Since joining the 101st Fighting KeeBees our humble little blog has enjoyed a sizable jump in the number of visitors we're getting. To help these new Earthlings coming to partake in our intergalactic wisdom get to know us, we've decided to post a short biography of the single most important member of this group.
Yep, I'm talking about me, Remulak MoxArgon, raconteur, journalist, intergalactic conqueror, lover, and barbecue sauce spokesman.
I was born over a thousand of your Earthling years ago in a remote log cabin home of Herb & Judy MoxArgon in the suburbs of Fallovia City on the planet of Flokia Prime. As you can see in this baby picture I was a cute little poop-maker:
My childhood was a humble one. My parents being mere billionaires they could only afford to send me to the second fanciest private school in Fallovia City, the almost renowned Spankarzoff Academy.
While attending Spankarzoff I excelled in math, science, journalism, mad science, and political treachery. It was while at Spankarzoff I met my lifelong friend and journalistic colleague Xran the Fleshrender pictured here:
At that time he hadn't earned the title of Fleshrender and was simple known as Xran the Pudding-Inhaler. In our senior year we were the editors of the student newspaper the Weekly Spankarzoffian. Our work was so inflammatory that it started two armed rebellions and seven riots that cost over a 100,000,000 lives.
We got an A+ that year, and I gave valedictorian address at our graduation. I was going to be salutatorian, but the original valedictorian had an 'accident' and couldn't complete his duties.
I went on to Eff University and became a member of the Omega Theta Fraternity where I pursued my degrees in Doomsday Weapon Engineering and Advanced Political Treachery.
I became Valedictorian of Eff-U after those who were ahead of me suffered terrible 'accidents' involving a doomsday weapon run amok.
My talents for weaponry and arranging 'accidents' landed me an entry-level position at the Flokian Imperial Conquest Authority as a junior planetary subjugation technician.
During the wars against the Breel Mother-Hives of the Avax Star Cluster I met an up and coming war-machine and one-time centrefold model for Popular Mechanics named Android CAI/75342-X7.
We discovered a shared interest in conquering and enslaving, and we worked out a deal. I would get him the Trans-Particle weaponry he needed to wipe out the Mother-Hives of Breel, and he would help me make a play for the throne of the Flokian Empire.
Our little conspiracy got a new member when I was reunited with my childhood pal Xran who was known as Xran the Malicious Wounder at the time.
My success in FICA during the Mother Hive Wars led to my appointment as Chief Minister for Secret Policing and Dirty Tricks by Flokian Emperor FaxOrgal the Flatulent.
Now a lot of people accuse me of killing FaxOrgal and seizing his crown, but that's not technically true.
The vacuum of space killed FaxOrgal; all I did was open an airlock.
Well, I've been Emperor for several of your Earthling centuries, and as time goes by my ever-growing empire draws closer and closer to your puny planet.
So folks, keep watching the skies, because we are definitely watching you.
2 comments:
I think it went more like this:
Some demented scientist played around with DNA experiments and invented you ugly freaks. You've spent the rest of your short lives inventing phony pasts of glory and hiding in Canada while issuing idle threats of taking over the world.
You were an ugly baby.
Listen here Moxargon, I'm getting awfully tired of these long-winded threats to our planet. I think you don't have the guts to actually use any of those so-called weapons of yours.
And why haven't you blogrolled me yet?
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