MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings, and welcome to another edition of The MoxArgon Group. Joining me are my regular panelists, Xran The Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. First topic: All over the world Muslims are expressing homicidal rage.
XRAN- What's new about that?
MOXARGON- This is different than the usual homicidal rage over books, cartoons, films, music, women's rights, Israel, Jews, Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, homosexuals, secularists, atheists, conservatives, liberals, and other Muslims. It's aimed at one man in particular, Pope Benedict XVI.
ANDROID CAI/7- I've heard of that. A most illogical reaction.
VAROS- What's illogical? Didn't he call Islam 'evil and inhumane?'
XRAN- No. A Byzantine emperor named Pal-o'my-legos or something like that said that in the 14th century.
ANDROID CAI/7- Pope Benedict used the quote in a discussion on the connection between faith and reason [or logic], and how faith without reason can be dangerous.
MOXARGON- And lead to things like bloody wars to force people to either convert, pay a special tax to spare their lives, or die.
VAROS- So what's the Muslim's problem?
MOXARGON- Apparently it's with any attempt to link faith with reason. Of course there's also an ulterior motive to Benedict's speech. He was literally calling for secular intellectuals and moderate Muslims, who live in terror of their brethren, to take a stand against the tide of Islamist fascism.
VAROS- Doesn't such talk merely fuel Islamophobia?
ANDROID CAI/7- I am afraid that the burden of proof when it comes to Islamophobia falls on Muslims. For the past thirty-plus Earth years they have done nothing but inspire fear and dread among the rest of the world.
MOXARGON- The world's coming to a tipping point on the Muslim question. They will soon realize that appeasement only leads to more violence and terror at the hands of radical Islamic fascists. Then they'll reach a point where they will abandon reason and begin to strike back in horrible ways. After that happens, it won't matter if you're a radical or a moderate, just being a Muslim will be your doom.
XRAN- They don't even see the irony in responding with homicidal violence as a way of expressing outrage over being considered violent and homicidal.
ANDROID CAI/7- One does not win rational arguments by killing nuns.
MOXARGON- Good point. Next topic: Some folks in the US congress want to extend constitutional rights to captured Al Qaida terrorists. What do you think?
ANDROID CAI/7- Highly illogical.
XRAN- Gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
VAROS- What does Miranda have to do with this?
MOXARGON- Nothing really. You see folks, former Secretary of State Colin Powell included, want the protections of the Geneva Convention extended to captured terrorists.
ANDROID CAI/7- That is most illogical. The Geneva Convention only applies to nation-states that have both signed and followed the treaty. It does not extend to violent terrorist movements that deliberately use civilians as targets, shields and disguises.
MOXARGON- My thought exactly. Folks like that are afforded no protection under any treaty or constitution. You can essentially do whatever you want to them.
VAROS- But what about allegations of torture?
XRAN- I've read those allegations. Holy hozboks, we got worse in school, didn't we Remulak?
MOXARGON- I still remember the 'swirly gauntlet' from 6th grade.
XRAN- Or Butch Thorax's 'pink-belly jamboree.'
VAROS- But won't the mistreatment of people taken prisoner by the USA lead to mistreatment of Americans taken prisoner by the other states?
MOXARGON- Name one enemy of the United States from the past 50 years that treated captured Americans within the rules of the Geneva Convention?
XRAN- As Grandpappy used to say: "You only get what you give."
MOXARGON- Exactly. Brutal enemies deserve brutality. It's the only way they'll learn to leave you alone and stop shoving your head in the locker room toilet. Now some Democrats are demanding that the captured terrorists get lawyers, and that those lawyers get full disclosure of all intelligence gathered on the prisoner.
XRAN- I can see an army of Lynn Stewart's rushing to their phones to tell their buddies in Al Qaida the latest dirt.
MOXARGON- They'll be worse than the New York Times. I say 'to hell with the terrorists.' Next topic: Hugo Chavez shocked the world by calling George W. Bush 'the devil' and commenting on the 'smell of sulphur' on the podium.
XRAN- I think that smell was the the three bean salad they served at lunch.
MOXARGON- He also praised a book by Noam Chomsky as evidence of America's desire for global hegemony.
VAROS- Are you saying that Chavez claims to have actually finished one of Chomsky's books?
MOXARGON- That's what he's saying.
VAROS- Either he really is crazy, or he's a big fat liar.
ANDROID CAI/7- I do not see the problem with American Hegemony.
MOXARGON- What do you mean?
ANDROID CAI/7- Americans do not rule with cruelty. They don't desire slaves. In fact, all they seem to desire is that everyone on Earth lives as well and as freely as they do. What is so wrong with that?
XRAN- It's the same thing with all the anti-Semitic conspiracy theories claiming a Jewish plot to rule the world.
MOXARGON- Maybe there's a defect in the brains of a percentage of the Earth's population that actively seeks governments that do nothing but make their lives miserable and are repulsed by those who seek to improve their lives.
VAROS- That would make an interesting study. I should collect some samples next time I'm in the neighborhood.
MOXARGON- I suppose you heard that the Prime Minister of Thailand was overthrown in a bloodless coup while he was in New York to address the United Nations.
XRAN- I can imagine his speech: "My fellow world leaders. Can I crash on your couch for a while?"
ANDROID CAI/7- Didn't you gain power through a bloodless coup Moxargon?
MOXARGON- Yes I did. All vaporized. Well, that's all the time we have for now. So keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.