You Can't Win! Even If You Do Win!

TekTak F. Mechanoid goes
with Michael Scheuer

TEKTAK: Greetings Earthlings. Joining me today is former CIA analyst, turned anonymous author, turned Hollywood's 2nd favourite voice of doom after Al Gore: Michael Scheuer. Welcome.

SCHEUER: It's awful to be here. By appearing on this blog the terrorists only grow stronger.

TEKTAK: Yes, that brings us to our main topic tonight. You joined a panel of 'experts' to tell Reuters that no matter how savagely America beats Al-Qaida they will still win. Now, where I come from, guys don't normally win when they're taking a dirt nap, how can Al Qaida do it?

SCHEUER: Because the members of Al Qaida are truly gods among men. They cannot be defeated, even if you kill every single one of them and bring democracy and peace to the Middle East, they will still win.

TEKTAK: That's not much of an answer. In fact, it strikes me as a load of Phulian swamp-muffins.

SCHEUER: That's because it is. You see, it looks like the surge is working in Iraq, the long feared 'Spring Offensive' by the Taliban is getting served at least 60 varieties of whoop-ass, and reconstruction of both countries is starting to gain momentum. That's bad.

TEKTAK: It will somehow lead to an Al Qaida victory?

SCHEUER: No. It could lead to a Republican victory. That's the real threat. That's why I have to ladle on the doom and gloom for the MSM to harp on. If the Republicans win, I'll lose. I'll lose my consulting fees from media companies, my book deals, my movie deals, and George Clooney won't be taking me to the Ivy for lunch anymore. I need that. I spent my entire career in the CIA being wrong about everything. That's not a good qualification for a lucrative post-retirement career. So I have to whine and complain and crap all over everything Bush does.

TEKTAK: That's a refreshing moment of honesty.

SCHEUER: Well, it's not like anyone reads this blog. Besides, if all our whining works and breaks America's spirit, the Democrats will get back into the White House, Al Qaida will win and I'll be proven right.

TEKTAK: Proving that there is a first time for anything. That's all we have time for tonight. And if any of you Earthlings have a question then CLICK HERE and leave one in the comments section. So until next time, stay on point.


Rogue said...

Which of those pictures (above) is the alien?

Anonymous said...

Don't miss this opportunity to "probe" the CIA Tek Tac!

Diesel said...

Come play in my caption contest, where even if you win, you lose!