MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to our special New Year's Eve edition of the Moxargon Group. We're going to take a look back at 2007, and take a look forward to 2008. We're all here today at my space-station penthouse. There's Xran the Fleshrender.
MOXARGON- Android CAI/7, Varos Quasar, and joining us from Point/Counterpoint Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, and our token Earthling correspondent Vox Poplar.
VOX POPLAR- Yer not de boss a'me... yoush bashtard....
MOXARGON- Someone's started early on the Targellian Rum.
VOX POPLAR- Whatchoo lookin' at?
MOXARGON- Okay let's take a look back. What was the biggest lesson learned in 2007?
XRAN- Obvious. The success of the Surge Strategy in Iraq taught everyone that al-Qaida can be defeated. Even Murtha learned that. Then he got chewed out by Pelosi and un-learned it, but it's a start.
ANDROID CAI/7- Since I am still the entertainment reporter. I should say something about the writer's strike and fair economic treatment, but more people care about the death of Anna Nicole Smith, so I'll say that there's nothing to be learned there.
VAROS- I would have to say the Virginia Tech massacre and how it taught the world an important lesson about gun control.
MOXARGON- Yeah, like how you can stop psycho killers with guns.
VAROS- That's not the lesson!
MOXARGON- It's definitely the lesson taught by that incident in Colorado. A man was gunning to kill a church full of people and instead got shot by a volunteer security guard. Guns don't kill people, psycho douchebags kill people, but guns kill psycho douchebags. Tektak?
TEKTAK- While I agree with Xran about the surge, I can't help but think about Putin's recent election victory in Russia and the temptations of absolute power leading to inevitable corruption and ultimately destruction.
MOXARGON- It's a good thing that I have absolute power, and thus cannot be tempted by it. Snotglob?
SNOTGLOB- I think Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize taught the Earth a powerful lesson about Global Warming.
MOXARGON- Tektak, may I?
TEKTAK- Go right ahead, you have absolute power.
MOXARGON- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. The only lesson learned from that prize was how meaningless and what a politicized pack of windbags the Nobel Committee has become. Vox Poplar?
VOX POPLAR- When -hic- your country's best hope is a -hic- politician, deshpite their -hic- courage, with a history of incompetence, corruption, and nepotism, your country is -hic- screwed. And yesh, I'm talkin' about Pakistan...
MOXARGON- Well, I think the biggest lesson learned is from Hugo Chavez's defeat in Venezuela's recent election. The lesson is that if you can't win by cheating, you shouldn't be in the game. Favourite moments of mainstream media bias of 2007. Xran?
XRAN- The media actively sabotaging the Republican nomination process by hyping a political and intellectual non-entity like Mike Huckabee over a field of more qualified candidates.
ANDROID CAI/7- As entertainment reporter, I would have to say Hollywood's steady flow of anti-American movies that all fail at the box-office.
VAROS- The continued existence of Fox News. The only biased news source on planet Earth.
MOXARGON- Looks like Vox Poplar isn't the only one whacked out on the hooch. Tektak?
TEKTAK- I think it's the media's gushing acceptance of the NIE, simply because it fit their own desire to not believe that Iran's ayatollahs are developing nuclear weapons.
SNOTGLOB- I think it's the media's refusal to give Senator Robert Byrd his own show! He's the voice of reason in the senate.
MOXARGON- A voice of reason in an adult diaper. Vox Poplar?
VOX POPLAR- Time Magasheen... giving Vladimir Putin 'Person of the Year' simply for shtaying in power, ignoring Petraeush whosh winnin' da war...hic... what are you looking at?
MOXARGON- It took me a while, but I have to go with the New York Times giving a discount to the millionaire backers of MoveOn.Org for their 'Betray Us' ad. Not only are George Soros and his buddies power mad, they're also cheap. Now we look ahead. What are your predictions for 2008?
XRAN- Huckabee will disappear. Guiliani/Romney nominations and eventual victory in the White House. The Democrats will take a drubbing in the congressional races due to their do-nothing record and a parade of financial scandals leaked by an Obama/Oprah besotted press corps.
ANDROID CAI/7- The writer's strike will go on, and be joined by actors and directors in the summer. Hollywood studios will try to make films without them, but the $300 million dollar anti-war epic starring Sumner Redstone and the lady from the liquor store will fail.
VAROS- Hillary Clinton will win the White House, and promptly end war, disease, global warming, and poverty.
MOXARGON- And the sky will rain puppies.
TEKTAK- The evolution of Global Warming alarmism into a religion, and then into a death cult will come to a head with enviro terrorists joining forces with radical Islamists to depopulate the Earth. Unwittingly unleashing a lot of carbon in the process. Meanwhile, average people will realize the weather is merely subject to the cycles of their sun.
SNOTGLOB- Barack Obama will win the White House, not Hillary.
VAROS- You liar! Hillary!
MOXARGON- Children, you're both wrong.
VOX POPLAR- I have one prediction. All the -hic- predictions will be wrong. All wrong... secrets and lies...
MOXARGON- Well, he passed out.
XRAN- Darn, and he did it before the ladies arrived.
MOXARGON- Oh well, we've got a party to throw, so until 2008, keep watching the skies because we're watching you! Happy New Year!