6.08.2007

A IS PARIS BURNING? NO, JUST WHINING.

Well, it looks like air-headed heiress Paris Hilton is going back to jail to fulfill her full sentence, and according to some reports she's everything from suicidal to borderline psychotic over having to spend something like 3 more days in solitary confinement.

Well, I'll admit, that I've done a little time in the past, space piracy and jail time kinda go hand in hand, and I have a little message to the poor little rich girl.

GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OVER IT!

You're doing something like 3 days in solitary and you're screaming and wailing like their dragging you to be executed by rabid weasel pit for something you didn't do.

BOO-FREAKING-HOO!


I mean come on! I could do 3 days standing on my freaking head. In fact, I once did 30 days standing on my head thanks to Tobar the Obnoxious of Zandovar 9. And that was for bringing outside food to a movie theater.

For the love of criminy, bring a freaking book and maybe read something that doesn't involve shopping for once in your life!

And let's not forget something:

YOU DROVE DRUNK

You could have killed someone. Someone more valuable to society than you, that's pretty much guaranteed.

Drunk drivers deserve real prison time, not jail time.

YOU GOT OFF EASY
AND
YOU STILL SCREWED UP YOUR PROBATION

So stop your whining, do your time, and shut your freaking mouth for the first time in your life outside of swallowing.

God damn it!

You are so freaking stupid!

Okay, maybe I should boil it down so that even an heiress can understand it...

IF YOU DON'T LIKE JAIL

DON'T COMMIT CRIMES

There's a limit to what being rich and famous can bail you out of, and behaviour that endangers the lives of others is the line that you crossed.

And you go around whining about why people are being mean to you. Well, you're an annoying, dimwitted attention whore who dominates the media with pointless irresponsible antics that have escalated to the point of being dangerous.

THAT'S WHY NO ONE OUTSIDE ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT LIKES YOU

I gotta go, I'm too freaking mad!


-------------------------------

If you have any questions about this post, or anything in the universe CLICK HERE and leave us a question. We should be answering them around Sunday.

3 comments:

Purple Avenger said...

What ever happened to traditional "embarrassment based" punishments like the stocks and pillory?

Society is poorer for having shelved them.

Chris C said...

that's the best quote ever for any celebrity who drives drunk:

"You could have killed someone. Someone more valuable to society than you, that's pretty much guaranteed."

It could be a new MADD slogan:

Don't drive drunk if you are a celebrity. The life you save may actually help society.

Anonymous said...

Who gives a shit! I'm just glad Al Sharpton did not show up in front of the jail to protest, or did he?

Hey Moxie!