8.15.2005

EPISODE #1: MEET THE MOXARGON GROUP


MOXARGON: GREETINGS PUNY EARTHLINGS! You should be honoured to witness the first episode of the MoxArgon Group. Where the fiercest warlords, conquerors and tyrants in the Six Galaxies gather to pass judgement on the miserable urine stain on the blanket of the universe that you call a planet. You can learn more about our distinguished panelists by clicking on their pictures, if your primitive siminian brains can even grasp that concept. Now, our first issue. The forces of the United States of America is occupying the country of Iraq. What do you think of the job they're doing so far? Android CAI/7?

ANDROID CAI/7: I have to say that I'm disappointed in the way this entire conquest has been handled. First they allowed the civilian population to to live. Then they didn't enslave the population to labour for the rest of their lives in the petroleum mines these humans seem so fond of. The policy of these Americans and their Overlord DubyaBush does not compute.



XRAN: I find myself forced to agree with the robot. Though he did forget to mention that Overlord DubyaBush actually allowed the people of their new vassal state to hold elections without demanding to eat the brains of the firstborn of every family that wants to vote. What in the name of the twelve hells of Blek is all that about? I mean where's the fleash-eating and blood-drinking? Are these Americans insane, or are they just stupid? What do you think Dalek Drone-9909?


DRONE-9909: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!


MOXARGON: I couldn't have put it better myself Drone-9909 Omega. Now I must say that it's time for...



TODAY'S TOPIC: ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS LIKE DISSIDENT AMERICAN SUBJECT CINDY SHEEHAN
TEKTAK: Cindy Sheehan is a subject of the American State who is calling for the overthrow of OverLord DubyaBush, accusing him of 'murdering' her son.
SNOTGLOB: Did he kill him?
TEKTAK: Not really. Apparently these American humanoids actually volunteer to fight the enemies of the state. Her son volunteered and was killed in battle with the enemy. She is now going around accusing Overlord DubyaBush of murder and demanding his removal by some method that involves peaches. Part of her claims is that the Overlord lied in order to start the war to please some sort of super-overlord called Da Joos. All that sounds kind of crazy, because I looked it up and Da Joos has only a tiny little pisspot of country that doesn't even have any petroleum mines. Hardly the place to lord over a Class 3 planetary superpower.
SNOTGOB: Speaking from my three hearts I must say that I sympathise with her grief, having lost several hatchlings myself.
TEKTAK: From a war?
SNOTGOB: No, I got a little hungry... anyway, If she's that mad at America Overlord DubyaBush, then she should put away her protest signs and challenge the Overlord to single combat armed with Tykrellian disembowelling blades, and settle this once and for all.
TEKTAK: An interesting suggestion, but I suspect that their culture frowns on ritual blood feuds. Besides, I'm more interested in how the Overlord handles this issues. I suggest arresting her and feeding her alive to a horde of Zygothian flesh maggots.
SNOTGOB: That's just the sort of cruel and harsh thinking one finds on the right wing of the galaxy. Just because they can't settle their differences with a blood feud doesn't give them the right to be savages.
TEKTAK: Then what do you suggest the Overlord do with dissenters like her?
SNOTGOB: One shot with a plasma rifle will vaporise the annoying female instantly. Quick, painless, and the dust left over can be used to season your Prillsac soup.
TEKTAK: Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! You can't coddle dissenters like that! If you make their deaths painless then the traitors have won. Besides, would this human female be getting the same amount of attention if she demanded some right of blood vengeance against the person who actually killed her son?
SNOTGOB: Probably not. This human subspecies called 'The Moonbat' apparently turns on its own kind when attacked by an outside enemy.
TEKTAK: That's not very smart from an evolutionary standpoint.
SNOTGOB: It'll be so much easier when the Earthlings figure out how to mass clone their soldiers.
MOXARGON: That's all the time we have tonight. So, good night puny Earthlings and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

1 comment:

Fitch said...

Outstanding concept. I most certainly am honored to witness the first episode of the MoxArgon Group.