MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. Time again for a long overdue edition of the Moxargon Group. As usual we are joined by Xran the Fleshrender, Varos Quasar, and Android Cai/7. First topic. It looks like New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is going down, for paying women to... um...
XRAN- I thought you weren't going to do that joke?
MOXARGON- Well I don't have to now that you blew my timing. Anyway, it looks like Eliot Spitzer has a taste for hookers. Whaddya know, whaddya say?
XRAN- Anyone that smug, self-righteous, bullying, and innately hypocritical has to be more crooked than a hound's hind leg. This is just the tip of the...
VAROS- You hypocrite!
XRAN- What? Me?
VAROS- Yes. We all know you have a wandering eye, among other parts, and that you regularly patronize brothels, bordellos, cathouses, and common bawdy houses of ill repute!
XRAN- But I'm a space pirate, I'm not a State Attorney General, or a Governor, claiming to be an ethical paradigm. If you can't figure out the difference, then you're dumber than Snotglob.
MOXARGON- And since I handle the payroll I know how much Xran gets punished by his ex-wives and their lawyers for his philandering.
VAROS- It's just sex.
ANDROID CAI/7- Then so was Larry Craig's solicitation conviction.
VAROS- That's different!
ANDROID CAI/7- They are exactly the same. Both were men in positions of authority who are accused of engaging in illegal activities that left them open to arrest at best, or blackmail at worst.
VAROS- I still say they're different.
MOXARGON- Well I say that someone needs to cast a hairy eyeball on all of his cases from his time as State Attorney General. If he's willing to break the law to get head, he's definitely willing to break the law to get ahead.
XRAN- We're going to need an NSFW warning for those puns.
MOXARGON- Next issue: Michigan and Florida Democrats want a re-vote to get back into the convention after being disqualified for breaking party rules in favour of bigger media coverage. What do you think?
XRAN- Since when did Democrats start punishing people for breaking rules to score points with the press?
VAROS- Only if they vote for Hillary... Or Obama... I don't know!
ANDROID CAI/7- Popular voting is illogical. There must be a clear logical review of the candidates' pros and cons, then a simple mathematical selection of the best candidate.
MOXARGON- They actually want people to qualify. I say that Michigan and Florida Democrats should consider themselves lucky they weren't rounded up and shipped to the party's petroleum mines. Next issue: Hugo Chavez was close to declaring war with Colombia over the death of a cocaine dealing terrorist. How big an idiot is Chavez?
XRAN- Anyone who has tons of oil money coming in, and still screws the economy, and thinks that starting a war he cannot win will help him, is a honking big idiot.
VAROS- That's a biased question.
ANDROID CAI/7- The idiocy of the Chavez Regime is beyond even my ability to calculate.
MOXARGON- I'm with Android Cai/7 on this one. Next issue: Obama and Tony Rezko.
XRAN- Doesn't he know shady foreign money is Hillary's bailiwick?
VAROS- It's just an innocent misunderstanding!
ANDROID CAI/7- At least now we know the real reason he opposed the Iraq War.
MOXARGON- I don't believe that Obama's a Muslim, but he certainly has a taste for Middle Eastern money. What can we expect from a graduate of one of the shadiest political machines since Tammany Hall? Well, that's all for now. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.