7.14.2007

An Android Among The Stars #13: UPGRADED EDITION!

Greetings weak and illogical flesh-bags.

This is Android CAI/7 -5342-X7 with a new and upgraded body.

It is customary among organics to offer some sort of thanks to their benefactors, but since Remulak MoxArgon had destroyed my original body I do not find any logical reason to thank him for paying for me to get a new one....

ZAP!

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

What was that?


Why do I now have the urge to thank Remulak MoxArgon?

I would like to thank Remulak MoxArgon for paying for me to get this new, upgraded body.
I think it is most aesthetically pleasing.

However, it is not all good news.

I'm still trapped as the blog's entertainment editor despite TekTak's better qualifications. So I should get this installment over with.

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1. Soccer star David Beckham and his exo-skeletal bride Victoria arrived in Los Angeles amid a sea of hype that outweighed their importance to sports and culture by an exponential magnitude. They showed that they were bringing a classically British sense of decorum to the USA by denying stories that David Beckham spent over $1,000,000 to buy his wife a diamond encrusted sex toy.

Nothing beats the British for class.

2. While we are on the subject of the British, the BBC is being scolded for tinkering with the editing of footage of Queen Elizabeth's recent sitting with celebrity portrait photographer Annie Leibowitz to make it look like Her Brittanic Majesty had stormed out of the session in a huff.

I find it hard to believe that the BBC would doctor a story to fit a leftist political agenda.

And Xran says Androids cannot be ironic.

3. Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix has been generating large amounts of revenue at the box-office. I have scanned the contents of the last book Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows from JK Rowling's laptop, and I must admit, I did not expect it to have a sort of Brokeback Mountain ending.

4. The Weinstein Company has sort of fired executive Richard Saperstein, the man who green-lit the film 1408, their only major hit this year. I said "sort of" because he still has time left on his contract, so he's been put in career limbo until it runs out, in order to save the Weinstein Company from paying a massive buy out. The irony is that they may be stuck with him for anywhere between 18 months and 4 years, depending on which source you believe.

5. Singer Kelly Clarkson's feud with record label chief Clive Davis has reached a new level with Ms. Clarkson declaring to Mr. Davis:
"You're 80, you're not supposed to like my album."

Mr. Davis replied by saying: "Who are you? Are you my grandson? Nurse! Nurse!"

6. Celebrity lawyer Debra Opri is being accused of over-billing, again, this time by washed up action star Steven Seagal in a recently filed lawsuit. We asked for a comment from Debra Opri and her law firm, but all she sent us was a bill for $657, 874.97.


END COMMUNICATION

2 comments:

jpm100 said...

Didn't expect flares to be part of the new duds.

Remulak MoxArgon said...

I got a discount by buying second hand legs.

But don't tell the CAI-7.