MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. The MoxArgon Group was planning on taking a little break after hosting the Carnival of Comedy, but there's been some big news today, so we're having a special edition of Intergalactic Roundtable. Xran can't be with us today, he's on vacation at the sulphur baths of planet Drell, Varos is off working on his novel, and Android Cai/7 is having his annual reboot, so in their place we have our old friends from Point/Counterpoint, Snotglob and Tektak, and a special guest, Koos-Koos the Seer of the Future. Glad you guys could make it.
TEKTAK- It's my pleasure.
SNOTGLOB- Not a problem.
KOOS-KOOS- I knew this was going to happen six months ago.
MOXARGON- You could have warned me then.
KOOS-KOOS- Where would the fun be in that?
SNOTGLOB- Not to get off topic, but I didn't know Varos Quasar was working on a novel.
MOXARGON- He's been working on it for five Terran years.
SNOTGLOB- That's impressive.
TEKTAK- Not really, it's a John Grisham.
MOXARGON- BURN! Okay you guys, let's get to work. First topic: Abu-Musab Al Zarqawi is officially dead. Snuffed out by an American bomb that also took out several of his top aides. What do you think Tektak?
TEKTAK- Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
SNOTGLOB- It's so horrible that the terrible American Imperialist War Machine has to brutally murder a poor freedom-fighter just because he killed a few thousand innocent people.
KOOS-KOOS- I knew you were going to say that.
TEKTAK- We all did.
MOXARGON- Do you have anything to add Koos-Koos?
KOOS-KOOS- You owe me five dakmars for getting the time of Zarqawi's death right.
MOXARGON- Damn you and your oversized brain.
KOOS-KOOS- Now this is where Snotglob spouts out the latest moonbat conspiracy theories about Zarqawi.
SNOTGLOB- I will not. I'm not gonna do it, so there Mr. Smart-Head -Future-Seeing Guy!
KOOS-KOOS- Yes you will, you can't resist.
SNOTGLOB- Damn it! Zarqawi was a CIA plant! They've been keeping him alive for the past year to kill him now to distract attention from Haditha! It's all a conspiracy between Karl Rove, the Joos, and the Illuminati! Daily Kos says so!
MOXARGON- You're not exactly blowing up our skirts predicting the actions of Mr. Predictable there. He's as regular as the tides or my Aunt Gruna after she's had her Zod-Liver oil.
KOOS-KOOS- Kiss my spolldak, I'm not here to do tricks for you!
MOXARGON- I'll wrap this topic up by saying that it's a good thing that Zarqawi's dead. He was a rapist, murderer, and all-around tumor on the ass of humanity. Who's willing to bet how long it will be before the Left starts beatifying him like that other homophobic mass-murderer Che Guevera. That's just a hypothetical Koos-Koos.
MOXARGON- Judging from the TV coverage, it looks like they've been able collect Zarqawi's head intact. What should they do with it?
TEKTAK- Nothing beats the classics, I say mount it on a pike in the Rose Garden.
SNOTGLOB- That's horrible. It should be turned over to his freedom loving comrades to be properly enshrined in some sort of monument.
MOXARGON- Sheesh Snotglob, have you been drinking printer ink again? You know what it does to you.
SNOTGLOB- That's none of your business.
KOOS-KOOS- The Americans are just going to bury it.
MOXARGON- Well I say they should try something new, and bronze the sucker. Bush can use it as a paperweight. Next topic. The left and the press have already started glorifying a young American Army Lieutenant named Ehren Watada.
(Tektak starts giggling)
TEKTAK- Sorry, but his name rhymes with a rude word in my native language. Go on.
MOXARGON- Seem Lt. Watada has refused to report for duty in Iraq, citing all the usual moonbat tripe like "Bush Lied" "Illegal War" and stuff like that. What do you think?
TEKTAK- Let's look at his story. Lt. Watada joined the Army Officer Candidate School after graduating from college after the war started. Plus his father Big Daddy Watada is a former anti-Vietnam war protestor turned Democratic Party big wheel in his home state of Hawaii. Is it just me, or does this guy's story just doesn't pass the smell test?
SNOTGLOB- It is just you! Watada is a true hero for refusing to go to Iraq and serve his country! I'm sure his motives are as pure and noble as such other liberal luminaries like Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and George Galloway!
TEKTAK- Who joins the freaking Army while it's in the middle of a war he claims to disagree with? It's like joining a soccer team, only to refuse to play claiming that you didn't know that you used a ball! Either this guy's mentally ill, or he's playing a nasty political game to boost his daddy's political stance at the expense of the troops that are supposed to be his brothers in arms. He's a deserter and he makes me want to puke!
MOXARGON- Quite a passionate reaction for a cyborg. But understandable. He's the worst kind of snivelling traitor and he deserves the maximum punishment under Earthling law. What will get Koos-Koos?
KOOS-KOOS- He'll do five years playing catcher for the Killer Queens in Leavenworth, then he'll get a book and movie deal for the Ehren Watada Story. Both will flop everywhere in America but San Fransisco, where he'll be elected mayor and oversee the most dramatic plunge in property values since the 1906 Earthquake. In 2024 he'll try to get the Democratic nomination for President, but will lose out to the cryogenically frozen head of Al Gore.
MOXARGON- That fate's too good for him. I think he should spend some time defusing I.E.Ds in Iraq. That should learn the little bastard. And that's all the time we have for now, so see you soon and until then, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.