Seven Ways To Save The Earth

After months of hype Al "Power Bill" Gore's buy my carbon credits fest Live Earth is starting. Now it will probably dominate your Earthling media for the entire weekend, so more reasonable people will want something to divert their attention from the horde vapid pop-stars who think playing a few songs and giving Al Gore an ego-hand-job will save your puny planet from its own sun.

So here's a top seven list of things that would be better for the planet than watching Live Earth.

7. Do something nice for Ted Nugent. As a hunter and avid nature lover he's done more for conservation and the environment than a legion of private jet flying over-paid over-pampered and under-educated pop-brats and planted more trees than a herd of whiny college kid who think wearing a 100% hemp shirt with the Greenpeace logo makes it okay that they're driving their Dad's Hummer all over town looking to score some weed.

6. Club a baby seal. I know they look cute, but they grow up into large predatory rats of the sea who consume massive amounts of fish and create massive amounts of nasty seal poop. You can then sell the pelt to European fashionistas, and the seal's penis to Asia as a form of Viagra. My theory is that those who seek to protect the seal, have never met a live one in the wild.

5. Barbecue something. Could be anything really. I like slow cooked ribs with hickory and maple smoke myself, but whatever floats your boat. Even if your one of those freaks who likes tofu patties like Snotglob.

4. Watch The Great Global Warming Swindle or read Xran's summary of it.

3. Realize that it's not the 'deniers' who are in the pay of the oil companies, but rather the Global Warming promoters. Global Warming hysteria prevents the exploration and drilling for new oil reserves, and the construction of new refineries, thus keeping oil prices artificially high.

2. Ask these questions:
  • How can puny creatures like humans effect the environment, and not something as massive as the sun?
  • How much money are Al Gore and his partners making from Global Warming hysteria?
  • Why is Mars having the same melting and cooling effects being seen on Earth?
  • Who monitors carbon credit companies, and just how effective are they, if at all?
  • Why won't Al Gore debate the climate scientists who disagree with him?
  • Why is China exempt from Kyoto criticism even though it's outstripped the USA in carbon emissions this year?
  • Does China's exemption have anything to do with Al Gore's involvement in China's left-handed financing of the Bill Clinton re-election plan, or is it because China is not America?
  • Why is America always portrayed as the Global Warming villain when they're the only country to successfully reduce emissions?
  • Why do carbon levels in history rise after the climate changes?
  • Why was the climate warmer in the past (Bronze Age-Middle Ages) before the industrial revolution?
  • Was the world really that bad off during those historical periods where places like Greenland were truly green?
  • Why did many of these same 'experts' spend the 1970s declaring that the world was heading for an ice age?
  • Why should we believe predictions about the weather 10, 20, or 100 years in the future when they can't accurately predict weather for this week?
  • What the hell is going on in Al Gore's house that gives him such a massive power bill?
  • Why is concern over terrorists, who regularly kill people worldwide, considered fear-mongering, but scaring people with doomsday scenarios for massive profit not?
1. When Live Earth comes on your TV, save some electricity, and turn it off.

Or you can spend the weekend watching the skies, because we're watching you.


Damian G. said...

(GASP!) You're questioning the "official" global warming line! You're a paid-off oil stooge!!!

RT said...

7. Uncle Ted wears loin clothes, too!
6. So that's what has happened to the salmon population. Greedy little seals! Besides Asia's men need all the help they can get in the "manhood" department...so I hear.
5. Mmmmmmmm....meat!
4. Done.
3. Does Gore still have oil stock? Just wondering.
2. China is the biggest villain, and that is way too many questions--short attention span.
1. I'm cleaning and then watching NASCAR.

You realize Gore suggests the audiences take a 7-point pledge to help the environment? HA! What a freakin' loon!

Also, if you are watching me, what am I wearing?

Remulak MoxArgon said...

RT: According to my monitors, you're wearing a squirrel costume.

It's either that, or the scanner's pointing at a tree in a park.

Sekhmet said...

I kinda wonder about the Gores' energy bill myself. Does Tipper's vibrator need a kickstand or something?

....oh, I know, that was sooooo wrong. Not sorry!

jpm100 said...

We know the Democrats have the answer to Global Warming and our Energy Problems. More Gas Tax.

Rogue said...

Nah, the squirrel costume was me...sorry about that.

TekTak F. Mechanoid said...

Rogue, that's now officially known as "too much information."

And what were you doing lurking around RT's house? :P

Anonymous said...

So you rightwingnut bloggers think this data from an extreme hard exxon supported Republican outfit is impartial truth. Go stick this somewhere you liars.

Gore lives in a large home (10,000 sq. ft.). If you look at the data, it's clear that Gore's energy usage per square foot (even assuming the 221,000 kWh number is accurate) is well within the average range for his climate region. So all this accusation boils down to is a claim that it is somehow "hypocritical" for Al Gore to live in a large house.

That's awfully weak. Gore's a former Senator and Vice President of the United States. Does he have to move into a studio apartment before he has the right to talk about climate change?

And more importantly,even this watered-down hypocrisy charge entirely misses the point. What Al Gore wants people to do is reduce the carbon footprint of their residence as much as possible and then purchase carbon offsets to reduce the remaining footprint to zero. Gore has installed solar panels in his home, he uses fluorescent light bulbs and other energy saving technology, and he purchases his energy from Green Power Switch, a provider which utilizes solar and wind power. He then purchases carbon offsets to reduce his remaining carbon footprint to zero.
"Could Gore use less overall energy if he and Tipper moved into a one-bedroom apartment? Of course. But he's not asking people to move into smaller homes. He's asking them to reduce their carbon footprints, which is exactly what he has done. He practices what he preaches.

And last but not least, I'm always amazed by the triumphalism displayed by right-wingers when they think they've managed to humiliate a messenger, as if doing so somehow undermines the message itself.

Anonymous said...

Club a seal?