TEKTAK- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to a special edition of Point/Counterpoint. Now Snotglob is on holiday today getting its shell waxed, so we have a special guest. Actress, activist, and symbol of everything that's wrong with Hollywood, Susan Sarandon.SUSAN SARANDON- How did I get here?
TEKTAK- Well I typed in "Left Winger with no connection to planet Earth" into Google and your name topped the list. Then it was just a matter of aiming my teleporter and voila. So let's get to business. You recently participated in an anti-war rally, why don't you tell us all about it.
SUSAN SARANDON- Sure. Hundreds of thousands of people... nay, millions, joined me friends Jane Fonda and Sean Penn in declaring the opposition of the American people to George W. Bush-Hitler's war for Imperialism and Oil! We demanded the immediate pullout of American forces from Iraq!
TEKTAK- Even though it would guarantee civil war and possibly the deaths of millions?
SUSAN SARANDON- War is only wrong if it is done in the name of defending or promoting democracy or the interests of the USA. War, for everyone else, is just an honest expression of their culture.
TEKTAK- So you support the attempts by the fascist theocrats of Iran and the Wahabi terrorist factions to seize control from Iraq's first popularly elected government?
SUSAN SARANDON- Any government elected that doesn't want the USA destroyed, cannot possibly reflect the true will of the people.
TEKTAK- How does wanting to destroy the USA reflect the will of the people?
SUSAN SARANDON- The United States is evil because its government is overrun with evil white fascist Christians who drink the blood of small babies!
TEKTAK- Are you aware, that you, an actress, feminist, and all around loudmouth with your sexual history would most likely be beheaded or beaten to death with rocks in any country under Sharia law, yet the country run by folks you call "evil white fascist Christians" allow you to live as you please and enjoy wealth and success in your chosen profession?
SUSAN SARANDON- Of course I'm aware of that. That's why America must be destroyed. What kind of an evil, sick country would ever allow someone like me to be rich and famous?
TEKTAK- So your desire to support the enemies of freedom is based on a neurotic sense of self-loathing?
SUSAN SARANDON- Well d'uh. Everyone in Hollywood hates themselves, that's why chase fame, to bury our own sense of self-disgust through the adoration of total strangers. Now can I ask you a question?
TEKTAK- What?
SUSAN SARANDON- As an alien warlord, what can I do to bring down the United States?
TEKTAK- Threaten to take off your bra and do jumping jacks. But that's a little too cruel and unusual. Listen, I think this is enough time wasted, so let's call it a night. See you next time puny Earthlings, be sure to check out my new CAPTION CONTEST and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
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