MOXARGON- Greeting puny Earthlings. We're all back from vacation, tanned, rested, and ready to dispense our unique brand of intergalactic wisdom. Joining me is my regular panel of Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Now I tried bringing this topic up when I subbed for Tektak in Point/Counterpoint and got nowhere, so let's take on the New York Times. What do you guys think?
XRAN- Loose mandibles sink ships, and they don't come any looser than the folks at the New York Times and their buddies at the CIA and the Pentagon.
ANDROID CAI/7- It is most illogical to spill the national security secrets of your home nation during a time of war against an enemy who finds the very existence of a free press an anathema.
VAROS- Indeed. Besides, it's not like the Bush Administration was going out secretly anal probing random rural dwellers as part of some elaborate plot to take over the world.
MOXARGON- Yeah, that's us.
XRAN- And the only one who pays us any attention is the Weekly World News.
MOXARGON- What really amazes me is that the New York Times will give loads of page-space to spilling their nation's secrets, but absolutely no space to the revelations that Saddam Hussein really did have WMDs. Hypocrisy, or treason?
XRAN- Hypocrisy, fueled by Bush derangement syndrome.
ANDROID CAI/7- I say treason.
VAROS- I say a little of both.
MOXARGON- What should be done with Bill Keller and the New York Times? Should it be execution by being fed to the Grells, or a lifetime of servitude in the mucus mines.
XRAN- Mucus mines.
ANDROID CAI/7- Execution.
VAROS- Mucus mines for the New York Times staffers, and execution for the leakers who gave them the info in the first place.
MOXARGON- I'll have to say executions for all, the Grells are little hungry. What do you guys say about a recent piece out of San Francisco that accuses Bush of disliking the New York Times out of anti-semitism?
XRAN- What? Isn't this the same type of moonbat that thinks Bush takes all his orders from Israel?
MOXARGON- I guess he thinks Bush is a self-hating Lieberman loving neo-con. What strikes me as odd is how one can be anti-Semitic against Bill Keller, who isn't even Jewish.
ANDROID CAI/7- That's about as logical of the city council of Berkeley California holding a vote to impeach Bush.
MOXARGON- Now there's one for the big book of empty political gestures, right up there with the Kyoto Accord and the United Nation Commission on Human Rights. Let's move onto our next topic, the Palestinians, led by the terrorist group Hamas, kidnapped a young Israeli soldier and are demanding the release of hundreds of Palestinians in Israeli prisons or they'll kill him. Israel has responded by kicking ass, taking names and declaring that if they do kill the soldier, they will kill their Prime Minister, a fellow named Ismail Haniyah. What do you think?
XRAN- I think the Palestinians blew it. You can only push someone so far before they turn around and hit you with a particle cannon upside your head.
ANDROID CAI/7- Highly illogical. Though no doubt the United Nations will condemn Israel defending itself, why change now.
VAROS- What really strikes me as stupid is that the Palestinians are now claiming to have a stockpile of nerve gas and are willing to use it.
MOXARGON- WMDs in a terrorist state? I wonder where they came from?
XRAN- Someplace that rhymes with Tie-Rack, perhaps.
MOXARGON- Now that's a lose-lose situation for the Palestinians. If they're just bluffing the Israeli's will kick their ass into next week, if it's for real and they actually try to use them, Israel will blast them into halal paté. It's right up in the annals of stupid moves with Zogar the Odorous, Warlord of Threen. Remember him?
XRAN- That's the guy who ordered battle armor for his horde with the spikes on the inside.
MOXARGON- Exactly. That's all the time we have for now folks, so remember to check in next time, and keep watching the skies, because we are watching you.