Mad Dogs & Englishmen

A
VIEW FROM
THE AFTERLIFE
COMMENTARY
BY
NOEL COWARD

I am indebted to Mr. Poplar and his digital ouija board for letting me use this delightful new "blog." Though I must admit that the name "blog" is entirely without hope, and should be replaced with something with at least a soupcon of elegance.

Anyway, I was hearing a lot of reports from Jolly Old England about their problems with the weather, and it's inspired me to write this little ditty.

Enjoy.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

In northern climes there are certain times of year
When all the citizens retire,
to pile their clothes on or expire.
It's one of those rules that the biggest fools adhere,
Because the snow is much too chilly and one must avoid
Frosting your willie in wind shear--
Papalaka-papalaka-papalaka-boo. (Repeat)
Digariga-digariga-digariga-doo. (Repeat)
The Swedes don't believe that the British can't run their cars,
Because we've obviously, frozen off our arse --

Mad dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.
The Londoners don't care to, the Cornish wouldn't dare to,
Anglians and Devonians slip on ice when they try to go,
And Englishmen detest a ski-festa,

In the Russian Steppes they believe it's hep, to frolic in the cold,
In the Old Yukon there are furs they don,
which the British won't uphold,
At zero degrees the English freeze, and no vehicles can go -
And Mad Dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.

It's no real surprise for Nordic guys to think,
That the British are effete,
Because we're all addicted to heat,
When the Englishman slides, every Canadian derides in glee,
Because the simple Canucks hope he will impale his silly toupee on a tree.

Bolyboly-bolyboly-bolyboly-baa. (Repeat)
Habaninny-habaninny-habaninny-haa. (Repeat)
It's a terrible reason when the winter season hits the earth
That the Brits give rise to such hilarity and mirth -

Mad Dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.
The Swiss just love it, and the Germans simply shovel it.
In Oslo the piles of snow are what the natives think as fun.
They build big snow walls, and pummel us with snow balls.
In our wintry town where the snow beats down, to the rage of man or beast,
The English trade of the English tribe has completely ceased.
In Denmark, at the zero mark, they don their skates and go,
But mad dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.
The smallest Canadian rabbit deplores this stupid habit.
In Winnipeg, they tap a keg, and let the wind chill blow.
For them snow and ice is part of life.
But in London's swamps where Monty Python romps
There's no peace 'til June.
Even the tube's completely froze, for there's nowhere else to go.
Greens are sad, 'cause global warming don't seem so bad
Because mad dogs and Englishmen can't go out in the winter snow.

Thank you, thank you very much...