The Cafferty File: You Ignorant Xenophobic Jerks

A
SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
JACK CAFFERTY
(CNN's House Curmudgeon)

Thanks to folks at the MoxArgon Group for letting me try this whole "blog" thing on for size. Seems like a load of hooey to me, but what the hell, I'll try anything once.

I'd like to take a moment to discuss recent statements by our future President and living Messiah Barack Obama, Whose Feces Are An Untrammelled Delight, and how folks are making a big deal out of them.

Now some folks, inbred, ignorant, racist Christian fundamentalist fascist hicks mostly are acting all insulted that Barack Obama, Whose Every Pimple Is a Pustule of Holiness, said that they cling to religion, guns, and xenophobia because they're poor and ignorant.

Well they shouldn't be insulted because Barack Obama, Whose Very Urine Is A Golden Shower of Unity, was merely speaking the truth.

Americans who live in small towns and rural areas, or as I call them, the Armpit of the Nation, lack the... what's the correct word?.... Intelligence. Small town people lack the intelligence to get out of the intellectual wastelands of Flyover Country and live in places where real intelligent and decent people live, like New York City, or Hollywood.

So do the smart thing like me America, put away your racism, your stupidity, your bitterness, and your discomfort over Barack, Whose Nose Hairs Are The Threads of Heaven, Obama's utter lack of achievement outside of self-promotion and self-enrichment.

And watch more CNN, where you can get the unvarnished truth from real journalists like me, instead of these crackpot bloggers.

Now go away, you bother me, and I'm late for my Metamucil.