InterGalactic RoundTable #8: Everything's Goin' To Hell

MOXARGON- Greetings puny earthlings. It's time for another edition of the MoxArgon Group. Joining me as always is Xran, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. First up today, the Bombay Bombings. A series of tightly coordinated explosions aimed at commuter trains killed several hundred innocent people in the Mumbai India, and wounded hundreds more. What do you folks think?

XRAN- Deplorable.

ANDROID CAI/7- Such senseless violence is an offence against logic.

VAROS- Terrible, truly terrible.

MOXARGON- Some sources say that the bombings were organized by a fugitive gangster living in Pakistan with involvement of Al-Qaida backed Kashmiri militants and members of the Pakistani Intelligence Service.

XRAN- Most likely the Pakistani intelligence is involved. They're so far up Bin Laden's ass they know what he's had for dinner.

ANDROID CAI/7- That is a very logical conclusion.

VAROS- What about the other suspects?

MOXARGON- What other suspects?

VAROS- Look at the date, 7/11. Look at the place, India. What person has a fixation on East Indians and convenience stores?

MOXARGON- Are you saying that you suspect...


(Everyone laughs)

XRAN- He couldn't organize a shag in a bordello, much less a terrorist attack.

ANDROID CAI/7- I will second that thought.

MOXARGON- Too bad Biden's a Democrat, if he was a Republican your theory will be endorsed by Allan Colmes and the Daily Kos. Let's move on to the next topic. Former CIA analyst, Life Magazine photo-model, and Who's Who entry Valerie Plame has filed suit against Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Bob Novak and just about every one else on the planet over their alleged conspiracy to blow her cover and discredit her husband.

XRAN- Nothing says you want to be kept secret than getting some Botox done before your press conference.

ANDROID CAI/7- Another example of Earthling illogic in action. It looks like an anti-war bureaucrat at the State Department named Armitage told Novak about her role in her husband's highly dubious mission, all Novak had to do was look in the public record.

VAROS- It's not like they needed to do anything special to discredit Ambassador Wilson. He's changed his story more times than I change my skin.

MOXARGON- Now that's a lot. Although I disagree with this lawsuit being illogical. It's pointless, but it's not illogical. I'll bet a Surillyan pot to a Jovian kettle that she's got a big book deal, and that her book needs a climactic event like a trial to wrap it all up. No trial, no melodrama. As the rappers say, it's all about the Benjamins. Now let's move onto the ongoing crisis in Israel. After Hezbollah of Lebanon kidnapped two Israeli soldiers in sympathy with their Hamas brethren in Gaza, the Israelis went, for lack of a better word, bugshit. As we speak they are shelling and bombing the royal stuffing out of Hezbollah strongholds in Southern Lebanon. As a special treat, we have on the scene our very own cyborg correspondent TekTak F. Mechanoid and he's coming to us live via trans-dimensional radio. Come in TekTak.

TEKTAK- I can hear you loud and clear.

MOXARGON- What's the situation so far?

TEKTAK- Well it looks like Hezbollah engaged in a real classic pooch-screw this week. They are getting a complete smacking upside the head, and everywhere else. Hezbollah continues to fire rockets into Israeli territory and the Israelis respond with bigger and better rockets.

MOXARGON- Our sensors say you're in Lebanon itself. Did you have any trouble crossing the border?

TEKTAK- Nope. The Hezbollah guards fled in terror when they realized their puny Earthling bullets couldn't penetrate my armour, and the Israelis just enjoyed watching how badly I scared them.

MOXARGON- What's your analysis of the situation? Is the Middle East on the brink of war?

TEKTAK- It's over the brink. The Jews have had their fill of Hamas, Hezbollah, and their toadies killing and kidnapping their people, so they are kicking ass and taking names. Only one thing keeps it from escalating into total war, and that is if Israel holds back from striking the people truly responsible for the crisis.

MOXARGON- Who are the people truly responsible for this?

TEKTAK- Obviously it's Iran and it's catamite client state Syria behind all the recent violence, no matter what the UN says. You see groups like Hamas and Hezbollah have no purpose but to perpetuate conflict with Israel to entertain their Iranian masters and distract the rest of the world. This plan could take this crisis and turn it into total war when Israel strikes them as well, which could happen anytime.

MOXARGON- Do you think eliminating the Ayatollahs of Iran and Bashar Asshat Assad of Syria will end the violence?

TEKTAK- With the way things are now, it couldn't make things worse. I better go now or we'll be charged extra for the trans-dimensional long distance.

MOXARGON- Good luck Tektak, and we'll see you when you get back. And that's all for today folks, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

No comments: