The Not Very Nobel Prize

In case you've been living under a rock ex-politician turned enviro-hysteria profiteer Al Gore has been given the Nobel Peace Prize.

Now he joins such luminaries as Yassir Arafat, who won for signing a peace agreement he soon broke, activist Rigoberta Menchu who won for an autobiography her own family said was a pack of lies, Wangari Muta Maathai who believes HIV was created by 'Whitey' and Jimmy 'Joos Are Evil' Carter, as well as past nominees Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Benito Mussolini.

Well, since I've joined the MoxArgon Group, I've gained access to a lot of their technology, and I've figured out how to record future events.

Now it's not like I can tell you who will win the next World Series, it can only record totally improbably alternate futures. Like this transcript I've acquired of Al Gore's Nobel Acceptance speech where he has an attack of honesty.

Nobel committee members, and the people of the world. I would like to thank you for this once profound but now completely bastardized honor given to me because I am not George W. Bush.

Let's face it, that is the real reason I got this award.

It can't be for my 'charitable work' which is neither charitable and it only works to make me millions of dollars. I mean come-on, my little carbon indulgence scam is like a drunk driver tearing down a street who says it's okay because he tossed some money as he passed an AA meeting.

Nor can it be for my work for peace. In my time I've let genocide and slaughter run wild without lifting a finger until it became politically advantageous for the administration I worked for.

Nor could this award be for the life I lead. I live a life of luxury and excess, all paid for by 'non-profit' foundations and 'charities' where I tool around the world with my ever growing entourage in a fleet of toxin spewing SUVs and private jets.

Hell, I waste more electricity in my house than George Bush's ranch in Crawford consumes and he's the President of the most powerful country on Earth.

If I was a Republican I'd be regularly and publicly pilloried for my hypocrisy, profiteering and fear-mongering. Thankfully I'm a Democrat, and we don't get punished when we do wrong, we get the Nobel Prize.

This has put me in a bit of a quandary. This prize could help me win the Democratic nomination, and the fawning love of the American media could win me the Presidency, yet to run for President I would have to give up the millions of dollars I annually sucker from people stupid enough to think I can save the planet from the carbon bogeyman.

So I would like to conclude by thanking the Nobel Prize committee for allowing their political prejudices to blind them to the many factual errors and blatant political propagandizing that I engage in every day.

Thank you, you are all suckers.

NOW BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME!

FOR I AM YOUR GOD NOW!

Very illuminating.

PS: Rush Limbaugh is auctioning off the letter Democratic Senators signed to censor censure him for picking on poor phony soldier Jesse Macbeth and others of his ilk. You can bid for it here.