A SpecialView From The Afterlife
Commentary
by
General Sir Charles James Napier
Commander in Chief of the British Army in India 1849-1851
Tally ho to all you living folks.
Vox Poplar and those funny looking alien chaps are taking some time off in preparation for something they call the "New Year's Blow Out," so Vox has used his electric ouija board to summon up some spirits to fill in for them.
Don't see why you need to prepare for a good old-fashioned piss-up, but what do I know, I'm a long dead Englishman.
But anyway, let's get down to brass tacks.
I'm here to talk about a woman who has recently joined us here in the afterlife, her name was Benazir Bhutto and she became the first, and, as yet, youngest woman to be elected Prime Minister of a Muslim nation. That nation is Pakistan, whose creation by Mountbatten and Jinnah in 1947 was a botched operation if there ever was one, an opinion I make note of to mention to both of them at card night at the Afterlife Club.
But enough about history, I'm here to talk about the news...
I simply must declare that as an Englishman and a Gentleman that I am thoroughly disgusted by the behaviour of the al-Qaida assassin who, while drunk on visions of virgins, shot her and then blew himself up.
Of course, his fate is settled, I paid a visit to him last night and I must say that he's sadly disappointed to discover that his 72 "virgins" are all burly demons intent on using him for their sexual pleasure whilst wearing sharply spiked prophylactics.
Messy business, I dare say.
I am also deeply upset by the debased and degraded condition Pakistan has fallen too. Although I opposed its creation, feeling that the Indian subcontinent should be a diverse, but united and democratic commonwealth nation, I do have a certain emotional investment in it since there is a street in Karachi named after yours truly.
I mean what the bloody hell is going on over there?
They have a military dictator, Pervez Musharaff, who seems to have forgotten the first rule of dealing with maniacal insurgencies (Thrash the bastards soundly, then treat the survivors with kindness) instead replacing it with a sort of lily livered half-fighting-half-talking achieving nothing policy.
What the hell is wrong with their intelligence and security services? I mean don't they have to take an oath or something to protect their nation from all enemies foreign and domestic? And that includes from groups that sound religiously proper, but are in fact nothing but a shower of bastards intent on spreading misery and destruction. Doesn't their oath and pride in their service mean anything anymore?
And what is going one with the coroner's report? If all you knew about her death was from the official Pakistani reports, you'll be pulling your own head out of your arse in confusion. Why are they so bloody afraid to blame the men who are currently bragging, like common louts, about committing this disgusting and craven act?
And while I can understand being politically opposed to a political leader, a proper gentleman does not murder them. Especially when that politician is a lady who has displayed considerable courage like Miss Bhutto.
If you did not like her, here are some things you can do:
1. Don't vote for her.
2. Campaign against her.
3. Openly discuss her past scandals and failures.
But you DON'T MURDER HER!
It's highly uncivilized.
Well, pip-pip, I must go. It's getting onto to tea-time here in the Afterlife, and I have Miss Bhutto coming over for tea. I shan't be late, that would be quite rude and highly uncivilized.
Vox Poplar and those funny looking alien chaps are taking some time off in preparation for something they call the "New Year's Blow Out," so Vox has used his electric ouija board to summon up some spirits to fill in for them.
Don't see why you need to prepare for a good old-fashioned piss-up, but what do I know, I'm a long dead Englishman.
But anyway, let's get down to brass tacks.
I'm here to talk about a woman who has recently joined us here in the afterlife, her name was Benazir Bhutto and she became the first, and, as yet, youngest woman to be elected Prime Minister of a Muslim nation. That nation is Pakistan, whose creation by Mountbatten and Jinnah in 1947 was a botched operation if there ever was one, an opinion I make note of to mention to both of them at card night at the Afterlife Club.
But enough about history, I'm here to talk about the news...
I simply must declare that as an Englishman and a Gentleman that I am thoroughly disgusted by the behaviour of the al-Qaida assassin who, while drunk on visions of virgins, shot her and then blew himself up.
Of course, his fate is settled, I paid a visit to him last night and I must say that he's sadly disappointed to discover that his 72 "virgins" are all burly demons intent on using him for their sexual pleasure whilst wearing sharply spiked prophylactics.
Messy business, I dare say.
I am also deeply upset by the debased and degraded condition Pakistan has fallen too. Although I opposed its creation, feeling that the Indian subcontinent should be a diverse, but united and democratic commonwealth nation, I do have a certain emotional investment in it since there is a street in Karachi named after yours truly.
I mean what the bloody hell is going on over there?
They have a military dictator, Pervez Musharaff, who seems to have forgotten the first rule of dealing with maniacal insurgencies (Thrash the bastards soundly, then treat the survivors with kindness) instead replacing it with a sort of lily livered half-fighting-half-talking achieving nothing policy.
What the hell is wrong with their intelligence and security services? I mean don't they have to take an oath or something to protect their nation from all enemies foreign and domestic? And that includes from groups that sound religiously proper, but are in fact nothing but a shower of bastards intent on spreading misery and destruction. Doesn't their oath and pride in their service mean anything anymore?
And what is going one with the coroner's report? If all you knew about her death was from the official Pakistani reports, you'll be pulling your own head out of your arse in confusion. Why are they so bloody afraid to blame the men who are currently bragging, like common louts, about committing this disgusting and craven act?
And while I can understand being politically opposed to a political leader, a proper gentleman does not murder them. Especially when that politician is a lady who has displayed considerable courage like Miss Bhutto.
If you did not like her, here are some things you can do:
1. Don't vote for her.
2. Campaign against her.
3. Openly discuss her past scandals and failures.
But you DON'T MURDER HER!
It's highly uncivilized.
Well, pip-pip, I must go. It's getting onto to tea-time here in the Afterlife, and I have Miss Bhutto coming over for tea. I shan't be late, that would be quite rude and highly uncivilized.
Tally-ho!
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