NEWS OF THE EARTH #13: The Crazy Edition

Hello Earthlings.

Tektak F. Mechanoid here with NEWS OF THE EARTH!

Let's get rolling!

DATELINE: NEW HAMPSHIRE: A hostage situation at a Hillary Clinton campaign office ended peacefully last week. Police were initially slow to respond though because when they heard that a man with a history of erratic and crazy behaviour was in the Clinton office, they just thought John Murtha had come for a visit.

DATELINE: NEW HAMPSHIRE: In related Clinton news,
Hillary's husband Bill Clinton complained the media wasn't paying enough attention to her record. The media was confused, since that was what the Clinton campaign wanted them to do in the first place.
DATELINE: IOWA: It looks like Hillary's operatives attempt to attack Obama via his kindergarten and elementary school work has backfired, revealing her to be petty and treacherous. Which by the way is her real record.

DATELINE: LONDON: Gillian Gibbons, the teacher who was arrested, jailed and threatened with death for allowing children to name a Teddy Bear Mohammed is back in England. It reminds me a beloved song from my childhood as a little cyborg...

If you go into Sudan today

Your heart will fill with dread
If you go into Sudan today
You might just lose your head

Because on the sands

With blood on their hands
Every nut that ever was
Will be there because
Today's the day the Teddy Bears

Have their Jihad!

DATELINE: WASHINGTON: The most recent National Intelligence Estimate shocked the world when it contradicted common belief by declaring that Iran ended their Atomic bomb program in 2003. Judging by the past performance of other NIEs, this can only mean one thing. IRAN IS DEVELOPING NUCLEAR WEAPONS!

DATELINE: CARACAS: Hugo Chavez was stung by losing referendums that would have made him absolute dictator for life. Yet another case where celebrity endorsement only work to prove that celebrities should lose their right to endorse.

That's all for now, keep watching the skies and all that...

1 comment:

Wyatt Earp said...

Can you just teleport Hillary to Raxis Prime already? She's really getting on my last nerve.