didn't go running around like a fool, and end up stabbed in the apse.

I stood my ground, knowing full well, that I was going to be slaughtered because it was the bloody right thing to do. Someone had to take a stand for the rights of the Church to keep kings out of spiritual affairs, even if it meant my life.

Dr. Rowan Williams is basically saying that the Judeo-Christian foundation of British liberty isn't worth fighting for because it offends the sort of people who don't want or deserve liberty.

What he should be saying is that Britain is a nation built on Judeo-Christian Liberty, and that all those who don't like it, can leave it.

Of course you'd have to actually believe in something to say something like that, and I get the feeling that Dr. Rowan Williams is much too "intellectual" to actually believe in anything, let alone fight for it.

You know Rowan, when I had your job, I was the least qualified for it. I was a party animal, selfish, obnoxious, and greedy, but I believed in the position, and in God, so when I got the job, I did the job that was required of me.

And what about all this chatter about so-called "social cohesion?"

Well, odds my bodkin, that's a load of bloody great wobbly turds.

Social cohesion comes from people adapting to a new and ever evolving society, not from accepting the backward demands of thugs and bullies for fear of offending them. Better to get your head hacked off than live a snivelling little snot under the boot of a tyrant.

You do not build a cohesive society, by socially cutting people off from each other through custom-made legal systems based on ethnicity and religion. Instead you create a bunch of little societies, that are all at each others throats until cohesion is achieved through one side killing all of the other.

People can have their own gods, but there can only be one law.

Why am I even bothering, it's not Williams would actually believe in anything I say, it might offend someone.

Goodbye and God bless.


TekTak's Culture Corner: The Boston Primary

Hello Earthlings.

TekTak here, and I have a new song. It's the new theme for Barack Obama's campaign, rewritten by Obama himself.

You can sing along to the tune of "More Than a Feeling" by Boston.

Nothing More Than A Feeling by Barack Obama

I looked out this morning and the vote was done
Turned on CNN to start my day
They're telling me I can do no wrong
I closed in as Hillary's lead slipped away

Its nothing more than a feeling, when I talk I've nothing to say
(A kinda warm fuzzy feeling)
You must be dreaming
(Nothing more than a feeling)
To expect something real any day
Wish all the big issues away

More qualified people have come and gone
Their issues fade as the days go by
Yet I still remain because I ramble on
Bland platitudes that's all pie in the sky

It's nothing more than a feeling, when I talk I've nothing to say
(A kinda warm fuzzy feeling)
You must be dreaming
(Nothing more than a feeling)
To expect something real any day
Just wish all the issues away

You're tired and Hillary's turning cold
You hide in my speeches, forget the day
And dream of a time that never was
Just close you eyes and vote for me
You vote for meeee.
Vote for meee.

It's nothing more than a feeling, when I talk I've nothing to say
(Nothing more than a feeling)
You must be dreaming
(A bland fuzzy feeling)
And then you turn off your brain and vote me!
Turn off your brain and vote for me!


Yes I Can...

(D- ILL)

My fellow Identity-Americans.

As your future president I want to thank my supporters, for their... well, support.

Your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behaviour somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

I would also like to thank the Kennedy's for coming out in support of me. There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King Jr. and Teddy killed a teenage girl. And I'm not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and figuratively.

And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support.

Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.

Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good.

I say things that sound meaningful, but don't really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think about them.

Americans are tired of thinking.

It's time to shut down the brain, and open up the heart.

So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do.

And do it for me.

Thank You.


The Leftist Mind: Berkeley's Follies

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon here, your future lord and master, and I'm going to take you on another tour of THE LEFTIST MIND.

Now there's been a lot of talk about recent unhinged protests in the California city of Berkeley over the presence of a Marine recruitment office. (You can see some great coverage at ZOMBIETIME)

Now protests at Berkeley are as sure as the sunrise, but you have to wonder why. Why would citizens of the freest nation on your planet spend, nay waste, their time decrying the mere presence of the very same people who sacrifice everything to preserve that freedom?

Well, there are many reasons that dwell in THE LEFTIST MIND!

LEFTISTS LIVE IN THE PAST: But not the real past, but a badly mangled version of the past that has about as much connection with reality as a Disney cartoon. The folks in Berkeley still harken back to what they think of as their glory days, The 60s. There they regale people with boring tales of "standing up to the Man," "speaking truth to power," and "fighting for what's right," against an "unjust war" in a land where unicorns frolic with minotaurs and centaurs in fields of pretty pink poppies.

Well, it wasn't exactly so.

The protesters were only standing up against a government that didn't regularly engage in mass slaughter because of the draft, and as far as speaking truth, they spoke propaganda, and fought not against a war, but for the opposing side. A side that killed tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of people when they finally did win. Classy, really classy.

But those are pesky little things known as facts, which have no place in the Leftist Mind.

LEFTISTS OPPOSE FREE SPEECH: A recruitment centre for an all volunteer military is nothing more than a place to talk. It's where a recruiter makes a pitch, and it's up to the potential recruit, to decided whether or not to accept. They don't force anyone to listen to walk into the office to listen to the pitch, let alone force anyone to sign on the dotted line.

So what's their problem?

It's simple, Leftists only believe that speech they believe in should be free.

Everything else, must be banned, censored, or somehow controlled by state edict. What they fear the most is a real debate on the real issues, because they fear that they will be exposed for what they really are. That's why you regularly hear about Leftist yahoos shouting down and occasionally assaulting speakers they don't agree with.

Free discussion is to the Leftist Mind like sunlight to a vampire. Too much, and they'll crumble to dust.

THE LEFTIST DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE RULE OF LAW: I find it amusing that the people who are so quick to accuse others of being "criminals" regularly break and flaunt the law themselves. We see them regularly aiding in enemy propaganda, or in the case of Code Pink, giving money to terrorists, or in the case of Lynne Stewart, passing messages for terrorists that get innocent people killed.

They have the blood of the innocent on their treasonous hands. But do any of them face serious punishment, like prison time, or hanging?

Nope, because they can count on some judge, usually a Democrat, to let them go with a slap on the wrist, or no punishments at all, or they're not even charged not for any legal reason, but because of their political sympathies.

That's because they think the rule of law doesn't apply to them.

Just look at how scandal is treated by the different political parties.

If a conservative politician is found to be corrupt, with actual evidence, not just accusations from political opponents, they are usually run out of town on a rail. Because people expect a conservative politician to respect the law.

Catch a leftist politician in a scandal, and it's shrugged off, or completely ignored. All the Leftists want is power, and don't care what acts, no matter how shady, they must do to get it.

Now imagine what they'd do if Leftists were in power?

They'd make the Patriot Act look like an ACLU wish list with their imprisonment of people, not for any actual crime, but because of their political sympathies. The constitution won't even stop them because in their mind, they are above the law.


THE LEFTIST IS BASICALLY A FASCIST: That's right, they're fascists, I said it. All the evidence you need is a basic understanding of history. All of the most monstrous fascistic movements started out as variations of Leftist ideology, splitting into Nazism (socialist fascism with nationalism) and Communism (socialist fascism with globalism) but are pretty much the same thing and achieve similar results. Death, destruction, and the loss of freedom.

That's why you see so-called "peace activists" actively cheering mass murdering terrorists, accusing western democracies of crimes against humanity, and of being the root of all evil in the world.

Western democracies, especially American, democracy are hated by the Leftist Mind because it promotes the individual over the state, where they believe in the State over the individual.

Why do you think pretty much all Leftist organizations are the most rigidly conformist around, while so called "conservative" groups are often polyglot in their ideas and identities?

I think that's the reason why Antisemitism is so prevalent among Leftists these days. The Jewish people survived millennia of hardship, oppression, and out and out slaughter, and still maintain their identity as a people. A people that have thrived in the liberties of a free Western Democracy.

The Leftist Mind can't have that, so they attack the only democracy in the Middle East, and give their support to mass murderers who view themselves the heirs of that most twisted of Leftist Minds Adolph Hitler.

I hope you Earthlings have learnt something from this, and keep watching the skies because we're watching you.


TekTak's Culture Corner

Hello Earthlings.

TekTak here with another little bit of culture for all you folks.

This time, it's a happy song you can sing along too.

(To the tune of All The Young Dudes by Mott The Hoople)

Achmed rapped all night about his suicide
How he'd blow himself up and kill twenty-five
Jihad jive don't want to stay alive
And kill twenty-five

And Jafar's strapping bombs on poor retards
And Abdul's got spots from a gunshot in his face
Becoming the new master race

Television man is crazy saying we're all poor and we're mad
Oh man I don't need TV when I got Jihad!
Oh brother you guessed
I'm a dude dad

Young Muslim dudes
(Hey dudes)
Blame the Joos
(Where are they)
For bad shit we do
(Stand up Come on)
Faking the news
Young Muslim dudes
(I want to beat you)
Carry the news
(I want to kill you)
Blame it on Joos
(And I want to blow up all of you)
Carry the news

Now Ayman's really sweet when he dresses like a queen
But he can kick like a mule & make apostate's scream
But we can loath oh yes we can loath
And my Palestinian brothers are firing rockets, tossing stones
We really get off on that revolution stuff
What a drag too many snags

Now I'm not allowed wine but I'm still feeling fine
Got to cut off some cat's head
And then toss it all around
Listening to the voices in my head
YeahI'm a dude dad

Young Muslim dudes
(Hey dudes)
Keep blaming da Joos
(Where are they)
For bad shit we do
(Rise up)
Carry the news
Young Muslim dudes
(I want to stab ya)
Carry the news
(I want to shoot you)
In Iraq we are screwed
(And I want to set fire to you)
Carry the newsYoung Muslim dudes
(What dudes)
Carry the news
(Let's blame the news like the BBC)
Of the jihad we do
(I want to kick you)
Carry the newsYoung Muslim dudes
(Hey woman with the glasses)
Carry the news
(How dare you)
Your virgins are dudes
(How dare you sit at the front)
Carry the news
(And feel free to have friends)
Young Muslim dudes
(And showing your face in public!)
Carry the news
It's hot sheep we choose

(I want to honour kill her come on)
Carry the news
(Bring her here you go)
Young Muslim dudes
(I've wanted to do this for years)
Carry the news
(Time for your stoning!)
Sheep in the nudes
(How do you feel)
Carry the news



Greetings puny Earthlings. Your future Lord & Master here to lay the law and point out the week's douchebaggery in no particular odour....

1. Keith Olbermann: for picking on my future Terran Empress Mary Katherine Ham by calling her the Worst Person in the World. Well you're the worst douchebag in the world. But you did give me an excuse to post a pic of the lovely lass...
2. The Tabloid Media: for shamelessly profiting from the mental breakdown of a dim-woman-child like Britney Spears.

3. Adam Gadahn: not for anything special this week, just reminding him that he's a douchebag who will never woo a woman as hot as...

4. The City of Berkeley California: They love their free speech, but like all fascists, they only like their free speech, and the last thing they want is to have people willing to defend free speech in their nasty little hairy hippy armpit of a city. When I conquer your world I am going to rename the community the City of Douchebag.

5. Al Qaida: Managed to hit a new low of douchebaggery by using a mentally handicapped woman for a mass murder bombing. You're more than a douchebag, you're an Targellian skunk-wort's douchebag. (trust me, that's really bad)

That's all for now, so I leave you with this message...

And keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.