7.12.2007

Point/Counterpoint- Gay! Gay! Gay!

TEKTAK- Greetings Earthlings puny and otherwise. It's time for another edition of Point/Counterpoint. I'm TekTak F. Mechanoid from the Right, and joining from the Left, is Snotglob T. Mutant.

SNOTGLOB- I like flowers.

TEKTAK- We know Snotglob, we know. Let's move onto our first topic. Certain people, working for certain publications and websites, who we will not name because they're simply link whoring are claiming that lawyer turned actor turned politician turned actor turn possible Prez candidate Fred Thompson is gay.

SNOTGLOB- I don't know about that, he didn't seem happy on Law & Order.

TEKTAK- They're not using that meaning for the word 'gay.' They're saying that Fred Thompson is a homosexual.

SNOTGLOB- Oh.

TEKTAK- Isn't that ludicrous?

SNOTGLOB- Are those publications and websites liberal or leftist?

TEKTAK- Yes they are.

SNOTGLOB- Then Fred Thompson is gayer than a gay pride parade on Gay Day at Castro Street. And that means he should be disqualified from running for president!

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! Do you realize that you've just tossed your supposed belief in equality for homosexuals right out the window?

SNOTGLOB- If it hurts a Republican it's worth it.

TEKTAK- You truly are the heart of the so-called 'progressive' movement aren't you. They are so wrapped up in making Republicans look bad that they've sold out just about everything they claim to believe in. Now I don't think Fred's gay, check out his former girlfriends, the man's got a thing for certain female attributes that I won't mention in polite company.

SNOTGLOB- What polite company?

TEKTAK- Fred likes the boobies.

SNOTGLOB- But he has to be gay.

TEKTAK- Just because they says so doesn't make it so Snotglob.

SNOTGLOB- But he worked as an actor. Everyone in show business is gay.

TEKTAK- Now I'm certain that you've started to digest your own brain. What makes you think everyone in show-business is gay?

SNOTGLOB- You used to be in show business and you're gay.

TEKTAK- I'm not gay.

SNOTGLOB- But you used to be show business.

TEKTAK- That is not proof. Most folks in show business are actually straight.

SNOTGLOB- So you're bisexual.

TEKTAK- I once compared talking to you to talking to a fire hydrant, but a commenter said that I was unfair, since fire hydrants serve a useful purpose.

SNOTGLOB- Homophone!

TEKTAK- What?

SNOTGLOB- If you're not a homosexual you must be a homophone.

TEKTAK- You're thinking of a saxophone.

SNOTGLOB- Oh.

TEKTAK- Our next topic, and we seem to be working with a theme tonight, the Democrats are going to have a debate centering on issues concerning the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans-gender community.

SNOTGLOB- I think it's wonderful.

TEKTAK- I think it's a pretty shameless piece of pandering. The whole gay rainbow should be moving away from the Democrats and towards someone who is actually opposing groups that want to kill them.

SNOTGLOB- Are you talking about gays going Republican?

TEKTAK- Yes.

SNOTGLOB- But Republicans oppose gay marriage.

TEKTAK- So do a lot of gay people. Traditional common law can easily absorb same-sex relationships when it comes to handling the rights and benefits of life-partners. And there are a lot of religious groups who will perform 'wedding ceremonies' if asked. The biggest reason for many of the pro-gay marriage side is that a lot of churches oppose being forced to perform them. If churches wanted to end the gay marriage debate they should just simply come out in favour of it. In fact, they should demand gay marriage. Besides, gay marriage is trivial when compared to figuring out which side in this ongoing global war lets homosexuals live and thrive and which side hangs them as the half-time show at a soccer game.

SNOTGLOB- I'm not the saxophone, you are.

TEKTAK- Oh well, now gays can be disappointed by Democrats like the rest of us. Let's move onto our next topic. While doing a show on her gay family cruise Rosie O'Donnell went on a foul mouthed rant against former View co-host Elizabeth Hasselback, going so far as to deface a picture of her on stage with 'devil horns.'

SNOTGLOB- Rosie's speaking truth to power! Fire doesn't melt steel!

TEKTAK- Now I don't feel sorry for Elizabeth Hasselback. She seems capable of taking care of herself. Who I feel sorry for are the poor families who went to the show expecting a little gay friendly stand-up ending up wasting time watching Rosie have a meltdown.

SNOTGLOB- She is ratings gold.

TEKTAK- So are videos of plane crashes and buildings coming down. She is no longer an entertainer, but a sad, pathetic, and very unhinged neurotic who can't tell the difference between being a victim and being call out for being a jerk. Well, that's all the time we have for now, so until next time, stay on point.

1 comment:

RT said...

Imagine the hell it is to live with Rosie. Which person in that relationship is crazier?