2.05.2006

Point/Counterpoint: Trouble in ToonTown

TEKTAK Greetings Earthlings and welcome to Point/Counterpoint. Today your minuscule planet is all atwitter over a series of cartoons posted by the Danish Jyllands-Posten newspaper that portray the founder of the Islamic religion the Prophet Mohammed. Muslims the world over are enraged by what they consider blasphemy.

SNOTGLOB I can fully sympathize with the Muslim people. Those folks at the Jello-Post-It-Notes shouldn't be printing caricatures of religious figures. Especially of the founder of what all the politicians are calling 'the religion of peace.'

TEKTAK Religion of peace?

SNOTGLOB Yes, the politicians keep calling it the religion of peace, isn't it peaceful?

TEKTAK Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut, so far the Islamic faith has been the guiding force behind death threats against writer Salman Rushdie for writing a substandard novel and Egyptian actor Omar Sharif for playing the Christian St. Peter on Italian TV, the murder of Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh, massacres of Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, and fellow Muslims in Africa, the Middle East and Asia, the brutal oppression of women, homosexuals, and non-believers inside Islamic countries, riots in Europe, cash bounties for the heads of cartoonists, and countless terrorist attacks that have claimed thousands of lives worldwide. And that's just what they've done in the last couple of human decades or so.

SNOTGLOB Wait a minute, if all of this true, then why do people call it the religion of peace?

TEKTAK Because if you don't the followers of the religion of peace will cut your head off, and humans can't grow theirs back again.

SNOTGLOB What I don't understand is why are they getting so worked up over some cartoons drawn by non-believers?

TEKTAK It all boils down to a very simple premise. They once had a very highly advanced civilization, and for quite a while they were the top dogs on planet Earth. Then they blew it. Ever since they've been saddled with corrupt, brutal and incompetent leaders, a rapidly degrading standard of living, and are forced to watch all the peoples they used to look down on surpass them in almost everything. The only invention in the last few decades they can lay any claim to is the suicide bomber, and they ripped that off from the Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka.

SNOTGLOB What does that have to do with a stupid cartoon? I mean you can't go to an art gallery in the western world without seeing crucifixes in jars of urine, Virgin Marys made from animal dung, rap stars dressed like Jesus on the covers of magazines, and the occasional TV series designed solely to offend Christians. Yet these same Christians don't go around threatening genocide or even murdering the artists involved. Why do the Muslims feel they have to react with violence calls for vengeance?

TEKTAK
I was getting to that point. You see they screwed up. Everyone else is starting to enjoy the 21st century, but the Islamic leadership is obsessed with recreating a mythical version of the 7th century. So to distract their people from their culture's many recent failings they goad them into violent screaming rages over things other cultures would either ignore, or respond with a letter to the editor, canceling a subscription, or boycotting advertisers. Peaceful responses leave lots of time left over to ask questions about your religious and political leadership. While violent angry responses are full-time commitments that further alienate them from the Western and Far Eastern cultures and force them to rely more and more on their increasingly isolated political and religious elite.

SNOTGLOB Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that this controversy over the cartoons merely an elaborate cover-up by Islam's political and religious leaders to hide the fact that they've put their own people on course of cultural, economic and spiritual suicide?

TEKTAK More or less. And thanks to nuclear weapons they can take the rest of the planet with them when they decide to finally go all the way.

SNOTGLOB
Damn. Who knew cartoons could be so destructive.

TEKTAK Yep, they sure are dangerous.

SNOTGLOB Why don't the Danes just apologize?

TEKTAK They did. However that's trapped them in the Catch-22 of the Muslim fundamentalist mindset. They threaten to kill you if you don't apologize, but when you do apologize they refuse to accept it because they think you're not sincere and trying to avoid being murdered so they will kill you anyway.

SNOTGLOB Well, I'm sure my associates on the Earthling's Political Left are taking a stand against this as an assault on Free Speech.

TEKTAK Actually, they're leading the charge to force everyone to apologize for the cartoons and are even promoting censoring them and anything else that might offend Islam.

SNOTGLOB That doesn't make any sense.

TEKTAK Not much on the Left does my mutated muchacho. You see the Earthling Left believes that Free Speech only counts if it offends Caucasians, Americans, Conservatives, or Christians. They see nothing wrong with submitting to the extortion of people willing to kill over a cartoon. And the funny thing is, the most offensive of these cartoons, one featuring Mohammed with a pig's nose and another featuring him doing something indecent with a dog, were FAKED BY MUSLIMS
under the orders of their imams to get the old hatred going. In fact, the one with the pig's nose, has been discovered to be of a man participating in a silly hog-calling contest that had nothing to do with Mohammed, Islam, or anything worth rioting about.

SNOTGLOB Now you're talking crazy.

TEKTAK It's all true.

SNOTGLOB So they're blaspheming their own religion to goad their people into violence that could only result in a whole lot of death and destruction.

TEKTAK Whatever it takes to keep control. They're sort of like the Liberal Party of Canada that way, and like the Liberals let's hope the truth finally gets heard over the screaming so everyone on Earth can enjoy a little peace before their inevitable conquest.

1 comment:

Damian G. said...

"They're sort of like the Liberal Party of Canada that way..."

Oof! Even terrorists don't deserve that type of simile!