SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob T. Mutant from the Left.
TEKTAK- Our first topic today is from Canada. A professor at St. Francis Xavier University in Nova Scotia has fired back at people who criticized his trip to Iran to attend a Holocaust Denial conference hosted by Hitler wannabe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. In a statement he called them "Islamophobes" for criticizing him.
SNOTGLOB- And well he should. Those horrible people are just filthy, dirty racists.
TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! How can people who criticize someone for engaging in blatantly racist behaviour be racist?
SNOTGLOB- They just are! He said they're Islamophobes and that's good enough for me.
TEKTAK- That would be good enough for you. Okay, I'm going to say this very slowly. The Professor's name calling is just an attempt to stop people from stating the obvious facts that he is a raging anti-Semite who hangs around Neo-Nazis and dictators, probably supports Islamist terrorism, and has no right or reason to be teaching in a supposedly respectable university. Didn't you read Moxargon's post on Islamophobia?
SNOTGLOB- I avoid anything that isn't ideologically pure. The free exchange of ideas scare me.
TEKTAK- That and a taste for Twinkies is something you share with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Thanks for the segue Snotglob. You see your buddy Hugo has recently shut down the country's oldest and most popular private television network. A blatant violation of freedom of speech if I ever saw one.
SNOTGLOB- Hugo Chavez had a good reason to shut them down.
TEKTAK- And what was that?
SNOTGLOB- They were pointing out his massive political blunders and his oppressive tactics. They didn't give Chavez much of a choice, so it's really all their fault.
TEKTAK- How can you, as a supposed liberal, possibly morally justify that position?
SNOTGLOB- Hugo Chavez hates George W. Bush. That means everything he does is for the greater good of creating a more progressive world.
TEKTAK- I can't believe you just said that.
SNOTGLOB- Besides, Hugo recently gave actor Danny Glover tens of millions of dollars to make films. Would an enemy of free speech do that?
TEKTAK- Hitler let Goebbels make lots of films. Besides, that story says more about the moral, intellectual, creative, and political bankruptcy of Hollywood liberals like Glover. They refuse to help the efforts of men and women fighting for democracy in Iraq, yet will rush to make propaganda for a fascist dictator who uses violence to suppress dissent at home, and exports violence abroad for his own personal gain.
SNOTGLOB- Come on now Tektak. We all know that fascism can only come from the USA.
TEKTAK- I can't believe you just said that. Just get to the next topic while I fight the urge to dress you like a pinada so I can beat the dumb-ass out of you.
SNOTGLOB- Cool. Our next story is from entertainment. Apparently that big meany from The Pet Shop Boys, Neill Tennant is criticizing the Live Earth concerts being organized by the Greatest Earthling Ever: Al Gore...
TEKTAK- And well he should. The whole exercise will achieve only three things: 1. Make Al Gore a lot of money. 2. Make a lot of rich rock stars feel more important than they actually are. 3. Waste a lot of energy and fossil fuels and create more pollution.
SNOTGLOB- These concerts won't waste a thing. They're buying carbon credits.
TEKTAK- Really. From who?
SNOTGLOB- Al Gore.
TEKTAK- Point number one, made in full. All we need is Bono to open his big fat mouth to prove point number two, and the fact that Gore wants a concert in goddamn Antartica. It won't serve any practical purpose, since the penguins don't care, but it'll be a wonderful demonstration of his ego, as he becomes the Earth's first billionaire from environmental hysteria, and probably pollute a good chunk of the South Pole in the process. Our next topic takes us to Louisiana. Apparently Democrats there, worrying about losing the Governorship of the state to popular Republican Bobby Jindal are harping on the fact that his Hindi birth name Piyush Jindal isn't "American" enough for their tastes.
SNOTGLOB- Damn right. How dare this man try to pass himself off as a white man by using a name people have called him since childhood!
TEKTAK- Once again the hypocrisy of the Left rears its ugly head. How would you feel about someone criticizing Barack Hussein Obama's name as not being American enough.
SNOTGLOB- They'd be racists.
TEKTAK- And the left's attacks on Jindal aren't?
SNOTGLOB- Yeah, isn't that obvious? If this Jindal fellow was a good member of a minority, he'd be voting the way the Democratic Party tells him to vote and claim that his victim status absolves himself of all personal responsibility. All this political independence, personal success, and Republicanism are just his attempts to pass for white.
TEKTAK- And yet you see nothing wrong with what you're saying? Okay, let's wrap this up for today, because I have a baseball bat with Snotglob's name on it, so until next time, stay on point.
SNOTGLOB- A present for me?
TEKTAK- Close your eyes and you'll get it.