Ask The MoxArgon Group

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings, I'm Remulak MoxArgon and welcome to another edition of The MoxArgon Group. Now we're cross posting over at Conservathink this week, so I want all you louts to watch your language and to put some damn pants on.

XRAN- Sheesh, uptight or what?

MOXARGON- Joining me as usual are Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Now instead of doing what all the other pundits are doing and harping on poor Israel for having the gall to defend itself, we're going to open up the Intergalactic MailSac and answer some reader questions. I believe you have the first message Xran.

XRAN- Right here. A fellow named Beebeep It's Me wrote:

"When fascism comes to America I will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross," -Sinclair Lewis.

ANDROID CAI/7- Looks like someone got out their Big Book of Quotations today.

VAROS- It's not really a question, more like a general statement.

MOXARGON- Still, I'd like to answer it. You see, Sinclair Lewis honestly did think fascism would come to America waving a cross and draped in the Old Glory, but Lewis also thought socialism would bring about peace and the brotherhood of man. Android Cai/7, how many Earthlings were murdered in the name of socialism?

ANDROID CAI/7- Approximately 100 million Earthlings. However, that's not including those who died of things like starvation or poor medical care.

MOXARGON- I guess that shows that the late Mr. Lewis didn't know everything. Next letter.

VAROS- This one's from Damian G. whom we're blog-sitting for. He asks if any Earthling Bishops have made pilgrimages to any of our worlds?

MOXARGON- Some have, but that information's classified, and if we told you the whole story, we'd have to wipe your brain with an anal probe.

VAROS- Isn't that what's happening to him at camp?

MOXARGON- No, he's getting brainwashed, that requires implanting brain worms, not probes.

VAROS- I was never good at neurology.

MOXARGON- What's the next letter Xran?

XRAN- This one is from... uh-oh...

MOXARGON- What's wrong?

XRAN- It's from Noam Chomsky.

ANDROID CAI/7- He makes my circuits ache.

MOXARGON- Well, he bothered to write to us, so we should at least read it.

XRAN- Noam Chomsky writes:

Salutatious felicitations to you and your Trans-Spatial brethren from Noam Chomsky. I am esurient and estuous to engage in a leptory with your august personage on the subject of Israel. Do you believe that the Hebraic Zionist Metternichian state of Israel is engaging in nomism with their tantivy response into the former land of Phoenicia, in response to the harmless actions of the noble people of Hezbollah, or are they revealing their true thanatoid nature?

VAROS- I haven't got a clue what he's talking about.

XRAN- Try reading the damn thing.

ANDROID CAI/7- My circuits are burning.

MOXARGON- Don't worry. I've purchased a special computer from Radio Shack that has a special BS translator. Basically he's asking if we would join him in flogging Israel for defending itself.

ANDROID CAI/7- Oh, that? No. Israel is engaging in the only logical course left open to it by events.

XRAN- The day you're not allowed to kick ass in defense of your own country, you are dead.

VAROS- If you're so concerned about civilian casualties, why don't you go and stop your friends in Hezbollah from bombing hospitals and launching their rockets in civilian areas.

MOXARGON- Okay, I've got the last letter. It's by a Markos... I can't pronounce that... Markos Whosis, and it reads:

Dear MoxArgon Group. You are all a bunch of whiny chickenhawk wimps who won't join the fascist imperialist army you praise so damn much. I was in the army in peacetime, I know the real meaning of sacrifice, so I have the only right to have an opinion. Screw you, screw the horse you rode in on, and screw your planets.

XRAN- That's not a question.

MOXARGON- Yep. More like an incoherent rant. We also had to correct the spelling and grammar to make it postable. But it does raise a question. This Whosis fellow likes to brag about his army experience and how it qualifies him to judge America as fascist and evil, well the question I have to ask him is why he isn't fighting?

VAROS- Good point. Making speeches and that are all well and good, but if the Bush administration is truly a fascist dictatorship that won't do any good.

ANDROID CAI/7- Yes, the only logical point is that this fellow quit his ranting and go join the ranks of Al Qaida or Hezbollah to fight who he considers the real enemy.

XRAN- Yeah. He's letting his military background go to waste by ranting and raving he should pick up a gun and go to Syria to join Michael Moore's beloved minutemen.

MOXARGON- Perhaps he's a chickendove? A creature willing to rant for peace, but is unwilling to physically fight for it.

ANDROID CAI/7- Logically, fighting for peace would make him a neo-con.

VAROS- Oooh, cosmic.

MOXARGON- And let's not forget, we don't join armies, we build them and command them. That's all the time for now folks. We'll see you later, and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.