Remulak normally vaporizes those who try to overthrow him, but for me he decided to let out his inner sadist.
Anyway, let's begin.
1. Pop Singer Sheryl Crow illustrated her knowledge of complex planetary ecosystems by declaring that Global Warming can be stopped by regulating the amount of toilet paper people are allowed to use. And she wonders why Karl Rove didn't want to shake her hand at the Washington correspondents dinner.
Al Gore said it was a capitol idea and then promptly flushed twenty rolls of toilet paper causing the toilet in his house to overflow. Mr. Gore declared that it was okay, because he sold himself some 'Idiot Offset Credits.'
2. Actor Alec Baldwin is in hot water for a raging, foul-mouthed tirade he left for his 11 year old daughter on his ex-wife's answering machine. Thus blowing his chance at winning custody and ensuring that his daughter will grow to be yet another Hollywood basket case. Congratulations Alec, you proved to be more than just illogical, but downright idiotic.
Humans would be much better off if they were more like me, an android, and didn't clutter their already puny minds with pointless emotions and psychological trauma.
That is all for today Earthlings, so go find some other source for the sort of trivial drivel you seem to crave.