Bolek’s Althanian Brain Parasites
Nobody Enslaves them Better than Bolek’s.
From the Left
Mutant Morning News
TEKTAK F. MECHANOID
Galactic Overlord Review
TEKTAK: Welcome Puny Earthlings. Today’s topic is, of all things, your Earthly weather. After the Sub-Planetary Empire of America was hit with a devastating storm called a hurry-katrina, a politician named ArfKay June-Whore put the blame squarely on Imperial Overlord DubyaBush.
SNOTGLOB: That’s ridiculous. The Earthlings can barely put a man on their own moon, how can they possibly develop a meteorological field generator? And even if, by some fluke, they had one of those machines, why would Overlord DubyaBush fire it on his own subjects? Wouldn’t he lob some storms at Eye-Ran or NorKor-Hee-Haw?
TEKTAK: Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! ArfKay June-Whore wasn’t accusing DubyaBush of using a weather control device, he claimed that DubyaBush’s policies caused the weather. Some of their politicians and scientists believe that their planet is becoming warmer and the storms more violent because of pollution.
SNOTGLOB: I’m the last person to come to the defense of Overlord DubyaBush, but how can one Earthling cause that much pollution?
TEKTAK: According to ArfKay June-Whore it’s because DubyaBush refuses to drive a vehicle called the Kyoto Accord.
SNOTGLOB: I don’t know much about Earthling transportation but how can one man driving a Javanese car stop storms?
TEKTAK: Apparently Earthlings like ArfKay June-Whore are so primitive that they still believe in some kind of magic. There’s no real proof that this magical vehicle can actually do anything except cost a lot of money, but many Earthlings, moonbats in particular, have an almost religious faith in it.
SNOTGLOB: Then maybe DubyaBush should at least go for a drive in this magical car, if only to get their moonbats and primitives to shut-up. Sometimes you have to make some pointless gestures to assuage the deeply held religious beliefs of your subjects.
TEKTAK: It would be about as effective as disemboweling a Grenollian slimegrub and divining the future from its innards, and the slimegrub would be cheaper. He’d have to surrender his Empire’s entire economy to the control of this magical automobile, and it still wouldn’t have any effect. Besides, DubyaBush has only been in power for five years. It takes decades, if not centuries before pollution starts affecting weather cycles. Why is he even being blamed in the first place?
SNOTGLOB: He’s responsible because he won’t drive the magical automobile that will solve all their problems.
TEKTAK: There’s no such thing as magic! It won’t work!
SNOTGLOB: That’s no excuse!