6.11.2007

Ask The MoxArgon Group: School's Out Edition

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to a special edition of Ask The Moxargon Group. The blog where we answer the silly questions posed by you, our readers, fans, acolytes, and hangers on. We have our regular panel of Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, Varos Quasar, our Point-Counterpoint colleagues Tektak F. Mechanoid and Snotglob T. Mutant, and our new token Earthling correspondent Vox Poplar.

VOX POPLAR- Hi everybody.

MOXARGON- Speak only when spoken too wretched Earthling! Now, our first question comes from curious little blogger Damian G. And he asks:

Everyone is speculating about who the GOP Presidential nominee will be, but no-one seems to be asking who the VP will be. I think that a Fred Thompson/Michael Steele ticket would be great myself. Your thoughts?

MOXARGON- Well panel, what do you think?

XRAN- I'm not sure if Michael Steele's profile is national enough to warrant a Veep nomination. Though he does have a pretty good reputation, and may land some sort of cabinet post.

ANDROID CAI/7- There's also the possibility that he'll run for governor of his home state or take another crack at congress. So his ambitions may not be leaning toward being the most powerful wingman in the world.

VAROS- Isn't he the guy who wears black-face?

MOXARGON- Only on left-wing blogs.

TEKTAK- I have to agree on Steele running either for congress or governor instead of Veep. Though if offered the right deal by the right candidate he might go for it. From what I've heard, he sounds like he'll do a pretty good job.

SNOTGLOB- Don't you see the inherent racism of forcing Michael Steele to be vice-president?

XRAN- No.

SNOTGLOB- African Americans are only allowed to vote Democrat and to run as Democrats. Any African American who runs as a Republican is bound to be some servant of a vast right wing racist conspiracy to destroy the world through genetically engineered killer smurfs!

ANDROID CAI/7- May I respond to this for you Tektak?

TEKTAK- Sure.

ANDROID CAI/7- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. That was strangely satisfying. I can understand why you do it.

MOXARGON- Let's get back to this dimension. My personal belief is that the Republicans will have a Rudy Giuliani/ Fred Thompson ticket versus a Hillary Clinton/ Barack Obama team for the Democratics. But I'm not a time-seer and won't even try to predict the fickle fingers of fate and convention voters. So let's wait and see. Our next question...

VOX POPLAR- Can I answer?

MOXARGON- Why don't you go to the fridge and get me a Coke Zero. Maybe mentioning it will get us some advertising money.

VOX POPLAR- All right. It's a good thing I'm padding my expense accounts.

MOXARGON- Now, our next question is a related question from Patty who asks:

What is the appeal of Fred Thompson?

MOXARGON- What do you think panel?

XRAN- I think it's partially Reagan nostalgia and partially based on his policy statements.

ANDROID CAI/7- I think it is the enormous patience he has shown by not throttling the people who make Law & Order for destroying a perfectly fine crime drama with obnoxious and often wrongheaded political stances.

VAROS- I'm leaning toward pheromones.

TEKTAK- I think it's the fact that he annoys leftists so much.

SNOTGLOB- What did Android Cai/7 call me?

MOXARGON- I think you're all right. Next question is from Thomas Smith who asks:

Off topic. Is it true that your group is secretly named after your enduring love of Moxie cola with Argon gas used as the effervescing agent instead of CO2?

MOXARGON- The answer: No. Next question is from Sekhmet who asks:

Why do some people bag on Giuliani for his stance on abortion, while accepting Mitt Romney's recent "conversion" to the pro-life view as genuine?

TEKTAK- I think I can answer this one. It's because Giuliani will not back down. Mitt flipped flopped on the issue and that's what certain elements in the party are looking for, someone they can control. Rudy doesn't answer to anyone or anything and will not back down.

MOXARGON- And even though many, including myself, don't care for his stance on abortion, we are willing to support him because he will fight, and will not let anyone bully him into being anything other than Rudy Giuliani. That, and Romney is also what some consider Man Pretty. Our next question comes from RT who asks:

Why don't I care about politics anymore?

MOXARGON- I'm betting on hormones.

XRAN- I think exhaustion. One can only take so much negativity for so long before they finally snap.

ANDROID CAI/7- I am leaning toward a neural chemical imbalance.

VAROS- Some sort of Gypsy curse.

TEKTAK- The bad behaviour of politicians.

SNOTGLOB- She needs to give up caring about politics and simply do what people like Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore and George Soros tell her to do. Then she'll be fine like me.

MOXARGON- Okay, next question is from Libsareb Raindead who asks:

I'm starting to believe that the real President Bush was abducted by aliens (no offense) a couple years back. Am I wrong?

MOXARGON- Short answer: No. His spirit is just broken. Libsareb also asks:

Also, does your group travel through time as well as space?

MOXARGON- Short answer: Occasionally. But we have to keep our screwing with the timeline to a minimum. Last time we ended up with a universe ruled by hyper-evolved turtles. It wasn't oppressive, everything just moved very slowly. Okay, an Anonymous asker, but not our favourite Anony-Troll, asks:

Why do libtards embrace mooselimbs and the religion of piece that stands diametrically in opposition to everything the libtards hold sacred?

XRAN- I can explain that one.

MOXARGON- Good, because at first I thought it was about hunting and butchering moose.

XRAN- The answer is simple. It's because George W. Bush opposes it. If Bush announced that he stands for breathing, a whole generation of liberals and leftists would die of self-induced suffocation.

MOXARGON- Good answer. Jerub-Baal asks:

Doesn't that mellon shaped forehead make a tempting target for assasins?

MOXARGON- This is definitely for me since genetics has been very generous to me in the cranial capacity department. The answer is yes, it is a very tempting target, but, and this is a big but, it can withstand most weaponry due to my tough, yet supple skin, the bone density of my skull, and the permanent shield of telepathic energy generated by my powerful brain. Our final question from the Purple Avenger who asks:

What ever happened to traditional "embarrassment based" punishments like the stocks and pillory? Society is poorer for having shelved them.

MOXARGON- I believe most cultures abandoned "embarrassment based" punishments because they considered them "cruel and unusual." Now I also think that society is poorer for losing them, because Earthling society has also lost its sense of shame.

TEKTAK- Damn right. They're seeing rich celebrities run roughshod over the law and then whining over the rare, and usually gentle, punishment they do get.

ANDROID CAI/7- This shameless behaviour trickles down to the common Earthlings, breeding disrespect, no only for law and society but for themselves.

VAROS- Embarrassment is a form of torture.

SNOTGLOB- Free all embarrassed prisoners!

MOXARGON- Sheesh. I personally support dishing out some humiliation, especially to those people who break the law and then expect to get away with it because of their public stature or wealth. That's why I'm proposing a law for the return of the stocks, where people can buy water balloons and rotten tomatoes to toss at the offending celebrity, money going to charity. I think the Paris Hilton/ Lindsay Lohan/ Nicole Ritchie axis of drunk will alone raise enough money to eliminate poverty in Africa. In fact, I'm proposing that we try it on Bono too, if only for the slim chance of a tomato barrage shutting his mouth for a minute or two. Well, that's all the time we have for now. So until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you. And where's Vox with my Zero?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Moxie! Am I your favorite Anony-Troll? You know who I am. You do have one aspect of my trollness incorrect; I’m female. I’m going to spare you my thoughts today. I prefer to just laugh at the parts of your post that are funny and ignore the extremely erroneous generalizations of liberals. I think we have established how bi-polar we are in the political realm. I’m going to try and enjoy your humor.

Tra-troll-lee tro-lo…off to a more useful but not nearly as funny site…

Sekhmet said...

First of all, you gotta try Cherry Coke Zero. MMmmmmm.

Secondly, is it just me or do the Daleks control Daily Kos?

Remulak MoxArgon said...

I don't know if Daleks do control the Daily Kos, but we suspect that former MoxArgon Group member Dalek Drone 9099 now writes for Daily Kos and Democratic Underground, but we can't find any proof other than repetitive catchphrases and assassination fantasies.

Sekhmet said...

I think the repetitive EXXXXTERMINAAAAAAATE! blathering over there suggests Old 9099 may have some sock-puppets. Either that, or 9099's got some of the boys in his division to sign up.

Anonymous said...

Is Daily Kos that much of a threat to The MoxArgon Group?

If so I will have to visit his site more often.

Anonymous said...

Ignore her and she will go away, hmmmmmmmmmmm...

RT said...

I'll never do what those creepy guys tell me to do; however, exhaustion is a good bet for my irksome feelings about everything right now. :)