(Academy Award Winning Actress)
Allo, bonjour, Americain swine-peegs.
I 'ave taken a break from ze wine un cigarettes an' am 'ere to tell you ze troot aboot ze 9-11 conspiracy.
Ze Guiliani fellow was behind it all. 'e non like ze towers, make ze towers go boom.
Trust me, I know ze fax, I am ze actress who won ze Award des Academy, which is, as you say, great, because before I was known only as ze actress who took off 'er clothes all ze time.
I shall now tell you zat dere are other tings zat ze government Americain is doing ze fibbing aboot.
'ere is ze leest.
1. Ze moon landings, were done at ze Twentieth Century Fox.
2. Ze Coke an' ze Pepsi is ze same ting.
3. Ze presidente ze Bush mangez les bebes.
4. Al Gore is not ze shameless whore fer ze money.
5. 'ollywood is very right wing.
6. Ze bubblegum is made from ze eggs du spider.
7. Ve don't make ze smelly cheese to cover ze scent du Francais.
8. Ze 'olocaust never ze 'appened. Neither did ze World War Deux.
9. Saddam Hussein was beloved by ze Iraqi peeples.
10. Ze Kennedy assassination was ze fake, made by ze Freemasons.
I 'ope ze fax 'as opened ze eyes.
I need wine an' cigarettes now...