Greetings puny Earthlings.
Since we're pretty much a sausage party here at the MoxArgon Group (though no one is exactly sure what Snotglob is) it's come to my attention that we need a woman's touch.
To correct this problem I've picked to very prominent women in the Earthling media and given them a forum here on this blog to air their views on American politics. I call this feature...
I WILL NOT HAVE PALIN ON MY SHOW!
(but watch it anyway)
A Special Guest
Commentary
by
Oprah Winfrey
Hello peasantry.
Word has reached my gold plated penthouse at the top of Harpo Towers in Chicago that people are upset that I'm fighting the booking of Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin to appear on my talk show.
Well there's a very simple reason for that.
It will hurt Barack Obama's campaign for president.
Sarah Palin is articulate, intelligent, charming, attractive, and a self-made woman who went from a working class background to be governor of a state by battling the corrupt political machine inside her own party. Obama is a prep-school, Ivy League educated lawyer, who never really held a real job for enough time to prove any talents beyond his charm, and he's prone to making terrible gaffes when he's off the teleprompter.
We can't have that.
I made him, and I'm not going to break him. Because if I can get a man from one of the most corrupt political machines in the country (the Chicago Democrats) who is up to his neck in racist preachers, unrepentant terrorists, shady businessmen, and dirty money elected, then I truly am the Queen of All You Peasants!
It's as simple as that.
Sarah Palin is the embodiment of everything wrong about American politics.
She's a fascist wannabe dictator with politics to the right of Rosie O'Donnell!
Rosie O'Donnell of all people, can you believe it?
If she's elected she will begin destroying the last few remaining rights that the Bush Reich hasn't destroyed already, and force us all into re-education camps where we won't be released until we accept creationism!
She even abused her power as governor trying to get her sister's ex-husband from his job as a State Policeman.
All for using his tazer on his eleven year old son!
Do you know who wouldn't let people tazer their children if he was alive today?
That's what we're looking at America, and is scares me so much I can barely work up the strength to throw my latte at my assistant for forgetting the chocolate sprinkles!
And if you dare accuse me of bias, I will call you a sexist, racist, Nazi pig!
I'm on CNN, the most trusted f*cking name in f*cking news, and don't you forget it!
Since we're pretty much a sausage party here at the MoxArgon Group (though no one is exactly sure what Snotglob is) it's come to my attention that we need a woman's touch.
To correct this problem I've picked to very prominent women in the Earthling media and given them a forum here on this blog to air their views on American politics. I call this feature...
GIRL ON GIRL ACTION
(you see, it's even got a classy name)
(you see, it's even got a classy name)
I WILL NOT HAVE PALIN ON MY SHOW!(but watch it anyway)
A Special Guest
Commentary
by
Oprah Winfrey
(1 Woman Industry)
Hello peasantry.
Word has reached my gold plated penthouse at the top of Harpo Towers in Chicago that people are upset that I'm fighting the booking of Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin to appear on my talk show.
Well there's a very simple reason for that.
It will hurt Barack Obama's campaign for president.
Sarah Palin is articulate, intelligent, charming, attractive, and a self-made woman who went from a working class background to be governor of a state by battling the corrupt political machine inside her own party. Obama is a prep-school, Ivy League educated lawyer, who never really held a real job for enough time to prove any talents beyond his charm, and he's prone to making terrible gaffes when he's off the teleprompter.
We can't have that.
I made him, and I'm not going to break him. Because if I can get a man from one of the most corrupt political machines in the country (the Chicago Democrats) who is up to his neck in racist preachers, unrepentant terrorists, shady businessmen, and dirty money elected, then I truly am the Queen of All You Peasants!
It's as simple as that.
THE TRUTH ABOUT PALIN
A Special Guest Commentary
by
Campbell Brown
(CNN Yakking Head)
A Special Guest Commentary
by
Campbell Brown
(CNN Yakking Head)
Sarah Palin is the embodiment of everything wrong about American politics.
She's a fascist wannabe dictator with politics to the right of Rosie O'Donnell!
Rosie O'Donnell of all people, can you believe it?
If she's elected she will begin destroying the last few remaining rights that the Bush Reich hasn't destroyed already, and force us all into re-education camps where we won't be released until we accept creationism!
She even abused her power as governor trying to get her sister's ex-husband from his job as a State Policeman.
All for using his tazer on his eleven year old son!
Do you know who wouldn't let people tazer their children if he was alive today?
HITLER.
That's what we're looking at America, and is scares me so much I can barely work up the strength to throw my latte at my assistant for forgetting the chocolate sprinkles!
And if you dare accuse me of bias, I will call you a sexist, racist, Nazi pig!
I'm on CNN, the most trusted f*cking name in f*cking news, and don't you forget it!
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