Point/Counterpoint: Hezbollocks?

TEKTAK- Greetings Earthlings, and welcome to another edition of Point / Counter-point. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the Right.

SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob the Mutant from the Left.

TEKTAK- I'd like to thank Remulak Moxargon for sitting in for me last time while I was on holiday. I tried to thank him in person, but for some reason he wasn't answering his door.

SNOTGLOB- I can answer that one. There's some video of Michelle Malkin on a trampoline going around.

TEKTAK- That does explain it. But let's get to the main reason we're here. Earthling politics. War has broken out in the Middle East as Israel takes on both Hamas in the Gaza Strip, and Hezbollah in Southern Lebanon...

SNOTGLOB- What a horribly disproportionate response! Those terrible Israelis going around beating everyone up, especially those poor Hezbollah peace activists, it's just terrible!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! What have you been using for a brain lately?

SNOTGLOB- One I sucked out of a New York Times editorial writer.

TEKTAK- That explains it.

SNOTGLOB- That's how I know that those nastly Israelis are only harming innocent people with their cold blooded war mongering. Hezbollah is the protector of the Lebanese people!

TEKTAK- You really are getting dumber every day. The only people Hezbollah is protecting are the Ayatollahs of Iran. They started this little war partly to distract et world from Iran's nuclear weapons program, and partly to one-up Hamas on the outrage meter.

SNOTGLOB- But Hezbollah said that they're protecting their people from the Israelis.

TEKTAK- Gee, a political group that lies, stop the freakin' presses! The Israelis wouldn't have even looked at them funny if they hadn't kidnapped those poor soldiers and started lobbing rockets and missiles at hospitals and schools. Protectors don't start wars for no reason other than the orders of a foreign theocracy! Protectors do not put their rocket launchers among homes, schools and mosques hoping that the Israeli retaliation will kill enough civilians to get on network tv.

SNOTGLOB- Exactly, that's why Israel should stop!

TEKTAK- Let's have a little thought experiment, a Tarkellian comes into your office brandishing a thermal disruptor and has his own spawnling strapped to his chest. You turn on your repulsor shield just as he fires. The disruptor beam hits your shield, rebounds, and disintegrates both the Tarkellian and his spawnling. Are you guilty of killing the spawnling?

SNOTGLOB- Of course.

TEKTAK- And that's why your species is almost extinct. It's the exact same mind-set you find in moonbat pundits who think Hezbollah is some sort of peaceful social club.

SNOTGLOB- But Hezbollah runs schools.

TEKTAK- Sure, schools that teach you to hate Jews, Christians, Druze, Sunni, Hindu and everyone else on that silly little planet. They've got one purpose, and that is to kill everyone who stands in the way of some sort of mystical Iranian Empire run by the mythical Mahdi and his catamite Ahmadinejad. This war is ugly, it is nasty, and it has to be fought and it has to be won. Because defeat for the free world would put the entire planet into an age of darkness and bloodshed that it has never seen before.

SNOTGLOB- Maybe if the free people were nicer to the Iranians then there wouldn't be any problems.

TEKTAK- Get your head out of your second rectum Snotglob. The Israelis have been nice, they've given billions in aid to the Palestinians in the hope of buying peace, it brought nothing but war. They pulled out of Lebanon to appease Hezbollah, and to repay that kindness they started a war. The Israelis are being surprisingly gentle with this war, warning civilians to avoid attacks, and attempting to minimize casualties. Anyone who calls this act of self defense disproportionate should have their head examined.

SNOTGLOB- Man you're just a puppet of the Zionist conspiracy.

TEKTAK- And you've just proved my point. Goodbye everyone, see you next time.

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