Ask The MoxArgon Group: Feeling Better Edition

Greetings puny Earthlings.

Remulak MoxArgon here, I've recovered from my bout with Antaran Flu, but everyone still staying clear of me. Probably because when a Flokian gets the only disease that can affect him, it makes his very presence lethal to every other species in the Universe while giving the infected Flokian nothing more than the sniffles.

Vox Poplar was immunized by his blood/alcohol level, but he's at the organ mall today getting an extra liver implanted, and with the others too chicken to help, I have to answer all your questions alone.

First up is Damian G. and he asks:

Is it possible that She Who Must Not Be Named may be elected President of the United States?

Well Damian, anything is possible. Especially with some of the stupid habits picked up by some American voters. The only way she could win is if the majority of American voters all simultaneously get some sort of brain damage on Election Day.

Then will come an age of darkness and despair. Cities will burn, crops will turn to the dust, the time of weeping will begin and the grim specter of death will hang over the nation.

But I'm not going to get into any political name calling here, this is a classy blog.

Our next question is from RT who asks:

Why are people stupid?

The answer is simple.

Because they're Earthlings.

Your species thinks the opposable thumb is so wonderful while your brains aren't capable of forming coherent thoughts, or making people's underwear ride-up through psychokinetic powers.

I bet you feel stupid for asking that question, don't you?

Next question is from Sekhmet who asks:

Anyway, isn't it way too early to call an election that is over a year away? So why do people try?

That's because you live on a planet with too many 24/7 news channels and a standing ban on reporting anything positive about the Bush Administration or anything negative about a Democrat.

That leaves a lot of empty time they have to fill.

So they fill it with useless celebutard coverage, and roll out the over-paid, over-hyped, and over-fed pundits who look into their crystal balls and deny that all they see is their own reflection.

BTW- The election will end with a Giuliani/Thompson victory over Clinton/Richardson.

Take that to the bank.

Our next set of questions is from B.C., you know the comic strip about the cavemen... and he's got a lot of them. I'll try to answer one at a time.

Why do people have their poodles shaved to make them look like even bigger wusses than they already are?

Because people are always on the lookout for a new level of wussy. This also explains the success of John Edwards.

Why does nose & ear hair become thicker & longer as a person gets older? Are old people exposed to more dust, dirt and other environmental detritus than the rest of the human race?

Yes they are. That's because they are slowly turning to dust themselves. That process will change when we conquer your planer in 2067. After that the elderly will be collected and have all their nutrients extracted to fertilized my sixth wife's flower garden.

What do atheists yell when they're having an orgasm?


They don't have real orgasms.

That's God's little cruel joke on them.

Wouldn't it be easier for cats to just jump into water and get their baths over with, in once fell swoop, instead of licking themselves for 18 hours per day? (And getting hairballs in the process.)

Where's the fun in that?

Our next question is from Anonymous.

What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? (I know it isn't 42)

You're right.

It's 37.

Wyatt Earp asks:

Why do I suffer from anal bleeding after I watch a DNC campaign commercial?

That's because there's a loose spring in your couch. You should get that fixed.

JPM asks:

I've wondered about the existence of the human soul. I'm guessing Hillary just doesn't have one and George Soros has a Black Malignant one. Or do I have that backwards?

The human soul does exist.

Hillary had a soul, but sold it to Soros in exchange for power. Soros than ate it and promptly shat out $27 million in campaign money.

Soros' soul is currently in a jar on a shelf in my friend Xenu's house. Xenu's getting on in years and in his retirement takes in souls that have been rejected or mistreated by their rightful owner, sort of like a shelter. He calls that soul 'Binky.'

Another Anonymous asker, asks:

Why do some people think they own cats when if the cat were bigger than you they would happily eat you!

Look at my answer to RT's question.

If California is so great, why do I see so many California plates heading East on I-40?

Because California's been taken over by rampaging hordes of vacuous celebutards. There's only so much syphilis and stupidity people can take.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies because we're watching you.


Anonymous said...

Dear Moxargon:

I'm glad to hear you're doing better, and you're well enough to answer questions.

I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Remulak MoxArgon said...

My, my, someone's been reading that magazine article about the guy who lived 'Old Testament' for a year.

Let me tell you something anonymouse.

The Universe, which is God's creation, is eternal and constantly changing. That's why mankind's interpretation of the Bible is constantly changing.

It's called evolution, so puny little creatures like Earthlings can grow their brains to understand the vast and complex universe around them.

That's why it was people following the true Judeo Christian cultural foundation that led the crusade, yes it was a crusade, against the slave trade.

Yep, slavery wasn't quashed by liberal atheists, but by those 'evil' Christianists. Even though slavery was mentioned in the Bible.

The world changed, evolved if you will, and the Judeo-Christian culture was crucial to that evolution.

The Suffragette movement which brought women the vote, wasn't founded by atheists. It was started in women's church groups.

See, change occurs once again, thanks to the Judeo Christian cultural foundation.

The Judeo Christian cultural foundation, just like Earthlings, is capable of evolution.

Are there Judeo-Christian nutjobs?

Sure. There are always nuts on every tree.

However, in the Judeo-Christian culture, those groups are on the fringe, and considered nutjobs.

Thanks for your glib, obnoxious, and obviously pre-packaged comment that your masters no doubt keep ready for any blog posting that in any discusses religious issues.

You will have a bright future with Media Matters or some other such lefty slander machine.

Anonymous said...

37 A prime number? WTF. Does this mean that Life the Universe and Everything is only divisible by itself. This implies a certain uniqueness as well as a wholeness. Brilliant! Thank you for your insight.