MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. It's time, once again for The MoxArgon Group, where the Universe's Alien Overlords analyze and occasionally mock the politics and culture of your puny little planet. Joining me are the regulars, Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, and Varos Quasar. Good to see you all again. First topic: Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah has admitted that the kidnapping of Israeli soldiers was a mistake. What do you think?
XRAN- That little misadventure was a grade-A fist up the polly-wocker. Sure they got a lot of their own people killed and got the UN to intervene to save their worthless hides, but it exposed a lot of problems with Hezbollah.
ANDROID CAI/7- Chief among them being the dreadful performance of their homemade and Iranian/Chinese made rockets and missiles. They fired thousands into the hearts of Israel's cities and killed what... 39 people, mostly civilians. Israel drops a relative handful of precision bombs, and kills hundreds of their numbers. It's an embarrassing performance.
VAROS- What about the deaths of the poor civilians?
MOXARGON- Those Lebanese civilians wouldn't have died if Hezbollah hadn't purposely put them in harm's way. Besides, we have no idea from the reports of the media exactly how many were civilians and how many were really Hezbollah in civilian drag.
XRAN- Basically, Nasrallah showed the world that the mighty forces of Islam are pretty much useless in conventional warfare, and aren't even that good at attacking unarmed civilians.
MOXARGON- If they're going to realize their dream of slaughtering or enslaving non-Muslims they're going to need Iran's A-Bomb. Regular bombs require too much skill for them to handle.
VAROS- Am I the only one who sees the irony in Iran's A-Bomb program?
ANDROID CAI/7- What do you mean?
VAROS- Iran seeks the A-bomb to destroy Israel and the United States. The United States was the country that developed the A-Bomb, with the help of more than a few Jewish scientists from America and Europe.
MOXARGON- That's the paradox of modern Islamic fascism. They seek the technological achievements made possible only by free societies, in order to destroy the free societies of the world. To paraphrase what one Iranian dissident said: a nation that can't produce something as simple as a decent safety match wants nuclear weapons to make all the other countries of the world unable to produce a decent safety match.
XRAN- Maybe someone should tell Ahmadinejad that his precious nukes aren't exactly Halal?
VAROS- That might make him back off.
MOXARGON- Unlikely. Folks like Ahmadinejad love all the death stuff too much to let it go. Next topic: Entertainment, some folks have jumped on the Emmy Awards for airing a parody of the TV show Lost which featured Conan O'Brian in a plane crash, which happened on the same day as a plane crashed in Kentucky.
XRAN- Well that's just tasteless.
ANDROID CAI/7- Having no emotions, I can't really be offended.
VAROS- I think it's disgraceful.
MOXARGON- Well you're all wrong. Sorry folks, but the routine was made days, if not weeks in advance, and it was not done to deliberately mock the victims of the Kentucky crash. Earthlings have to break this constant cycle of perpetual grief and offense over what are essentially apples and oranges. That's basically saying that all movies and television shows that feature car crashes should be banned, because somewhere somebody died in a car accident that day. If O'Brian went out and made deliberate jokes about the poor people who died in that crash, then they'd be right to be offended, but a parody of a preexisting TV show doesn't really count. They better stop all this overdosing on grief, because it'll make them completely useless once we take over their planet. Next topic: John Mark Karr, the man who confessed to killing Jonbenet Ramsey, thus reviving the long dormant media circus, was proven to be full of bullarkins by a DNA test. What do you think?
XRAN- They should feed him to the bezelnargs.
VAROS- The man has brought creepy pedophilia to a new low, I didn't think it was possible, but he did it.
ANDROID CAI/7- If this Karr fellow requires so much attention I think a life term pulling the train for the Aryan Nation in a maximum security prison will cure him.
MOXARGON- I say vaporize him now so we won't have to look at his creepy pervert face on TV anymore.
XRAN- Say, Remulak, what did you think about the folks filling in for Michelle Malkin last week at Hot Air.
MOXARGON- I must say that Mary Katherine Ham and Bethany from Realverse were excellent guest hosts. And I'm not just saying that because of their looks... okay, maybe I am. One of my hearts will always belong to Michelle Malkin, but I do have two more for a reason. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink...
VAROS- What about the guys who sat in?
MOXARGON- What guys? Speaking of TV, we here at the MoxArgon Group, are starting our very first Intergalactic Internet Film Festival. We're calling on people all over the blogosphere to recommend their favourite YouTube videos to be posted here. Simply click here for details and leave links to your recomendations in our pleas section. So until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.