MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to a long delayed edition of The Moxargon Group. For anyone who is new to this blog we're joined by our regular panelists, freshly thawed from cryo-stasis, Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, our Point/Counterpoint pundits Tektak F. Mechanoid and Snotglob T. Mutant, and our panelist and wannabe usurper Android CAI/7.
XRAN- Wait a minute! Android CAI/7 is here?
TEKTAK- Yeah, he stuck us all in stasis and tried to take over the blog.
VAROS- Did you actually spare his life?
MOXARGON- Yes and no. Open up that box Snotglob.
SNOTGLOB- Sweet Hillary on Health Care! It's his head!
ANDROID CAI/7- Ooooh. Why was I designed to feel pain?
MOXARGON- Let's just say that I was moved by the spirit of the Christmas season to spare at least his brain.
XRAN- That's strangely compassionate of you.
MOXARGON- Besides, when I tried to find a replacement the casting company sent me Chris Matthews.
MOXARGON- So I figured that a treacherous severed android head was the lesser of two evils.
ANDROID CAI/7- Good choice oh great and glorious Moxargon.
MOXARGON- Nice brown-nosing, but you gotta do a lot better if you want your body back. Now let's get to work. This past week saw the release of the Report of the Iraq Study Group. Could you folks please summarize it for our readers?
ANDROID CAI/7- We give up.
TEKTAK- Treat the crazy like the sane and the sane like their crazy.
XRAN- If I could talk to the animals, negotiate with the animals...
SNOTGLOB- Let's be nice and the world will be nice right back at you.
VAROS- What's wrong with giving up the only democracies in the Middle East to savage dictatorships, they are full of Muslims and Joos?
ANDROID CAI/7- Toss everyone to the crocodile, and wait to be eaten next.
MOXARGON- Pretty good summarizing folks. Next issue, this past week saw the anniversary of the brutal murder of Philadelphia policeman Daniel Faulkner at the hands of radical racist Mumia Abu-Jamal. France decided to mark the occasion by naming a street not after the slain officer, but after the man who murdered him. What do you think?
XRAN- Mumia must have threatened to invade and this is their form of surrender.
TEKTAK- France would honour Jeffrey Dahmer if he made as many anti-American statements as Mumia.
ANDROID CAI/7- Why is Mumia even alive?
VAROS- He does have the support of a lot of celebrities. That's gotta mean something.
SNOTGLOB- Yeah, celebrities would never support a killer. Mumia was framed by WHITEY for speaking truth to power, just like OJ Simpson.
MOXARGON- Thank you Snotglob for proving that your brain is completely incapable of supporting intelligent life. Hell, the support of Mike Farrell and other celebrities pretty much proves the case for me. In fact, on Flokia prime, being friendly with celebrities is admissable as evidence of guilt.
XRAN- How much truth to power can a man speak if it gets him fired from NPR of all places for being too left wing.
TEKTAK- Exactly, he's a racist and a murderer. The only reason he's still alive is because of the American justice system's soft spot for communist wingnuts and his racism is considered 'acceptable' by the limousine liberal crowd.
MOXARGON- Besides, I think the term: "Truth to Power" should be banned and all those who use it vaporized since it has pretty much lost all meaning. Next issue. An ex-Klansman is heading to Iran for a summit promoting Holocaust denial.
VAROS- Senator Byrd's going to Iran?
MOXARGON- No, David Duke. He's joining an all-star team of loose screws, but they banned a Palestinian historian from attending.
ANDROID CAI/7- Why?
MOXARGON- He actually believes the Holocaust really happened.
SNOTGLOB- Ahmadinejad's just trying to open up new avenues of critical thought. Cut him some slack.
TEKTAK- He's running a parade of bigots and fascists, showing the world that he's not only historically ignorant, but tactically stupid as well.
XRAN- Expect something to blow up in Iran soon. It will either be the streets or an a-bomb. Either way, something's going up.
MOXARGON- Speaking of A-bombs. What do you think of the Litvinenko assassination.
ANDROID CAI/7- Shows that the Russians really need the Bulgarians to do their wetwork.
TEKTAK- Exactly. What kind of an assassin kills with a weapon that could only come from one source, that rhymes with "Prussian Hover-mint," and spends half their time spilling it over half of Europe.
XRAN- My youngest hatchling can pull of a cleaner hit. Remember Xandroag of Pustula Seven.
MOXARGON- Heart attack, wasn't it? Oh, that was little Xrom's work? He is good.
XRAN- He's a natural. Was the only person to survive Assassin Camp last summer. Everyone else had 'accidents.'
MOXARGON- Well, we have to leave on that happy note, because that's all we have time for today. So on behalf of the others, I'd like to say goodnight, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.