Hi there all you scum-sucking rat bags of the stinking cess-pool that is the United States of Amerikkka. It's me Ted Rall, newspaper editorial cartoonist for the Universal Press Syndicate.
And a lot of you fascist scum-suckers have taken a moment sniffing Dick Cheney's soiled underpants to complain about how my latest cartoon claims that the deaths of American soldiers in Iraq will make America smarter because it kills all the idiots.
Sure I ignore the fact that most US military personnel have higher than average levels of education, and go out to face a violent enemy that would butcher me without a thought, not out of stupidity but out of a love of country.
But isn't love of this fetid cess-pit of a nation stupid in itself.
Look at this situation:
I'm a cartoonist and I can't draw.
I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.
My political opinions are narrow minded, ignorant and professed in the most rude manner imaginable.
Yet here I am, a nationally syndicated, nay celebrated, cartoonist and political columnist.
What kind of a shit-heap country lets a talentless hack like me be successful.
That's why I shit on America's fighting men and women and their sacrifices.
That and I'm also a coward.
Come on, when was the last time a US soldier killed anyone over a cartoon?
Yet draw something that offends the Prophet Muhammed and you're most likely going to end up spending the rest of your life of the run, or lying on a street unable to decide whether to choke to death on my severed genitals, or bleed to death from the shrapnel wounds.
I'd rather keep my talentless ass in one piece.
Besides the newspapers pay me well to insult America and the people who defend it.
It doesn't cost me a thing.
2 comments:
"Universal Press Syndicate" sounds so ominous. Almost like a conspiracy poised to overthrow the world's governments and impose a New World Order One Government system.
Maybe Rall is an operative of said nefarious conspiracy? Sure puts the Freemasonic Crusading Zionistic Christian Jewish Trilateralist Illuminati to shame.
Oh, Mr. MoxArgon, can't you take that jackass Rall with you after your next visit to earth, and then leave him on some other planet so we don't have to be bothered by him any more on earth? Please!?
Maybe if us lowly earthlings are lucky you can round up other scummy meatsacks like Hillary, Reid, Pelosi, Murtha, et al, and jettison them towards the sun?
--chicopanther
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